What You Said vs. What You WANTED to Say

[ACMESkydiver 0]

I'm 19 and trapped in a car that is mangled around me from being hit head on when a paramedic that I happened to go to high school with pries the door open, "Hey Jennifer, how's it going?" he asks.
What I said, "Hey Travis. Not too good buddy; you're strapping me onto a back board."
What I wanted to say, "Hey Travis. I'm ok with this bondage thing if you are. Hey where's your brother Jon? He was freaking hot in high school, too. I hope he's waiting in the ambulance."

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"Look! Look how big I got, you can see the baby!" (woman thrusting obese belly out at me)
What I said, "Wow, that was quick!"
What I wanted to say, "You are 14 weeks pregnant. The baby is the size of a cherry pit. Unless you've got about 7 in there, you're just overweight."

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Same woman..."She's just itching her [referring to her 3 yr old] hair because it's dirty."
What I said, "3 year olds are messy."
What I wanted to say, "Don't bring your lice-infested kid back over to my house."
Same woman () "I just don't have the energy to get up and bother picking this place up. You know how it is when you're pregnant."
What I said, "Yeah."
What I wanted to say, "You don't have a job. Your husband doesn't have a job. You live with your grandma for her social security, you get money from his grandma because she's wealthy...yeah, I can see where it would be tough to help around the house."

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Same woman...pointing to little scratch on daughter's cheek, "That's what my neighbor called CPS on me for. Can you believe that? Honey, tell Miss Jaye how you got the scratch."
3 yr old, "Daddy hit me."
Woman, "No honey...she makes stories up...tell Miss Jaye that the kitty scratched you."
3 yr old, "Kitty scratched me face." What I said:
What I wanted to say:

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I'm 19 years old...cop pulls me over on Ft. Lewis, "Can I see your license and registration?"
What I said, "Yes sargeant."
What I wanted to say, "Can I get you anything else with that, you f*cking donut-swilling pig of a human?" -Jaye looks up, then reconsiders her 'wanted to say'; "...I've been a bad girl. What time do you get off shift, law-man?"

What are yours?

~Jaye
Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action.

[GrabGrass 0]

Having dinner a few months ago, I meant to say "Please pass the butter."

What I said was, "You ruined my life you fuckin' bitch."

~ "Pack Fast, Pull Low... and Date Your Riggers WIFE!" ~

[livendive 8]

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I'm 19 and trapped in a car that is mangled around me from being hit head on when a paramedic that I happened to go to high school with pries the door open, "Hey Jennifer, how's it going?" he asks.
What I said, "Hey Travis. Not too good buddy; you're strapping me onto a back board."

We're one day from the Russian fishing grounds where we've speculatively bought the rights to catch 2 million pounds of halibut...that we're only guessing are there. I'm picking up bait off the deck and turn/kneel to catch my balance when the boat tips oddly...right onto a bait machete. It enters just below my kneecap at an upward angle and lodges in my femur...I'm stuck. I muttered something along the lines of "sonofabitch!" and a guy walks around the hatch, looks down, sees the situation, and asks, "So, uh, are you ok?" What I said was "FUCK NO I'M NOT OK! I'M STUCK ON A FUCKING KNIFE!" What I wanted to say was, well, that, plus something about how this trip was now going to officially suck, as we each work for a percentage of the catch that directly correlates to how much of the work we accomplished, as determined by a vote when the trip is over.

I ended up getting a full share on that 19 day trip, despite no antibiotics or sutures and a well-developed bone infection.

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[ryoder 1,382]

That's why I love to watch "House M.D.".
Regardless of the consequences, he always says what he thinks, instead of what would be socially acceptable.

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[airtwardo 6]

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That's why I love to watch "House M.D.".
Regardless of the consequences, he always says what he thinks, instead of what would be socially acceptable.

EVERYBODY lies!

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[Squeak 17]

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EVERYBODY lies!

I don't lie, I never lie

You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky)
My Life ROCKS!
How's yours doing?

[kbordson 8]

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That's why I love to watch "House M.D.".
Regardless of the consequences, he always says what he thinks, instead of what would be socially acceptable.

EVERYBODY lies!

But WHY???!!!! Is it cuz they don't trust the doctor? Is it cuz they don't think it's any of our business that she's doing crack despite being 35weeks pregnant (and now having severe abdominal pain and large amount of vaginal bleeding)? Is it cuz they don't know the answer?

They might not WANT to lie....

House is very relieving to watch and dream of what I wish I could say... but I would feel SO HORRIDLY guilty if I treated anyone that callously.

[skydiver30960 0]

I've heard SO many doctors say that.

I'm an RN, and I share your pain. House= da bomb.

Elvisio "tell me another one" Rodriguez

[ryoder 1,382]

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House is very relieving to watch and dream of what I wish I could say... but I would feel SO HORRIDLY guilty if I treated anyone that callously.

But sometimes it is just nuggets of wisdom that everyone knows, but won't admit. Example:

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Dudes don't go to plays...unless they are dragged there by a woman they want to see naked.

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[ACMESkydiver 0]

Dang it...i replied to your post and it didn't post!

Anyhoo, I was saying that you could be on 'Deadliest Catch'!

Gyad I love that show....but I - don't - know - why.

~Jaye
Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action.

[kbordson 8]

I was 19 or 20, working for the Red Cross. Asking all kinds of personal questions to potential donors.... Noting a REALLY cute guy... Asking "Have you ever received money or drugs for sex?" Wanting to ask "Would you WANT to receive money for sex?"

[jm951 0]

I was center ref on a U14 Classic soccer match recently. After the match big redneck dad begins to read me off about giving his boy a pointed lecture about his behavior on the pitch. I look at the guy, smile and walk off with a "have a nice day sir" while the entire referee crew is laughing their backsides off. So what happened and what did I really want to say?

His boy committed a holding foul that his dad couldn't see. He grabbed the other player's uniform, expecting to get a hand full of shorts, but got a hand full of the other player's crotch. Both players were equally stunned (these were 13 year old boys) by what was grabbed and who had a hold of it and the look on both their faces was, as they say, priceless. Talk about two deer in headlights.

What did I really want to say to redneck dad? "I'm sorry sir but your son's inbred homosexual tendencies will not be tolerated on the pitch, keep it back in the trailer park"

[2fat2fly 0]

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"Have you ever received money or drugs for sex?"

My standard answer "In some form or fashion-every damn time."

I am not the man. But the man knows my name...and he's worried

[wildcard451 0]

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House is very relieving to watch and dream of what I wish I could say... but I would feel SO HORRIDLY guilty if I treated anyone that callously.

I wouldn't.

[Broke 0]

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But WHY???!!!! Is it cuz they don't trust the doctor? Is it cuz they don't think it's any of our business that she's doing crack despite being 35weeks pregnant (and now having severe abdominal pain and large amount of vaginal bleeding)? Is it cuz they don't know the answer?

And then they name you on a lawsuit because their baby is fucked up. People piss me off. I feel sorry for what Ob/Gyns have to go through now

Divot your source for all things Hillbilly.
Anvil Brother 84
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