boinky 0 #1 January 25, 2009 ONE Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. 'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter. 'You don't?' I replied. 'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply. 'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?' 'That's right.' So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets TWO I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?' I said to her 'I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today.' She said 'OK' and I paid for my things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened. THREE A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.' FOUR I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. ' Do you need some help?' I asked. She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?' 'Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked. 'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk.' FIVE Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use copier machine paper,' the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies. SIX I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in 'Twister.' I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the 'cruise control' and then went in the back to make a sandwich. SEVEN My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: 'I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?' EIGHT Police in Radnor, Pa. interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message 'He's lying' was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the 'lie detector' was working, the suspect confessed. NINE A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and it should be fine.. The mother says, I just gave him some ant killer.....Dispatcher: Rush him in to emergency room! Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid!Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SuFantasma 0 #2 January 25, 2009 I see a common thread among all these stories.... would you consider moving back to Atlanta? Statistically, we could improve your odd of not meeting "stupid"!Y yo, pa' vivir con miedo, prefiero morir sonriendo, con el recuerdo vivo". - Ruben Blades, "Adan Garcia" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
boinky 0 #3 January 25, 2009 Maybe "stupid" was why I moved away in the first place! Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LisaH 0 #4 January 25, 2009 Quote Maybe "stupid" was why I moved away in the first place! Hi Nina Be yourself! MooOOooOoo Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lippy 765 #5 January 25, 2009 'Cause all the smart people live in Georgia I got nuthin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SuFantasma 0 #6 January 25, 2009 Quote 'Cause all the smart people live in Georgia Nope, we are devoid of intelligence ... care to send a care package?Y yo, pa' vivir con miedo, prefiero morir sonriendo, con el recuerdo vivo". - Ruben Blades, "Adan Garcia" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lippy 765 #7 January 25, 2009 Quote Quote 'Cause all the smart people live in Georgia Nope, we are devoid of intelligence ... care to send a care package? I'd love to help, but as far as intelligence goes, I seem to be fresh outI got nuthin Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Andrewwhyte 1 #8 January 25, 2009 Quote ONE Recently, when I went to McDonald's TWO I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart Sounds stupid to me. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
boinky 0 #9 January 25, 2009 Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Beckert 0 #10 January 25, 2009 Here's my favorite one - I was working in Northern California in a branch office. I received a phone call from our corporate office located in Southern California at 4:45 p.m. The office manager sounded mad that I answered the phone. She asked why I was working late, who approved the over time etc. Long story short, she told me that she thought the time difference increased slowly, until it reached one hour, therfore she thought it was past 5 pm in Northern California when she placed the phone call. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnMitchell 14 #11 January 25, 2009 And then they all went to Vote!Amazing that it's called common sense when it seems to not be too common. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Niki1 1 #12 January 25, 2009 What part of North Carolina do you live in? I'm in Robeson County and it's like a Third World contry.Most of the things worth doing in the world had been declared impossilbe before they were done. Louis D Brandeis Where are we going and why are we in this basket? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CSpenceFLY 1 #13 January 25, 2009 QuoteHere's my favorite one - I was working in Northern California in a branch office. I received a phone call from our corporate office located in Southern California at 4:45 p.m. The office manager sounded mad that I answered the phone. She asked why I was working late, who approved the over time etc. Long story short, she told me that she thought the time difference increased slowly, until it reached one hour, therfore she thought it was past 5 pm in Northern California when she placed the phone call. Things like this are why I can't work for other people. I would have called her a dumb bitch and told her to call back during normal business hours. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Broke 0 #14 January 25, 2009 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rxoi9xyiZsUDivot your source for all things Hillbilly. Anvil Brother 84 SCR 14192 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SuFantasma 0 #15 January 25, 2009 QuoteThings like this are why I can't work for other people. I would have called her a dumb bitch and told her to call back during normal business hours. I will contemplate the answer ....Y yo, pa' vivir con miedo, prefiero morir sonriendo, con el recuerdo vivo". - Ruben Blades, "Adan Garcia" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
boinky 0 #16 January 26, 2009 Unfortunately, it was terrifically hard to hear the words. Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
