My son might flunk preschool!

[vskydiver 0]

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The best reply so far.......3 years old......come on...I would be very, very upset if my three year old was not a complete tornado!

Thank you! I remember 3 year olds very well. They are trying to be independent but it doesn't work too well yet so it's rather frustrating most of the time. Both for you and them. The more TIME you spend with them the better off everyone will be. The tornado will learn how to behave by watching what you do and doing what you do. That is key.

[ACMESkydiver 0]

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Oh brother! Everyone just needs to calm the heck down. Your son is a boy. Your son is three. Your son is probably tired in the afternoon when they want him to sit still and concentrate, and there's no better way to stay awake than to get up and run around.

We're not all supposed to be perfectly behaved little zombies. Some kids can sit and play with crayons for hours. Others are more rowdy. Stop worrying.

YEP! That's exactly what we were told, too!


And our sons would have been in an institution if we had listened.

It's real easy to tell somebody else to ignore any kind of sign that there may be a developmental issue unfolding when you won't be the one to suffer the consequences if you're wrong.

Like Kris said...at least take the kid to a doctor. More than one if you feel you get the brush off (we did -first doc said just what everyone else here is saying...'nothing to worry about'...'they're just twins'...'boys develop slower'...)

Just personally makes me sick when people will rush a damn puppy into the vet for a cough but not a child for a potential developmental issue they want to ignore and hope he'll 'grow out of'. I see it at least monthly -that is FAR too freaking often from someone that isn't even in the dang medical field. Y'all have no idea how many calls and emails I take from friends, family, friends-of-family, and others to please call their brother or sister-in-law or send an email to an ignorant co-worker that keeps telling people "Johnny is just a different kind of kid. There's nothing wrong with not liking eye contact."

I don't like talking about this. But somebody has got to.

Like I said, I hope with all my heart that it's nothing.

~Jaye
Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action.

[vskydiver 0]

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I don't like talking about this. But somebody has got to.

Like I said, I hope with all my heart that it's nothing.

Kudos Jaye. My sister went through the same thing with her boys. All three are autistic. You really have to stay on top of the developmental charts and if they are behind or something is off, take them in and INSIST on professional testing. Most Dr.s would rather just tell you to wait but if you do and hope they they "grow out of it" it might just be too late.

But if everything is fine, then just spend time with them and play and thank your lucky stars that you have a wonderfully rambunctious child.

[sartre 0]

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It's real easy to tell somebody else to ignore any kind of sign that there may be a developmental issue unfolding when you won't be the one to suffer the consequences if you're wrong.

Wow.

Hmm, don't think I recall doing that. I just recommended not immediately fearing the worst and running through the house screaming "FIRE!"

By all means, let's get the kid checked out. And then calm the heck down.

And I kind of resent your implication that I would be so callous.

[PWScottIV 0]

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So my wife goes to a conference for our 3 year old who's in preschool. The teacher has reservations about how well he's doing. She describes him as a very happy, polite little boy who is full of energy. He is having problems sitting still and paying attention to stories during their second circle time. He doesnt like to write and do the crafts so they are concerned that he might not be able to "graduate" to the next level.

He's going to have to work hard enough when he's older. Let's put things in perspective and realize he's 3 and still thinks farts are the funniest things in the world. Let a kid be a kid for christ sake.

What's the instructor's deal?... I mean your kid is only 3. And regardless of his age, maybe he just doesn't like the teacher's stupid stories and crappy crafts... Maybe he just wants to skydive.

Gravity Waits for No One.

[bigway 4]

My replies were a joke.

You think it shows a level of unstaggering arrogance. Makes me wonder if it is on the same level that shines from the US flag.

.Karnage Krew Gear Store
.

[stitch 0]

So what you're really saying is he's keeping up the family tradition.

"No cookies for you"- GFD
"I don't think I like the sound of that" ~ MB65
Don't be a "Racer Hater"

[Conundrum 1]

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Sorry, I can't be positive in a response to this. He's 3. He should be at home getting one on one time with a parent. Yes, I know I am an ass. That's why I don't have kids.

I 100% agree with you. And I do have a kid.

[gimpboogie 0]

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She describes him as a very happy, polite little boy who is full of energy. He is having problems sitting still and paying attention to stories during their second circle time. He doesnt like to write and do the crafts so they are concerned that he might not be able to "graduate" to the next level.

I do not know you or your family,
having said that all I can do is share my experience from the past with my son (who is now almost 18 and counting the days till he can skydive).

1) as a baby he was VERY HAPPY. never had stranger anxiety or seperation anxiety (I didn't know that was 'odd'-he was my first, i was young and thought he was just outgoing).

2) He had (and still does) incredible balance
-he rode a two wheeler without training wheels at the age of 21 months and did headstands without support wall by age 2.

3) he had an incredible talent for video games (back then mario world came out- for his 2nd birthday and I thought 'who the heck buys a 2 yr old a nintendo?" when his father got it).

The strangest thing i noticed is that IF he stood on his head he could play mario world from the beginning to the end in the first 2 1/2 months of having it 9he was so good the 16 yr olds would stop by and ask if mika was playing and if they could watch asking him to unlock the secret star world).
but I just thought he LIKED to play standing on his head (and actually thought it was quite talented since he could fly starfox like a fighter pilot standing on his head while the tv screen was the right way up-I truly thought it was 'talented'). BUT if he didnt stand on his head he refused to play.. hhmm....

3) then came those wooden todler puzzles with the peg to hold onto the piece you place in the proper place which has the cut out for the appropriate piece. He ALWAYS was trying to put them in upside down (in the correct places i.e. the plane in the plane hole but upside down).
I found that 'odd'.

4) In YMCA "kinderkids" program he didn't participate in group games but preferred to run around, be busy kicking balls or slamming himself into the rubber mats for gymnastics stacked against one wall.I thought perhaps he didnt know how to play with other kids because he was an only child at that point and we didnt have family friends with kids.. no exposure to others i discounted it as.
Then the complaints started pouring in. YMCA staff said i needed to pull my son out of the program because as he would run to slam himself into the mats, if there was another kid in the way he would just 'accidentally' knock that kid over as he went along-truly without noticing he did it. once confronted about it, he would be in tears and insist he didnt hurt anyone and would cry "why do you LIE about me?" (he was VERY articulate at a very early age).

4) I thought physical sports would help. so i put him in soccer. he paid no attention to the game (this was starting age 4 until age 6) and did head stands in the middle of the field. iF he happened to notice the ball, he would run with it like a madman scoring on the nearest net he could get to-regardless of whose net it was.
This by the way happened in hockey also. He would spend most of his time slamming himself into the boards, or scoring on any net including his own. He had great aim just no sense of what was happening around him and didn't seem to care either.

5) Kindergarden (junior and senior) teachers would tell me he refused to sit in the circle during story time, could not use the scissors, could not spell his name even copying it or tracing it! He would get up and wander away when ever he felt like it from the task he was supposed to be doing. Yet he was VERY polite, always was the first to run to someone crying, and try to help. Helped other kids get dressed, and if someone was slow at running he would 'help' by grabbing them my the arm run fast regardless if the kid fell and he was dragging the kid along the ground.
Needless to say, LOTS of calls home about his 'aggressive' behaviour to which when confronted he would cry at school and deny ever dragging anyone insisting he was only helping them get to the finish line faster.
He would start to get depressed by gr 2-3 telling me that the teachers didn't understand him, that they think he is a 'bad boy' when he is only trying to help and they 'accuse' him of knocking people over when he insists he didnt do it.
I was baffled!
He also could not use scissors properly, hold the pencil in the proper way and his frustration tolerance was very low and he would give up quickly trying to do these tasks and eventually would use his intelligence to try to argue with the teachers with comments such as "why do I need to learn to glue the flower petals on this paper? do you REALLY think that's going to help me get a job?" (thats coming from a 4 yr old!) or saying "why do you want me to sit at the circle at the mat when your reading, I can hear you just fine from here and I like sitting here because I can rock my chair back and forth" when told he might hurt himself he would reply "I rarely hurt myself, I've jumped off our roof into the snowbanks and i didnt get hurt so why do you think i would get hurt falling off a chair?" (smart -yes, a 'smart ass' yes in society's eyes but he was honestly trying to understand why he had to conform when it didn't make sense to him and he was not afraid to ask the questions.)

6) By grade 3 the teachers told me they had concerns that his writing was totally illegible (although he could read it, I later learned he has photographic memory and would memorize everything so that is how he was actually 'reading' by remembering what he had heard... weeks earlier.. word for word.
The teachers told me "dont worry yet, lets not 'label' a kid this young,'maybe he is just immature' for his age.. etc.
I agreed... not wanting my kid to be pathologized.


