Wanted: Cabana Boy(s)

[Hausse 0]

1. expert in massage therapy

Maybe not expert but at least proficency

2. able to choose good wine and whiskey and pour it if I need WITHOUT comment

No problems here...

3. understands that whatever I wear, I look good, and NOTHING makes my ass look fat, not even my ass (this is the only time I will ever need him to lie)

That's common sense

4. excellent non-sexual cuddlenapper

Sure

5. complete hugslut

Another sure

6. extradordinarily attractive and well-built

Noooooo problem

7. good cook and must be willing to grill for me and and fix foofoo girly drinks even sometimes also for my incredibly gorgeous friends

I love steak and I know how to fix it

8. excellent sun lotion application skills

Goes hand in hand with number 1

9. tandem instructor or aff instructor and/or packer/ rigger preferrable

Unfortunately I get kind of stuck here but I can pack and I'm european so I kind of deserve a bonus

10. able to warm my heatsucking booty on occasion, especially on camping trips and when it snows

I'm always hot

11. Able to let me watch my damn Steelers game and STFU... even when his team wins and the Steelers don

Nooooooo interest in football here so that ain't gonna be a problem either.

Now where do I get my date?

[swedishcelt 0]

PM or reply with attached photo first please.

Edited because other girls want to see and might be interested in your application if I'm not.

[dbattman 0]

Sorry, you'll have to pack your own rig. That's just plain whipped.

[swedishcelt 0]

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Sorry, you'll have to pack your own rig. That's just plain whipped.

Well, will you at least teach me how properly? And provide refreshments after?What WAS I thinking?


What part of "cabana boy" did you not understand??

[jumpoutnow 0]

I guess I could pretend to be a priest.........and I did say pretend!

People are crazy. Cuz there's more of 'em.

[airtwardo 7]

um....the" / "goes IN FRONT of the "s" not behind it...you DO need a cabana boy!

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[swedishcelt 0]

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um....the" / "goes IN FRONT of the "s" not behind it...you DO need a cabana boy!

Thank you.

[JohnMitchell 16]

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Sorry, you'll have to pack your own rig. That's just plain whipped.

I pack for Vskydiver. It's worth it, trust me.

[lawrocket 3]

1. expert in massage therapy - nope, bit I can get insurance for the damage I cause you2. able to choose good wine and whiskey and pour it if I need WITHOUT comment - what about when I get a fine bottle of deLoach OFS and comment, "You think your wine is good? Try this..."
3. understands that whatever I wear, I look good, and NOTHING makes my ass look fat, not even my ass (this is the only time I will ever need him to lie) - what abotu if you wear nothing?
4. excellent non-sexual cuddlenapper - nonsexual cuddlenapper? - My wife will vouch for me.
5. complete hugslut - hug-SKANK
6. extradordinarily attractive and well-built - dammit.
7. good cook and must be willing to grill for me and and fix foofoo girly drinks even sometimes also for my incredibly gorgeous friends - get your gorgeous friends drunk?8. excellent sun lotion application skills - I use spray bottles!
9. tandem instructor or aff instructor and/or packer/ rigger preferrable - dammit...
10. able to warm my heatsucking booty on occasion, especially on camping trips and when it snows - dammit. I spent enough time living in a swamp for uncle sam. Camping ain't my game,.

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[drdive 0]

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Yeah - 6 and 9 are keeping me out as well . . . .

Hmmm - 6&9

Well if 69 is all that is keeping me out of the running . . ..

Can I get a waiver?

Yeah sure turtle, and you are saying you can handle # 4??

Liar Liar

"We saved your gear. Now you can sell it when you get out of the hospital and upsize!!" "K-Dub"

"

[dbattman 0]

So I get to have my body heat sucked out and pack?


Ehh, well maybe I'll think about it.

[stitch 0]

We don't have cabanas in Twin Falls.



Or stupid Pro foosball.

"No cookies for you"- GFD
"I don't think I like the sound of that" ~ MB65
Don't be a "Racer Hater"

[spiccoli 0]

good luck. i havnt come accross too many homosexuals in skydiving.

then again maybe skydiving just employees the dont ask dont tell policy, or i havnt been around long enough and my gaydar is broke.

we need to talk about your flare..

[warpedskydiver 0]

I will do none of the above, now bend over.

[Squeak 17]

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good luck. i havnt come accross too many homosexuals in skydiving.

then again maybe skydiving just employees the dont ask dont tell policy, or i havnt been around long enough and my gaydar is broke.

you gaydar IS broken there;s loads of rainbow skydivers.

You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky)
My Life ROCKS!
How's yours doing?

