tunaplanet 0 #1 October 26, 2004 1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects. 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. 3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. 4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. 5. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.) 6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration. 7. Be more or less specific. 8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary. 9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies. 10. No sentence fragments. 11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used. 12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. 13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous. 14. One should NEVER generalize. 15. Comparisons are as bad as clichés. 16. Don't use no double negatives. 17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. 18. One-word sentences? Eliminate. 19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake. 20. The passive voice is to be ignored. 21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas. 22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice. 23. DO NOT use exclamation points and all caps to emphasize!!! 24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them. 25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas. 26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed. 27. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." 28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly. 29. Puns are for children, not groan readers. 30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms. 31. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed. 32. Who needs rhetorical questions? 33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement. 34. The passive voice should never be used. 36. Do not put statements in the negative form. 37. Verbs have to agree with their subjects. 38. A writer must not shift your point of view. 39. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences of 10 or more words, to their antecedents. 40. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided. 41. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is. 42. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors. 43. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky. 44. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing. 45. Always pick on the correct idiom. 46. The adverb always follows the verb. 47. Be careful to use the rite homonym. And Finally... 47. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out. Forty-two Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
leroydb 0 #2 October 26, 2004 aren't we the funny man.... IVAN I knwo you are the repost police... this has to be...Leroy ..I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw my bath toys were a toaster and a radio... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dixieskydiver 0 #3 October 26, 2004 Quote 24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them. Maybe you should reconsider using "irregardless" in a post correcting other peoples' grammar. Dixie HISPA #56 Facil Rodriguez "Scientific research has shown that 60% of the time, it works every time." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jceman 1 #4 October 26, 2004 QuoteQuote 24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them. Maybe you should reconsider using "irregardless" in a post correcting other peoples' grammar. Did ya hear the "whoosh"? Faster horses, younger women, older whiskey, more money. Why do they call it "Tourist Season" if we can't shoot them? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dixieskydiver 0 #5 October 26, 2004 QuoteQuoteQuote 24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them. Maybe you should reconsider using "irregardless" in a post correcting other peoples' grammar. Did ya hear the "whoosh"? I guess I should have read instead of skimmed. Dixie HISPA #56 Facil Rodriguez "Scientific research has shown that 60% of the time, it works every time." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DickMcMahon 0 #6 October 26, 2004 What happened to number "35"? And, why are there two number "47's"? Whoops I just broke rule #3. Sorry! Whoops I just broke rule #18 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jimbarry 0 #7 October 26, 2004 48. You should literally knock yourself out to ensure that you use the word "literally" only to contrast a statement from its figurative meaning. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Viking 0 #8 October 26, 2004 wooohoooI swear you must have footprints on the back of your helmet - chicagoskydiver My God has a bigger dick than your god -George Carlin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kallend 1,623 #9 October 26, 2004 William Safire's Rules for Writers www.laughnet.net/archive/misc/grammar.htm Familiar?... The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #10 October 26, 2004 My gramma says she's too old to learn new rules. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Amazon 7 #11 October 26, 2004 Why would you worry about grammar if you always just cut and paste articles written by other people? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tunaplanet 0 #12 October 26, 2004 QuoteDid ya hear the "whoosh"? The scary part is he saw a mistake in #24 but not #1-23. Forty-two Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
taln1rigr 0 #13 October 27, 2004 Quote1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects. OK, I read just the first line & already I can see that the correct-or needs some correct-ing. Verbs HAVE to agree with their subjects. HAVE ... HAVE ... say it with me ... "HAVE". Thank-you. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dixieskydiver 0 #14 October 27, 2004 QuoteQuote1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects. OK, I read just the first line & already I can see that the correct-or needs some correct-ing. Verbs HAVE to agree with their subjects. HAVE ... HAVE ... say it with me ... "HAVE". Thank-you. Yay! Now I'm not the only one who didn't read the whole thing before posting a correction. Read the whole thing, and then delete your post Dixie HISPA #56 Facil Rodriguez "Scientific research has shown that 60% of the time, it works every time." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
taln1rigr 0 #15 October 27, 2004 QuoteQuoteQuote1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects. OK, I read just the first line & already I can see that the correct-or needs some correct-ing. Verbs HAVE to agree with their subjects. HAVE ... HAVE ... say it with me ... "HAVE". Thank-you. Yay! Now I'm not the only one who didn't read the whole thing before posting a correction. Read the whole thing, and then delete your post O'well, at least we're paying attention ... right? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dixieskydiver 0 #16 October 27, 2004 QuoteQuote Yay! Now I'm not the only one who didn't read the whole thing before posting a correction. Read the whole thing, and then delete your post O'well, at least we're paying attention ... right? Haha we just need to pay a little more attention Dixie HISPA #56 Facil Rodriguez "Scientific research has shown that 60% of the time, it works every time." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #17 October 27, 2004 QuoteQuote1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects. OK, I read just the first line & already I can see that the correct-or needs some correct-ing. Verbs HAVE to agree with their subjects. HAVE ... HAVE ... say it with me ... "HAVE". Thank-you. I don't think that should be a rule. If I was the subject, there is a lot of stuff that I just can't agree with. What if a sentence said "HT swooped the pond"? Now you know that is not true and I couldn't agree with it at all. Sometimes Verbs is just disagreeable with a Subjects. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kallend 1,623 #18 October 27, 2004 QuoteQuoteQuote1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects. OK, I read just the first line & already I can see that the correct-or needs some correct-ing. Verbs HAVE to agree with their subjects. HAVE ... HAVE ... say it with me ... "HAVE". Thank-you. I don't think that should be a rule. If I was the subject, there is a lot of stuff that I just can't agree with. What if a sentence said "HT swooped the pond"? Now you know that is not true and I couldn't agree with it at all. Sometimes Verbs is just disagreeable with a Subjects. That's "If I were the subject", O Disagreeably Subjunctive One. ... The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #19 October 27, 2004 QuoteThat's "If I were the subject", O Disagreeably Subjunctive One. Yeah, but I wasn't talking about you, I was talking about me. If you was the subject, it might be different, but I was the subject. Probably just a regional Illinois dialect problem that you suffer from. In the South, we are much more cultured and use a more continental form of English. For instance, all of the Romance languages have a plural-you form. Spanish - usted (formal you) has ustedes (you-all). The same thing when people speak Southern. I know you were ejumacated overseas before they forced you to leave, so I figured that you understand this. Perhaps we just need more English teachers from the South to give seminars to our Northern brethren. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
