The breakup dilemma...

[Nataly 38]

Tough one..

Been seeing this guy for a few months now. He's currently dealing with some pretty big issues, which I've gone into before already. These issues are not a problem for me... Nor is the fact that it's currently a distance relationship - in a few weeks he or I or both of us will be in a position where we can move to the same town (or indeed, the same apartment, which we have discussed).

I just have this niggling fear of commitment. I also worry that I will never want children, whereas he wants them (and soon). I've been very honest with him, so I'm not hiding these feelings.. The kid thing is a biggy.. I'm afraid I won't change my mind and eventually we break-up over it when we've invested a lot into the relationship.

I feel sad.. Of course the obvious thing is to break up now.. But it seems awful to break-up as a preventative measure.. I mean, I can't live my life in fear of what might happen, can I? On the other hand, it strikes me as irresponsible to pursue a relationship - no matter how much I like him - with someone who has different expectations than me..

Grrrhh.. Life is such a bitch.. Welcome to adulthood, eh?!

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[Squeak 17]

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Tough one..



I feel sad.. Of course the obvious thing is to break up now.. But it seems awful to break-up as a preventative measure.. I mean, I can't live my life in fear of what might happen, can I? On the other hand, it strikes me as irresponsible to pursue a relationship - no matter how much I like him - with someone who has different expectations than me..

Grrrhh.. Life is such a bitch.. Welcome to adulthood, eh?!

not obvious at all

just keep the conversations going, and if you are concerned about the commitment issue DON'T move in together.
Leave things as GF/BF and see how things slide.. it does not have to be an either/ or scenario

You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky)
My Life ROCKS!
How's yours doing?

[CSpenceFLY 1]

Yeah, just wait till he starts pressuring you about the whole kid thing, then you will hate him and it won't be so hard.

[Nataly 38]

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Yeah, just wait till he starts pressuring you about the whole kid thing, then you will hate him and it won't be so hard.

Ah ha ha!! Thanks - this made me laugh!

And Squeak - I think you're right about the moving in thing.

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[Squeak 17]

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Yeah, just wait till he starts pressuring you about the whole kid thing, then you will hate him and it won't be so hard.

Ah ha ha!! Thanks - this made me laugh!

And Squeak - I think you're right about the moving in thing.

of course i am right..I'm a friggin GENIUS

You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky)
My Life ROCKS!
How's yours doing?

[diablopilot 2]

How old are you?

----------------------------------------------
You're not as good as you think you are. Seriously.

[Remster 24]

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Yeah, just wait till he starts pressuring you about the whole kid thing, then you will hate him and it won't be so hard.

Ah ha ha!! Thanks - this made me laugh!

And Squeak - I think you're right about the moving in thing.

of course i am right..I'm a friggin GENIUS

Yeah.

Sure.

You couldnt even place an order for the right number of jeans.

Oh, wait, that was me... Never mind, carry on!

Remster

[Hipwrddude 0]

Go with how you feel. Make it nice and clean and don't wait or drag it out. Usually, it's more then the kid thing, it's a lot of things and sometimes they all can't be articulated but it just doesn't feel right so don't get stuck in it. As funny as it sounds, breaking up may be hard to do, but it's also liberating. What you feel at your core is usually dead on. Cheerio.

You're always the starter in your own life!

[JohnMitchell 14]

Wow, a good answer from Squeak? Amazing.

I gotta agree with him, to keep some distance until you're really ready to commit. With the talk of kids does the talk of marriage come up too? I guess I'm old fashioned for the 21st century, but I think it's smart to tie the knot when starting a family. Kids need a strongly bonded set of parents to bounce off of, just like learning to dock 3rd in belly flying.

And if you don't want kids, your "biological clock" ticking should mean nothing to you, really. Take your life one day at a time and enjoy. Maybe this will be the guy; maybe the right guy is still out there to be met.

[Airman1270 0]

If I may get personal, what is it with this compulsion to share a residence? Almost all relationships eventually end. When the time comes that one of you is beginning to see an eventual split coming, it's difficult enough to deal with these issues without the added complication of sharing a bathroom sink. If you don't love the guy enough to marry him, why give up the sanity of having your own space?

If you're already having doubts it seems that it would be stupid to go the living-together route.

Cheers,
Jon S.

[Bolas 5]

Have ya'll been together around 6 months or more?

If so, and you don't see a long term future due to differences, it's time to end it.

Was in a similar situation once. Our long term plans didn't mesh and we were starting to have some issues. Rather than try to fix them we just ended it.
When is his kid due? That may change his mind on having more as well.

Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting
If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh.

[Jbag 0]

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Have ya'll been together around 6 months or more?

If so, and you don't see a long term future due to differences, it's time to end it.

