UK first to offer new VAFF training - advertised on "Hollyoaks"

[sweep 0]

The UK has become the first country in the world to offer the new Very Accelerated FreeFall course. This exciting new training syllabus was advertised on this evening's "Hollyoaks After Hours" soap on Channel 4.

The course begins with a short period of ground school, however if weather conditions are changeable "we need to be ready to go at any time so we'll just do a quick review of freefall procedures".
There is a short section on PLFs however students are free to wander off and talk among themselves rather than join the session, or practice the alternative HPLF (Head-first PLF).

Candidates must train in reserve drills and emergency procedures until able to grab some of the correct handles and the instructor is satisfied that "oh I guess that'll do. Go get your kits on".

Students will then be able to help each other kit up, then wander around the DZ without supervision and with legstraps and chest-straps flapping in the wind. They will be sufficiently trained to answer their friend's questions such as "What if it doesn't open?" "Then you have your emergency chute" "Yeah but why does the ripcord have to be halfway up my back?".

After completing this training and proving they are capable of getting a minimum of one limb through the correct part of the harness on their own, they are cleared to make solo descents from 10,000 feet with five students to one instructor.

Fortunately the plane is equipped with a loud siren which will sound in the event of an aircraft emergency. The instructor will then throw each of the students out of the plane right behind each other, despite cries of "look, we're headed for the sea. We jump we drown!!"

During the next 5,000 feet of freefall, the first-jump students can all get together using their relative work skills and discuss their fears that the canopy may not open. They are then able to try some freefly, then deploy their canopies and practice a little bit of CReW before navigating to a safe off landing.

Fortunately the course includes training in DZ management and incident procedures as the three students who landed on a nudist beach, after having two naked women help them take their rigs off, are able to locate the remaining two students who landed in someone's back gardens, dump the rigs where they landed and then get in a minibus and head into town for a beer without needing assistance from instructors/DZ controllers/Experienced Jumpers (in fact the only time anyone other than first jump students needs to be involved is for reserve drills and dispatching.)

The only downside to this training system is that due to having to replace complete systems with Javelin containers on every student jump the course costs are high. This is however somewhat absorbed by the avoidance of costly static lines or AFF/Tandem instructors.




And I thought "Cutaway" was badly written.......


I didn't know whether to fall about laughing or shout at the TV


Blue Skies,


Sweep

----
Yay! I'm now a 200 jump wonder.... Still a know-it-all tho..

[quade 3]

Got video?

quade -
The World's Most Boring Skydiver

[damion75 0]

I really REALLY hope someone recorded that for when I get back - it sounds like a must to be played in the DZ canteen!!

Vicky? anyone?

***************

Not one shred of evidence supports the theory that life is serious - look at the platypus.

[vt1977 0]

Apparently this was on Hollyaoks last night. I didn't see it but I know Steph2 did!
It sounds appalling!

Vicki

[caz 0]

yeah I watched it last night too and it was attrocious.

which dz was it filmed at?

~~~ London Skydivers ~~~

[MikeJD 0]

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which dz was it filmed at?

Seemed to be Netheravon-on-Sea.

[caz 0]

what impressed me is how even though their containers all appeared to be rigged up with static lines, none of them were attached to the plane and then as they exited, they all seemed to have normal rigs on. They must have had a spare supply of rigs on the plane in case of emergency procedures that they could quickly get changed into. Perhaps thats also why they didn't do their leg straps up properly etc before they got on the plane.

~~~ London Skydivers ~~~

[Steph2 0]

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I didn't see it but I know Steph2 did!

Yeah! I fell about laughing when I saw the 5 of them doing FS!!! Sorry, 4 of them doing FS and 1 tumbling through the middle!!!
If you read the thread I posted... I DID WARN YOU!!! "Amusing in a cheesy soap kinda way" Although to be honest I had no idea it would be quite so hilarious

Steph
-x-

[MikeJD 0]

On a slightly serious note, does anyone vet TV and movie scripts before they allow production companies to film at BPA dropzones? I know it's only a stupid soap opera, but it's hardly showing the sport in a favourable light.

[Skyrad 0]

Yes it was utter crap.

When an author is too meticulous about his style, you may presume that his mind is frivolous and his content flimsy.
Lucius Annaeus Seneca

[Steph2 0]

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I know it's only a stupid soap opera, but it's hardly showing the sport in a favourable light.

Yeah, but at least no-one had a mal (usually a total!) or broke themselves landing - or died! It was horribly *inaccurate* but it could have been a lot worse... Personally I thought it was so crap it made it hilarious!

Steph
-x-

[skydiverkaz 0]

I agree that it was a complete pile of rubbish, but to the point it was almost funny. Imagine a DZ run like that Did the DZ get much say in what was done?

If you're gona skate on thin ice, you might as well dance

[Remster 24]

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And I thought "Cutaway" was badly written.......

I dunno... sounds like a modern version of that classic of classic, Fandango!, well, except for the nakedness

Remster

[MikeJD 0]

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[I dunno... sounds like a modern version of that classic of classic, Fandango

Yes, that's it! Fandango, but as scripted by small children!

[skytash 0]

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I really REALLY hope someone recorded that for when I get back - it sounds like a must to be played in the DZ canteen!!

Vicky? anyone?

cpoxon - where are you when we need you???

tash

Don't ever save anything for a special occasion. Being alive is a special occasion. Avril Sloe

[gremlin 0]

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I really REALLY hope someone recorded that for when I get back - it sounds like a must to be played in the DZ canteen!!

Vicky? anyone?

I wouldn't let Vicky watch it as the temptation to throw something through the TV was too high... and it was MY tv!

I'm drunk, you're drunk, lets go back to mine....

[damion75 0]

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I wouldn't let Vicky watch it as the temptation to throw something through the TV was too high... and it was MY tv!

That's what BB guns are for! You can get these weak ones which fire little plastic BB and then when someone you don't like comes on TV everyone can shoot them!!

Very therapeutic...

***************

Not one shred of evidence supports the theory that life is serious - look at the platypus.

[cpoxon 0]

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cpoxon - where are you when we need you???

I'm here! :-)

Skydiving Fatalities - Cease not to learn 'til thou cease to live

[beej 0]

good one craig :)

----------------------------------------------------
If the shit fits - wear it (blues brothers)--

[yoink 321]

...
irritating, but really funny...

[BASE813 0]

you must have too much time on your hands!!!


hope all is well with you.............

[vt1977 0]

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I wouldn't let Vicky watch it

We've been going out for TWO years and you still cannot spell my name!!!!!

Men!!!

Vicki

[yoink 321]

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I wouldn't let Vicky watch it

We've been going out for TWO years and you still cannot spell my name!!!!!

Men!!!

Vicki

busted....

[MikeJD 0]

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I wouldn't let Vicky watch it

We've been going out for TWO years and you still cannot spell my name!!!!!

Vicki, go easy on him. He's not been well...

[Remster 24]

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busted....

I hope your bath tub is confy Gremlin!

Edit: thx Craig, just watched it, and I must deeply appologize for associating Fandango with this....

Remster