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GaryRay

how to help my bro?

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so heres the thing, my brother is a 26yr virgin and not by choice, who sits on his computer all day long and is a computer engineer by trade, so he's smart, but everytime i go home (i live in cali he lives with mom in S. Florida) i try and have him come out with me but he never wants to, i offer bars, beach, clubs, and DZ's, everywhere i go when i meet people. but nothing is his type of thing and he fights me saying he wont go until i just give up, i only go home once a year so its not like i can pester him for days on end. i was thinking about buying him a hooker but for some reason i dont think he would be able to have sex with her without feeling wierd. he's a little hefty (235) but is generally a good guy.

discuss ways to help him b/c ive tried everything, including leaving him alone.
JewBag.
www.jewbag.wordpress.com

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ive tried everything, including leaving him alone.



If you love him as I'm sure you do, then maybe you should try that again.

I know you don't mean to, but, especially given the fact that you're his brother, every time you try to get him to do something he's obviously so disinclined to do, you're essentially communicating to him that something's "wrong" with him. There's nothing "wrong" with him; it's just the way he is. Surely you don't want him to start dreading your visits in advance, because he knows you'll inevitably try to cajole him into going out girl-watching. I can pretty much guarantee you that those conversations take him outside his personal comfort zone. So perform an act of love: leave him alone about it, already.

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If bars, beach, clubs and DZ's aren't his thing, find out what is his thing. Instead of trying to assimilate him into your idea of a good place to have fun and maybe meet a girl, you should assimilate yourself into his world.

Put yourself in his shoes. You're his older brother who lives away from home and skydives and does all these cool things and has no problem meeting women (I assume...) so you want to take his slightly hefty (which to him is probably not 'slight' regardless of reality) self to the beach to meet a girl? Are you kidding? You will totally eclipse him. Why would he want to go to a club and sit in the corner and watch you work your magic when he could be at home where he's comfortable?

I'm not saying that your motives are bad but your methods need altering. Does he play video games? Go to one of the video game competitions. Does he play Rock Band or Guitar Hero? A lot of bars have nights dedicated solely to either of those games. Better yet would be if you have never played either one and you volunteer to go first. Make yourself look like an ass and then let him get up there and one up you (Finally!! For once!!!). How about a trivia night at a bar or pub somewhere?

He needs to meet people with the same interests as him. If he meets a girl at a club yet he hates going to clubs, they aren't likely to have much in common. He doesn't necessarily have to meet girls. He just needs to meet people. Like minded people. The girls and getting laid part will follow.

Help him get out more and meet more people. Let the 'meet a girl' or 'get laid' part go. It's too much pressure and he's got enough of that as it is from his internal voice I'm sure.

Just one girl's opinion. By the way - I'm married to a software engineer so at least one of them out there is getting laid. I also end up being the designated 'girl getter' quite often for his uber geek friends.

PS - DO NOT GET HIM A HOOKER!!! Please...
If you can't laugh at yourself, I'll be happy to do it for you.
****************************
Be like the cupcake and suck it up.

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If bars, beach, clubs and DZ's aren't his thing, find out what is his thing. Instead of trying to assimilate him into your idea of a good place to have fun and maybe meet a girl, you should assimilate yourself into his world.

Put yourself in his shoes. You're his older brother who lives away from home and skydives and does all these cool things and has no problem meeting women (I assume...) so you want to take his slightly hefty (which to him is probably not 'slight' regardless of reality) self to the beach to meet a girl? Are you kidding? You will totally eclipse him. Why would he want to go to a club and sit in the corner and watch you work your magic when he could be at home where he's comfortable?

I'm not saying that your motives are bad but your methods need altering. Does he play video games? Go to one of the video game competitions. Does he play Rock Band or Guitar Hero? A lot of bars have nights dedicated solely to either of those games. Better yet would be if you have never played either one and you volunteer to go first. Make yourself look like an ass and then let him get up there and one up you (Finally!! For once!!!). How about a trivia night at a bar or pub somewhere?

He needs to meet people with the same interests as him. If he meets a girl at a club yet he hates going to clubs, they aren't likely to have much in common. He doesn't necessarily have to meet girls. He just needs to meet people. Like minded people. The girls and getting laid part will follow.

Help him get out more and meet more people. Let the 'meet a girl' or 'get laid' part go. It's too much pressure and he's got enough of that as it is from his internal voice I'm sure.

Just one girl's opinion. By the way - I'm married to a software engineer so at least one of them out there is getting laid. I also end up being the designated 'girl getter' quite often for his uber geek friends.

PS - DO NOT GET HIM A HOOKER!!! Please...






hmmmm, thinking.....that might just work the next time i go home :P. his interests are odd ones, he plays DnD and some MMORPGS's but thats it for video games, he started getting into the wii when i loaned mine to him when i went abroad for 7months but he didnt even play it all that much then, trying to get him to socialize is probably the hardest part. or even go out with me and hang out, i dont know he is just so difficult sometimes.

and for leaving him alone, i come home once every 6 months maybe so he has those 6months to be alone, that isnt helping him at all. ive been away for 4yrs now with no avail (no i didnt leave to help him) thanks everyone and keep the ideas coming, i will be checking this as much as i can.
JewBag.
www.jewbag.wordpress.com

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What's the possibility of you two meeting up for a vacation somewhere? Someplace neither of you have been? That way you are starting out on equal footing and there's no 'going home to ma's house' to worry about.

I used to live in West Palm Beach and know that all of South Florida is a great jumping off point for a lot of easy and cheap(er) vacations. Do it with the goal of getting to know each other and bonding, nothing more or less. You should read a book called 'Honeymoon With My Brother' by Franz Weisner.

If you can do this, make a deal with him - you won't bring your skydiving gear if he doesn't bring his laptop. No jumping, no RPG-ing. Just two brothers out to see the world.
If you can't laugh at yourself, I'll be happy to do it for you.
****************************
Be like the cupcake and suck it up.

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is he over-weight or anything to hinder his social progression?

you may have an extreme case of lazy stoner who has gotten into a cycle of constant blunt smoking and jerking off every twenty minutes...


tell him if he doesnt jerk it for a week, he will be able to talk way better game to broads


but hes probably gay because he looks at lesbian porn (life is about balance) (and porn is about watching someone get fucked )

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You're in a very difficult situation with your brother. You want your brother to taste the spice of life, to feel the pleasure of a woman, to come out of his shell and experience the world. I have bad news for you. From all that I gather, you're up against a brick wall. For starters, he has no desire. Secondly, he's socially inept. Not that he can't learn to be, but his low self-confidence and sensitive nature make him exceedingly vulnerable to any kind of denial. He chooses to exist in a controlled environment that provides the security of knowing he doesn't have to go out into the world. I can go on, but it's of no use. My suggestion is that you spend some time vetting good psychologists. Find one that truly achieves breakthroughs with his type. Forget the chicks, take him to this counseling. All external breakthroughs start with internal ones. For you and I, we just go out and do it. For him, moving in that direction is a struggle. Let me tell you bro, the earlier you bring that intervention the better. If it goes on too long, it will be too late. And he will never rise anywhere near his potential. He wants it too, but to him, his personal insecurities make it insurmountable. It's deep, takes time, but is well worth the effort. Good luck!

You're always the starter in your own life!

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my brother is a 26yr virgin and not by choice


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who sits on his computer all day long...he lives with mom in S. Florida



(conflicting statements)
Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting
If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh.

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