I need your assistance with my future plans

[lawrocket 3]

This is a link to an FAQ about Collaborative Law. I first brought this up to the wife several months ago and in our minimal spare time we've been researching it. We just got invited by the local collaborative law group (a pretty small group that seeks to keep it that way to keep the scorched-earth attorneys out) to participate after asking questions.

This idea certainly hasn't taken a firm hold here, and we're interested in getting in on the ground floor. But I also want to do some market research.

To summarize, instead of litigating - let's say a divorce - in court (which is wasteful and embittering), the husband and wife agree to collaborate on it. The two attorneys and the parties basically are open books for each other. It's about finding solutions without court fights and settling everything without posturing and the like.

The wife and I think this is a way that we can handle family law without being embittered. In fact, we like the thought of being problem solvers instead of paid fighters. We can actually be happy with our work, and it seems that clients would also be very happy. namely, it's cheaper than a litigated divorce, and is probably an easier way in terms of stress and heartache.

Furthermore, it seems that clients and the opposing parties would be less likely to want to cap us.

My question to those of you (my easiest and cheapest way to get a somewhat representative sample of the public) is this:

If offered the option to do a collaborative divorce, or a collaborative property dispute, etc., would you seriously contemplate it?

I just want to know if the market is there, or if this is an "I wish it could be this way" thought of mine.

I'd also like some input from you all on how to approach this with potential clients.

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[WatchYourStep 0]

Isn't that what Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson do in Wedding Crashers?

Yeah I'd do that if I was married.

"You start off your skydiving career with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience up before your bag of luck runs out."

[PLFXpert 0]

Sounds like a beautiful idea. The idealist half of me would 100% love to see that work and see you do that.

However, the realist half of me pipes in and says, "Yea, right. A couple in the midst of a divorce willing to collaborate???" I've seen a lot of divorces and in my biased experience, NONE were pretty

Paint me in a corner, but my color comes back.

[guppie01 0]

My ex. and I did this. It worked very well. However neither of us wanted to impose grief on the other, we just wanted each party to walk away happy. Often times it doesn't work that way... anger plays too much of a factor for divorces, thereby one or both parties are looking to screw the other.

I think you'd need to focus on the demographics of mid-upper middle *business* working classes (dinks) where both parties are more logically sound.

I was shocked at how easy the process was when both of us sat down, discussed and mutually agreed (too bad the marriage didn't work that way ). *And* yes it was much less costly!!!! +++

Good luck!!!!

g

"Let's do something romantic this Saturday... how bout we bust out the restraints?"
Raddest Ho this side of Jersey #1 - MISS YOU
OMG, is she okay?

[livendive 8]

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demographics of mid-upper middle *business* working classes

Come again?

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[PLFXpert 0]

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Often times it doesn't work that way... anger plays too much of a factor for divorces, thereby one or both parties are looking to screw the other.

Exactly---I almost wish there was a waiting period or something for a divorce, not so they could have time to change their minds, just time to get over the initial overly emotional state.

Back when my hunny and I were under severe stress with family we had a few arguements about our relationship--He'd always eventually say "I'm going to bed" which would make me so b/c I never like going to bed angry. But, after being forced to do so on a couple occassions (b/c wisely he ignored my insults through the closed door) I realized it really IS great to sleep---b/c I was never as angry the next morning. In fact, one night I actully woke up and missed being curled up with him and grabbed his ass and dragged him into bed with me

Of course in a divorce, there's FAR more anger & emotion than a mere spat and thus it takes more than "sleeping on it" and I think a good waiting period would do some people some good. They might gain a little perspective and sense first, you know?

Paint me in a corner, but my color comes back.

[jumper03 0]

We did something similar, just didn't know it had a name. Everything ended amicably.

I say go for it.

Scars remind us that the past is real

[guppie01 0]

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demographics of mid-upper middle *business* working classes

Come again?

Blues,
Dave

Dave don't be a pain in my butt!!!

Both parties make good earning's in the business world (dinks = dual income, no kids) - neither party needs to suck the blood of the either party, they can afford to walk away on their own.

Does that make more sense...

g

"Let's do something romantic this Saturday... how bout we bust out the restraints?"
Raddest Ho this side of Jersey #1 - MISS YOU
OMG, is she okay?

[NWFlyer 2]

How is it different from arbitration?

"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke

[Jib 0]

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How is it different from arbitration?

T think you mean mediation and that was my question too.
[Arbitration means someone else decided for you rather than you work things out.]

