Lies Your Parents Told You

[Nightingale 0]

Aside from the usual Santa Claus and Easter Bunny stuff, my parents didn't really lie.

[airkid 0]

How about....

"If u keep crying, you'll dehydrate and die"
"Only guerrillas hug their children"
"Everyone pays rent when they're twelve"
"They're for boys and girls" (on wearing hand-me-downs from my sister)



I had a very traumatic childhood

[riddler 0]

What about lies that other people told your parents and they believed, and passed on to you? Do those count?

My mother believed the world was going to end. She bought books about "clairvoyants" who predicted that the world was going to end. She talked every year about how this is the year that the world is going to end, and how so-and-so predicted it, so it must be true. It was never an all-out cataclysm, more just a "repositioning" of mother nature, involving earthquakes, tidal waves, the earth turning upside-down (a misinterpretation of a misinterpretation about geo-magnetic reversal), rising oceans, volcanoes, etc. The plan was most of the world's people would die, but we would live, because we kept canned food in our pantry . She still believes it.

Saying things like that to your kids can fuck up them up more than telling them that if they make ugly faces, their faces will freeze, or if your ears burn, then someone is talking about you. I'm working on it, and I've made some progress. Now, I just worry that the economy will collapse or the house might fall down - a little better than thinking the whole earth will die. But I still have canned food in my pantry

Trapped on the surface of a sphere. XKCD

[livendive 8]

Not really a lie, but did you ever wonder if your mom ever came in and kissed you goodnight right after giving your dad a blowjob? Are you wondering now?

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[Shotgun 1]

Other than Santa and the Easter Bunny - stuff like that - I can't think of any lies my parents told me. They said stuff like watermelon would grow out of my ears if I ate the seeds, but it was obvious that they were joking. If they had told me that my tongue would turn black if I lied, I would have tried it just to see if it was true.

[hungarianchick 0]

A few gems Hungarian parents tell their kids:

Children are delivered by storks (they tried to tell me that until I was hm..maybe 18 or so...)

If you play with matches/fire you'll wet the bed.

If you missbehave, all kinds of monsters/demons will take you away.

"I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food."

[MikeJD 0]

My mum used to tell me if my nose itched that it meant I hadn't got enough sleep the previous night - hence, I needed to go to bed earlier.

I think there were probably 101 supposed symptoms of staying up too late, but that's the one I remember.

[banesanura 1]

Quote

Not really a lie, but did you ever wonder if your mom ever came in and kissed you goodnight right after giving your dad a blowjob? Are you wondering now?

Blues,
Dave

hahahhahahaha that is so gross. Now I am wondering.........thank


Don't worry I already vowed to myself that if I ever had kids I would never breast feed them.....


thats my husbands job :)

Best Girl Scout Ever.

[GARYC24 3]

I used to get:
1. When your ears are ringing meant someone is talking about you.
2. When your nose itched meant someone is coming to visit you.

[millertimeunc 0]

If you hold a buttercup under your chin and it lights up, it means you like butter.

If you get out of bed at night, the boogey man will get you.

Eating carrots will improve your eyesight. (Actually, a lot of misinformed adults still believe that one)

If you eat a watermelon seed, a watermelon will grow inside your stomach.

And of course, the usual about Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, etc.

The best things in life are dangerous.

[mnealtx 0]

Quote

if you masterbate you will go blind
if you masterbate your hands will grow hair
if you masterbate god kills a kitten
if you masterbate
if you masterbate
if you masterbate
if you masterbate
if you masterbate
if you masterbate
if you masterbate
if you masterbate
if you masterbate
if you masterbate
if you masterbate
if you masterbate
if you masterbate

Yeah, but *THIS* one is true....won't somebody think of the PUPPIES????

Mike
I love you, Shannon and Jim.
POPS 9708 , SCR 14706

[hungarianchick 0]

Quote

Eating carrots will improve your eyesight. (Actually, a lot of misinformed adults still believe that one)

We were told that eating carrots will make you whistle better. Apparently whistling popular tunes like a pro was important enough to some of us to chomp down on raw carrots regularly like Bugs Bunny...

"I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food."

[happythoughts 0]

Quote

Quote

Eating carrots will improve your eyesight. (Actually, a lot of misinformed adults still believe that one)

We were told that eating carrots will make you whistle better. Apparently whistling popular tunes like a pro was important enough to some of us to chomp down on raw carrots regularly like Bugs Bunny...

I noted that rabbits also had long ears and asked my parents if eating carrots would also make my ears grow.

I can't remember if I was just being inquisitive, or being a smart-ass (equally probable), but the butt-whipping was the same.

[airtwardo 6]

If ya pick it...it'll never heal!

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[galvar2439 0]

Quote

I am looking for common lies that parents tell their children. I am -specifically- looking for lies that parents tell their children in an effort to get them to behave or control them, but any and all parental lies are welcome. The more common the better.

