npgraphicdesign 3 #1 July 15, 2010 So my last weekend was spent in a hospital because a bad reaction to an antibiotic turned into something that has yet to be determined by the doctor. But, while I was in the hospital, I had plenty of time to think of a funny list that described what I learned in those 3 days at the hospital. Here they are, in no particular order. 1. No matter the time of day, the amount of stress, or how busy the staff is, they always respond to humor/sarcasm (yes even mine!) and it makes their time easier. 2. I now understand why people get addicted to pain medications. Those IV-delivered pain medications felt...ooohhh...so great! Probably moreso because of the actual pain 3. They give you vague answers to make you feel better. Good thing I come from a medical family and have been educated regarding hospitals... 4. It's pointless to flirt with the nurses, because they think you just want more pain meds... 5. I still will never know why they want to provide a (mostly) healthy 30yo male with a wheelchair when he can obviously walk out on his two feet. 6. You will never get a good night of sleep at a hospital. 7. Liquid diets are great...no really. Especially when the bottles have a % denomination on the front. 8. Medical equipment has a mind of its own. Just when you fall asleep, it starts beeping for no apparent reason. 9. Just because you've been trained as a nurse, doesn't mean that when blood needs to be drawn, you can find someone's vein on the first try...or second try...or third try...or fourth try... 10. Get in, get as healthy as possible as soon as you can, and get out. Oh and talk about target fixation...too many cute nurses on my floor.....yoooowwzzzaaaa!!! Of course, that didn't help. See #4. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skyrider 0 #2 July 15, 2010 My wife is a Nurse...and I get hurt a LOT...so I can relate to your whole list!Secret...ALWAYS Lie about the amount of pain you are in,(say it is worse) they turn the meds up!....just liek a vacation from reality! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
theonlyski 4 #3 July 15, 2010 Quote 2. I now understand why people get addicted to pain medications. Those IV-delivered pain medications felt...ooohhh...so great! Probably moreso because of the actual pain 6. You will never get a good night of sleep at a hospital. The kind (and amount) of drugs can determine how well you sleep Quote 8. Medical equipment has a mind of its own. Just when you fall asleep, it starts beeping for no apparent reason. Thats cause you died, the machine brought you back from the light! Quote 9. Just because you've been trained as a nurse, doesn't mean that when blood needs to be drawn, you can find someone's vein on the first try...or second try...or third try...or fourth try... Yup, same thing with Army medics... I always get them first time-go, and I'm a signal guy!"I may be a dirty pirate hooker...but I'm not about to go stand on the corner." iluvtofly DPH -7, TDS 578, Muff 5153, SCR 14890 I'm an asshole, and I approve this message Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
npgraphicdesign 3 #4 July 15, 2010 Quote My wife is a Nurse...and I get hurt a LOT...so I can relate to your whole list!Secret...ALWAYS Lie about the amount of pain you are in,(say it is worse) they turn the meds up!....just liek a vacation from reality! I picked up on that in the emergency room. Ten minutes after the first IV pain meds were administered, all I had to say was "ow" and I received a second dose. Worked like a charm...On a side note, my pain was about a 9 out of 10. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnRich 4 #5 July 15, 2010 Quote5. I still will never know why they want to provide a (mostly) healthy 30yo male with a wheelchair when he can obviously walk out on his two feet. I think that's mostly a liability issue. They don't want people to fall over and hurt themselves, then turn around and sue the hospital for not taking proper care to avoid the accident. By wheeling you out to your car, with someone else to drive you home, you're on your own property by the time you keel over, so the hospital is no longer responsible. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryoder 1,590 #6 July 15, 2010 Quote Quote 5. I still will never know why they want to provide a (mostly) healthy 30yo male with a wheelchair when he can obviously walk out on his two feet. I think that's mostly a liability issue. They don't want people to fall over and hurt themselves, then turn around and sue the hospital for not taking proper care to avoid the accident. By wheeling you out to your car, with someone else to drive you home, you're on your own property by the time you keel over, so the hospital is no longer responsible. A funny thing I saw when I worked at a hospital: (Bear in mind that the front wheels on a wheelchair are really large caster wheels.) The nurse backs into the elevator pulling the patient in a wheelchair, and the wheels rotate toward the front. [door closes, elevator moves to next floor, doors open] As nurse pushes wheelchair out the door, the wheels rotate toward the back...BUT...just as they reach the halfway point, they happen to line up with the gap between the elevator floor and the real floor, Wheels drop into gap, front of wheelchair drops, and patient is dumped onto the floor."There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airdvr 207 #7 July 15, 2010 Quote 1. No matter the time of day, the amount of stress, or how busy the staff is, they always respond to humor/sarcasm (yes even mine!) and it makes their time easier. Indeed. Most patients are PITA. 2. I now understand why people get addicted to pain medications. Those IV-delivered pain medications felt...ooohhh...so great! Probably moreso because of the actual pain Yep. 3. They give you vague answers to make you feel better. Good thing I come from a medical family and have been educated regarding hospitals... They give vague answers because they don't know and don't want to misinform. 