What do women do to appear unapproachable?

[Lindercles 0]

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How can any woman complain about not getting attention (unless she looks like a Budweiser Clydesdale, of course)?

And yet Sarah Jessica Parker continues to get attention.

[DJL 232]

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How can any woman complain about not getting attention (unless she looks like a Budweiser Clydesdale, of course)?

And yet Sarah Jessica Parker continues to get attention.

Had to google search that one:

http://photos11.flickr.com/12248967_b267bacef0_m.jpg

"I encourage all awesome dangerous behavior." - Jeffro Fincher

[airtwardo 6]

Not a Clydesdale...you 'city' guys!

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[billvon 2,391]

> Am I the only one that thinks that "approaching" a woman with anything
>more than friendly intentions based solely on looks IS sort of creepy?

That's an odd statement. I mean, I've never approached a woman with nefarious intentions (i.e. wanting to mug her or something) nor have I ever approached a woman I didn't know expecting to get sex within the next 30 seconds. Pretty much everyone I've walked up to because she seemed interesting was a preliminary contact - see if she was as interesting as she looked. Would those be "friendly intentions?" I guess so. Do I sometimes hope it leads to something more? Yep.

>I mean, how the hell do you know you're interested based only on the way she looks?

Not just the way she looks, but by the way she talks, how she carries herself, whether or not her hands are climber's hands or executive secretary's hands, whether she spent five minutes or fifty minutes on her hair etc. Everyone is born with a face/body that they can't radically change, but the minor changes people _do_ make to themselves often tell a lot about who a person is.

>Not to mention the fact that talking to people becomes a hell of a
>lot easier when you have no expectations and you both know it.

Eh, it really comes down to not being desperate. Doesn't matter what expectations either of the people have - if you're willing to talk to her for a while, but would be just as willing to do something else, then there's a lot less pressure and the relationship tends to evolve (or not evolve) more naturally.

[Douva 0]

Here are the five basic categories of "unapproachable" that came to me, off the top of my head. Guys, please feel free to add to this list. Ladies, please feel free to make your own list. After all, what is the Bonfire all about if not self improvement?

Too Attractive - Nothing hits a guy's ego harder than having a woman respond to his advances like she's responding to a telemarketer who called during dinner. No guy enjoys that indignant look that says, "I didn't bust my ass to look this good for the likes of you."

Unresponsive - She displays uninviting body language and fails to reciprocate when given a polite smile or a curious glance. Believe it or not, ladies, a lot of guys are just waiting for the third base coach to wave them in.

Too Many Friends - She's very attractive, and her four friends seem to be really enjoying her company, but not many guys have the confidence to risk getting shot down in front of an audience.

With a Guy - The guy may be forty years older than her and have on capri pants and body glitter, but there is still a CHANCE they're together, and few guys want to risk that kind of confrontation.

Deluded - She's a little past her prime and a little overweight, but she scares off any guys who might actually be interested by wasting her time flirting with young studs.

Of course, these categories primarily apply to public settings where you're looking to meet a complete stranger. Meeting someone through friends, work, or the Internet each require slightly different approaches.

I don't have an M.D. or a law degree. I have bachelor's in kicking ass and taking names.

[RBM 1]

most women size a guy up and they look at " whats he worth"? is he compatible?? most women i believe look at a guy the first time, like shes looking into the future, what are you going to do for her.? if you don't fit the description of that paticular girl, she wont have nothing to do with you. you are nothing in her eyes, thats why they are soo unapproachable to a little small talk..unless shes just after sex, which then who cares about anything above

[normiss 622]

so you're looking for sex again then?

[skymama 35]

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so you're looking for sex again then?

I usually don't have a problem with that.

It was in response to the thread in Women's, Smartypants. I think this has been an interesting thread.

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[Douva 0]

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most women size a guy up and they look at " whats he worth"? is he compatible?? most women i believe look at a guy the first time, like shes looking into the future, what are you going to do for her.? if you don't fit the description of that paticular girl, she wont have nothing to do with you. you are nothing in her eyes, thats why they are soo unapproachable to a little small talk..unless shes just after sex, which then who cares about anything above

It's difficult to argue with such an articulate statement, but just for the sake of clarity, are you suggesting that most women look at a man and immediately ask themselves, "Could this guy help my career, boost my social status, buy me some nice jewelry, or pay off my student loans?" or are you suggesting that most women look at a man and immediately ask themselves, "Could I have a future with him?" There's a big difference, and from your post, as eloquently written as it is, it's not entirely clear what you mean; though, it appears you're leaning toward the former.

I don't have an M.D. or a law degree. I have bachelor's in kicking ass and taking names.

[headoverheels 291]

The Worst She Can Say is No

Get a load of that chick!
Dude- You gotta ask her out.
Weellll, I dunno...
Look. The worst she can say, is 'No'
Hey! You're right!
I'm always right!
The worst she can say...is 'No'!
Idunnoifyou'vebeennoticingmebutI'vebeennoticingyouand
Iwaswonderingifyou'd like to go out with me!
Oh my god you little Geek!
Get away before I freak!
I'm a babe and you are not.
You can't handle what I've got!
I'm too hot, too hot for you..
You ugly, stupid, zitfaced scum,
You asked me out; you MUST be dumb.
Well you can beg until you're blue,
But you're not even fit to lick my shoe.
I'm too hot, too hot for you.
Ha ha ha! Don't make me laugh!
I want a whole man, not a half.
You wet your pants, I'm so sure.
Too bad wimp-itis has no cure.
I'm too hot, too hot for you.
I've got a bitchin bod and a killer face,
I'm god's gift to the male race.
I'm the queen of babes supreme,
But you'll only see me in you dreams.
I'm too hot, too hot for you.
Well? What'd she say??
Well, she didn't say no...

-- Barry and the Bookbinders

[gmanpilot 0]

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So, I'm asking for all of the ladies what we might be doing to make it so you won't strike up a conversation with us.

A legit question deserves a legit answer:

If you sit in the corner reading a book, you will certainly not be approached. If you sit in a booth with your girlfriends and never look up, you will probably not be approached.

If you sit at an open table in the middle of the bar and take notice of others, you probably will be approached.

If on any given Friday or Saturday night in any city on the planet; you put on something reasonably attractive, go with some girlfriends (or alone) to a bar that heterosexual men frequent and actually go and sit at the bar and order a few drinks...you are virtually guaranteed to be approached.

Women are in the drivers seat in this regard, it's up to you if you want to leave it in park, cruise in automatic, or burn rubbers.....I mean rubber.

_________________________________________
-There's always free cheese in a mouse trap.

[IanHarrop 37]

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most women size a guy up and they look at " whats he worth"? is he compatible?? most women i believe look at a guy the first time, like shes looking into the future, what are you going to do for her.? if you don't fit the description of that paticular girl, she wont have nothing to do with you. you are nothing in her eyes, thats why they are soo unapproachable to a little small talk..unless shes just after sex, which then who cares about anything above

It's difficult to argue with such an articulate statement, but just for the sake of clarity, are you suggesting that most women look at a man and immediately ask themselves, "Could this guy help my career, boost my social status, buy me some nice jewelry, or pay off my student loans?" or are you suggesting that most women look at a man and immediately ask themselves, "Could I have a future with him?" There's a big difference, and from your post, as elegantly written as it is, it's not entirely clear what you mean; though, it appears you're leaning toward the former.

"There's a big difference" not in my experience.... there's no difference when women ask these two questions.

"Where troubles melt like lemon drops, away above the chimney tops, that's where you'll find me" Dorothy

[Conundrum 1]

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What do women do to appear unapproachable?

Get Fat.

lol

[Icon134 0]

Probably many of the same things that men do to be unaproachable.

Livin' on the Edge... sleeping with my rigger's wife...

[RBM 1]

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most women size a guy up and they look at " whats he worth"? is he compatible?? most women i believe look at a guy the first time, like shes looking into the future, what are you going to do for her.? if you don't fit the description of that paticular girl, she wont have nothing to do with you. you are nothing in her eyes, thats why they are soo unapproachable to a little small talk..unless shes just after sex, which then who cares about anything above

It's difficult to argue with such an articulate statement, but just for the sake of clarity, are you suggesting that most women look at a man and immediately ask themselves, "Could this guy help my career, boost my social status, buy me some nice jewelry, or pay off my student loans?" or are you suggesting that most women look at a man and immediately ask themselves, "Could I have a future with him?" There's a big difference, and from your post, as elegantly written as it is, it's not entirely clear what you mean; though, it appears you're leaning toward the former.