Here's a short list of things I already have;

Parents can tell when you’re lying because;
If I lie my mouth will stink.
When you lie you tongue turns black.
Your eyes turn green.
They would know, because God would write it on your forehead in invisible ink, that only parents could read.

Santa Claus

Frosty the Snowman

The Stork

Boogieman

Magic Tricks

If you eat the cookie dough you’ll get worms.

If you keep making that face it’s going to stick.

Romper Room and the "Magic Mirror".

My parents told me all the boys had 12" cocks, yet i was the only one in school. HHHMMMM, who's lying now?

So i just broke up with this woman who wasn't even my girlfriend!

Hellfish #782, POPS #10664

[mnealtx 0]

Mike
I love you, Shannon and Jim.
POPS 9708 , SCR 14706

[lisamariewillbe 1]

Quote

Admit it-you're just a cheapskate mom

no I just want credit for the good I do

Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this
Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this

[blueskyserenity 0]

My dad always told me nothing happens past midnight, movies, bowling, mall, sports, restaurants, etc. are all either over or closed so there was NO REASON TO BE OUT PAST MIDNIGHT! He definitely lied. That's when the real fun begins!

I like coconuts. You can break them open and they smell like ladies lying in the sun!

[lauraliscious 0]

My mom had a way of playing make believe. But I'm not sure she ever actually *lied* to me. For example, I was about 5 when I asked if Santa Claus was really REAL and she replied, "Santa Claus really IS magical". Not exactly a lie, and that was good enough to keep me believing for a while.

She made me believe that gumdrops grew on trees. Every year, in the spring sometime, she'd pick these thorn branches and stick them in the outside planters and then stick gumdrops on the thorns. While we were asleep of course. Or at school. Then she'd tell us that the gumdrop trees had bloomed. That one got me for a long long time.

Another one, started by my great-grandmother (I think), was the goose that laid the golden egg. Every year, sometime around Easter (but not EXACTLY at Easter) they'd paint these eggs gold and tell us that my great grandmother found them around her apartment complex, and there must be a goose who lays golden eggs living around there. One year I wanted to try and hatch some of the eggs. I put them in a basket and covered them with fake grass. I came home from school one day to find the eggs cracked open, and a trail of grass leading to the OPEN bathroom window!

I was mad at her for leaving the window open and letting my chicks escape. She told me they'd be happier since they were free and outside.

I'm still really gullible. But I do still believe there is magic in this world. Especially when I see a beautiful sunset under my perfectly good parachute at the end of a great day of skydiving.
I apologize for my long-windedness and for the lack of answering your specific question. I bet these lies aren't common at all.

Enemiga Rodriguez, PMS #369, OrFun #25, Team Dirty Sanchez #116, Pelt Head #29, Muff #4091

[tbrown 26]

Eating sugar will give you worms.

The Jolly Roger man sells poisoned ice cream.

God will punish you.

TV will make you go blind.

Your humble servant.....Professor Gravity !

[ladyhawke 0]

Move and you're DEAD!

"It is our choices that show what we truly are far more than our abilities." - A. Dumbledore

[bigairnut 0]

"This hurts me more than it hurts you." My ass, that shite hurt a lot!

[lisamariewillbe 1]

Quote

My mom had a way of playing make believe. But I'm not sure she ever actually *lied* to me. For example, I was about 5 when I asked if Santa Claus was really REAL and she replied, "Santa Claus really IS magical". Not exactly a lie, and that was good enough to keep me believing for a while.

She made me believe that gumdrops grew on trees. Every year, in the spring sometime, she'd pick these thorn branches and stick them in the outside planters and then stick gumdrops on the thorns. While we were asleep of course. Or at school. Then she'd tell us that the gumdrop trees had bloomed. That one got me for a long long time.

Another one, started by my great-grandmother (I think), was the goose that laid the golden egg. Every year, sometime around Easter (but not EXACTLY at Easter) they'd paint these eggs gold and tell us that my great grandmother found them around her apartment complex, and there must be a goose who lays golden eggs living around there. One year I wanted to try and hatch some of the eggs. I put them in a basket and covered them with fake grass. I came home from school one day to find the eggs cracked open, and a trail of grass leading to the OPEN bathroom window!

I was mad at her for leaving the window open and letting my chicks escape. She told me they'd be happier since they were free and outside.

I'm still really gullible. But I do still believe there is magic in this world. Especially when I see a beautiful sunset under my perfectly good parachute at the end of a great day of skydiving.
I apologize for my long-windedness and for the lack of answering your specific question. I bet these lies aren't common at all.

I think your moms lies are sweet, creative and fun. The one yours reminded me is my mom cooks with onions and we all would say "if it has onions in it Im not eating it" she said "They arent onions, they are flavor buds" so fast forward to middle school, had some friends over, we got McDonalds and someone was taking the onions off the buger and I say "here Ill take the flavor buds they are my favorite" I got a weird look.

Sudsy Fist: i don't think i'd ever say this
Sudsy Fist: but you're looking damn sudsydoable in this