Was in a similar situation once. Our long term plans didn't mesh and we were starting to have some issues. Rather than try to fix them we just ended it.
When is his kid due? That may change his mind on having more as well.

that was your last relationship like 10yrs ago right? :P

i say b/c you are a girl and its easy for you to get laid, just get out of the relationship when you feel like you have a proper replacement =D

IHYD

[zxcvb 0]

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i say b/c you are a girl and its easy for you to get laid, just get out of the relationship when you feel like you have a proper replacement =D

But then she couldn't provide us all the drama on here. Not to mention, looking at her profile picture, she isn't even hot for a skydiver (face it, our standards tend to be much lower)

[Jbag 0]

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i say b/c you are a girl and its easy for you to get laid, just get out of the relationship when you feel like you have a proper replacement =D

But then she couldn't provide us all the drama on here. Not to mention, looking at her profile picture, she isn't even hot for a skydiver (face it, our standards tend to be much lower)

didnt say anything about being hot, but face it, guys will fuck almost anything that moo's...errr i mean moves :)

IHYD

[tkhayes 124]

if one side wants kids and the other does not, then the issue is simple - DO NOT move in together.

You all need to resolve that issue before you live together - plain and simple.

[Nataly 38]

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i say b/c you are a girl and its easy for you to get laid, just get out of the relationship when you feel like you have a proper replacement =D

This is probably a topic for a new thread, but what is it with you guys who think dating is somehow easier for chicks??! I mean, seriously.. The ability to "score" is not synonymous with the ability to find a good partner. Yes, I think we all know that those who have the boobies have an easier time getting laid.. But we're not talking about a fuck-buddy here.. This is a relationship.

I don't really know what to think about the fact that I have reservations.. I've been in relationships before when I had absolutely NO doubts at all, and none of those worked out!

His kid is due really soon.. And that's probably why he's so obsessed with the topic of children.. He's completely devastated that he didn't have kids sooner, and that he's now having one with a woman who will no longer speak to him. He's totally traumatised.. He wants a family. Always has done.. I find it scary. I've only once ever thought I'd want kids, but that moment of madness has passed!!!

Oh..

I dunno..

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[Andy9o8 0]

Here's a shot in the dark: find someone without baggage.

[ltdiver 3]

insert scary thought here: . . .

If he's having a child, and you hook up with him, you -are- in essence a "Mom". Albeit a step-mom, but you get the drift. His 'baggage' becomes your own.

Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon

[LuckyMcSwervy 0]

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Here's a shot in the dark: find someone without baggage.

I didn't think I'd ever meet someone who didn't have baggage (40 years old, no children, never been married, no criminal history, etc) but they ARE out there.

Sometimes when you aren't looking is when you trip right over them.

Always be kinder than you feel.

[Nataly 38]

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Here's a shot in the dark: find someone without baggage.

I didn't think I'd ever meet someone who didn't have baggage (40 years old, no children, never been married, no criminal history, etc) but they ARE out there.

Sometimes when you aren't looking is when you trip right over them.

Yeah.. See, I originally posted (then deleted) essentially saying single people over a certain age have baggage.. But that's unfair..

Still.. I think the older you get, the more experience you have & the better you know yourself as a person.. And that's a great thing, except it usually also comes with a certain amount of baggage. Not always, but it's not uncommon..

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[Squeak 17]

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Here's a shot in the dark: find someone without baggage.

I didn't think I'd ever meet someone who didn't have baggage (40 years old, no children, never been married, no criminal history, etc) but they ARE out there.

Sometimes when you aren't looking is when you trip right over them.

Yeah.. See, I originally posted (then deleted) essentially saying single people over a certain age have baggage.. But that's unfair..

Still.. I think the older you get, the more experience you have & the better you know yourself as a person.. And that's a great thing, except it usually also comes with a certain amount of baggage. Not always, but it's not uncommon..

Stop your worrying, it's not like you.re Mrs Haversham,
Just get out and enjoy your life, Christ in the other thread you cant even figure out what COUNTRY you want to be in so this relationship twaddle is a no brainer.

You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky)
My Life ROCKS!
How's yours doing?

[Nataly 38]

Meh.. I'm not worrying.. I just find it a sad situation, that's all.

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[Squeak 17]

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Meh.. I'm not worrying.. I just find it a sad situation, that's all.

you have the world at your feet with doors opening for you daily...yeah i can see the sadness in that

You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky)
My Life ROCKS!
How's yours doing?

[shah269 0]

Go to local DZ, point at two guys, tell them to fight each other and that the winner can buy you dinner at a place of your choosing.
Stand back enjoy fight get free dinner and maybe a new boyfriend!

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

[Bolas 5]

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Here's a shot in the dark: find someone without baggage.

I didn't think I'd ever meet someone who didn't have baggage (40 years old, no children, never been married, no criminal history, etc) but they ARE out there.

Sometimes when you aren't looking is when you trip right over them.

No criminal history? Indecent exposure doesn't count, right?

Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting
If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh.