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Randy_H

Am I in the wrong here?

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Dear Abbey,
My fiancee and I had a baby about six weeks ago and my future mother-in-law wants to come down over thanksgiving to visit. Cool... No problems with that, but I was just informed that she is bringing her 140 lb red-nosed pitbull with her. I have no animals at my house so my house actually smells clean. I don't like big dogs and my fiancee knows that this dog makes me nervous. Not to mention that I live in a gated community surrounded by sue-happy people. I am not comfortable with our little girl being around the pitbull with all of the stuff I've read in the paper and I'm very nervous that if this dog that "has never bitten anyone", gets out, something is going to happen. Not to mention if the dog takes a wizz on the carpet. Am I being unreasonable when I am refusing to let the dog come along? It's not like I live in a farm house where we could keep the dog chained up out in the yard or something. I would love to have her mother here for thanksgiving but NO DOG! Is this an unreasonable request?? Thanks
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40 lbs! damn! I can see her not wanting to go to the same kennel. I agree completely about the dog because I would go nuts if the dog was around my daughter. I wish you good luck, maybe someone will come up with a good idea...:S
Breathe out so I can breathe you in...

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I don't think you're out of line at all! It is your child, home, and community. You have every right to protect your family and environment.

Try and turn the tide - give the parents an example of something they wouldn't appreciate in their home.

Quite honestly you noting that you're in the "dog house" is wrong.... you deserve respect for your wishes (they are valid), as I'm sure you'd do for them.

g
"Let's do something romantic this Saturday... how bout we bust out the restraints?"
Raddest Ho this side of Jersey #1 - MISS YOU
OMG, is she okay?

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Well.... I'm sticking to my guns on this. If that dog got jealous over our newborn daughter or something. I mean, whats the point in the risk?


You aren't supposed to have anything around your child (and in YOUR home) that makes you nervous for a second. Its just not logical. I hope you do stick to your guns on this (better safe than sorry). Not that its a pit, but thats a pretty big dog! :o~~April


Camelot II, the Electric Boogaloo!

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Thanks for your replies everyone! I am going to stick to my guns on this one. They keep throwing in my face that this dog "loves babies" and have "never bitten anyone". It seems to me that everytime I read about a fatal dog attack in the paper, eveyone who is interviewed claims that the dog has never bitten anyone. I'm not going to take this chance with my newborn daughter.
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Do Not Back Down!

If you wife doesn't support you, like another poster said, you got deeper problems.

I'm a dog lover and have three. I would never take my dogs were they were not welcomed. I always as if the dogs can come along.
May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. - Edward Abbey

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I agree! Setting boundaries is really important because if they don't, then resentment is to follow if the unwanted guest ruins the carpet or something. A lot more damage control lies ahead if it isn't nipped in the bud. Furthermore, if they are really uncomfortable with the dog being there, I can just imagine how that will affect the mood of an otherwise pleasant visit.





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I even offered that she could bring the dog and place it in a kennel here in Orlando so she could go visit it everyday. I don't know what more to do. And if my SO doesn't see things from my perspective then I don't know what more to do with her either.
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I even offered that she could bring the dog and place it in a kennel here in Orlando so she could go visit it everyday. I don't know what more to do. And if my SO doesn't see things from my perspective then I don't know what more to do with her either.



Since she doesn't want to kennel the dog, which is understandable after her last experience. I would see if there are any pet sitters in her area. I've used services like this before as they allow the dog to stay in their own environment, not catch illnesses from other dogs, and cost about the same as a kennel does.

Just my $.02.

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actually OUR child. But she is already pissed about another bomb that she dropped on me. She has two other kids up north who are too young to fly down to Florida by themselves, so she was wanting me to purchase a round-trip ticket for her to go up north to get them, then get them a round-trip ticket to come down here, and then her another round-trip ticket to take the kids back up north. Over $1000 in airfare (which I can't really afford). So I compromised, and said that I'd fly her up north for Christmas so she could spend a few weeks with her kids, but this isn't good enough either. Hmmm....this really sucks..
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Please keep in mind that dogs are individuals. Don't condemn an entire breed of dogs based on what you read in the paper. Pit bulls are often abused and trained as fighting dogs, and usually, those are the ones that bite people. Any abused animal might bite, but since pitbulls are more often the target of abuse/fight training, they bite more often. Pit bulls aren't an evil breed that bites for no reason. Many larger dogs can be less destructive and annoying than smaller dogs, mainly because larger dogs must be trained simply because of their size, and larger dogs tend to have less energy than little dogs. Read up about the breed, and make a decision based on education rather than fear.

Also, please be aware about passing on your fear to your daughter. Children have a tendency to copy their parents' phobias, and a fear of dogs can really affect your life. I grew up with an extreme phobia of dogs that really affected my life. I wouldn't go visit friends who had dogs (even little ones), and would end up hysterical if a dog got anywhere near me. It took me a long time to get over that, and now I'm mostly okay with dogs and am thinking about getting one. I've learned that there's a big difference between phobia and healthy respect for an animal with teeth bigger than mine.

That said, it's your home and your decision. You have a lot of factors to consider, the main one being your future relationship with your mother in law. You've got a few options:

1. MIL can come without dog.
2. MIL can come without dog, you pay kennel fees (might cost more than you think)
3. MIL can come with dog, you give it a try and if dog isn't well behaved or becomes a nuisance, you pay for kennel for rest of visit
4. MIL can come with dog.

I think you're better off with option 2 or 3. Option 4 doesn't leave you an out if the dog is obnoxious, and option 1 indicates a lack of willingness to compromise. Option 3 probably represents the best compromise if you're at all willing to give the dog a chance, and it might not be as bad as you think. Insist the dog is on a leash (at least at first) and make sure the dog gets enough attention from MIL that the dog won't be jealous of the baby. Get a book on pit bulls and read up on the breed before the visit, so you know what to expect. Option 2 is probably the best compromise if you're completely unwilling to have an animal in your home, but you do risk alienating your MIL, and maybe costing yourself a lot of money if she picks a fancy kennel. Some of the snooty kennels around here can run $70+ a day.

The issue here isn't just about allowing a dog into your home. This could set the tone of your entire future relationship with your MIL. You need to make the choice that all of you can live with.

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I know a vet who only charges $20 a day for the kennel. My FML and I have a good relationship as is and I would hope that she would understand my concern. In my neighborhood, people have smaller to medium dogs, no pitbulls. I'm afraid that if I'm out walking that dog, or my FML, or my SO and the dog decides it want's to go after someone elses dog, or person, or a child freaks out and runs, there is no way that I could hold that dog back. I only weigh 20 lbs more then the dog. And I could potentially lose everything with a lawsuit. Is it worth the worry??
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Nightingale,
I couldnt disagree with you more, your whole " lack of compromise" attitude is disturbing to say the least, but you are correct in one point of view,

This could set the tone of your entire future relationship with your MIL.

that is correct and if you start bowing to her pressure now it will never end..... draw a line in the sand and make sure she knows who is boss.

this is a bigger issue than just a dog. stand firm and be the man of the house.

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