7) Grade 5 came, his marks were going down the hill, he excelled in maths and sciences, gym he was said to be talented, athletic and curious but had NO team playing skills, took a fit if he lost in dodge ball etc. was a terribly poor looser.
Finally they suggested testing.scores came out as follows during his grade 5 yr:
-listening comprehension grade 12.8 level (hey my kids ready for college and he's only 9! YAH!)
-WRITING skills were labeled 'untesteable' meaning he did not meet grade one level! OUCH :(
-reading skills were 'exceptional' IF he read something he had seen before but if it was something new his reading skills were tested to be at a grade 2 level (ok lets re think this college thing :()
- his IQ came out as 156 -genius they labelled that.
He was 'labeled' as severely dyslexic.
Along with ADHD (which I did not give him medication for but rather eliminated ALL forms of sugar, food colouring, preservatives, dairy and enriched white flour from his diet-he seemed to calm down).


Further testing was done by an occupational therapist.
He was labeled with "sensory integration disorder" Google that one it fits with his 'sensory seeking' behavious of slamming himself into things, not noticing if he had knocked over someone as he was focusing on where he was headed (he literally would not notice if he knocked over a kid in the hallway as he ran towards the doors as recess bell rang-and these are the things that got him in trouble often and he would cry and say the teachers were lying that he never hit anyone along the way).

Basically his internal system needed extra sensory stimulation in order to feel ok.
so thus the constant moving around...
heck he roller bladed 10 km when he was four and took a fit because we had to stop the even he was registered came to an end.(and was the youngest participant) so we together roller bladed the same route again.. he was 4!


These 'troubles' continued until in grade 8 he became so discouraged with school, with his continual 'failure' with the written format in any way (to this day he cannot spell his whole first and last name)


Now, despite his 156 IQ which many would think he should be well on his way to Harward, he has dropped out of school :( and moved away from home to live with his friends who all sit around playing video games, writing hacks/cracks for these games and he sells his world of warcraft characters online for several hundred dollars after staying up nights and days building his character to the maximum levels/powers (whatever I do not know enough about world of warcraft except that he tells me "I OWN that game, noone can beat me and I sell my characters to make money to live on".)
NO Im not happy his live has turned out this way.
NO I'm not happy that he has no ambition to do anything other then to wait for his 18th BD to get his inheritance and spend it on skydiving (well at least he is spending it on something useful :) )

Seriously,this kid had the warning signs which I never recognized, from the beginning that there was something 'different' about him.
I thought some of his 'talents' were cool i.e the balance his ability to play any game and beat it before the rental period was over, his incredible athletic abilities, i.e the first time i took him to a ski hill I paid for the lessons, he listened to the guy tell him how to stop and he took off.The teacher was alarmed, but Mika took off to the lift, I was told the instructor had to go find him and he was cruising down the hill, went into the halfpipe and got air on his first run down the hill. He never fell once that day.
When he joined swimming lessons he passed 5 levels in 3 months (at the YMCA they typically do one level per session -3 moths). He was asked by the university swim club if he wanted to join their development competative team he replied "not really, but if you have a video playing team let me know I'll join that".

This kid, despite being incredibly smart, has low self esteem from thinking he has no skills that are marketable (that is partly why I am happy he is going to spend his money on sky diving, I know he will be one of those guys who can do a stand up landing on his FJC BUT does he have the focus and concentration for altitude awareness and his surroundings etc.? AND will he not 'hot dog it' and show off swooping of something stupid just because he thinks he can do it... unfortunately i can see him injuring himself also if he takes sky diving as nonchalant as he takes everything else... I HOPE I can instill him that this is a 'you very well might die' sport for him).


SO after this long story, which I would not typically share, since it is very sad for me to think that my son, who is so bright, so loveable, so kind and gentle in his heart
has had a tough time, and will have a tough time.

I kept wondering 'what did I do wrong?".
was it the forcepts delivery that left him with a cone shaped head for months?
was it...? was it...?

propably none of those.
perhaps that genetics dealt him a 'not so perfect deck'
and his life experiences in school left him feeling like he is a failure in society.

i even home schooled him during some of his most difficult times.
At the age of 12, he was SO interested in quantum physics we would spend hours talking about string theory, chaos theory etc.
and I did tell him "son, this is stuff you will never learn in highschool this is university physics"... trying to help him realize he IS SMART.

BUT I MADE A MISTAKE in LISTENING TO THE TEACHERS WHO SAID LETS NOT WORRY YET.... IN GRADE 3.

He lost out on the OT that he could have potentially helped him with the writing.