4. It's pointless to flirt with the nurses, because they think you just want more pain meds... Flirting with nurses is still fun... 5. I still will never know why they want to provide a (mostly) healthy 30yo male with a wheelchair when he can obviously walk out on his two feet. Lawyers 6. You will never get a good night of sleep at a hospital. By design. That intern that woke you up at 4am doesn't really want to get into a long conversation about how you're feeling. 7. Liquid diets are great...no really. Especially when the bottles have a % denomination on the front. 8. Medical equipment has a mind of its own. Just when you fall asleep, it starts beeping for no apparent reason. 9. Just because you've been trained as a nurse, doesn't mean that when blood needs to be drawn, you can find someone's vein on the first try...or second try...or third try...or fourth try... Probably not a nurse doing that...can you say medical assistant? 10. Get in, get as healthy as possible as soon as you can, and get out. Absolutely...more people die in hospitals than anywhere else...lol. Wait til you see the bill. Oh and talk about target fixation...too many cute nurses on my floor.....yoooowwzzzaaaa!!! Of course, that didn't help. See #4. Please don't dent the planet. Destinations by Roxanne Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
usernametaken 0 #8 July 15, 2010 #4 is a big-time bummer. I have a nurse fetish that is, how shall I say, intense? "Think like a man of action; act like a man of thought." -Henri L. Bergson Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mutumbo 0 #9 July 16, 2010 the subject of nurses missing te IV just because thwy are a nurse does NOT mean they can start an IV for shit. And that being said some people are IMPOSSIBLE to find veins on. I was doing an ER clinical for school where i watched the very best nurses doctors paamedics phlebotomists and whoever the hell else could possibly have any clue how to fnd a vein stick a guy from his wrist to his shoulder every bout half inch, he literally prolly got suck 40 times ( LONG story and yes the doc was trying to ge a PICC line and was having trouble). Hell they were almost to the point of callng in the local heroine addicts for a consult, lol. We even broke out the couple hindred thousand dollar vein finder machine thingie to no avail.Thanatos340(on landing rounds)-- Landing procedure: Hand all the way up, Feet and Knees Together and PLF soon as you get bitch slapped by a planet. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
thomas_crowe 0 #10 July 16, 2010 EJ - works everytime :-) lol I ended up with the nickname of "vampire" since every code I brought in had an EJ line (easier to bag and give meds from one place that way), though it is a little harder in trauma pt's when you can't turn their head to one side.Thomas Crowe, NRP Nationally Registered Paramedic Red Hat Linux Geek Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kasch 0 #11 July 16, 2010 Quote4. It's pointless to flirt with the nurses, because they think you just want more pain meds... So whats the secret to picking up a nurse? Anyone crack that one yet?Sex with sith is like sex with a stripper. A lot of flashing lights and waving of glowing sabers, but in the end you end up with something dark and wrinkely. DPH# "-13" TSK# "-13" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airdvr 207 #12 July 16, 2010 You're also lucky you got outta there alive. July is the worst month to end up in the hospital. All the new med school grads get their first shot at a real live person in July.Please don't dent the planet. Destinations by Roxanne Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
d_squared431 0 #13 July 16, 2010 Quote Quote 4. It's pointless to flirt with the nurses, because they think you just want more pain meds... So whats the secret to picking up a nurse? Anyone crack that one yet? Here is my take on it. Dont try and hit on a nurse if you are currently being treated for an std or a suspicious rash, or have your SO in the waiting room....TPM Sister#130ONTIG#1 I love vodka.I love vodka cause it rhymes with Tuaca~LisaH You having a clean thought is like billyvance having a clean post.iluvtofly Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mutumbo 0 #14 July 16, 2010 QuoteEJ - works everytime :-) lol I ended up with the nickname of "vampire" since every code I brought in had an EJ line (easier to bag and give meds from one place that way), though it is a little harder in trauma pt's when you can't turn their head to one side. tried that. He was so dehydrated even those were impossible. That is my absolute thing to get :) EJ's and ET tibes are the funnesy things one can do as a medic ;)Thanatos340(on landing rounds)-- Landing procedure: Hand all the way up, Feet and Knees Together and PLF soon as you get bitch slapped by a planet. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skydiver30960 0 #15 July 16, 2010 QuoteQuote4. It's pointless to flirt with the nurses, because they think you just want more pain meds... So whats the secret to picking up a nurse? Anyone crack that one yet? Ask my wife. Apparently, nice tits and giving a great blowjob got her a foot in the door. Yeah, I know, I'm not the kind of nurse you guys are looking for. At least, I HOPE I'm not the kind of nurse you guys are looking for... Elvisio "decent at IVs but not a deadeye" Rodriguez Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
blkhwk91b 0 #16 July 17, 2010 QuoteSo whats the secret to picking up a nurse? Anyone crack that one yet? Become a cop."Better to have a short life that is full of what you like doing, than a long life spent in a miserable way." - Alan Watts Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
