Tasteless jokes, please

[waltappel 1]

It's been a while since I've heard any good tasteless jokes. I'll get things started with one I heard at the DZ this past weekend:

Q: What does a blind kid get for Christmas?
A: Cancer!

Tasteless for sure.

Walt

[normiss 622]

Q: whatdya call an anorexic woman with a yeast infection?

A: quarter pounder with cheese......

[ACMESkydiver 0]

You need help being more tasteless?

I KNEW there was a reason for the boards going down yesterday! HELL is freezing over!

~Jaye
Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action.

[bluepill 0]

Q: What's blue and doesn't fit?
A: A dead epileptic !


BP

[waltappel 1]

Quote

You need help being more tasteless?

I KNEW there was a reason for the boards going down yesterday! HELL is freezing over!

You may have a point.

After reading that you immediately thought of me when you saw feces splattered on a wall and ceiling, I felt very touched. The feeling that I have inspired someone to truly reach outside of themself and expand their creativity and self-expression almost brought tears of joy to my eyes.

It could be that my mission here is complete. Of course that's not going to stop me, though.

Walt

[normiss 622]

Q: What has four arms and four legs and never works out?
A: Marriage.

Q: Why is the space between a woman's breasts and vagina called
a waist?
A: Because you could put another pair of breasts there.

Q: What's DNA stand for?
A: National Dyslexics Association.

Q: What do you call a guy with no arms no legs under your car?
A: Jack.

Q: What defines the difference between a wino and a wine connoisseur?
A: A connoisseur wants wine to taste good going down; a wino want wine to
taste good coming up.

[waltappel 1]

Quote

Q: What's DNA stand for?
A: National Dyslexics Association.

It took me a moment to get that one.

Walt

[bluepill 0]

Q: What do you do if you find an epileptic having a fit in your bath?
A: Chuck in your dirty washing....and a little powder !

Q: What's pink and taps on the window?
A: A baby in a microwave!

Two blokes in a bar, one says the other "Your round".
the other replies "so are you, you fat bastard!".

BP

[stratostar 5]

One you may have missed from sometime back

you can't pay for kids schoolin' with love of skydiving! ~ Airtwardo

[funkcanna 0]

Q: Whats orange and blue and lies at the bottom of a swimming pool?
A: A baby with a burst armband

Q: Whats hairy and cant get through doorways?
A: A dog with a javelin in its neck

Q: What do you call a guy with no arms and legs on the beach when the tide is coming in?
A: Fucked

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and legs having a swim?
A: Bob

Chat up line...
GUY: Hey, I think I know your father. Whats his name?
GIRL: Jack, why?
GUY: I think I raped him in prison

To know requires proof
To believe requires evidence
To have faith requires neither.
If you stick with that, we'll never be confused again

[BillyVance 34]

Quote

One you may have missed from sometime back

Classic!!!!

Okay here's an oldie... I posted this a long while back...

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[Andrewwhyte 1]

Quote

Q: Whats hairy and cant get through doorways?
A: A dog with a javelin in its neck

Speaking of javelins http://www.vidmax.com/index.php/videos/view/2714

[gjhdiver 0]

What's pink, twelve inches long, and can make a woman scream all night ?

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

[funkcanna 0]

Quote

What's pink, twelve inches long, and can make a woman scream all night ?

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

And we have our winner! ROFL!

To know requires proof
To believe requires evidence
To have faith requires neither.
If you stick with that, we'll never be confused again

[sriddy 0]

Q: What is black and blue and hates sex?




A: A rape victim.

[shropshire 0]

A leper walked into a bar and sat down. The bartender glanced over and promptly threw up all over himself and the floor.

The leper looked hurt and said, "Hey, I know I'm not exactly handsome, but I do have feelings and you could be a little sensitive about them."

The bartender, wiping his mouth on his sleeve, looked up and proclaimed, "I'm sorry as hell man, but it wasn't you. That guy sitting next to you keeps dipping his scratchings in your neck."

(.)Y(.)
Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome

[shropshire 0]

Two sanitary pads were floating down a sewer drain, and were approaching two tampons. Before the pads and tampons reached each other, one pad said to the other,

"Should we say hi to those 2 tampons?"

The other pad responded, "Err... nah... they're stuck up cunts."

(.)Y(.)
Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome

[headoverheels 291]

How do you make 5 pounds of fat attractive?

Put a nipple on it.



A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend, "you won't believe what happened. I was taking a short cut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to it. I untied her, and then we had sex over and over again, all the positions, everything."

His friend replies, "That's great! Did you get a blow job?"

"No, I never found her head!!!"

[normiss 622]

Q: What is the best thing about dating a "homeless" woman?
A: You can drop her off anywhere.

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a man answered his door to find two grim-faced State Troopers.
"We're sorry sir, but we have some information about your wife," said one trooper.
One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"
Fearing the worst, the man said, "Give me the bad news first."
The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in the Bay."
"Oh my God!" he exclaimed. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"
The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty- five pound king crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to her."
Stunned, the man demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"
The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow."

[Thanatos340 1]

Q. How can you tell a Blonde is having a really bad day??




A. She has a Tampon behind her ear and cant find her pencil.

[headoverheels 291]

A blonde was admitted into hospital for having phone sex. Doctors removed 2 Nokias, 1 Samsung, 2 Motorolas, but no Siemens were found.

[normiss 622]

John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted.
Bob, the owner, had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last.
Just then a man came in coughing and he asked John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering
Bob's warning he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once. The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned
against a lamp post.
Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had transpired.
"He wanted something for his cough but I couldn't find the cough syrup. I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once," John explained.
"Ex-Lax won't cure a cough" Bob shouted angrily.
"Sure it will" John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post.
"Look at him. He's afraid to cough."

[Lastchance 0]

Q: What's easier to hang, Jesus or a picture of Jesus?
A: A picture, It only takes one nail.

Yea, I'm going to hell for that one.

I may be getting old but I got to see all the cool bands.

[headoverheels 291]

Quote

Yea, I'm going to hell for that one.

Yes, because it wasn't funny.



Hear about the whore who had an appendectomy?

The doctor sewed up the wrong hole, so now she's making money on the side.

[stratostar 5]

I heard this one told by a woman trucker on the CB about 2 am.

Q. Do you know why do women douche?

Male truckers, NO why?

A.They haven't trained it to go, Hock-tooie (spit sound in mic)

you can't pay for kids schoolin' with love of skydiving! ~ Airtwardo