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ladyskydiver

Re-evaluating ideas

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I'm 37 and have never met my blood father. As I grew up, I wanted to meet him and get to know him. When I was 10, my mom had found him and we had started communicating with phone calls and letters. And then one day, the letters and calls stopped. I asked my mom why unless he didn't care about my existence would I not hear from him...why he would stop talking to me. Yeah, he was married again and all but if he truly cared about me, he'd stay in contact.

So...I stopped thinking about him on a regular basis but every once in awhile would wonder what he was like...if he was still alive...what parts of my personality were nature vs. nuture...health history, etc.

And every once in awhile, I'd try (but not too hard) to find him. I knew he was Navy...didn't know if he was active or not. I knew where he was stationed back in 1968/1969 and some stuff about his family. I even asked a Navy friend to see if he'd be able to find him - as I should probably know health history.

However, none of the leads I had developed into anything.

For some reason, my mom had been thinking about my father this weekend and went online to see if she could find him. She went to Yahoo and did a people search and came up with 4 possibilities. I wasn't expecting anything and neither was she.

My honey was here, and I was enjoying spending time with him...and mom started the phone calls. First call - disconnected phone number...dead end.

Second call - "Do you have a sister by the name of ___? Were you married to a person by the name of ___?" Both answers were "Yes." OMG!!! I was not expecting this. My mom is talking to my father.

Emotions boiling under the surface. Not being prepared to talk to him...not expecting it nor expecting him to want to talk to me. So I ask her to get his address so I can send him a letter and find out health history. She does and then I hear "Let me find out" as she walks around the corner. I'm being held by my honey as my nerves and emotions are shot and raw. She tells me that he'd like to talk to me and if I wanted to talk to him.

A deep breath later and I said yes and for the first time in 27 years, I spoke to my father. He was breathless, and I was nervous. As we're talking, I find out that he'd been trying to find me for years and that he was remarried to a wonderful woman. As we're talking, he tells me that I'm his baby - even though I'm not a baby - and that he was so very sorry that he had missed all these years with me. His wife (yes, he gave her the phone so that I could talk to her) told me that he used to carry my pic with him and the last letter I had ever sent to him in his wallet...until his ex-wife had her son (my brother) go into my father's wallet, get the pic and letter, and destroy it.

My father cried when we talked, and I had to re-evaluate the ideas that I've held over the years that he didn't love me nor care about me.

We are going to keep in touch and meet sometime this year. I'm so glad that my honey was here today and able to hold me while I cried. It was nice to have a strong shoulder to lean on. And...it is so wonderful to know that my father actually cared and tried to find me over the years.
Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile.

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I'm glad you got to talk to your father again and really hope this opens up a whole new experience for you. I finally got to "meet" mine when I was 39, the following year he was gone... I'd definitely recommend getting to know him and your family history so you can share it with your children....
The only naturals in this sport shit thru feathers...

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How cool is that?! WoW! What a great story! I do hope everything works out and that your hopes and dreams of what this relationship may or may not be come true.

I reconnected with an old family member a few years back. It takes work to get past the hills and valleys that sometimes comes with rediscoverying or getting to know each other. Slow and steady my friend...slow and steady. Also keep your expectations low, but always look forward to your next "visit".

Bobbi
A miracle is not defined by an event. A miracle is defined by gratitude.

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Also keep your expectations low, but always look forward to your next "visit".



I had always expected to one day track him down, get health history, meet him and say "Have a good life." I never expected anything beyond that and now...I've got health history and the desire to meet him and get to know him and vice versa.

It will be interesting to see how things turn out and where things will lead, and I know it will be an emotional situation but it will be worth it in the end.
Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile.

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Cora, that is so cool. I hope the relationship is able to turn into what you would like it to be. Sounds like an emotional weekend and I'm glad you had that special someone with you to help you through it.;)
"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke

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This day just keeps getting better and better. I had the wonderful opportunity to speak to my older brother. I haven't spoken to him since I had last spoken to my father either, and he's going to ensure that he comes up and meets me when I meet my father. He, also, over the years had been looking for me - and had been stationed at Chanute (Rantoul, IL) twice in his Air Force career and had been looking for me then. It is strange knowing that I was at Chanute when it was active (ex was stationed there) and since it hasn't been active and that at one time, my brother was stationed there and looking for me.

Emotional overload...it's been a great day but so emotional. Wow! I don't think I have it in me to deal with any more emotions today.
Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile.

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Nice!

My mother no longer let me visit my father after I got sick at his house one weekend when I was six years old. I talked to him on the phone a few times when she had me call him and ask him for money, but even that stopped when I left my mother's house at age 14. I was at a high school football game my senior year, sitting with a friend in the visitor's bleachers jeering their fans and kept noticing the announcer saying a name that sounded familiar. My friend hadn't made it out the couple times I asked him, so I finally went down and got a program. It turned out the starting center for the opposing team had the same name as my half-brother, so I went and stood at the fenceline as they ran off the field and yelled at him.

"Jim!"
"What?"
"What's your dad's name?"
"Ed"
"What's your mom's name?"
"Pat"
"Dude, you're my brother!"

He stopped cold. I asked if he remembered the kid who used to come over every other weekend, who'd once stuck his dirtbike in a tar pit, and he did. We talked a bunch after the game, I got his (my father's) phone number, and I left a few voicemails. Those weren't returned until my birthday a couple months later, Christmas Eve, when we had a bunch of family (mother's side) over at the house. My "adoptive" mom answered the phone and said, "Dave, phone for you", I answered it and immediately knew my father's voice. Him and I and my step-mom got together for lunch the following week and one of the things I mentioned was that my mother hadn't allowed me to see him because of the whole child support thing (he supposedly hadn't been paying). His jaw dropped, he pulled out his checkbook and showed me the entry for the last time he'd paid her, a few weeks prior. She apparently failed to mention to him that I no longer lived with her.

I never saw him again. I called him a few years later when my grandfather died, to see if I could get my daughter a "new" grandpa. I tracked down a phone number and called it. A woman answered and I asked her if Ed was there. She said "No." I asked, "Well is this Pat?" She said "No...uh, Ed and Pat have been divorced for a few years, I'm his wife 'so-and-so', who are you?" I said, "Well, I'm Dave, and if you're his wife, then you're my step-mom". She was a bit shocked, hadn't known I existed. My father called me back that evening and I told him he had a 4 year old granddaughter. In a half-hour phone conversation, he didn't ask her name. I never talked to him again. Getting ready for surgery 4 years ago or so, I tracked him down once more to try and get health history. It turned out he had died the year before.

I do know where my half-brother lives, and one of these years I might get in touch with him just to shoot the breeze. Or maybe not. Rekindling old relationships is hard. I'm glad to hear your's went as well as it did, I knew the feeling once, if only briefly. Best of luck in getting to know him, it could be the start of something really good. :)
Blues,
Dave
"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

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Hopefully, you dont find out you have a long lost brother called Jack...;)



:D Smart alek!!! :D

Nope...my two brother's names are Marvin, Jr. and Kalani.

**shaking head** Remi, Remi, Remi...what are we going to do with you? :D:D
Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile.

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