prodiver913 0 #1 November 26, 2008 Been married for almost one year and things have been great but are starting to get a little tense. First off, we have nothing in common from religion to skydiving and we have been arguing more and more. We should have known this before we got hitched but you know how that goes. We are still crazy about each other but like I said have nothing in common. I mean nothing. I just want to get up and leave (not leave her, leave with her) and go down to FL or something or travel the world for a while again but she is not down and I am going absolutely insane living in PA. I am from Hawaii and have been surfing and scuba diving since I was 8 and 14 and I am literally going nuts. What should I do? Just sit down and talk with her and try not to have a fight? I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mnealtx 0 #2 November 26, 2008 Go to a counselor - seriously.Mike I love you, Shannon and Jim. POPS 9708 , SCR 14706 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bluepill 0 #3 November 26, 2008 As long as she is willing then explore lots of different activities, pursuits or hobbies untill you find one you both really enjoy doing together. Have fun along the way and grow together. Plus respect and support each others chosen OWN interest. BP Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
prodiver913 0 #4 November 26, 2008 we have tried that. She started diving cause I told her she might be into it and it' something we could do together but she got certified two years ago and hasn't made a dive since. Like the things we are into are on the opposite side of the spectrum from each other. In the three years we have been together the only thing that we have in common is that we were in the Navy. It kind of sucks. I am more into the extreme sports and stuff side of the house and she is definitely not. I think we will just sit down with each other and lay it all out on the table and have a serious talk. So we know what we're thinking. I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cocheese 0 #5 November 26, 2008 Buy a sail boat. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Darius11 12 #6 November 26, 2008 Always remember that you do not have to do things together. She can do her thing and you can do yours. The best relationships are the ones with a lot of space and understanding. Wish you luck man.I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
prodiver913 0 #7 November 26, 2008 thinking about it. dock fee is a lot cheaper than rent or a mortgage I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cocheese 0 #8 November 26, 2008 She can nest while you can be a pirate.Buying a boat is rarely a good idea, but in your case, it might be the ticket to paradise. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Misslmperfect 0 #9 November 26, 2008 is she not comfortable with having separate interests/hobbies? i am VERY much a loner and i couldn't stand it if i were with someone who needed to participate in everything i did. maybe you're feeling this way because you feel like if she isn't involved, you can't be either? sometimes being apart is the best medicine if you want to stay together!Oh Canada, merci pour la livraison! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jimmytavino 16 #10 November 26, 2008 B......O.....A....T..... Break Out Another Thousand . . . jmy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
prodiver913 0 #11 November 26, 2008 we were just apart for the last 6 months while she was deployed. She has tried my interests and hobbies and she doesn't like them and i don't like hers. We are not into any of each others interests. I am definitely not a negative person but lately.... I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Misslmperfect 0 #12 November 26, 2008 i don't mean spending that kind of time away from each other! i just mean that you go and do what you like, and she does the same. that way neither of you are feeling deprived or stifled. it has only been a year...newness wears off, they start getting under your skin. i remember that well. its going to take time to figure out what works for you both...and if she has already spent that kind of time away, you guys aren't exactly getting a fair shot at getting used to married life!Oh Canada, merci pour la livraison! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Icon134 0 #13 November 26, 2008 there's no rule that you have to have the same hobbies as your signifant other... my parents have been together for almost 40 years and they don't enjoy all the same activities. The certainly have some similar interests... they both play Bridge, they both enjoy going to concerts and plays... but my dad would rather spend time in the basement doing woodworking or watching a sporting event... whereas my mom is content to sit upstairs reading a book or knit. they each bring something different to the table... That's not to say having some similar hobbies is bad... but it is by no means a requirement to having a successful relationship... generally successful relationships are built upon a mutual respect for one another... business or personal... if one person doesn't respect the other then that's when things start to breakdown. Mind you I'm not married (yet) but I do try to be observant in relationships... and I try to be aware about the relationships in around me that have worked and the ones that haven't...Livin' on the Edge... sleeping with my rigger's wife... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LadiDadi 0 #14 November 26, 2008 On paper, my husband and I have absolutely nothing in common. I like to do things that he either doesn't understand or thinks I'm insane for liking or thinks is stupid, etc. He went skydiving one time to see what was so great about it and broke his toe on the first jump. He hated it but he's going to go again (he takes his jump as a failure and doesn't take failure well). He'll still hate it. I like photography and collect old cameras. He likes a nice point and shoot for vacation snap shots and can't stand that I have ANOTHER camera and "But it's a 1959 Twin Lens Reflex that I got for $1.99 and it works!!!" is not a sentence that makes sense to him. I think that a road trip is the most amazing experience one can have. I have seen the world's largest basket, ball of twine, and frying pan. I have been to the Corn Palace. Twice. I have visited a "Trailer Park and Art School" just because I saw the sign on the freeway and knew that it would be a once in a lifetime experience. The Badlands. Deadwood. Rock City. That's a road trip. He treats a road trip like the Bataan Death March. Can't stop. Must drive on! We drove from Seattle, WA to Pensacola, FL in less than 4 days once... In a 1977 VW van!! I couldn't for the life of me tell you what he does for a living. I could tell you his job title, the company he works for and the group, division, product, etc. But what he actually DOES?!? Not a clue. Never will have one either. It's beyond my comprehension. He loves to go camping. I despise camping. I don't understand the appeal of it. I don't drink beer and poking sticks in a fire gets really boring after about, oh, five minutes. So he goes camping with his friends and I find something else to do on those weekends. Usually a cabin out on the coast with the doggies for a beach romp weekend. I don't like to hike. Again, I don't understand the appeal. Why would you drive all that way to put on specialized gear just to go for a walk? I can go for a walk. To the bar down the street. So he hikes with his friends and I find something else to do. Like go to a bar. I'm messy, he's fastidious. I'm the creative sort and he's of the scientific sort. I'm outgoing and he's more reserved - YET - I'm a loner bordering on recluse and he's very social. Yeah, figure that one out. As a joke, we both filled out the e-harmony profile things. That was 4 years ago and we have yet to be matched up with each other. We've been married for ten years. You don't have to have everything in common. You just have to have the important things in common. That you don't have religion in common is a bit worrying but that all depends on the specifics. My husband and I joke that we don't have religion in common (because neither one of us has religion at all). You just have to look for things. Look outside of yourselves. Find something totally new for both of you and check it out. Who gives a shit if neither of you like it. Just give it a shot. Don't spend all your energy talking about things - DO things. Shut up (both of you) and go do something. Anything. Go to the zoo. Ever taken ballroom dancing lessons? Has she? Now might be the time. It may sound goofy but what do you have to lose? I used to live in Hawaii. I've spent time in PA. You are going cuckoo. Period. You want to travel the world, she wants to stay put. Find yourself a ton of day trips. Be a tourist in your own area. There is really a lot to see and do there, you just have to look harder for it. Things are a bit more spread out and the roads are straighter If you can't laugh at yourself, I'll be happy to do it for you. **************************** Be like the cupcake and suck it up. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
prodiver913 0 #15 November 26, 2008 very nicely put. thanks a lot I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
downwardspiral 0 #16 November 26, 2008 Seems you're looking for a reason because having nothing in common is not the cause of your problems yet it is the main part of your post. If you really want to make this work then the best advice I can give you is.... Make her fall in love with you again at every opportunity.www.FourWheelerHB.com Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ladydyver 0 #17 November 26, 2008 Quote B......O.....A....T..... Break Out Another Thousand . . . ----yep, I spend lots of BOAT dollars annually --- but boy is it fun to escape. jmy DPH # 2 "I am not sure what you are suppose to do with that, but I don't think it is suppose to flop around like that." ~Skootz~ I have a strong regard for the rules.......doc! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
prodiver913 0 #18 November 26, 2008 i was thinking more about an older sailboat to live on in the harbor and occasionally take out. I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skydiverbry 0 #19 November 26, 2008 Pa.will do that to you.What part of Pa.? Now on a serious side,do se a consuler if it's worth saving.No matter where you or you and her go There you are.It's not geography dude!t That I know from personnal exprience-------------------------------------------------- Growing old is mandatory.Growing up is optional!! D.S.#13(Dudeist Skdiver) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Conundrum 1 #20 November 26, 2008 Well, I can't say I feel sorry for you. How can you be crazy about someone you have nothing (I mean nothing) in common with? How long did you date before you got married? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
happythoughts 0 #21 November 26, 2008 Buy this hat, wear it a lot. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
prodiver913 0 #22 November 26, 2008 i have always been the kind of guy who makes radical decisions. we dated about two years I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Broke 0 #23 November 26, 2008 Hey I bet you have at least one thing in common, unless you get married to or you are a bad layDivot your source for all things Hillbilly. Anvil Brother 84 SCR 14192 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Icon134 0 #24 November 26, 2008 I don't usually like to be overanalytical here (ok maybe I do) but was I the only one that has thinks that title of the thread "Wife Problems" implys some kind of blame directed towards the wife? (whether that is actually the case or not...)Livin' on the Edge... sleeping with my rigger's wife... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Conundrum 1 #25 November 26, 2008 Quotei have always been the kind of guy who makes radical decisions. we dated about two years I think that's a good amount of time, but surely you must have known you didn't have anything in common before you got married....? I say don't waste anymore of your life with someone you're not happy with. if you don't have kids, get a divorce and move on. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
