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SkyBastard

Jokes.. Got any good ones?

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I'll start:

Doctor rings the wife of a patient and explains "your wife is here and I'm afraid there's been a mix up with her test results so we don't know whether she has Alzheimer's or Aids.."

the man replies "so what the hell am I supposed to do now then?"

the doctor says "well, I'm going to put her on the wrong bus, if she finds her way home, don't fuck her!"
Dude #320
"Superstitious" is just a polite way of saying "incredibly fucking stupid".
DONK!

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Which reminds me . . .

What does a baby seal have at the bar?

Anything but a Canadian Club.




Penguin drives his car to the repair shop and has the mechanic look at it.
While he waits he notices the ice cream shop next door and goes in for ice cream.

Well penguins are not all that coordinated, and he makes quite a mess of himself.

He walks up to the mechanic - who looks at the penguin and says - "looks like you blew a seal." The penguin just shrugged and said, "No, It's just ice cream."
I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

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Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he takes off his clothes and starts wandering around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says: "Sir, did you call for me?"

Bob replies: "No, what do you mean?"

She says: "You must be new here; let me explain. It's a rule here that if I give you an erection, it implies you called for me."

Smiling, she then leads him to the side of a pool, lays down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.

Bob continues exploring the facilities. He enters a sauna, sits down, and farts. Within a few seconds a huge, horribly corpulent, hairy man with a firm erection lumbers out of the steam toward him. The Huge Man says: "Sir, did you call for me?"

Bob replies: "No, what do you mean?"

The Huge Man says: "You must be new here; it is a rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me."

The huge man then easily spins Bob around, bends him over the bench and has his way with him.

Bob rushes back to the colony office. He is greeted by the smiling naked receptionist who asks: "May I help you?"

"Here is your card and key back," Bob says. "You can keep the $500 joining fee."

"But Sir," the receptionist says, "you've only been here a couple of hours; you only saw a small fraction of our facilities."

"Listen lady," Bob says, "I am 58 years old, I get a hard-on twice a month, but I fart 15 times a day. No thanks."
LifeshouldNOTbeajourneytothegravewithawellpreservedbody,buttskidinsideways,cigarinone hand,martiniintheother,bodythoroughlyused upandscreaming:"WOO HOO!! What a ride!!!"

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A doctor is with his patient. After a few minutes she says, "Doctor. Can I kiss you?" The doctor says "No."

A minute later she says, "Doctor. I want you to kiss me." The doctor declines.

Not even a minute later she says, "Doctor. I really wish you'd at least kiss me."

The doctor says, "Kiss you? It's unethical. I shouldn't even be banging you.





My wife is hotter than your wife.

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Just got this in a text message a minute ago:

Old lady visits dentist, sits in chair, lowers panties and lifts legs. Dentist says "I'm not a gynecologist". She says, "I know, I need you to find my husband's teeth!"

:D
"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

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I got one...

A guy walks in to a bar with a black eye and sits down next to another gentlemen. The other man looks over and says what the hell happened to you? The man says I was fixing to buy an airline ticket, and I saw this woman with gigantic tits at the desk. I got up to her and instead of saying can I get a ticket to Pittsburgh I mixed up my words and said can I get a picket to Titsburgh and the bitch punched me in the face. The mans eyes got real big and said NO SHIT! The same thing happened to me the other day but I was at the dinner table with my wife and instead of saying can you pass the mash potatoes I said Your a fuckin bitch you ruined my life.

hehe
"I didn't know they gave out rings at the holocaust"

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Haha I got another one thats pretty good. I'm in no way shape or form racist either by the way :)


So a man is dating this girl named Wendy, and she keeps demanding that he get a tattoo of her name on him somewhere. After about 6 months he finally agrees but says he will get it on his penis so nobody can see it. He goes to get it and the man tells him to get hard so he can write it out. After it was done the man was a little upset that when he was soft all you could see was "WY". But the next night he is at a bar and has to piss. He walks into the bathroom and looks over at the black guy next to him and notices his says "WY" also. The man was like no shit, your girlfriends name is Wendy too? The black man said no, when I get hard mine says "Welcome to Africa have a nice day"

lol
"I didn't know they gave out rings at the holocaust"

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Girls never worry about you " peanut buttering " your dick in their ass. :P:D:D:D:D



You've heard this one then:

Peanut butter thighs - tan, smooth and easy to spread :ph34r:
"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

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