So very angry... (LONG RANT)

[mamajumps 0]

I have been told by friends time and time again to not air out my issues here... but i have to get it off my chest and dont have any other outlet to do that with so here it goes...

As most of you know, I am in school to be an EMT. I go to class twice a night (M,W) and my aunt and uncle who live next too me keep my kids for those nights. To date, they are the only ones on the paternal side of my family that have helped me at all. My dad & step-mom absolutely will not do anything to help me, no matter what it is, they will do nothing. I feel like it is becuase I was a hellion teenager, but even that compared to some of the shit todays teens pull, I was an angel. The worst thing I did was run away b/c my home life was shit. My little sister who did stuff equivalent to what I did gets help from them all the time. She has moved in and out many times and was recently living there with her 38 yro bf (she is 25). They would let me and my kids live on the streets b4 ever lifting a finger to help us. Once I turned 21, I have been completely self-suficient, at 22 I got married and while I was pregnant (2 times) I earned a degree from from Texas Tech. I have always found a way to do for myself. However, now I desperatly need the help from my family. In order to graduate, I have to do 80 hrs on the ambulance, 16 hrs in the ER and 4 hrs in a nursing home, seperate from class time. I would hire a baby-sitter if I could, but as a single mom with one income, my finances are already stretched way beyond their means. I don't go out, and I don't party around my kids. In the past year I escaped to one boogie alone (Hog Flop) but hired a babysitter for the weekend and I worked overtime so I could pay her. I get so depressed when I see other families who are close, and mine is except where I am concerned. I am only going thru school so that I can be sure to be self suficient and make enough to care for kids. Now my maternal family on the other hand is another story, but they are in Indiana. I have given serious thought to moving there, but I know when my grandma passes, my mom and step-dad will be coming back down here to live. I am crying-punching things mad right now. I just dont understand. If I was a dead-beat mom who wouldnt work and did nothing to care for her kids, I could almost understand this black-balling, but nothing could be further from the truth. Thanks for reading my rant....

[Nightingale 0]

Some people succeed because of their families... others succeed in spite of them. If you can't rely on them for a support network, work with your fellow students and create one. Do any other people in your EMT classes have kids? Maybe you could take turns watching each other's kids so you each have time to do your hours.

[iluvtofly 0]

That really sucks. I know how hard it is when you don't have anyone around to help. I live in Pennsylvania and all of my family lives in Atlanta (they moved down there while I was in college). I know just how tough the EMT thing is (although it sounds like your class has much tougher requirements then mine did). I wish you all the luck in the world. I'm sure you'll find some way to do it. It sounds to me like you're one touch chick.

[popsjumper 2]

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That really sucks. I know how hard it is when you don't have anyone around to help. I live in Pennsylvania and all of my family lives in Atlanta (they moved down there while I was in college)...

At least your left a forwarding address.

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[popsjumper 2]

So where are you?

I'm sure the skydiving community would be willing to help you out in some way...just let everybody know where you are so the locals can help.

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[tigra 0]

Your children still have a father, correct? Where is he and why isn't he helping? He should want to spend time with his kids and he should want you to become more self sufficient and independent. I think you are ranting against the wrong people, but that's just my opinion.

[mamajumps 0]

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So where are you?

I'm sure the skydiving community would be willing to help you out in some way...just let everybody know where you are so the locals can help.

I am in Central Florida... But I feel very guilty asking friends to keep my kids when I can't pay them. Not too mention for long hours, 8 10 hr shifts on the ambulance, 2 8 hr shifts in the er and 1 4hr at a nursing home. That, I think is too much to ask of friends. But just your mere suggestion made me cry (again)

[skybytch 259]

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If you can't rely on them for a support network, work with your fellow students and create one. Do any other people in your EMT classes have kids? Maybe you could take turns watching each other's kids so you each have time to do your hours.

Yup. And ask your kid's friends parents and people at their schools too.

You do know that EMT's often have to work 24 hour shifts, right? Thinking about the future, you might consider making a room available in your house - maybe offer someone room and board or a rent break in exchange for babysitting.

Imporving your life isn't easy - obstacles will always be thrown in your way. Let them throw you off track and you're sunk. Think outside the box to get around them and keep focusing on your goal and you will make your dream happen.

[mamajumps 0]

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Your children still have a father, correct? Where is he and why isn't he helping? He should want to spend time with his kids and he should want you to become more self sufficient and independent. I think you are ranting against the wrong people, but that's just my opinion.

Their father is working in Mexico right now. He has helped financially, but not lately. Prior to Mexico, he was in Washington and after Mexico I think he is going to PA. Not sure. Right now, he is enjoying the free life on the beaches of Mexico with his GF. He saw the kids for a few days at Christmas. Don't know what his plans are for when he is going to see them again.

[mamajumps 0]

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You do know that EMT's often have to work 24 hour shifts, right? Thinking about the future, you might consider making a room available in your house - maybe offer someone room and board or a rent break in exchange for babysitting.

Yeah, I have already thought about this and am going to offer free room and board (private room) for some one to keep my kids ten days a month. Might be a great opportunity for a jumper even that works at a local DZ (background check passable of course ). All of my kids are in school so it will amount to getting them home from school and to school 10 days a month and I think it worked out to 1 Saturday and Sunday a month.

[Darius11 12]

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I have always found a way to do for myself

Thats why.

When I say I know what you mean I really do. I have an older brother who has had the families support and still lives at home at the age of 37. I have not only been on my own before I was 18 I was even helping my mom out until I was 27 (yea I know I am stupid).

I know how fuckup it feels when they never have money or time to help you out but some how mercilessly they find time and money for others over and over again.

I just think because we can take care of our selves they always assume that we will be fine and the better you are at it the less help you get. Totally unfair I agree and often very frustrating. You might be better off working even harder and just relying on your self. Cutting all ties with them is an option as well (this is something I have not been able to do even if logicly it make sense one way relationship and all that).



I wroth off getting help from anyone a long time ago it has made things easier.

I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain

[Bolas 5]

In the past you have gotten no help from your family, but unless you ask, possibly explaining why you need help, you can't conclusively say they won't help you.

From what you said above, it sounds like they may just have their hands full with your little sister. It sucks, but sometimes parents feel they have to go into "triage mode." In a way it's sort of a compliment that they feel you'll be okay even mostly without their help.

Think of everyone you would trust your kids with. Explain the situation and ask them all. Let them know an EMT that owes you a favor is a good thing.

Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting
If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh.

[psipike02 0]

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I am in Central Florida... But I feel very guilty asking friends to keep my kids when I can't pay them. Not too mention for long hours, 8 10 hr shifts on the ambulance, 2 8 hr shifts in the er and 1 4hr at a nursing home. That, I think is too much to ask of friends. But just your mere suggestion made me cry (again)

Don't cry....there is nothing to cry about. You are doing more for your family than alot of other people, so props to you on that and for thinking of your kids as well too...

Secondly, friends are friends for a reason. They're not just people in our lives that we maybe share some hobby or drink with or talk with. There's more...its a deeper bond and I'm sure you know that. I always felt bad about asking my friends for favors too, but everytime I mustered up the courage to do it, I found that I put more pressure on myself than was necessary.

My friends are still family to me and i know that they would do anything to help me if I needed them to do so and vice versa and I'm sure its the same way.

If they really are your true friends, they'll understand your situation but better yet, understand your how much more difficult your situation would be if they didn't help you and you couldn't complete your class requirements.

Just ask. Just knowing they're helping you achieve your goal will probably be enough instead of money..or at least thats my thinking...

Friends are just siblings that God forgot to give us
If you dont want to ask one friend to watch the entire time, ask a couple of them, where everyone knows and see if they might split the time up of watching them...

Puttin' some stank on it.

----Hellfish #707----

[mamajumps 0]

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In the past you have gotten no help from your family, but unless you ask, possibly explaining why you need help, you can't conclusively say they won't help you.

From what you said above, it sounds like they may just have their hands full with your little sister. It sucks, but sometimes parents feel they have to go into "triage mode." In a way it's sort of a compliment that they feel you'll be okay even mostly without their help.

Think of everyone you would trust your kids with. Explain the situation and ask them all. Let them know an EMT that owes you a favor is a good thing.

I guess you would just have to really know what I am talking about when I say they wont. I have asked in the past. Thats one reason why I didnt end my marriage sooner, is b/c I had no help. Finally he left, and having a place to live wasnt an issue any longer. And Bolas, Im pretty sure I shared some bits about my marriage with you... they wouldnt even help me get out of that.

[BillyVance 34]

Damn.... if I lived a lot closer, within town or the next one over, I would babysit your kids. My kid needs some play pals...

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[mamajumps 0]

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Damn.... if I lived a lot closer, within town or the next one over, I would babysit your kids. My kid needs some play pals...

I can mail them too you.... (JOKE)

[Jewels 0]

What about checking with your church? There might be someone willing to help out, and the youth group might also be able to pitch in to split the time . . . if you trust 'em!

TPM Sister #102

[mamajumps 0]

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What about checking with your church? There might be someone willing to help out, and the youth group might also be able to pitch in to split the time . . . if you trust 'em!

Yeah, due to my own issues, I havent been in church a lot lately, but there are still some that I could maybe ask. Thanks for the idea, I havent been in so long, I didnt even think about that!

[Jewels 0]

Just approach the people you're comfortable with. Maybe they'll be available to help.

TPM Sister #102

[Andy9o8 0]

This doesn't help you immediately, but talk to a Legal Aid lawyer about filing a support petition against the father. Now the fact that he's in Mexico right now is a bit of a problem, because he has to be properly served with the petition in order for the court to consider it. Yes, he can be served in Mexico, but it's harder, and there are resulting issues which I could address, but are better addressed by your own lawyer. Generally, these issues include:
- whether, tactically, you'd want to serve him with the petition now, or wait until he returns to the US;
- if his employer is based in the US, whether that employer can be forced by the court to garnish his wages through its U.S. office, even though he is located in Mexico;
- whether he owns any assets (property, vehicles, bank accounts, etc.) in the U.S. that can be attached and seized to satisfy a court judgment ordering him to pay support.

Contact one of the Florida legal aid providers listed here:

http://www.floridabar.org/tfb/TFBConsum.nsf/0/a949d517a480a5a685256b2f006c5c77
They might be able to provide you with free or very low-cost legal representation, or steer you to another source that will do so.

Best of luck to you.

[chinagirl 0]

I'm sorry your family is not helping you out when you're trying to make a better life for yourself and your children. I was lucky that my family helped me as a teenage Mom...even if they disowned me for a year or so, not that I blame them. They came thru eventually though. Hope yours will too!!!

~Built for Abuse
www.skydivethefarm.com

[kschilk 0]

I hear the FBI will babysit for free, if ya' just let 'em use your phone.

"T'was ever thus."

[aprilcat 0]

I read half of it...and I'm sorry your family won't help..but check this site:
www.grants.gov
You should be able to find something there. There are libraries that you can go in and access the site for free.

Good luck and if I'm sick I want YOU to come pick me up

Camelot II, the Electric Boogaloo!

[Kell.nl 0]

Don't you have any friends/acquaintances with kids that need a babysitter also sometime (Like Nightingale said: people in your EMT class for example)? That way you can "trade" being a babysitter. And even if they don't really need a babysitter, most parents I know don't mind having a day without the kids to do stuff for themselves. That way you can ask someone, and not feel guilty (which I think you shouldn't feel anyway when asking friends )

And sorry for my ignorance, but how much does a babysitter cost anyway? I don't have kids, so I don't know...

[freefalle 0]

Do you have to do you ride time on the weekends or can you do it during the week or maybe on the night shift? Im starting my new job next week, Ill be working Sat, Sun and its either tues or wed for the next 10 weeks, if you can arrange your ride time on my days off Ill come down and watch the kids. How about on Friday nights, Im off then and its not like my social calender is over run right now. Give me a call and we'll work something out. If Dylans off Ill bring him down with me. He had a great time with the boys Im sure he would love to see them again. Hang in there, you can get through this. Don't give up. I know things are tough for you right now and I can relate to your frustration, but let me repeat what someone told me when I was feeling sorry for myself not to long ago "get the fuck over it everybody has problems" You have friends that are here for you, we'll get you through it and when you get done with emt school drag yo ass to fire standards :)


Chuck

8 10 hour shifts on the truck
2 8 hour shifts in the ED
1 4 hour shift at the nursing home
-----------------------------------------
11 days thats not alot.