I fought like a bullfighter to get him identified at school with a disability when he was in grade 6 so he could get a laptop provided by the school board for his writing and a special program called WordQ which helped him write sentences that he was thinking of.

it was too little too late.the damage was done.
8 yrs of school, of kids telling him he was a 'spazz', to 'get away from us', that he 'sucks' in team sports, that his art work 'looks stupid', and him never having his work displayed in the school bulletin boards.... ever!

today, I feel sad....when I write this,
my beautiful smart, kind, sweet kid sits in a dark basement at a friends house, has not seen me since Nov 26th except for showing up 4 hr late for christmas dinner,
and his future is going nowhere....
he is depressed and told me quite perceptively one day:

"mom I like to stay in the fantasy world of world of war craft BECAUSE AT LEAST IM GOOD AT SOMETHING, there I am looked up to, there I OWN that game and everyone wants to be on my team. It makes me forget about what a looser I am in everything else".


please, take an objective look at your sons abilities.
do crafts with him at home and see what he does... can he cut? can he glue the flower petals where they belong, can he do toddler puzzles, can he tolerate frustration, is he able to sit still when he watches tv or does something inteesting to him, when you read to him, watch what he does... if he walks away let him but ask him later what was he thinking about when he took of..... these give clues.

IF there is a learning disability,
hopefully not but if there is....
getting him some help NOW is better then what happened to my son.....



now I cannot write anymore...
for I see not through these tears.

To become active member in the Bonus Days Club you must very narrowly escape eternal freefall ... one exciting time.)-Pat Works

[vskydiver 0]

Wow! I just wanted to say, thanks for posting that. I know it wasn't easy. I think what you wrote is an important and a very worthwhile read for all parents.

Were you ever able to get your son professionally tested and figure out what was wrong? I can feel your pain from what you wrote. I really hope he can be happy one day.

[CSpenceFLY 1]

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Sorry, I can't be positive in a response to this. He's 3. He should be at home getting one on one time with a parent. Yes, I know I am an ass. That's why I don't have kids.

I 100% agree with you. And I do have a kid.

What part are you agreeing with? The part where I'm an ass.

[simplyputsi 0]

I never went to preschool.

does that mean i'm special in the bad way?

Skymama's #2 stalker -

[kbordson 8]

What horrid guilt and pain you must feel. And I'm sure not a day goes by when you don't think "what if?" You are completely right, social problems can be due to true pathology. But.... sometimes a three year old is just a three year old.

Our culture is becoming so regimented. Parenting time is declining and the schools are doing "more." More and more children are having adult disorders that are typically related to stress - ulcers (one of my patients was hospitalized when she was younger for a bleeding ulcer), obesity, depression. . . . Funny thing is. . . this is "our" doing. We can't blame it on a world war or disease or catastrophe. This is cultural. We are forgetting to let children be children. We, as adults, are forgetting to be children ourselves (and I mean childlike, not immature). By focusing too much on the milestones, we loose the journey.

I'm sorry that your son had a difficult experience. But. . . the important thing is for him to be happy now, regardless if he's "wasting" his genius. Life is too short otherwise.

Besides. . . you never know where 20 years from now might take him. The confidence that he builds on the computer games might encourage him to become an Einstein or Franklin or Hughes. (not that I would really want anyones child to grow up to be Howard Hughes - he was a sad man)

[BillyVance 34]

Sounds like he's just being a kid. My girl is very very active. I'm not sure how she's going to do in preschool.

Hell, I was forced to repeat Kindergarten myself.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[Katzeye 0]

The difference between when we went to school and today in 2008

Scenario: Jeffrey won’t be still in class

1968 – Jeffery sent to office and given a good paddling by Principal. Returns to class, sits still.

2008 – Jeffrey given huge does of Ritalin. Becomes a Zombie tested for ADD – School gets extra money from the state because Jeffrey has a disability.

Is a chicken omelette redundant?

[BillyVance 34]

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The difference between when we went to school and today in 2008

Scenario: Jeffrey won’t be still in class

1968 – Jeffery sent to office and given a good paddling by Principal. Returns to class, sits still.

2008 – Jeffrey given huge does of Ritalin. Becomes a Zombie tested for ADD – School gets extra money from the state because Jeffrey has a disability.

Sigh.... those were the good old days.... even the 70's when I grew up.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[CSpenceFLY 1]

http://youtube.com/watch?v=jrWCYF8WB9w

[Conundrum 1]

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Sorry, I can't be positive in a response to this. He's 3. He should be at home getting one on one time with a parent. Yes, I know I am an ass. That's why I don't have kids.

I 100% agree with you. And I do have a kid.

What part are you agreeing with? The part where I'm an ass.

Heh. The part where there should be a parent at home rasing him instead of throwing him in pre-school.

