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Randy_H

Am I in the wrong here?

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I have two ridge-backs that are the most well behaved, gentle dogs I've ever owned. They love children. I would NEVER bring them to someone elses home with small children though. The dogs would be in a strange environment, around strange people, and I wouldn't bet someone's life that they would remain gentle.

Tell her you don't feel comfortable with the dog around your child, and be done with it. If she chooses the dog over having a relationship with you, then so be it...

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While I have met pitbulls that are amazingly calm, in my opinion, it doesn't really matter.

It is your house, it is your child, and you are not comfortable having a 140-lb dog in the house.

There does not need to be an explanation more than "That dog is not entering my house."

Any explanation given is out of courtesy and civility towards your mother-in-law.
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How long will your MIL be there? Days, weeks? Can you suggest that she and her dog stay at a motel?

If your fiancee is OK with the dog, then you're not just "setting the tone" with your MIL, you're doing the same thing with your fiancee.

I can totally understand being uncomfortable with a large dog. If you weren't raised around them, they are intimidating. And few are more intimidating than a pit bull. I own a large dog, and would never bring it without willing acceptance. You're really not being unreasonable, but, well, reason doesn't always win.

Would it be better if you guys were to go visit your MIL? Then it would be her turf, and the dog might not be an issue.

Wendy W.
There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

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I just don't get it.... I would NEVER put my dog on anyone (when I had one). I don't really like the way that the dog smells either and I KNOW that is is going to ruin the carpet if I allow him to stay in the house. And when a 140 lb dog decides to cut-loose with an *accident* on the carpet, you might as well dump a two-liter down. And I've got thick padded berber. I'm not being superficial but I'd like to keep my house smelling nice and clean and not have to worry about all of the "what-if" scenarios that I've come up with. I think that the dog won't be staying with us.
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Its a rare thing because your posts tend to be well thought out and educatiuonal (for me at least) but I disagree.

MIL or not...its not the OP's responsibility to have to take care of the dog. His first responsibility is to his baby. MIL should respect that and she should make accomodations for the dog on her own.
www.FourWheelerHB.com

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well.... my FML is not only coming to visit us, but also her brother who lives locally and is dying of AIDS. So I suggested that maybe she do and stay with him and the dog, but my SO said no to that. It's not like I already have dogs. I don't even own one so I really don't want one in my house. As far as how long she is going to be here? Well....that has never really been discussed so I don't know, I do know that she is out of work right now so it could potentially start as a few days and end up as years...am I crazy, or does this sound like the plot to Gilligan's Island?
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Well, you shouldn't be caring for the dog or walking it. That responsibility belongs to your FML.

I think you're probably over-reacting. If the dog is usually walked by your FML, she's obviously able to handle the dog. A well trained dog isn't going to chase things like you describe. You can ask your FML if she'll consider putting a muzzle on the dog while the dog is outdoors (or even indoors if it will make you feel better).

When you meet the dog, you'll know in the first hour whether the dog will be a bother or not. Expect a certain amount of excitement at first, but after a bit, the dog should settle down, and you can really observe it's behavior. Keep an eye on the tail. It's a good indicator of dog attitude and behavior, and listen to the dog. There are three kind of dog growls. A throat growl is a play growl, and says "lets have fun!" The tail will be wagging, and it won't show it's teeth. A dog doing that isn't going to bite you. A chest growl is deeper, and the tail won't be wagging, and you might see teeth. A chest growl is a warning, saying "back off, or you won't like what I'm going to do." A belly growl is what you really have to worry about. It's the lowest tone of dog growls, and means the dog is very likely to attack.

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This is more between you and your fiancee than between you and your MIL. Really. You need to sit down and talk to your fiancee, and figure out your relationship with her. Because it sounds like she's
a. very comfortable with dogs
b. very likely to do whatever she thinks will make her mother most comfortable

These are perfectly OK ways to be. But they might not be so compatible with you. Her desire to please her mother is probably just as strong as your desire not to have the dog there. But that's who you have to talk to, and tonight.

