mamajumps 0 #1 June 13, 2008 HURRICANE SEASON You all should be aware of hurricane preparations, but in case you need a refresher course: We have entered hurricane season. Right now, you can to turn on the TV and see a weather person pointing to some radar blob down in the Caribbean and making two basic meteorological points. (1) There is no need to panic. (2) We could all be killed. Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in Florida. If you're new to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for the possibility that we'll get hit by "the big one. "Based on our insurance industry experiences, we recommend that you follow this simple three-step hurricane preparedness plan: STEP 1: Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at least three days. STEP 2: Put these supplies into your car. STEP 3: Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Halloween. Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow this sensible plan. Most people will foolishly stay here in Florida. We'll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness items. HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE: If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance. Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home meets two basic requirements: (1) It is reasonably well-built, and (2) It is located in Wisconsin Unfortunately, if your home is located in Florida, or any other area that might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies would prefer not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be required to pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they got into the insurance business in the first place. So you'll have to scrounge around for an insurance company, which will charge you an annual premium roughly equal to the replacement value of your house. At any moment, this company can drop you like used dental floss. SHUTTERS: Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows, all the doors. There are several types of shutters, with advantages and disadvantages: Plywood shutters: The advantage is that, because you make them yourself, they're cheap. Sheet-metal shutters: The advantage is that these work well, once you get them all up. The disadvantage is that once you get them all up, your hands will be useless bleeding stumps, and it will be December. Roll-down shutters: The advantages are that they're very easy to use, and will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is that you will have to sell your house to pay for them. Hurricane-proof windows: These are the newest wrinkle in hurricane protection: They look like ordinary windows, but they can withstand hurricane winds! You can be sure of this, because the salesman says so. He lives in Nebraska. Hurricane Proofing your property: As the hurricane approaches, check your yard for movable objects like barbecue grills, planters, patio furniture, visiting relatives, etc... You should, as a precaution, throw these items into your swimming pool (if you don't have a swimming pool, you should have one built immediately). Otherwise, the hurricane winds will turn these objects into deadly missiles. EVACUATION ROUTE: If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route planned out. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying area, look at your driver's license; if it says "Florida," you live in a low-lying area). The purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being trapped in your home when a major storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped in a gigantic traffic jam several miles from your home, along with two hundred thousand other evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not be lonely. HURRICANE SUPPLIES: If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies. Do not buy them now! Florida tradition requires that you wait until the last possible minute, then go to the supermarket and get into vicious fights with strangers over who gets the last can of cat food. In addition to food and water. You will need the following supplies: 23 flashlights. At least $167 worth of batteries that , when the power goes off, turn out to be the wrong size for the flashlights. > Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what the bleach is for, but it's traditional, so GET some!) A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless in a hurricane, but it looks cool. A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the alligators. (Ask anybody who went through Andrew; after the hurricane, there WILL be irate alligators. $35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you can buy a generator from a man with no discernible teeth. Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near, it is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by turning on your television and watching TV reporters in rain slickers stand right next to the ocean and tell you over and over how vitally important it is for everybody to stay away from the ocean. Good luck, and remember: It's great living in Paradise. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
normiss 620 #2 June 13, 2008 I came in here thinking SUMMER!!!! bikin's, thongs, sun dresses, bright colored outfits, no panty hose on the ladies, pretty painted toe nails...see where I'm going here???? Hurricanes just mean PARTIES!!!! With summer chicks!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Amazon 7 #3 June 13, 2008 Just build one of these.. and you are all set. http://www.domeofahome.com/ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
StreetScooby 5 #4 June 13, 2008 LOL...We are all engines of karma Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rick 67 #5 June 13, 2008 the only thing you missed was make sure the kegerator is fullYou can't be drunk all day if you don't start early! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FreeflyChile 0 #6 June 13, 2008 Given the flooding that has been happening lately...Wisconsin might not be safe either! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
yamtx73 0 #7 June 13, 2008 Hurricane season is far from my favorite... but at least there aren't any snowbirds or many tourists this time of year.. The only naturals in this sport shit thru feathers... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Amazon 7 #8 June 13, 2008 Quote Hurricane season is far from my favorite... but at least there aren't any snowbirds or many tourists this time of year.. I sure do miss the name we used to call the back when I was a kid.....DAMN YANKEES Trouble is nowadays... they outnumber the natives by a HUGE margin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
turtlespeed 212 #9 June 13, 2008 Quote I came in here thinking SUMMER!!!! bikin's, thongs, sun dresses, bright colored outfits, no panty hose on the ladies, pretty painted toe nails...see where I'm going here???? Hurricanes just mean PARTIES!!!! With summer chicks!!!! HA - I was thinking - Hmmm - MATING?I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
d_squared431 0 #10 June 13, 2008 Trying to scare me already and I am not there yet...I am not looking forward to hurricane season but I am looking forward to the partys... TPM Sister#130ONTIG#1 I love vodka.I love vodka cause it rhymes with Tuaca~LisaH You having a clean thought is like billyvance having a clean post.iluvtofly Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
normiss 620 #11 June 13, 2008 you check out that store I told you about yet??? PLEASE let me know when you've restocked the keg. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
yamtx73 0 #12 June 13, 2008 Quote Quote Hurricane season is far from my favorite... but at least there aren't any snowbirds or many tourists this time of year.. I sure do miss the name we used to call the back when I was a kid.....DAMN YANKEES Trouble is nowadays... they outnumber the natives by a HUGE margin When they come to visit they're Yankees.. when they come to stay they're Dam'n Yankees... and when they marry your sister they're a God Dam'n Yankee... The only naturals in this sport shit thru feathers... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wayneflorida 0 #13 June 13, 2008 My preparations------ 1. Four chainsaws and fuel in truck. 2. Beer and ice coolers. 3. Water gear and rig. My Plan------- Cut my way to the dropzone and clear the runway. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymama 35 #14 June 14, 2008 Quote PLEASE let me know when you've restocked the keg. *** Me too. She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man, because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
normiss 620 #15 June 14, 2008 how youuuuuuu doin??? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
