normiss 622 #51 August 3, 2007 Q: Why do women have small feet? A: So they can get closer to their ovens. Q: Why do women have periods? A: Because they deserve them. Q: Why do women have such difficulty learning to ski? A: Because there's no snow between the bedroom and the kitchen. Q: What is the perfect gift to give a dead baby? A: A dead puppy. Q: Why won't Charlie the Tuna eat his old lady? A: She smells like people. Q: What's the disease that paralyzes women below the waist? A: Marriage. Q: Can you identify the functional difference between a Jewish American Princess and poverty? A: Poverty sucks. Q: What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine? A: A washing machine doesn't follow you around for two weeks after you dump a load into it. A guy was having sex with a women and suddenly stopped and asked, "Oh, did I hurt you?" "No. Why do you think you hurt me?" "Because you moved." Q: Why do women have vaginas? A: So men will talk to them. Q: Why do women have faces? A: So men can tell the vaginas apart. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
headoverheels 291 #52 August 3, 2007 What's the difference between a dog and a fox? 8 pints. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
headoverheels 291 #53 August 3, 2007 How did the children in the school bus count the cars as they fell off the bridge? One Mississippi Two Mississippi Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
juanesky 0 #54 August 3, 2007 Q. What do you call a Cuban with a flat tire? A. Drowned."According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bluepill 0 #55 August 3, 2007 How many DZ.commers does it take to change a light bulb? 42 1 head honcho to announce the bulb needs changing. 1 to report the incident, discuss and learn from the actual incident. 1 to highlight the gear related issues and appropriate light bulb replacement. 3 safety and training experts to provide advice on the knowledge, skill and attitude required to change the light bulb safely. 2 Instructors to exchange ideas and share information about what technique to use to change the light bulb. 3 Women to discuss the female- related impacts of the light bulb being changed or not. 3 Speakers to discuss the political and religious implications of fixing the light bulb or should we just shoot the existing light bulb. 20 sitting around a fire in the corner, venting their anger, taking the piss out of the bulb changers, mooning, running around naked and trying to get the girls to show their boobies. 1 Photographer to take pictures of the changing of the light bulb. 1 Videographer to video the changing of the light bulb. 6 moderators to monitor the bulb changing. BP Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 34 #56 August 3, 2007 Quote How did the children in the school bus count the cars as they fell off the bridge? One Mississippi Two Mississippi Ouch!! I'd dare Jay Leno to use THAT joke on his show!"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Freefly710 0 #57 August 3, 2007 ok this is horrible...but here goes... Q: How do you make a little girl scream twice? A: You wipe your bloody dick on her teddy bear!!! wow....i feel ashamed... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mnealtx 0 #58 August 3, 2007 You need to delete your post, then go re-read the forum rules. Joke or not, that doesn't fly here.Mike I love you, Shannon and Jim. POPS 9708 , SCR 14706 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 34 #59 August 3, 2007 QuoteYou need to delete your post, then go re-read the forum rules. Joke or not, that doesn't fly here. Nope... pedophile-sounding jokes will get deleted if you don't do it fast enough."Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mnealtx 0 #60 August 3, 2007 QuoteQuoteYou need to delete your post, then go re-read the forum rules. Joke or not, that doesn't fly here. Nope... pedophile-sounding jokes will get deleted if you don't do it fast enough. Yeah - that was my point...he needs to do it before a mod does it for him.Mike I love you, Shannon and Jim. POPS 9708 , SCR 14706 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gonzalesna 0 #61 August 3, 2007 What do you call a woman with 1 black eye? A Quick learnerSome people refrain from beating a dead horse. Personally, I find a myriad of entertainment value when beating it until it becomes a horse-smoothie. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RB_Hammer 0 #62 August 3, 2007 Q. Why do farts smell? A. so deaf people can appreciacte them to."I'm not lost. I don't know where I'm going, but there's no sense in being late." Mathew Quigley Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
normiss 622 #63 August 3, 2007 some will ... others....not so much Q: How can you tell when your chick is too fat to fuck? A: When you pull her panties down to her knees, and her pussy is still in them. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
juanesky 0 #64 August 3, 2007 It was the first time they had flown together, and it was obvious by their silence that they didn't get along. After 30 minutes, the Captain finally spoke. He said, "I don't like Chinese." The First Officer replied, "Ooooh, no like Chinese? Why that?" The Captain said, "You bombed Pearl Harbour. That's why I don't like Chinese." The First Officer said, "Nooooo, noooo ... Chinese not bomb Pearl Harbour. That JAPANESE, not Chinese." And the Captain answered, "Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese ... it doesn't matter. They're all alike." Another 30 minutes of silence. Finally the First Officer said, "No like Jew." The Captain replied, "Why not? Why don't you like Jews?" "Jews sink Titanic." The Captain tried to correct him, "No, no. The Jews didn't sink the Titanic, it was an iceberg." "Iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg, Spielberg ... no mattah ... all same.""According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
juanesky 0 #65 August 3, 2007 A ventriloquist walked up to an Indian and said "I'll bet I can make your horse talk." Indian: "Horse no talk" Ventriloquist: "Sure watch this. Hi horse. How does you master treat you?" Horse: "Oh, he is good to me. He gives me food, water and he keeps me out of the sun." Ventriloquist: "I'll bet I can make you dog talk." Indian: "Dog no talk." Ventriloquist: "Sure watch this. Dog, how are you? Does your master treat you good?" Dog: "Oh! He treats me good. He gives me food, water and he plays ball with me." Ventriloquist: "I'll bet I can make your sheep talk." Indian: "Sheep Lie! Sheep Lie!""According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
headoverheels 291 #66 August 3, 2007 How many i's in Mississippi? Let's wait 'till they dredge the river to find out. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
headoverheels 291 #67 August 3, 2007 How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry her. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sharimcm 0 #68 August 3, 2007 Quote How many i's in Mississippi? Let's wait 'till they dredge the river to find out. For some reason this joke reminds me of one I heard years ago after the Challenger explosion... Q: What color was Christa McAuliffe's eyes? A: Blue... One blue (blew) this way, and one blew that way. "I had a dude tip his black cowboy hat to me after I provided him with a condom outside my hotel room at 3-something in the morning." -myself Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
headoverheels 291 #69 August 3, 2007 Quote For some reason this joke reminds me of one I heard years ago after the Challenger explosion... Q: What color was Christa McAuliffe's eyes? A: Blue... One blue (blew) this way, and one blew that way. Well if you wanna get started on that one: Q: What is Christa McAuliffe's husband doing on vacation? A: Seaching the beach in florida for a piece of ass. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
waltappel 1 #70 August 3, 2007 This was one of my favorites at the time of the Challenger accident: Q: Why do they drink Sprite at NASA? A: 'Cuz they couldn't get seven up. Walt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sharimcm 0 #71 August 3, 2007 I'm sorry for saying this, but that made me laugh... "I had a dude tip his black cowboy hat to me after I provided him with a condom outside my hotel room at 3-something in the morning." -myself Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 6 #72 August 3, 2007 Quote This was one of my favorites at the time of the Challenger accident: Q: Why do they drink Sprite at NASA? A: 'Cuz they couldn't get seven up. Walt ....the last thing heard on the cockpit recorder: What's THIS button do? ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
waltappel 1 #73 August 3, 2007 Q: What did the note say that Christa McCauliffe left on the refrigerator for her husband? A: You feed the dogs, I'll feed the fish. Walt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
waltappel 1 #74 August 3, 2007 Quote I'm sorry for saying this, but that made me laugh... You sick, sick woman.Walt Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sharimcm 0 #75 August 3, 2007 Quote Quote I'm sorry for saying this, but that made me laugh... You sick, sick woman.Walt Yes, that may be true, but at least *I* don't hug dead corpses... BTW, I love you Walt. "I had a dude tip his black cowboy hat to me after I provided him with a condom outside my hotel room at 3-something in the morning." -myself Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
