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Randy_H

Am I in the wrong here?

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well...I just got home from the office and now I'm getting the silent treatment!



Well that's a very mature way to handle the matter. :S

Good luck, Randy, it sounds like you're going to need it!
She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

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Your mother in law's insistence and your wife/financee's reaction are concerning to me.

If you're looking at forever, you need to figure shit out NOW, regarding manipulation and control...

-And BTW, I couldn't disagree with Nightingale more. I don't know how many years she's been married (I think she had mentioned that she is NOT married in another marital advice thread), but you do NOT start off accomodating such a rude request from inlaws. It grows from there; especially since you mentioned that your future MIL is out of work and thet you don't know how long she'll be with you WARNING! WARNING!! DANGER!! If you DON'T set a time frame, you will be with the inlaws for TOO LONG. I speak from experience, not from 'What I heard Oprah say' or 'what I'd do with my boyfriend' or whatever the hell other never-been-married people are basing their marriage advice on. :S

Even the best of inlaws will interfere with your marital relationship, knowingly or unknowingly, sooner or later if you allow this.

The silent treatment is immaturity. You need to talk to your fiancee. If that's her version of a viable relationship tactic, you need to make sure you're both ready for marriage. Pouting and stomping feet is a child's reaction, not that of a woman who is about to declare 'forever'.

I won't apologize for the harsh tone. I don't give warm fuzzies. I just speak the truth; figure it out NOW or prepare to become a statistic.
~Jaye
Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action.

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I've skimmed through the responses and agree; this is an issue between you and your fiance. She seems to be very comfortable with it, though, and being that she is the one with the experience with dogs/this particular dog I might lean toward advising you to be trusting of her. I highly doubt she's not thinking of your child as much as you are.

I do think it's ill-mannered of your MIL to insist on bringing the dog. It's not clear, however, whether your fiance' previously OK'd it. I personally would not opt to bring Cruzer anywhere unless all parties were comfortable, and would not be offended if they preferred I leave him.

A mutually agreeable decision should be reached.

As a side note:

Long ago I'd have royally opposed a kennel, but these days your pet can have as good as, if not better, vacation than you.:D For me, I'd rather Cruz stay with family. Being that we don't have any family near, however, we have to board him when we vacation. He LOVES it! Some facilities even have video monitors so you can check online and view your pet in play or in his/her crate at any time. The one we take Cruz to isn't expensive at all; and all he does is play all day. He is never caged/crated during the day. At night, he sleeps in a sizable area all his own, and I can even bring his own bed or food or toys, etc. for his sleep-area at night. I still HATE leaving him, but....I definitely am NOT worried about him loosing 40 lbs or being mistreated.:D;):P
Paint me in a corner, but my color comes back.

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Walk over to your wife and ask her to please get your balls out of her purse and loan them back to you for a few minutes. I realise it may not be possible for you to keep them and stay married, but you should atleast be able to use them once in a while.;) Now tell her no-way no-how is that "dog" staying in your home with your new baby.
The other posters are correct in that this "situation" will define your relationship with the MIL. Do you want to have some say in this relationship or just be the guy who gets outvoted by the wife/MIL.B|
If you fear for the safety of your new child you are obligated to do what you feel is right. Hurting a few feelings is a no-contest decision when it comes to your childs safety.
Knowing nothing more than we are talking about a 140lb rug pisser here tells me that the dog is not well trained and that you may not be able to control it if things go bad.
Good Luck on this one and the ones to come.
James

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Randy,

Your first and foremost responsibility in your life is the safety of your daughter; even if your fiance does not agree. Take control of the situation and trust your gut. If your MIL and fiance piss and moan about it, well they'll just have to get over it.

The only way I would allow that dog in my house with my infant would be if it was contained in some way and had absolutely no chance at getting near my daughter. Personally though, from what I'm reading; I wouldn't trust the future MIL to keep the dog contained when you're not looking.

Good luck and stand your ground!
Chris



_________________________________________
Chris






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You are not the rude person, your MIL is. I'd agree to it if I had a fenced in yard for it stay in, but would say NO otherwise.


- BEEN DOWN THIS ROAD, the backyard or cage thing will not work, if the MIL arrives with the dog, the first time your back is turned the dog will be in the house - guaranteed
- simple, you don't want any animal in the house because you have a clean house and don't want that to change
- also, you are not comfortable with a large dog around the child
- sure seems that there is no compromise on their part, the dog can stay at the brothers house or the kennel, what is the big deal with that?
- looks like this is a bigger power struggle more than "just" a dog thing

- if the MIL can't understand this then she is self-centered, rude, etc.

Give one city to the thugs so they can all live together. I vote for Chicago where they have strict gun laws.

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man, there has GOT to be an easy way to poison the dog. I HATE dogs. it dont matter the size. but in my neighborhood, i carry a knife for a lot of reasons. one of the big ones is that 'dog people' like to run or walk their dogs off a leash. if a dog EVER comes at me, and so much as nips my heel. i WILL cut it apart, with no hesitation, no remourse. end o story.

but your problem? this is your girls ma? hmm. yeah, call her and tell her to put it into a kenel thats a wee bit too small for the dog for the duration of the stay.

-SPACE-

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I'm waiting for you to say that your MIL also intends to smoke inside of your house.

Yeah man, you've got to let the wife know that you need to back each other up in such circumstances. Perhaps start by saying, "Listen darling, how are we going to compromise on this one? Let's get this weekend out of the way, I'll agree to some conditions, and then we need to decide how you and I are going to operate as a married couple."
"I encourage all awesome dangerous behavior." - Jeffro Fincher

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No dog. Its your house and your babies.

This happened about 150m from my front door step... http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/leicestershire/5375520.stm

Small kid + large dog = not good.

It may have never "bitten anyone before" well once neither of these had either.


------
Two of the three voices in my head agree with you. It might actually be unanimous but voice three only speaks Welsh.

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If you're worried only about the dog biting, that can probably be remedied by putting a muzzle on the dog.



You can't muzzle a dog the whole time he's there.

If telling his FML that the dog can't come to his house, will cause a rift, then the FML is being selfish.

If telling the fiancee that the dog can't come cause a rift, then they have deeper problems that need to be work out.

When a couple commits to each other, they are committing to each other, not the in-laws that come with the package.

How dare any kind of responsible/respectful pet owner "force" their pet on some one that doesn't want it around.

The fiancee needs to stand up to her mom and tell her that this is the man that she loves and she wants to make him happy. She is not responsible for making her mother happy. It's time for her to move on and live her life for her soon to be husband. As I'm sure the soon to be husband will live his life and be a wonderful loving husband to his new wife.
May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. - Edward Abbey

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Randy,
I've read the thread and totally agree with the responses... hold your ground, NO DOG, the little misses needs to grow up a bit, MIL needs to show some respect, etc. Nothing else I could add that hasn't already been said except for the following:
1) Traditionally, the father of the bride gives her away at the alter. She's leaving that family and becoming part of yours. Connect the dots.
2) Nobodys mentioned anything about allergies yet. Speaking from experience, infants can and DO have allergies. A stuffy nose and watery eyes is a PITA to an adult. and we have the internal body resources to deal with it. Infants don't, so just imagine the hell your baby would go through (and consequently, you'll be going through your own hell at the same time...). I wound up replacing all the carpet in my house because of my son's allergies. No amount of 'cleaning' sufficed, and I have no idea whether previous owners owned a pet... but it worked. You prepared to drop that kind of cash if your baby just happens to be allergic to pet dander?

Just another bit of noggin fodder... Good luck!

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Well.... I'm sticking to my guns on this...



Good man!
Don't cave!

I would be pissed if they even argued the point with me.
No dog...period.

If she won't come without the dog, then so be it and you're even better off.
My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

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Well.... I'm sticking to my guns on this...



Good caveman!

I would be pissed if they even argued the point with me.
No dog...period.

If she won't come without the dog, then so be it and you're even better off.




fixed it for ya!

Everyone keeps saying, "YOU'RE house, YOU'RE choice." Not the best argument, considering your SO's friends/family could reasonably use the same argument with her.

I agree, it's inconsiderate for FMI to even consider bringing the dog. Your SO should have discussed it with you, and since you couldn't agree on it, the answer should be no. But SHE should have given the news to her mom.

You and she need to revisit the discussion and get on the same page together. It's time for the two of you to be a team.

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I'm worried that the MIL may be getting mixed messages, especially if the daughter has already said that bringing the dog is fine. I was also thinking that if the child's mother doesn't have any problem with the dog (especially because the poster has said that MIL appears to be a reasonable person), that his dog fears may be unfounded. Everyone here seems to have the attitude of "how dare she!" towards the MIL, but who knows what her daughter has told her? If the daughter has said that bringing the dog is just fine with her, we really can't blame MIL for doing just that.

It seems like a situation of he wants this, she wants that. I don't think anybody's right or wrong. It's just different opinions. She thinks that bringing the dog will be perfectly fine. He disagrees. He says it's "his" house, but isn't it hers too (or at least going to be "theirs" shortly)? Why isn't her position as vaild as his?

On DZ.com, we often don't hear both sides of the story. If she'd come on here and said "my mom is coming to visit, and she wants to bring her sweet, adorable dog along. The dog is wonderful and would never hurt anything, and he's very gentle and great with kids, but my fiancee has a totally irrational fear that it might bite our new baby. He's being completely unreasonable, and I don't see why I can't allow my mom to bring her dog into my house. Am I in the wrong here?" I think we'd get a lot of reactions the other way.

People here tend to side with the original poster and offer support, but sometimes that has the opposite effect of getting them farther entrenched into their own position and unwilling to listen or compromise.


edited for typo

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First and fore most beautiful baby Randy!!:)

Nightingale...you are putting way too much trust in a dog....this is a new situation for this dog and we have no clue as to how it will react, plus this is a dog that has not been neutured...bad bad bad....one whiff of a female in heat and he could be gone like yesterday....another can of worms pops open!

I think that it is a bad idea for MIL to bring the dog, she is making one person feel uncomfortable and thats enough not to bring it, that is why Randys fiancee needs to tell MIL, "no go Mom." if she told her Mom it was ok before clearing it with Randy that was a bad move on her part, thats not how relationships work, and I am sure she knew his feelings about this matter before this situation came up.

Randy...print this thread out and leave it somewhere where your fiancee will find it....I do think though you need to take into consideration that your fiancee is still hormonal, thus acting childish some what about this matter, from giving birth 6 weeks ago. Don't pull a "Tom Cruise" on her...:D

Good Luck.

P.S. I am a Dog Owner (4)

Bobbi
A miracle is not defined by an event. A miracle is defined by gratitude.

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