Wendy W.
There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

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Also, please be aware about passing on your fear to your daughter. Children have a tendency to copy their parents' phobias, and a fear of dogs can really affect your life.



It doesn't sound like Randy has a phobia of dogs; it sounds like he has a very rational concern about having a large dog at his house and around a small child.

As a pet owner, the mother-in-law needs to take responsibility for her pet and make arrangements for it to be taken care of when she travels. It is irrational for her to think that her dog should be welcome at other people's homes.

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Also, please be aware about passing on your fear to your daughter. Children have a tendency to copy their parents' phobias, and a fear of dogs can really affect your life.



It doesn't sound like Randy has a phobia of dogs; it sounds like he has a very rational concern about having a large dog at his house and around a newborn.
As a pet owner, the mother-in-law needs to take responsibility for her pet and make arrangements for it to be taken care of when she travels. It is irrational for her to think that her dog should be welcome at other people's homes.



fixed it for you
www.FourWheelerHB.com

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Its a rare thing because your posts tend to be well thought out and educatiuonal (for me at least) but I disagree.

MIL or not...its not the OP's responsibility to have to take care of the dog. His first responsibility is to his baby. MIL should respect that and she should make accomodations for the dog on her own.



Of course, his MIL should respect that he doesn't want the dog there. What it comes down to, though, is that she isn't doing that and will probably be very upset if she can't bring her dog along. What he does now may set a future tone for all encounters with his MIL, and starting out on the wrong foot might not be the best idea right now. Sure, he can win this battle pretty easily by putting his foot down and not compromising, but he needs to consider the potential cost of that decision.

He should also base his decision on facts rather than an irrational fear of the breed. A well trained dog isn't going to bite without cause, and will go outside to do its business. I get the feeling that he might not have posted anything if the dog in question was a chihuahua (which may actually be more likely to bite, because people tend to not train small dogs because their size makes them more manageable).

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Actually, in realistic terms a small child is much more problematic. They like to mess with dogs. Newborns don't, and they tend to stay in their cribs or in people's arms.

Wendy W.
There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

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I get the feeling that he might not have posted anything if the dog in question was a chihuahua (which may actually be more likely to bite, because people tend to not train small dogs because their size makes them more manageable).



You are correct in that assumption, but if a chihuahua decides to bite someone, I can take care of that real quick! Not with an non-neutered 140lb pit bull though. If that dog does latch down on someone, I won't be able to get it off. And if a chihuahua nipped at the infant, I'd smack it, and that'd be the end of that. If I smacked the pit, I'd be yet another statistic in the papers. I appreciate everyones comments, thank you all very much!
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It doesn't sound like Randy has a phobia of dogs; it sounds like he has a very rational concern about having a large dog at his house and around a small child.

As a pet owner, the mother-in-law needs to take responsibility for her pet and make arrangements for it to be taken care of when she travels. It is irrational for her to think that her dog should be welcome at other people's homes.




He said in his post that he doesn't like big dogs and they make him nervous. It doesn't sound like he has issues with small dogs, which can be more problematic than big dogs.

I agree with you that his MIL is in the wrong here. However, I think he needs to consider his future relationship with her, and whether it's worth causing what might be a severe rift. He needs to weigh all potential consequences, because no decision is going to be perfect, and each choice will have consequences. It's easy for posters here to tell him "you're absolutely right. forbid her from bringing the dog." but they're not thinking about how important good relations with the in-laws can be. He needs to look at the potential consequences of all the decisions before deciding. I was trying to point out that having the dog around for a bit might not be as terrible as he thinks, so it may not be worth fighting over.

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Also as a side note... your fiance is probably feeling a little stressed and hormonal due to just having a baby 6 weeks ago. Remember that she might be more emotional and exhausted than usual so try and be patient.

I still think you are doing the right thing by not allowing the dog. My mom hates dogs and when I would visit with mine he stayed in a kennel that I paid for so I could visit him daily. My dog, my responsibility.

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If you're worried only about the dog biting, that can probably be remedied by putting a muzzle on the dog.

All I'm saying is to consider that:
1. having the dog around might not be the nightmare you think it will be
2. telling your FML that she can't bring it might create a huge rift between her and you, and your fiancee and you. Consider whether it's worth it, or if it's worth giving it a shot for an hour or so, and if you can't deal with it, then send the dog to a kennel or your FML to a motel six (they allow pets).

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You are not the rude person, your MIL is. I'd agree to it if I had a fenced in yard for it stay in, but would say NO otherwise. You have a newborn, that's enough stress for now and she should understand that.

By the way, congrats! B| Tell us about your baby!
She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

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It's easy for posters here to tell him "you're absolutely right. forbid her from bringing the dog." but they're not thinking about how important good relations with the in-laws can be.He needs to look at the potential consequences of all the decisions before deciding. I was trying to point out that having the dog around for a bit might not be as terrible as he thinks, so it may not be worth fighting over.



I would agree but this could be a safety issue and he doesn't want the risk. His MIL should and probably will be understanding of this. It's her responsibility as well to forge a good relationship with the father of her granddaughter. Also, if he lets the dog come this time...it's coming every time..

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Ive broken your post down to highlight reality...
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Of course, his MIL should respect that he doesn't want the dog there.

so she is wrong to impose her will fully knowing his position.
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What it comes down to, though, is that she isn't doing that and will probably be very upset if she can't bring her dog along.

actions of a spoiled child or someone that doesnt care about the other person.
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What he does now may set a future tone for all encounters with his MIL, and starting out on the wrong foot might not be the best idea right now.

who says its the wrong foot.. I dont, I think she needs to have boundaries because she is acting like a child.
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he can win this battle pretty easily by putting his foot down and not compromising, but he needs to consider the potential cost of that decision

even more he needs to consider the potential cost of bending to her will and letting her run over him.
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He should also base his decision on facts rather than an irrational fear of the breed.

all he needs to base his decision is on how he feels, its his decision and responsibility, a decision he may have to live with the rest of his life, if the child is hurt...period...
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the muzzle is a good idea, but I don't think they'd go for that. I am also concerned about the dog tearing up my house. My future ML isn't the greatest house keeper and I KNOW that her dog uses the bathroom inside her house. I've met the dog before, and he is okay, and if I didn't live in the neighborhood that I live in, and I didn't have a newborn daughter, I would be more receptive to having her AND the dog come stay with us. People in my neighborhood don't have pitbulls or rotties, as I stated earlier. What a dilema. I can understand the impact that any decision I make will have on our future relationship but if in my gut, I am not comfortable about her dog being around my infant daughter, I don't really think there should be much of a riff, if any, provided that she is an understanding person. All I am saying is that, why take the chance? I value my daughters life more then anything in the world and I honestly cannot see myself allowing a dog of that size and breed around her. We have gut feelings for a reason. My point being, if it was a small dog, the little dog would hurt my daughter, no question but a pitbull would probably kill her, and I'm not comfortable with assuming that risk in my household.
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By the way, congrats! B| Tell us about your baby!



Thanks Andrea! Well.... 'Alyssa Jade' was born on September 26 @ 7:35 pm, had ten fingers and ten toes! ;) (and yes, I DID count and any father who says that he doesn't is lying!!) she was 20 inches long and weighed 6lbs-14ozs. She is VERY cute and I love her more then anything in this whole world!! She's been out to the DZ a few times already but we try not to keep her out there that long. I never thought that I'd be the fatherly type, but it's funny how things change!
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That sucks. One option I did not see, they make portable kennels, approx. 6ft x 6ft x 6ft chain link, that could be put in the back yard, garage, screen porch, etc. If the dog was somewhat well behaved, and did not bark too much, it could work. She could take it for walks as needed.

We have 3 dogs, cats, horses, llamas, peacocks, goats, etc. We love animals, "our" animals. My dogs have never been away from home except for the vet. We have actually lost touch with some friends or aquaintences over this matter. They bring theirs to our house because they know "we like dogs". I love dogs, my dogs. I like other peoples dogs, at other places.

Good luck.
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Lord please help me to be the person that my dog thinks I am.

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