[riddler 0]

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back when I was a kid preschool was more like daycare.

Back when I was in high school it was like a daycare. I never took homework home - got most of it done right in class. Graduated third, only because the first two were smart enough to go to another school and get more points for college credit. All day was locked down (we couldn't leave the building, even for lunch) because they didn't trust any of us out on the streets. Every week, one of the teachers got into a fight with one of the kids - one day I saw my vice principal beating the crap out of one of the "stoners" in the cafeteria while I was on my way to class. "Cool, it's another fight - hey, that's my vice-principal!"

Same went for junior high, only the kids were worse. I didn't ever realize that people worked hard at an education until I went to college.

People wonder why I want to home school my children In home school, your three-year old isn't judged by a teacher that's used to half the other kids being on Ritalin.

Trapped on the surface of a sphere. XKCD

[virgin-burner 1]

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The difference between when we went to school and today in 2008

Scenario: Jeffrey won’t be still in class

1968 – Jeffery sent to office and given a good paddling by Principal. Returns to class, sits still.

2008 – Jeffrey given huge does of Ritalin. Becomes a Zombie tested for ADD – School gets extra money from the state because Jeffrey has a disability.

call me a dickhead, but i feel personally offended by this pure bullshit you write there. i was one of the kids that maybe should have been treated for it. i was diagnosed with 30yrs, while i was on a very dark episode of a major depression. thank you, mr. knows-it-all, people like you are the reason why we feel like fucking freaks. i really wish your life is great!

“Some may never live, but the crazy never die.”
-Hunter S. Thompson
"No. Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try."
-Yoda

[shropshire 0]

>

Psssst... I'm 49 and still think they are too

(.)Y(.)
Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome

[misskriss 0]

You might want to look into a Montessori type preschool setting.

http://www.caca.essortment.com/whatismontesso_rvaj.htm

Also, as others have said, it wouldn't hurt to mention to your pediatrician what the teacher has said just so he can be evaluated if needed.

I'm a parent too and think preschools can be beneficial. Usually they are only a couple of days a week for half days from 9-12. It can give a parent a much needed break while the child gets to interact with other children and have fun. I've always been a stay at home mom but to say that a child needs to spend 24 hours a day only with the parents is just crazy talk. I

[DJL 232]

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So my wife goes to a conference for our 3 year old who's in preschool. The teacher has reservations about how well he's doing. She describes him as a very happy, polite little boy who is full of energy. He is having problems sitting still and paying attention to stories during their second circle time. He doesnt like to write and do the crafts so they are concerned that he might not be able to "graduate" to the next level.

He's going to have to work hard enough when he's older. Let's put things in perspective and realize he's 3 and still thinks farts are the funniest things in the world. Let a kid be a kid for christ sake.

Have you figured out what the teacher is reading? They might be really shitty stories.

My only question, do you have structured times for this or that at home? Sounds like he doesn't understand that it's time to sit and listen during storytime. Other than that, yeah, he's 3; this teacher can't say that he's a failure because his way doesn't match hers. Sorry to say, but some kids just don't like storytime. My sister has a lot of trouble keeping up with her 4-yr-old because of how active he is. He gets bored easily and acts up because likes doing things, not sitting around.

"I encourage all awesome dangerous behavior." - Jeffro Fincher

[mamajumps 0]

The demands put on kids now days are beyond crazy! My son is looking at possible retention from Kindergarden, why because he's not reading all of his sight words yet (250) and counting to 100 by 1's. 2's, 5's, & 10's. Yes this is normal level public school kindergarden. Hell went I thru kindergarden we did crafts all day, took a nap and what not. No naps now. I work with him 3 days a week, but even the kindergarden scholar books that you can buy at Wal-Mart are not up to par with what they are expecting. So I have to create my own work for him to help him a long. I graduated HS 10th in my class and graduated from college on the Dean's list. I don't think making kindergarden this difficult is going to make a difference at all except to make more kids hate school, because its too hard for thier age levels and they are feeling like failures. My son's kindergarden teacher said that his school held 25 kids back last year in Kindergarden. Those numbers scream to me, that the problem isnt with the kids.

[ACMESkydiver 0]

That is an amazing post. I didn't do nearly as good of a job trying to convey that message.

Good luck to you and your son. Like you said, he just needs one positive outlet. If your son locks on to that one road that he can follow and feel successful in, he could do amazing things, I truly believe that from your post.

Sounds like he's using that game as a way to 'get by' until he finds it.

That post took guts and your openness is inspiring.

~Jaye
Do not believe that possibly you can escape the reward of your action.