--------------------------------------------------
the depth of his depravity sickens me.
-- Jerry Falwell, People v. Larry Flynt

[IanHarrop 41]

My Ex and I did this using lawyers we found here http://www.collaborativelaw.ca/

Although the process worked, we did get divorced with little cost and little bickering I have to say that I was not impressed with my lawyer and wouldn't recommend him to anyone. I had to remind her lawyer that this was a collaborative process and that he wasn't being paid to go after me for everything. Needless to say I would not recommend him either for someone that is actually looking for the collaborative process. This situation was astounding because both of these individuals were supposed to part of the team that originally got this going in my area.

The paper work was initially prepared by her lawyer and I don't think my lawyer read it all. If I hadn't reviewed the document and found the glaring mistakes.

Costs less but you get what you pay for, perhaps I should have paid more. I really think that the main reason things went so smooth was because my view was that it was just money and she could have it as long as I was the custodial parent of my son. So I gave her lots of money and the dog, and I got the son. The son really liked the idea because she later had the dog put down

"Where troubles melt like lemon drops, away above the chimney tops, that's where you'll find me" Dorothy

[livendive 8]

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Dave don't be a pain in my butt!!!

GAAHHH!!!

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[guppie01 0]

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Dave don't be a pain in my butt!!!

GAAHHH!!!

Blues,
Dave

Stalker! - now stop... I don't want to get into trouble for hi-jaking another one of Lawrockets threads!!!

g

"Let's do something romantic this Saturday... how bout we bust out the restraints?"
Raddest Ho this side of Jersey #1 - MISS YOU
OMG, is she okay?

[flyinghonu 0]

Is the collabrative decision binding or can it be appealed by either party?

"Excuse me while I kiss the sky..." - Jimi Hendrix

[wmw999 2,385]

I think it's a fabulous idea. I had a collaborative divorce, and our son regularly says that he's glad we got divorced because it worked better for us.

I got one lecture from the (single) lawyer; he was officially my lawyer, and he told me I could get a much better deal. I said "that's nice, but this is the deal that we want." I couldn't be happier, and that was almost 9 years ago now, so there's been plenty of time to regret.

Anything that can remind parents that it's cheaper to cooperate, and that the kids benefit, is wonderful. Your ex-spouse doesn't have to parent exactly the way you want them to in order for it to be valid. And it's sure not worth pissing away a lot of money to extract revenge. The best "revenge" is living your own life on your own terms, and not taking it up with thinking about what your ex has that you covet.

Wendy W.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[thegreekone 0]

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How is it different from arbitration?

T think you mean mediation and that was my question too.
[Arbitration means someone else decided for you rather than you work things out.]

We may need to make this is a stickey for a little bit.

[ChrisL 2]

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If offered the option to do a collaborative divorce, or a collaborative property dispute, etc., would you seriously contemplate it?

.

My ex-wife and I worked out everything between the two of us including fair and equitable child support that we can both live with.

I dont need a judge instruct me as to my responsibility to my children
and any man that does is no man at all.

We used one attourney for the purpose of filing the papers etc...

Of course mature, reasonable adults working out their problems together
in this way isnt exactly in the best interest of divorce attourneys.

__

My mighty steed

[flyinghonu 0]

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My ex-wife and I worked out everything between the two of us including fair and equitable child support that we can both live with.

That is awesome - unfortunatley, it is also very rare.

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I dont need a judge instruct me as to my responsibility to my children
and any man that does is no man at all.

I agree, any man (or woman) or does not take the necessary responsiblity to raise their children, really is no man (or woman) at all. However, the reality of th situation is that there are A LOT of these people who have chosen to have children and then fail to provide any assistance whatsoever.

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We used one attourney for the purpose of filing the papers etc...

Funny - that's probably one of the easiest parts of the divorce. Why didn't you just file them yourself and go Pro Per?

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Of course mature, reasonable adults working out their problems together
in this way isnt exactly in the best interest of divorce attourneys.

I think MANY divorce attorneys would thank the high heavens if their clients could actually act like mature, reasonable adults. But often they don't, they use their children against each other in a divorce and vindication often becomes the focus.

Worked in family law for 2 yrs. - will NEVER do it again. Was pretty sure that any given moment some disgruntled client or spouse of one would walk in the door and take us all out. Seriously.

"Excuse me while I kiss the sky..." - Jimi Hendrix

[lawrocket 3]

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Of course mature, reasonable adults working out their problems together
in this way isnt exactly in the best interest of divorce attourneys.

I have a quote that I tell people when I'm trying to get something completed - "Obviously, if you take this great deal, my son isn't going to college. Of course, if you accept this it realy isn't that good for my bottom line - I can't make any more money off of you. But, if you want to pay me upwards of five or ten thousand because this isn't acceptable, maybe I can get you another two or three thousand."

Clients often like that.

You know, I even prepared a document titled "How to Get the Most from your Legal Dollar" advising as to how to make the process less expensive.

My wife is hotter than your wife.