bigway 4 #1 April 17, 2006 40 THINGS YOU SHOULD'VE LEARNT BY NOW 1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often. 3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car. 4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. 5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. 6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. 7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. 8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. 9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. 10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip. 11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques. 12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good. 13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway. 14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. 15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes. 16. A balanced diet is a biscuit in each hand. 17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places. 18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming. 19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it. 20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on. 21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again. 22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends. 23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy fridge. 24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world. 25. It's not the jeans that make your bum look fat. 26. If you had to identify, in 1 word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, & never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings". 27. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness". 28. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. 29. You should not confuse your career with your life. 30. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. 31. Never lick a steak knife. 32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip. 33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we put the clocks back. 34. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. 35. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven. 36. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers. 37. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. 38. Your friends love you anyway. 39. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic. 40. .Karnage Krew Gear Store . Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mike111 0 #3 April 17, 2006 ive gotta learn that one!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 212 #4 April 17, 2006 Quote41. How to spell Is #40 "Nothing" or am I missing something?I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ccowden 0 #5 April 17, 2006 Maybe he deleted "How to spell" as 40. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wingnut 0 #6 April 17, 2006 i take offence to number 41 chris..... that number doesn't come untill age 85... ______________________________________ "i have no reader's digest version" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GogglesnTeeth 6 #7 April 17, 2006 Maybe #40 is from the good ole HitchHikers guide. "The art of flight is based upon one's ability to throw yourself at the ground, and miss." Not an exact quote, but close enough Goggles and Teeth "You fall like a greased safe!!!" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Vertifly 0 #8 April 17, 2006 Quote27. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness". wonder what that is supposed to mean. ?? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bigway 4 #9 April 17, 2006 Sorry i got it off a site. Not my spelling and not referring to jumping. Number 40. was that the site i go it from was the best. .Karnage Krew Gear Store . Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DeNReN 0 #10 April 17, 2006 Quote31. Never lick a steak knife. One of those things ya know is gona hurt but ya do it anyways Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PLFXpert 0 #11 January 21, 2008 I just got this e-mail forward today. My favorite is #36. Paint me in a corner, but my color comes back. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Baksteen 84 #12 January 21, 2008 Men are from Mars, women are from Venus and I emigrated. "That formation-stuff in freefall is just fun and games but with an open parachute it's starting to sound like, you know, an extreme sport." ~mom Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest #13 January 21, 2008 #37 is profoundly true. Witnessed it firsthand. mh ."The mouse does not know life until it is in the mouth of the cat." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jtval 0 #14 January 21, 2008 #42 When youre fat there are no see-saws. Only catapults.--Dimetri MartinMy photos My Videos Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mikhail 0 #16 January 21, 2008 Quote 27. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness". Priceless. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites