bluesilver30 0 #1 December 16, 2009 So, here is my first drunken rant. I need various perspectives to see if i'm being selfish or not. Here's the situation. My wife (married for about 6 months) and I are both Air Force. So, she just got done with a TDY (temporary duty) and I'm back home in good ol Oklahoma. As a result of this training and previous training crap we both had to do, we have been separated for 3 months. So, she just got done today (early). She could either come home here or go straight to where she grew up in Cali. Waiting there are her old school friends, family, etc. I will be flying there on the 23rd. I told her originally that she would be getting done with this training early, so she should just pick me up and we could go to Cali together. She didn't want to bank on that, and wanted me to plan on flying there on the 23rd (her last scheduled date for the TDY). I agreed to make her happy. Now, she's done much early, plenty of time to come here, pick me up, head to Cali, and still have fun there. My main argument, I want to spend time with her. Small town Oklahoma is lonely, I don't have any friends here, no work right now (Air Force waiting pilot training.... much time off), so.... lots of beer and video games. Sounds great... fun for the first few months. Now i'm getting kinda down. Her argument... she wants to go spend time with her family and friends she hasn't seen in a while. I can totally agree.... but I think I should be a priority. I might not be able to get out before the 23rd now (got a couple days of work), so I suggested she comes here and stays home a few days before going to cali. This would still give here a few days before I get there to hang out with family and friends. So, she's not coming to get me. I'm going to end up sitting here for another week and paying $100 to fly our cat because she doesn't want to drive the extra distance and waste the time home. So, I know we are both being a bit selfish here... but the question is: Who is being less selfish? Should I expect her to come home and get me? Or at least, come home and spend a few days with me? Or, should I be OK with her going straight to Cali while I sit here for another week till my plane leaves? I've been debating this within myself for the past couple months, but i've made it very adamant that I think she should come get me. I basically need a second opinion on whether I should drop it cause I'm being a douche, or pursue it farther. That is all. Thanks Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Juzzie 0 #2 December 16, 2009 get a hooker*IF AT FIRST YOU DONT SUCCEED... SKYDIVING IS NOT FOR YOU!!!* Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites bluesilver30 0 #3 December 16, 2009 hooah Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Bolas 5 #4 December 16, 2009 Waiting for shah's response. Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites amstalder 0 #5 December 16, 2009 Quote Waiting for shah's response. On a serious note, I dont understand why she wouldnt want to come spend time with just you... You two are basically newlyweds, and who wants to be newlyweds around family??? ETA: But what do I know?? Im young and can barely hold onto a boyfriend for a week Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites bluesilver30 0 #6 December 16, 2009 haha, yeah. she's big on family... but the newlywed family isn't as important to her as long term family it seems. that's understandable though. they have been with her forever, we've only been together for 4 years or so. especially since she'll be away from her family and friends for at least the next year during pilot training, i know she wants to be home with them. but, still, I want to be with her during the holidays for a bit now. that's my big thing, i'm pretty lonely, it's the holidays, and so far (through thanksgiving and all) i've just been doing BS training stuff. I just want to be with her. So, while I know I'm being selfish... I kind of thing that's kind of ok. Sometimes, we all need things for ourself. That's why I want more opinions. She's a great woman, I don't want to put her in bad light, I just want to know if i'm being overly needy/selfish. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites BillyVance 34 #7 December 16, 2009 JMO, but because you two have only been married a few months, it has not registered in her mind yet that marriage means putting the spouse first before their own families. You did try to work something out with her and she still went with her own way. Spend the holidays with YOUR family instead. See how she likes that. Edited to add: I don't even know either of you so I should not be telling you what to do. "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites SarahC07 0 #8 December 16, 2009 Quote ETA: But what do I know?? Im young and can barely hold onto a boyfriend for a week I should preface all of my comments with ^^^ IMO, you are both being a little selfish. I think if you were surrounded by your friends and family, your outlook would be a bit different. So, I'm tired and lazy and don't feel like elaborating... but I don't think she's being more selfish than you. Her priorities, at this moment in time, are just different. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites amstalder 0 #9 December 16, 2009 I dont think youre showing her in a bad light at all. Nor do I think youre being selfish by any means in asking her to come spend a few days with you... You ARE her husband after all. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites HoldtheIce 0 #10 December 16, 2009 Dude, It’s obvious you are not a priority in your wife’s life. If you can’t see this, you are in denial. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it’s only a matter of time. Time to start looking out for yourself and thinking about your options. No you are not being selfish. A marriage is a partnership and both parties are there for each other. You are being bitch slapped. Be strong and grow a sack. You state….she wants to go spend time with her family and friends?? Who is this friend she wants to spend more time with then you? Wake Up!!!Cause they know, and so do I, The high road is hard to find A detour to your new life, Tell all of your friends goodbye Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites amstalder 0 #11 December 16, 2009 Quote JMO, but because you two have only been married a few months, it has not registered in her mind yet that marriage means putting the spouse first before their own families. You did try to work something out with her and she still went with her own way. Spend the holidays with YOUR family instead. See how she likes that. Edited to add: I don't even know either of you so I should not be telling you what to do. That's kind of what I wanted to say, but I wasnt sure if that was allowed since Ive never been married or anywhere close to married. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites SarahC07 0 #12 December 16, 2009 Quote Dude, It’s obvious you are not a priority in your wife’s life. If you can’t see this, you are in denial. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it’s only a matter of time. Time to start looking out for yourself and thinking about your options. No you are not being selfish. A marriage is a partnership and both parties are there for each other. You are being bitch slapped. Be strong and grow a sack. You state….she wants to go spend time with her family and friends?? Who is this friend she wants to spend more time with then you? Wake Up!!! Okay, definitely don't agree with this guy. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites stitch 0 #13 December 16, 2009 Honeymoon's over. "No cookies for you"- GFD "I don't think I like the sound of that" ~ MB65 Don't be a "Racer Hater" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites jtval 0 #14 December 16, 2009 Since this is your first drunken rant I'll post a sobering reply. How long was the TDY? where was she? How long have you been together prior to marriage? Stop being a douche and understand that she isn't perfect and neither are you. Hopefully you didnt get drunk as a coping method because thats a good way to lose your pilot slot. She may feel that she is coming home to you anyway and taking a circuitous route to get there will give her a few more days with her temporary(original) family. When she gets HOME (to you) she will miss her family but she may not see it the other way. I.E. she doesnt miss you because she knows you'll be there for her real life. Or maybe you've been naggin her about the simple thing and she feel like you've been a baby so she decided to go home and devise a way to break it off. Either way, life will go on. Learn to live it for what it isMy photos My Videos Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites ridestrong 1 #15 December 16, 2009 You've been married for only 6 months and haven't seen each other in 3 months... I'd be pissed! I'm guessing she probably just saw most of her friends and family at your wedding? If both of you don't put each other first (given your situation) it will likely lead to pretty choppy water. One thing is for sure... if it bothers you, you guys NEED to talk about it right away or it will boil into something much bigger. Good, open communication is the best thing you can do right now. Frankly, if it was me... I'd be pissed and I would let her know it. Also, If you can I'd change your flight and go to Cali ASAP. Best wishes.*I am not afraid of dying... I am afraid of missing life.* ----Disclaimer: I don't know shit about skydiving.---- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites skydiver604 0 #16 December 16, 2009 IMHO Don't get into a twist about this, people do strange things for strange reasons,,,,don't spend hours speculating into her reasons and making assumptions and trying to figure this out,,,,you'll drive yourself mad ,,,,,relax,,go with the flow,,,spend some time to yourself,,friends whatever. Talk to her about it when you finally hook up on the 23rd, tell her how you feel, stay calm civil and keep it cool. I realize you're newlyweds and have been apart quite a bit, trust me you got the rest of your lives to be together and get on each other's nerves . My guess is she needs a bit of downtime, de-stress, get the family thing out of the way and then when you get there she'll be re-charged ready to carry on ,,,,,,,,,just be cool and when you see her give her a big hug, kiss, tongue whatever just to make sure your getting back together is on the right foot. Relax it will be okay "The greater danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it." - Michelangelo Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites bluesilver30 0 #17 December 16, 2009 I appreciate all of your inputs. Especially those critical of me, i know its hard to make a decision when you only hear one side of the story. I think im going to wait it out and see whats happens on the 23rd. I'll express my concerns, and see what she says. If anyone is really interested, pm me after then and i'll fill you in. Thanks for everyones input on this Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Nataly 38 #18 December 16, 2009 A few things.. First, I don't know you or your wife so any advice needs to be taken with an appropriate dose of salt.. 1. COMMUNICATION IS KEY I don't know what the statistic is on failed relationships, but I would bet that the number one killer is poor communication. So talk to her. Tell her how you feel and why. Ask her questions. Don't come to conclusions on the basis of assumptions - you might be dead wrong. 2. IT'S YOUR FAULT YOU'RE LONELY You cannot rely only on your partner to give you everything you need in terms of human interaction.. It's a huge burden on someone to be the only person in your life that means something to you.. You need to make some friends, find some hobbies, etc. Basically, *you* are responsible for your own happiness - your partner is there to *share* it with you. I moved to England and for the first several months I felt like I had no one in the world except my SO.. It was lonely and sad, but it was my fault. When I ventured out and made some friends and started having my own life, the relationship also blossomed, because I was happier as a person and I wasn't putting all this pressure on my partner to be my everything. That's all I can think of.. Sorry if it's a bit harsh.."There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites virgin-burner 1 #19 December 16, 2009 dude, getting married was your FIRST and BIGGEST mistake; grab a hooker now, get completely wasted at the family christmas thing, throw up on her auntie and shit on their porch. this will not only leave a permanent impression, it might also change your wifes perspective! “Some may never live, but the crazy never die.” -Hunter S. Thompson "No. Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try." -Yoda Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites skydiverbry 0 #20 December 16, 2009 Fuckin leave it to you to make me laugh when I was seriously reading something........Ya,what VB saidBry-------------------------------------------------- Growing old is mandatory.Growing up is optional!! D.S.#13(Dudeist Skdiver) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites rwieder 0 #21 December 16, 2009 Four Thoughts: 1) Are you a full time drunk? If you are, no wonder she's avoiding you. 2) Are you 19 years old? (Profile not complete) If not, you're acting like it. 3) Don't drink & post. 4) If you tell all of you're business, you got no business. Get over it already. I hate to see a grown man cry. I doubt seriously if I'd come here looking for sympathy, or answers.-Richard- "You're Holding The Rope And I'm Taking The Fall" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites skydiverbry 0 #22 December 16, 2009 Why not come here for all the answers of life? I do and I've found it to be the best possible place to get the best possible answers to all of lifes problemsBry -------------------------------------------------- Growing old is mandatory.Growing up is optional!! D.S.#13(Dudeist Skdiver) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Cheach 0 #23 December 16, 2009 And WHO wouldn't want to come to Oklahoma. I love it here. I woke up next to a blowup doll Ash....so what do you think? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites skydiverbry 0 #24 December 16, 2009 What is exactly in Oklahoma besides tornados -------------------------------------------------- Growing old is mandatory.Growing up is optional!! D.S.#13(Dudeist Skdiver) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites mrwrong 0 #25 December 16, 2009 Quote What is exactly in Oklahoma besides tornados Wierd toothless, banjo playing guys???? Or are they mostly found in Alabama??? “The sum of intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.” - George Bernard Shaw He who dies with the most toys, wins..... dudeist skydiver # 19515 Buy quality and cry once! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites Prev 1 2 3 Next Page 1 of 3 Join the conversation You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account. Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible. Reply to this topic... × Pasted as rich text. Paste as plain text instead Only 75 emoji are allowed. × Your link has been automatically embedded. Display as a link instead × Your previous content has been restored. Clear editor × You cannot paste images directly. 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Juzzie 0 #2 December 16, 2009 get a hooker*IF AT FIRST YOU DONT SUCCEED... SKYDIVING IS NOT FOR YOU!!!* Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bolas 5 #4 December 16, 2009 Waiting for shah's response. Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
amstalder 0 #5 December 16, 2009 Quote Waiting for shah's response. On a serious note, I dont understand why she wouldnt want to come spend time with just you... You two are basically newlyweds, and who wants to be newlyweds around family??? ETA: But what do I know?? Im young and can barely hold onto a boyfriend for a week Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bluesilver30 0 #6 December 16, 2009 haha, yeah. she's big on family... but the newlywed family isn't as important to her as long term family it seems. that's understandable though. they have been with her forever, we've only been together for 4 years or so. especially since she'll be away from her family and friends for at least the next year during pilot training, i know she wants to be home with them. but, still, I want to be with her during the holidays for a bit now. that's my big thing, i'm pretty lonely, it's the holidays, and so far (through thanksgiving and all) i've just been doing BS training stuff. I just want to be with her. So, while I know I'm being selfish... I kind of thing that's kind of ok. Sometimes, we all need things for ourself. That's why I want more opinions. She's a great woman, I don't want to put her in bad light, I just want to know if i'm being overly needy/selfish. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 34 #7 December 16, 2009 JMO, but because you two have only been married a few months, it has not registered in her mind yet that marriage means putting the spouse first before their own families. You did try to work something out with her and she still went with her own way. Spend the holidays with YOUR family instead. See how she likes that. Edited to add: I don't even know either of you so I should not be telling you what to do. "Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SarahC07 0 #8 December 16, 2009 Quote ETA: But what do I know?? Im young and can barely hold onto a boyfriend for a week I should preface all of my comments with ^^^ IMO, you are both being a little selfish. I think if you were surrounded by your friends and family, your outlook would be a bit different. So, I'm tired and lazy and don't feel like elaborating... but I don't think she's being more selfish than you. Her priorities, at this moment in time, are just different. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
amstalder 0 #9 December 16, 2009 I dont think youre showing her in a bad light at all. Nor do I think youre being selfish by any means in asking her to come spend a few days with you... You ARE her husband after all. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
HoldtheIce 0 #10 December 16, 2009 Dude, It’s obvious you are not a priority in your wife’s life. If you can’t see this, you are in denial. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it’s only a matter of time. Time to start looking out for yourself and thinking about your options. No you are not being selfish. A marriage is a partnership and both parties are there for each other. You are being bitch slapped. Be strong and grow a sack. You state….she wants to go spend time with her family and friends?? Who is this friend she wants to spend more time with then you? Wake Up!!!Cause they know, and so do I, The high road is hard to find A detour to your new life, Tell all of your friends goodbye Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
amstalder 0 #11 December 16, 2009 Quote JMO, but because you two have only been married a few months, it has not registered in her mind yet that marriage means putting the spouse first before their own families. You did try to work something out with her and she still went with her own way. Spend the holidays with YOUR family instead. See how she likes that. Edited to add: I don't even know either of you so I should not be telling you what to do. That's kind of what I wanted to say, but I wasnt sure if that was allowed since Ive never been married or anywhere close to married. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SarahC07 0 #12 December 16, 2009 Quote Dude, It’s obvious you are not a priority in your wife’s life. If you can’t see this, you are in denial. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it’s only a matter of time. Time to start looking out for yourself and thinking about your options. No you are not being selfish. A marriage is a partnership and both parties are there for each other. You are being bitch slapped. Be strong and grow a sack. You state….she wants to go spend time with her family and friends?? Who is this friend she wants to spend more time with then you? Wake Up!!! Okay, definitely don't agree with this guy. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
stitch 0 #13 December 16, 2009 Honeymoon's over. "No cookies for you"- GFD "I don't think I like the sound of that" ~ MB65 Don't be a "Racer Hater" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jtval 0 #14 December 16, 2009 Since this is your first drunken rant I'll post a sobering reply. How long was the TDY? where was she? How long have you been together prior to marriage? Stop being a douche and understand that she isn't perfect and neither are you. Hopefully you didnt get drunk as a coping method because thats a good way to lose your pilot slot. She may feel that she is coming home to you anyway and taking a circuitous route to get there will give her a few more days with her temporary(original) family. When she gets HOME (to you) she will miss her family but she may not see it the other way. I.E. she doesnt miss you because she knows you'll be there for her real life. Or maybe you've been naggin her about the simple thing and she feel like you've been a baby so she decided to go home and devise a way to break it off. Either way, life will go on. Learn to live it for what it isMy photos My Videos Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ridestrong 1 #15 December 16, 2009 You've been married for only 6 months and haven't seen each other in 3 months... I'd be pissed! I'm guessing she probably just saw most of her friends and family at your wedding? If both of you don't put each other first (given your situation) it will likely lead to pretty choppy water. One thing is for sure... if it bothers you, you guys NEED to talk about it right away or it will boil into something much bigger. Good, open communication is the best thing you can do right now. Frankly, if it was me... I'd be pissed and I would let her know it. Also, If you can I'd change your flight and go to Cali ASAP. Best wishes.*I am not afraid of dying... I am afraid of missing life.* ----Disclaimer: I don't know shit about skydiving.---- Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skydiver604 0 #16 December 16, 2009 IMHO Don't get into a twist about this, people do strange things for strange reasons,,,,don't spend hours speculating into her reasons and making assumptions and trying to figure this out,,,,you'll drive yourself mad ,,,,,relax,,go with the flow,,,spend some time to yourself,,friends whatever. Talk to her about it when you finally hook up on the 23rd, tell her how you feel, stay calm civil and keep it cool. I realize you're newlyweds and have been apart quite a bit, trust me you got the rest of your lives to be together and get on each other's nerves . My guess is she needs a bit of downtime, de-stress, get the family thing out of the way and then when you get there she'll be re-charged ready to carry on ,,,,,,,,,just be cool and when you see her give her a big hug, kiss, tongue whatever just to make sure your getting back together is on the right foot. Relax it will be okay "The greater danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it." - Michelangelo Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bluesilver30 0 #17 December 16, 2009 I appreciate all of your inputs. Especially those critical of me, i know its hard to make a decision when you only hear one side of the story. I think im going to wait it out and see whats happens on the 23rd. I'll express my concerns, and see what she says. If anyone is really interested, pm me after then and i'll fill you in. Thanks for everyones input on this Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nataly 38 #18 December 16, 2009 A few things.. First, I don't know you or your wife so any advice needs to be taken with an appropriate dose of salt.. 1. COMMUNICATION IS KEY I don't know what the statistic is on failed relationships, but I would bet that the number one killer is poor communication. So talk to her. Tell her how you feel and why. Ask her questions. Don't come to conclusions on the basis of assumptions - you might be dead wrong. 2. IT'S YOUR FAULT YOU'RE LONELY You cannot rely only on your partner to give you everything you need in terms of human interaction.. It's a huge burden on someone to be the only person in your life that means something to you.. You need to make some friends, find some hobbies, etc. Basically, *you* are responsible for your own happiness - your partner is there to *share* it with you. I moved to England and for the first several months I felt like I had no one in the world except my SO.. It was lonely and sad, but it was my fault. When I ventured out and made some friends and started having my own life, the relationship also blossomed, because I was happier as a person and I wasn't putting all this pressure on my partner to be my everything. That's all I can think of.. Sorry if it's a bit harsh.."There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
virgin-burner 1 #19 December 16, 2009 dude, getting married was your FIRST and BIGGEST mistake; grab a hooker now, get completely wasted at the family christmas thing, throw up on her auntie and shit on their porch. this will not only leave a permanent impression, it might also change your wifes perspective! “Some may never live, but the crazy never die.” -Hunter S. Thompson "No. Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try." -Yoda Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skydiverbry 0 #20 December 16, 2009 Fuckin leave it to you to make me laugh when I was seriously reading something........Ya,what VB saidBry-------------------------------------------------- Growing old is mandatory.Growing up is optional!! D.S.#13(Dudeist Skdiver) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rwieder 0 #21 December 16, 2009 Four Thoughts: 1) Are you a full time drunk? If you are, no wonder she's avoiding you. 2) Are you 19 years old? (Profile not complete) If not, you're acting like it. 3) Don't drink & post. 4) If you tell all of you're business, you got no business. Get over it already. I hate to see a grown man cry. I doubt seriously if I'd come here looking for sympathy, or answers.-Richard- "You're Holding The Rope And I'm Taking The Fall" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skydiverbry 0 #22 December 16, 2009 Why not come here for all the answers of life? I do and I've found it to be the best possible place to get the best possible answers to all of lifes problemsBry -------------------------------------------------- Growing old is mandatory.Growing up is optional!! D.S.#13(Dudeist Skdiver) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cheach 0 #23 December 16, 2009 And WHO wouldn't want to come to Oklahoma. I love it here. I woke up next to a blowup doll Ash....so what do you think? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skydiverbry 0 #24 December 16, 2009 What is exactly in Oklahoma besides tornados -------------------------------------------------- Growing old is mandatory.Growing up is optional!! D.S.#13(Dudeist Skdiver) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mrwrong 0 #25 December 16, 2009 Quote What is exactly in Oklahoma besides tornados Wierd toothless, banjo playing guys???? Or are they mostly found in Alabama??? “The sum of intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.” - George Bernard Shaw He who dies with the most toys, wins..... dudeist skydiver # 19515 Buy quality and cry once! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
