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flyingferret

Zero to The One time

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I was arguing about this with a few friends and was interested to hear other people opinions.
How fast have you or your friends gone from meeting someone to knowing they were The One? And how did it work out?


And yes I want opinions, there is no universal right answer. So if you think you have one, go post it elsewhere. I personally think that the capabilities of two human souls traveling in unison are limitless.
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All the flaming and trolls of wreck dot with a pretty GUI.

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I have a friend at whom I constantly chuckle about this. He is convinced that when he meets "the one" he will know the second he sees her, even if it is from across a crowded room. He has met "the one" a few times (though he has a penchant for picking ones who already have a "one" of their own :D).

Which is all well and good except that it leads him into relationships with these women comletely blind. He falls in love with his *idea* of them, not with the actual person. He really can't do otherwise, since as soon as he meets her he has made her into "the one." He is unaware of the realness of her, blinded to the less-than-perfect things about her, because she is "the one." Thus, in all his relationships, as soon as they get challenging, he breaks up. Because, of course, the real person is never what he has made her out to be. He has not recognized that real relationships (be they romantic, friendships, family) involve work. Or at least, he believes the first kind shouldn't involve work and the latter two should involve as little as possible.

Don't get me wrong, I'm drawn to that very idea, myself, though I can't say I've ever had that kind of instant connection to anyone. Sure, there are people I meet and very quickly can say "this person is someone I want in my life," whether that's as a dating partner or as a friend (some of my best friends, male or female, are those that I "clicked" with instantly). But I've also known people where that interest has grown, slowly, over time, till one day it's just taken for granted.
"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke

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Yeah, I used to be kind of that way. Except I accepted the work, and worked, and worked, and worked, and then finally realized they were not a good fit.

I see it very differently now, but I still believe in the magic of the connection, hence my curiousity.
--
All the flaming and trolls of wreck dot with a pretty GUI.

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What a good question. I have this strange habit that if I don't even see the girl as being close to the one I don't even try and date such girl. I do think this is a good idea and not such a good idea. I mean how do you really know if you don't commit to them for a bit. I kind of tried that with the last girl I dated, at first I was not so much into her, but then when we started dating I found myself more and more attracted. She went crazy though and that was that. There is however one girl that I met about 5-6 years ago that when I first saw her I said this is the girl. We have never been together but have become good friends over the years. We even lived together for a few years as room mates and only room mates. However this feeling is still there for me. I look at her more and more these days as the one and can't help think of what I thought when I first met her. Maybe one day I'll get a shot.
I think people connect with other people faster and better than others for some cosmic reason. Such is the game I suppose.
Skymama's #2 stalker -

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I agree, I think of it as a cone really...like a jet fighter calling the ball approaching the carrier. Go read about how those work, and you will see the analogy is pretty good.

You start out with a large field of vision, and you make small corrections watching the adjustments in the perspective of the ball. At some point you have to give your all and attempt to land. There is a point where you have to commit to 'final approach' and see if the connection is there. Because really, if you half ass it and you connect. Well really what does that say, if you were not really that into it. Your reactions at full tilt might be totally different. So...you commit to an attempt and you try to snag that number 3 wire. If you don't you have to immediately hit full throttles and clear the deck. You circle and then reapproach.

In essence, you might not make every landing you commit to. But you are very unlikely to make one that you don't commit to. So, if you miss one...the 'right' procedure for approach doesn't change for the next one. The angle of approach may, but the procedure for flying it is the same.

So, I think that if you are really looking for 'The One' you have to be willing to be "The One" If it connects, it connects....who knows how fast it could go.

Just my thoughts, I could be full of it. But it makes for interesting conversation with friends.
--
All the flaming and trolls of wreck dot with a pretty GUI.

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