swedishcelt 0 #1 October 17, 2007 I have an opening for a cabana boy. Must have the following qualifications: 1. expert in massage therapy 2. able to choose good wine and whiskey and pour it if I need WITHOUT comment 3. understands that whatever I wear, I look good, and NOTHING makes my ass look fat, not even my ass (this is the only time I will ever need him to lie) 4. excellent non-sexual cuddlenapper 5. complete hugslut 6. extradordinarily attractive and well-built 7. good cook and must be willing to grill for me and and fix foofoo girly drinks even sometimes also for my incredibly gorgeous friends 8. excellent sun lotion application skills 9. tandem instructor or aff instructor and/or packer/ rigger preferrable 10. able to warm my heatsucking booty on occasion, especially on camping trips and when it snows What did I forget? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
swedishcelt 0 #2 October 17, 2007 Oh yeah: 11. Able to let me watch my damn Steelers game and STFU... even when his team wins and the Steelers don't. 12. Not currently married or separated. The last cabana had 1 through 10 in the bag, though I never had to test 11. I'm not sure he would be able to handle that, that's been a hard one. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Thanatos340 1 #3 October 17, 2007 I got all the way to #6 before I was not qualified. (Missed #9 too.) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
peregrinerose 0 #4 October 17, 2007 Wow... my cabana boy has all 11 qualifications. And like you, the Steelers are pretty damn important to me... the only reason I met mine is because he had a Steelers shirt on Do or do not, there is no try -Yoda Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
swedishcelt 0 #5 October 17, 2007 I edited it a little on that one. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 6 #6 October 17, 2007 2 for 11....I bet that's not real good huh? ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 212 #7 October 17, 2007 Yeah - 6 and 9 are keeping me out as well . . . . Hmmm - 6&9 Well if 69 is all that is keeping me out of the running . . .. Can I get a waiver?I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
swedishcelt 0 #8 October 17, 2007 I call BS on you being able to handle # 11. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
newbloomer 0 #9 October 17, 2007 Wow! I want to come to your party! Can you get a whole staff of them to help with the entertainment. Man I could use a good...."not all grief is bad grief, just ask Charlie Brown" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 212 #10 October 17, 2007 QuoteI call BS on you being able to handle # 11. Why?I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 6 #11 October 17, 2007 Quote Quote I call BS on you being able to handle # 11. Why? Cause she knows no 'real man' can watch the Steelers without laughing! ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 212 #12 October 17, 2007 Quote Quote Quote I call BS on you being able to handle # 11. Why? Cause she knows no 'real man' can watch the Steelers without laughing! Ohhhhh.I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Squeak 17 #13 October 17, 2007 Idont qualify for 6 but i'm working on 9 and 11 is a snap for me Can i substitute "inteligent conversation skills" (and common professional interests) in place of 6 You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky) My Life ROCKS! How's yours doing? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
swedishcelt 0 #14 October 17, 2007 Nah. That's not it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
swedishcelt 0 #15 October 17, 2007 Quote Wow... my cabana boy has all 11 qualifications. And like you, the Steelers are pretty damn important to me... the only reason I met mine is because he had a Steelers shirt on Wow. You're a darn lucky woman! Does he have a single brother? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jumpoutnow 0 #16 October 17, 2007 I have everything covered except for #4. (I can't do the non-sexual thing.) And a waiver on #9 because I think a good turbine skydive pilot fits the category.People are crazy. Cuz there's more of 'em. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
swedishcelt 0 #17 October 17, 2007 QuoteYeah - 6 and 9 are keeping me out as well . . . . Hmmm - 6&9 Well if 69 is all that is keeping me out of the running . . .. Can I get a waiver?I thought about it for awhile and yes, temporary waivers are okay. I have to get the approval of my ex cabana boy however... he still looks out for me. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
diablopilot 2 #18 October 17, 2007 Ya lost me on #10. I don't camp, and you can keep your cold butt away from me, thankyouverymuch. ---------------------------------------------- You're not as good as you think you are. Seriously. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
swedishcelt 0 #19 October 17, 2007 QuoteI have everything covered except for #4. (I can't do the non-sexual thing.) And a waiver on #9 because I think a good turbine skydive pilot fits the category. Hmm. Yes, pilot's qualify for waivers on # 9. That's completely acceptable. And if he can instruct PPL at least that's enough to make me think about #4. I would need a photo and to pass it through my employer (I'm a nun afterall) and my ex cabana boy of course. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bolas 5 #20 October 17, 2007 I'm going with the standard job posting theory that what they want and what they get don't always add up. So... Must have the following qualifications: 1. expert in massage therapy * Able to give good massages 2. able to choose good wine and whiskey and pour it if I need WITHOUT comment * Good whiskey knowledge. 3. understands that whatever I wear, I look good, and NOTHING makes my ass look fat, not even my ass (this is the only time I will ever need him to lie) * Excellent experience with superficial compliments about clothing and physical characteristics.. 4. excellent non-sexual cuddlenapper * Good with both spoons. 5. complete hugslut * Give great hugs and lots of them (see apollard for recent references) 6. extradordinarily attractive and well-built * Can clean up reasonably well 7. good cook and must be willing to grill for me and and fix foofoo girly drinks even sometimes also for my incredibly gorgeous friends * Can create 1 dish casseroles and custom drinks for any tastes. Will treat friends with respect but will always out my lady first. 8. excellent sun lotion application skills * Lotion application/massage experience. 9. tandem instructor or aff instructor and/or packer/ rigger preferrable * Have camera flying experience. 10. able to warm my heatsucking booty on occasion, especially on camping trips and when it snows * Certified human heater. 11. Able to let me watch my damn Steelers game and STFU... even when his team wins and the Steelers don't. * Don't have a team, could care less about the foosball. Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
swedishcelt 0 #21 October 17, 2007 Quote Ya lost me on #10. I don't camp, and you can keep your cold butt away from me, thankyouverymuch. Too bad then, my butt's just part of my package. It goes where I go. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airtwardo 6 #22 October 17, 2007 http://www.vplanet.org/2006/iw/thiw080606c.htm ~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
diablopilot 2 #23 October 17, 2007 BTW you didn't mention what the salary/benefits package entailed. ---------------------------------------------- You're not as good as you think you are. Seriously. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
swedishcelt 0 #24 October 17, 2007 That's funny! Maybe I should advertise on craigslist instead? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
swedishcelt 0 #25 October 17, 2007 Quote BTW you didn't mention what the salary/benefits package entailed. Damn, I was hoping none of you would notice that! LMAO. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
