skydemon2 0 #1 March 22, 2007 PET DIARIES Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing! 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing! 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing 12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing! 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing! 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing! 5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing! 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing! 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing! 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing! Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary Day 683 of my captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. > They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded! The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe....... for now... Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone! I like to start my day off with a little Ray of Soulshine™!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
iluvtofly 0 #2 March 22, 2007 My cats often try to kill me by sleeping on the stairs in the dark...oh yeah...they're black an impossible to see at night. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
1969912 0 #3 March 22, 2007 Clearly, the cat wins! "Once we got to the point where twenty/something's needed a place on the corner that changed the oil in their cars we were doomed . . ." -NickDG Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LisaH 0 #4 March 22, 2007 QuoteClearly, the cat wins! DittoBe yourself! MooOOooOoo Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 34 #5 March 22, 2007 QuoteQuoteClearly, the cat wins! Ditto Not always! I have two cats. They both have their own ways of waking me up in the mornings, usually at 5 am. The female tends to gently knead with her front paws on my shoulder or arm, or back of the head. The male will jump up on the bed and bound across my legs and feet. He weighs 16 lbs of muscle so it's quite a jolt when he does that. They know they can't meow me awake. So when I don't want to be bothered, I just throw them out of the bedroom and shut the door. Fuck 'em, they can just fucking wait til I get up when I want to get up. Yeah, I love them, but I'm their damn master, not the other way around. "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LisaH 0 #6 March 22, 2007 QuoteQuoteQuoteClearly, the cat wins! Ditto Not always! I have two cats. They both have their own ways of waking me up in the mornings, usually at 5 am. The female tends to gently knead with her front paws on my shoulder or arm, or back of the head. The male will jump up on the bed and bound across my legs and feet. He weighs 16 lbs of muscle so it's quite a jolt when he does that. They know they can't meow me awake. So when I don't want to be bothered, I just throw them out of the bedroom and shut the door. Fuck 'em, they can just fucking wait til I get up when I want to get up. Yeah, I love them, but I'm their damn master, not the other way around. My 3 cats all have their own way of waking me up too. At first I think it's cute....then it gets annoying. I just throw them across the room, they shake the sense back into their heads and then come back to do it again. Dang I love my kitties Be yourself! MooOOooOoo Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
