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shah269

Deresssion...man this kind of sucks

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I think it's where I live.
I didn't buy my condo because it was the place to be for dating, i bought it beacause it was close to my x wifes job and to the school she was attending. Didn't want her to spend an hour int he car every day going and an hour comming. so now i'm sorrounded by old ladies and young couples with their first kid.
So i am in effect fishing in the dead sea.
There are just one too many issues on top of one another and the stress levels keep jumping up.
[:/]

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

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When you truly connect with someone, she becomes beautiful in your eyes. Her extra pounds, lines on her face or even unruly hair won't matter because when you look at her, you see love staring right back at you. Sorry to hear you've never experienced this so you can understand it and you probably won't, given your current attitude.
She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

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I don't know but perhaps I'm missing something here. Weren't you the guy that had all the comebacks for the Ask Dr. Shah thread a while back? Dude I know how you feel. I'm 40 years old and after I was in my 20's and didn't have a damn clue of what I wanted in life or a woman...I had a few hotties in my time and during my 30's I got tired of all the bullshit and I was single for quite a while. I often like to compare dating to the NFL. If you watch football as much as I do you will know that every single team has its ups and downs. I know some have more downs than others, but thats life...if it were all ups...it'd be kinda fucking boring after a while...we'd never appreciate the good things and the good things we had wouldn't have the same luster as if it would if you didn't have something shitty happen before. That's what makes the ups so worthwhile. So take for instance I'm a Tampa Bay Buccaneers fan...for the longest time my team was the absolute WORST team in the NFL. The first team to go winless 0-14 and in 2002 they won the superbowl...The New England Patriots? Yeah they were awesome in the 2000's but in the 90's they sucked donkey balls. So you see in this circle of life we are all on, EVERYONE has ups and downs...it's more about the downs and how we deal with it that defines us as humans rather than re-living the ups to ad infinium. If that doesn't work do what an old army buddy of mine says...

Go find the nearest party and unzip your pants...pull your balls out and walk around and wait to see who notices. Some hot bitch is bound to say ...oh my what nice balls you have...and BAM your once again pounding model ass in a motel room.

And before anyone gets any ideas...its called Hangin Brain. We already have it trademarked:D

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Weren't you the guy that had all the comebacks for the Ask Dr. Shah thread a while back?
Yeah...optimism takes energy. An amazing ammount of it. Every other week I've had a date for the past 4 months......but at some point during a brainless conversation you sit back take a pull of your beer and come to the sad conclusion that maybe just maybe what was, was better than what is sitting across from you yapping about absolutly nothing. and then it's a base jump into an elevator shaft.
And no I'm sorry SkyM, to quote my grandmother "god gave me eyes" no ammount of inner good will get any guy to cross the bar / club / cafe / street to say hi. And Im very sorry I have some standards and that those revolve around a medium sized girl.
Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

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I can't help but feel I'll never find anyone even close to what she was to me.


Dude, I thought she had cankles.:P

Go rent the movie "Shallow Hal." :D

Sure, we all have check lists of what we want in a relationship. We all can be judgmental. Just do yourself a favor and quit advertising it, for crying out loud. I think you're trying to dislike each woman you go out with, while looking over you shoulder at what you "lost". Try finding something you like about them. And quit worrying about their dress size. I've gone out with every size of woman. I like 'em all.;):)

And count your blessings. I know a lot of people who would trade situations with you. Still have all your arms and legs?:)

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I can't help but feel I'll never find anyone even close to what she was to me.


Dude, I thought she had cankles.:P

Go rent the movie "Shallow Hal." :D

Sure, we all have check lists of what we want in a relationship. We all can be judgmental. Just do yourself a favor and quit advertising it, for crying out loud. I think you're trying to dislike each woman you go out with, while looking over you shoulder at what you "lost". Try finding something you like about them. And quit worrying about their dress size. I've gone out with every size of woman. I like 'em all.;):)

And count your blessings. I know a lot of people who would trade situations with you. Still have all your arms and legs?:)


How many times have I said this? We need more John Mitchell's in this world. ;)
Kim Mills
USPA D21696
Tandem I, AFF I and Static Line I

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When you truly connect with someone, she becomes beautiful in your eyes. Her extra pounds, lines on her face or even unruly hair won't matter because when you look at her, you see love staring right back at you. Sorry to hear you've never experienced this so you can understand it and you probably won't, given your current attitude.



Sounds like the theme of a lot of chick-flicks.

Truth is, most men go for attractive women, and most women go for men that can earn more than enough to feed a family. Nature designed us that way, so in my opinion a man can't be blamed for going for an attractive woman if he can deliver the goods that a woman looks for, no more than a woman can be blamed for desiring a 'financially stable' or even a wealthy man if she's attractive enough to get one. But of course, yes, personality and compatibility do count.

To the OP, I've been there myself -- I feel for you. Probably the worst episode of depression I went through in my life was after a breakup around end of 2006. I remember I posted a thread quite similar to this one around that time, and in retrospect the best response was from lawrocket, who said that "only time would heal the wound." He was absolutely right...and now I have no regrets over what happened. Of course, the time in between the hurt and the healing is a bitch...but it's no lie that better days are ahead. Depression kept me from believing that at the time.

Tough it out, jump your ass off (helped me a great deal), get back to doing things you like because wallowing in sad reflection doesn't fix anything. Also, don't put pressure on yourself to meet someone new so quickly -- dating can be a jading experience when you're in a rut, and in my case it made things worse at the time. Good luck dude.

Be humble, ask questions, listen, learn, follow the golden rule, talk when necessary, and know when to shut the fuck up.

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I really don't blame shah with the whole standards thing. Sure, it's not necessary to broadcast it... but that seems to be his personality. I don't care who you are... everyone has some type of standards. Whether that is their looks, bank account, stability, sense of humor... whatever. For most people, it's obviously the whole package that matters.

But there has to be some initial spark that keeps you interested, and then as you burrow down and learn more about said person, you might find that all of their qualities click with you.

Sure, there might be an outrageously unattractive member of the opposite sex who is charming, sweet, and all around awesome... but if there isn't even physical attraction to drive some kind of sexual desire whats the point? I'm not saying "only super models are worth it", I'm saying that your partner must be somewhat attractive to you. Then, as your relationship grows, so too will that attraction.

Let's spin this another way for all you nay-sayers. Let's pretend there's a member of the opposite sex who is attractive, wealthy, charming, sweet, funny... everything you like. Buuuut, they have a tendency to view child porn occasionally (a habit they don't try to keep secret). Nothing harmful... everyone has their weird fantasies I suppose. Would you be willing to overlook this flaw, because the rest of the person is so perfect? Would there be a second date?

I don't know. I understand where the crass attitude of "she's not hot enough for me" can be disconcerting to some people, but to some extent, everyone has their limit. The above example is obviously retarded, but it demonstrates that the whole package is what is important. If someone doesn't respect their body enough to work out a few times a week... well, that's a character flaw. There's no reason to be rude about it... but there's also no reason to settle when finding someone you are attracted to, both physically and emotionally.

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I've been having one of those 4 months



4 months is nothing. You're grieving and want to change what you can not change. Stop advertising your sorrow. Be ok with being sad, know it's temporary even though it seems like it will never change. Don't look back. The happiness will fall back into place when you choose to let go.

Depression sucks and will change only if you stop doing what depresses you.

Be nice. Don't do mean things and pay attention to who you're sitting next to. If you like shiny things, make that added effort to pay attention. Be open. That person might just be just right.

No one is like the person you were with before. <=== don't expect anyone to be like someone else. They are who they are.

--- drama be gone ---

Go do something.
My grammar sometimes resembles that of magnetic refrigerator poetry... Ghetto

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Hi,

I long ago learned that there's that totally "gorgeous looking model" who doesn't make a good partner, and that "average person" (still good looking!!!) that stands by your side and makes a kick-ass dinner, and always smiles a lot around you.

I have come to the age that I really don't want to keep looking, and growing up old alone. Eventually you just want to stop fishing in the pond for that elusive prize, and fish for something that's still impressively tasty, gets you fed, even if it's not a prize catch.

Eventually as one grows older, one becomes more willing to make a compromise. It eventually boils down to finding something that will last through all kinds of ups and downs. Different people have different amounts of give in willingness to compromise, as they grow older... You may or may not need to compromse much, depending on perspective...

Some of my best role models are friends who are happy couples that have been together more than 10 years and still love each other very much and help each other (even if they have their imperfections and difficulties, and surviving difficult moments). I have noticed many of them share the same sentiments...

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I've been having one of those 4 months



4 months is nothing. You're grieving and want to change what you can not change. Stop advertising your sorrow. Be ok with being sad, know it's temporary even though it seems like it will never change. Don't look back. The happiness will fall back into place when you choose to let go.

Depression sucks and will change only if you stop doing what depresses you. Also.

Be nice. Don't do mean things and pay attention to who you're sitting next to. If you like shiny things, make an effort to pay attention.

No one is like the person you were with before. <=== don't expect anyone to be like someone else. They are who they are.

--- drama be gone ---

Go do something.



Like this!!! This is how I spent my last Sunday :)
Kim Mills
USPA D21696
Tandem I, AFF I and Static Line I

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Yeah but the statement you made would mean more coming from another chick that isn't nearly as hot as you are.



See, I don't think of myself as hot. And I think those who know me would describe my personality as what truly shines through. I have had two children and have been heavier (which in mens eyes equates to unattractive). But no matter what my "shell" looks like I will always be the nice, sweet, sincere girl who likes to make people smile and laugh.
Kim Mills
USPA D21696
Tandem I, AFF I and Static Line I

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Yeah but the statement you made would mean more coming from another chick that isn't nearly as hot as you are.



See, I don't think of myself as hot. And I think those who know me would describe my personality as what truly shines through. I have had two children and have been heavier (which in mens eyes equates to unattractive). But no matter what my "shell" looks like I will always be the nice, sweet, sincere girl who likes to make people smile and laugh.


Which increases your hotness 10 fold.;)

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You know, I read this whole thing and sort of shake my head in disbelief... I think VanillaSkyGirl was dead on correct - it's your perspective that determines your reality.

I'm 38 - so even older than you! - recently divorced and having the time of my life dating. It. Is. Fun.

My dating pool is basically 27 to 43 year olds. Worrying about what dress size they are is sort of misguided, in my opinion. I haven't found "the perfect woman", but taking my time to find someone that I can date in a long term relationship shouldn't be a painful process...

Think about a couple of things:

First, why do you want to be in a relationship - I mean what do you want out of it? Companionship? Sex? Romance? (Yeah, everyone wants all of them, but some weigh more heavily than others for some people.) The answer to that will help you figure out the type of person you want to date (and yeah, if it's as simple as "a size 4", then I'm just going to say you'll probably find exactly what you want, but will that really make you happy in the long run?).

Second, what kind of woman do you want to date? The answer to the first question is going to start to answer that, but you'll by no means get all your answers from that.

Does she have similar interests (or different interests that you can share)? Do you have similar backgrounds (or does your difference in backgrounds appeal to you)? What are your life goals? What are hers? How do you (and how does she) approach conflict? How do you handle stuff like "telling the truth" (do you tell little white lies? or are you brutally honest about everything?). Does she want kids? Do you? What if she has kids? Figure out all of the aspects of what you want.

So, figure out what you want - what's really going to make you happy - at a meaningful (not dress size) level. Figure out what your core principles are, and what's negotiable. And then take your time. Compromise on the negotiable stuff, if you have to. But never surrender the core principles. It might take years.

But that's cool - have fun in the interim.

-J

P.S., on the "my condo location sucks" thing... Seriously - I live far, far away from where I want to live because I want to be close to my daughter. It's a pain in the ass, but people have these things called "cars" that can be used to transport them from one location to another. They're pretty neat.
Skwrl Productions - Wingsuit Photography

Northeast Bird School - Chief Logistics Guy and Video Dork

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How many times have I said this? We need more John Mitchell's in this world. ;)



I'll try to be like John, if you'll be my "V".:)
"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

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Yeah but the statement you made would mean more coming from another chick that isn't nearly as hot as you are.



See, I don't think of myself as hot. And I think those who know me would describe my personality as what truly shines through. I have had two children and have been heavier (which in mens eyes equates to unattractive). But no matter what my "shell" looks like I will always be the nice, sweet, sincere girl who likes to make people smile and laugh.



The question is . . . How good are your sammiches?
I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

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How many times have I said this? We need more John Mitchell's in this world. ;)



I'll try to be like John, if you'll be my "V".:)
Better hold on, Ryoder, I hope you're ready for that.;)


You mean V isn't the most perfect woman in the world?:o
I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

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Yeah but the statement you made would mean more coming from another chick that isn't nearly as hot as you are.



See, I don't think of myself as hot. And I think those who know me would describe my personality as what truly shines through. I have had two children and have been heavier (which in mens eyes equates to unattractive). But no matter what my "shell" looks like I will always be the nice, sweet, sincere girl who likes to make people smile and laugh.


not only with me then!? :D:D:D
“Some may never live, but the crazy never die.”
-Hunter S. Thompson
"No. Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try."
-Yoda

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Better hold on, Ryoder, I hope you're ready for that.;)



You mean V isn't the most perfect woman in the world?:o

Never said that. It's more like that time I took the aerobatic ride in a P-51 Mustang.;):P

Now go think about it.:)

I think I know better than to put words to that . . . she hits HARD!:ph34r:
I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

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