Sexist jokes !!

[SkydiveMonkey 0]

The one's for the men are further down the list
GOD, WHY DID YOU MAKE WOMAN SO BEAUTIFUL?
- When does a woman care for a man's company?
When he owns it.
- How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
Three, if you slice them very thinly.
- Why do men get married?
So they don't have to hold their stomachs in anymore.
- What are a woman's four favorite animals?
A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom,
and an ass to pay for it all.
- How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
- Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
- What did God say after creating man?
I must be able to do better than that.
- What did God say after creating Eve?
"Practice makes perfect."
- What's the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature.
- What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
They're married.
- Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
So they can find their way back to the house.
- Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married
women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
- What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his brainpower?
A widower.
- Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says:
"So you would love her." "But God," the man says, "why did you make her
so dumb?" God says: "So she would love you.
- Why did Moses wander the desert for 40 years?
He wouldn't ask for directions.
And the other side....
WHY DO WOMEN HAVE SMALLER FEET...?
How many men does it take to open a can of beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up women?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never
be
able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer
the
sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling
at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
What's worse than a male chauvinist pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.
I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months:
I don't like to interrupt her.
What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by
90%.
It's called a wedding cake.
Marriage is a 3 ring circus:
Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, and Suffering.
Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me,"What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust."
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said
to
her,"I haven't eaten anything in four days."
She looked at him and said. "God, I wish I had your will power."
Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife Wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it
once.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a
bald
head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
boobies - the cause of, and solution to, all of lifes problems

[MudMan 0]

What do you do when your dishwasher breaks down?

Slap her!


What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing! You done told her twice already!

"All Generalizations Are False."

[azureriders 0]

Three fairly intelegent women find a genie lamp. The genie offers them one wish each.

The first woman knowing that she could have anything she wanted beyound this wish if she was smart enough. So she wished that she was the smartest woman in the world, and it was done.

The second woman was not happy with this at all, but knowing that she could not negate the first woman's wish, she simply wished to be equaly smart as the first. Now they were the two smartest women in the world.

The third woman is now irate. She had always been the smartest of the three and she did not care how it affected the first two wishes, she still wished that she was as always, smarter than the first two. He turned her into a man.

[rhys 0]

Women, if they didn't have a pussy, you'd find them stacked ten high at the dump!


-


Whats should women wear out most often...






















... the carpet between the kitchen and the bedroom.

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, then the world will see peace." - 'Jimi' Hendrix

[freefal 0]

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change it, and one to suck my...

"Ignorance is bliss" and "Patience is a virtue"... So if you're stupid and don't mind waiting around for a while, I guess you can have a pretty good life!

[happythoughts 0]

Bob and Joe are fishing.

Bob says, "My wife hasn't spoken to me in 3 weeks. I think I may divorce her."

Joe replies, "Better think about that. A woman like that is hard to find."

[rhys 0]

Quote

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change it, and one to suck my...Blush

that reminds me of the joke (not sexist)

How many freefliers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A, 5; one to screw the light bulb in and 4 to film it.



I am a freeflier among other disciplines but that makes me laugh every time.

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, then the world will see peace." - 'Jimi' Hendrix

[jtval 0]

What's the smartest thing ever to come out of a womans mouth?





Einstein's Cck




Men are living proof that women can take a joke.

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[nigel99 280]

Quote

Quote

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change it, and one to suck my...Blush

that reminds me of the joke (not sexist)

How many freefliers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A, 5; one to screw the light bulb in and 4 to film it.



I am a freeflier among other disciplines but that makes me laugh every time.

thats ok all free fliers are girls - so it is still sexist

Experienced jumper - someone who has made mistakes more often than I have and lived.

[flyhi 24]

A blonde gets tired of all the jokes and dyes her hair. to celebrate, she goes for a drive in the country. While there, she sees a shepherd and his flock out in a field. She stops the car and says, "If I guess exactly how many sheep are in this field, will you give me one?" The shepherd agrees.

The woman looks around for about five seconds and says, "247."

The shepherd exclaims, "Wow, that's amazing! Go ahead and pick out whatever one you want." The lady does and starts walking back to her car.

As she gets to the car, the shepherd says, "I have a counter wager for you. If I tell you exactly what color your hair is naturally, will you give me my dog back?"

Shit happens. And it usually happens because of physics.

[gravitysurfer 0]

*Why do women have vaginas?

So men will talk to them.

*How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. Why so many?

JUST BECAUSE!!!!!

aloha.