Yes, you are correct in your assumption.. I will put out an example, and since this was a high profile recent event that the world knows, i will point out highlights of what i refer too in my previous post,, Anne Nicole Smith, She was approched by some very well known people that we all have come to know, for whatever reasons, one, her husband who was old and had a fortune=money,,,, he was well known oil tycoon=social status quo, popularity,
she was looking for the needed attention that she desired, nothing wrong with that, but the fact remains that she looked for what she was requiring to meet her needs, he fit the requiremet that she wanted to fullfil her lifes expectations. and any other guy that didn't have what he could give her had no chance.. as i said before, i still feel women look at what is the guy going to do for me as a point of conversation.

[asamp33 0]

You are REALLY comparing common everyday women to Anna Nicole? If a woman is smart she will look to see if she is compatable to a guy. So do guys. If not, what is the point? You are not going to be long term with someone you are not compatable with. Why bother dating or meeting someone if there is no future? What would be the point? Sounds like a waste of time if you ask me.

[CSpenceFLY 1]

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I've found that if you don't come across as creepy or a jerk - 99% of Women will be happy to have you come over and just start talking. You don't even need a stupid ice-breaker or pickup line! "Hi!" works fine for me.

Does this change with age? When I was in college and tried to start up conversations with girls, about 90% of them were very cold to me. I eventually gave up. It still seems weird to just strike up a conversation with a random person.

Sorry I couldn't resist.

[stitch 0]

Dye their hair blonde.

"No cookies for you"- GFD
"I don't think I like the sound of that" ~ MB65
Don't be a "Racer Hater"

[georgerussia 0]

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One of the guys said that some women appear to be unapproachable and there seems to be some confusion about that. So, I'm asking for all of the ladies what we might be doing to make it so you won't strike up a conversation with us.

Usually the problem is with the guy itself, and is either "What am I going to say after 'hi'?" or "What if she turns me away?"
First one takes some time to solve, but the second one could be solved with a quick self-training. It is very simple, it helped me and a lot of my buddies. Takes about two hours, and after it you'll never be scared to be turned away again.

Of course, that is true if a woman herself looks good, and not like a walking heart attack. In this case the reason should be quite obvious.

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Of course, you don't need to mention having a guy or children by our sides, that's a given.

Well, after talking to a lot of women who had childrern by their side, having sex with a lot of them and marrying one, I would not agree it should be given

* Don't pray for me if you wanna help - just send me a check. *

[georgerussia 0]

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Well? What'd she say??
Well, she didn't say no...

WOW! I'd LOVE to meet a woman like this :)

* Don't pray for me if you wanna help - just send me a check. *

[Douva 0]

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I've found that if you don't come across as creepy or a jerk - 99% of Women will be happy to have you come over and just start talking. You don't even need a stupid ice-breaker or pickup line! "Hi!" works fine for me.

Does this change with age? When I was in college and tried to start up conversations with girls, about 90% of them were very cold to me. I eventually gave up. It still seems weird to just strike up a conversation with a random person.

Sorry I couldn't resist.

Everyone keeps giving jheadley grief for his question, but I think it's a fair question. It's been my experience that most college kids live in a little bit of a dating fantasy world. Most have that "youthful good looks" thing going for them, and they're surrounded by single, available, like-minded people who are all in the same stage of life. Compared to the rest of adult life, dating in college strikes me as relatively simple. I think that's why most college girls who are even moderately attractive fit the stereotype of "unapproachable." They already have an in with so many single, interested guys that they view being approached by a stranger as a nuisance. So to answer jheadley's question: Yes, I believe most women outgrow that attitude (unless, of course, they're stunningly beautiful).

I don't have an M.D. or a law degree. I have bachelor's in kicking ass and taking names.

[ifall 0]

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You are REALLY comparing common everyday women to Anna Nicole? If a woman is smart she will look to see if she is compatable to a guy. So do guys. If not, what is the point? You are not going to be long term with someone you are not compatable with. Why bother dating or meeting someone if there is no future? What would be the point? Sounds like a waste of time if you ask me.

You can tell all that stuff from a look?

[ExAFO 0]

I just turned 30, and 4 months ago I was dumped after almost 3 years. I have come to one immutable truth:

It's about Balls. Cojones. Huevos. Fuckin' Sack up and go say hello. I finally got back in the game after 6 wasted weeks of pity parties.

Life is fucking short. Don't be a sniveling coward. See it, go get it.

Illinois needs a CCW Law. NOW.

[asamp33 0]

Haha you are funny! Read RBM's comments and you might get where i am coming from!

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[ifall 0]

Oh I do, just being a smartass. Thats why I threw in the . He has a point though, there are some women that look at men as "what can he do for me" in a material or social sense. Luckily a lot of those women inhabit Hollywood and I won't ever meet them.