[vpozzoli 0]

Let's see:

1. expert in massage therapy

Is that what people call it nowadays?

2. able to choose good wine and whiskey and pour it if I need WITHOUT comment

I'm Italian, 'nuff said. And I I've been to Scotland once, so I guess that's covered too.

3. understands that whatever I wear, I look good, and NOTHING makes my ass look fat, not even my ass (this is the only time I will ever need him to lie)

I'm not really a good liar, but in life-or-death situations I become a pro. Since this is clearly a life-or-death kind of thing, that should be no problem either.

4. excellent non-sexual cuddlenapper

After all the wine and the Scotch, I guess there won't be much else left to do.

5. complete hugslut

Check

6. extradordinarily attractive and well-built

Have pectorals, will travel is my motto

7. good cook and must be willing to grill for me and and fix foofoo girly drinks even sometimes also for my incredibly gorgeous friends

If you like genuine Italian cuisine, that's covered too. As for the gorgeous (lady)friends, bring them on!

8. excellent sun lotion application skills

You called? [mischievous smirk]

9. tandem instructor or aff instructor and/or packer/ rigger preferrable

I've always packed for myself, so I guess packing an extra rig should be no problem

10. able to warm my heatsucking booty on occasion, especially on camping trips and when it snows

Presenting you with the Human Furnace! Although sex is usually required to start it up, I hope that's not too much of a problem for you.

11. Able to let me watch my damn Steelers game and STFU... even when his team wins and the Steelers don't.

What's a Steeler?

12. Not currently married or separated.

I've been separated longer than I've been married, maybe we could arrange for a waiver?

So, do I qualify?

Vale

[johndh1 0]

I'm well-qualified for everything except for TI/AFFI/Rigger...but I certainly make up for it otherwise

My only request is an occasional slap on the ass as I am leaving from bringing you ladies your drinks...but don't break a nail.

Roll Tide Roll

[turtlespeed 212]

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Yeah - 6 and 9 are keeping me out as well . . . .

Hmmm - 6&9

Well if 69 is all that is keeping me out of the running . . ..

Can I get a waiver?

Yeah sure turtle, and you are saying you can handle # 4??

Liar Liar

I have references.

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[airtwardo 7]

Quote

Quote

Quote

Yeah - 6 and 9 are keeping me out as well . . . .

Hmmm - 6&9

Well if 69 is all that is keeping me out of the running . . ..

Can I get a waiver?

Yeah sure turtle, and you are saying you can handle # 4??

Liar Liar

I have references.

Shane doesn't count!

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[turtlespeed 212]

Quote

Quote

Quote

Quote

Yeah - 6 and 9 are keeping me out as well . . . .

Hmmm - 6&9

Well if 69 is all that is keeping me out of the running . . ..

Can I get a waiver?

Yeah sure turtle, and you are saying you can handle # 4??

Liar Liar

I have references.

Shane doesn't count!

I have REAL references.

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[gonzalesna 0]

Looks like it's not quite the job for me...

I did'nt make #6, #9, or #11

Some people refrain from beating a dead horse. Personally, I find a myriad of entertainment value when beating it until it becomes a horse-smoothie.

[tigra 0]

OK, *most* of your list makes sense, but why Tandem Master or AFF Instructor? Not knocking either, but I don't see how they would make better cabana boys- they're probably too busy at the DZ on weekends to take care of your other requirements!

[pop 0]

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I have an opening for a cabana boy.

Must have the following qualifications:
1. expert in massage therapy
2. able to choose good wine and whiskey and pour it if I need WITHOUT comment
3. understands that whatever I wear, I look good, and NOTHING makes my ass look fat, not even my ass (this is the only time I will ever need him to lie)
4. excellent non-sexual cuddlenapper
5. complete hugslut
6. extradordinarily attractive and well-built
7. good cook and must be willing to grill for me and and fix foofoo girly drinks even sometimes also for my incredibly gorgeous friends
8. excellent sun lotion application skills
9. tandem instructor or aff instructor and/or packer/ rigger preferrable
10. able to warm my heatsucking booty on occasion, especially on camping trips and when it snows


What did I forget?

I am a professional Cabana Boy. You may contact Skydive Aggieland for references.

7 ounce wonders, music and dogs that are not into beer

[turtlespeed 212]

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I am a professional Cabana Boy. You may contact Skydive Aggieland for references.

I have seen his membership card.

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[selbbub78 0]

find 2!!! Then i can have one

CReW Skies,
bubbles

"Women fake orgasms - men fake whole relationships" – Sharon Stone
"The world is my dropzone" (wise crewdog quote)
"The light dims, until full darkness pierces into the world."-KDM