Post-nuptial shut-off

[Andy9o8 0]

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You guys are proving my point. I'm telling you how some women think, you guys are choosing not to hear the message and are telling me why it should be this way or that way. Don't shoot the messenger, I'm just here to help.

Read Wendy's post #91.

[OlympiaStoica 0]

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Whenever I hear that "meeting my needs" line, the hair raises on the back of my neck.
Instead of a partnership, it sounds like they are expecting a one-way arrangement,
where one party gives, while the other party takes.

So, I see you met my ex-husband ... you're describing my 10 years with him. I was constantly giving and he was constantly taking - after 5+ years of that, I lost interest in him ... sexually or otherwise. My only regret is not getting out then ... and trying (in vain) for 5 more years after that.

The point has already been made here ... if we feel constantly neglected and taken for granted, we might still feel horny, just not horny for you. (Btw, I chose B.O.B. instead of cheating ... nothing justifies cheating in my book.)

O

[JohnMitchell 14]

Wow, is it really too much trouble to do a little 4-play? It's a little like skydiving. If you're working to help the other person have a great skydive, yours is probably going to be really good too. If you just want a hop-and-pop all the time, fine but you might not find anyone else on your load.

Guys can be dumb.

[Squeak 17]

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Wow, is it really too much trouble to do a little 4-play? It's a little like skydiving. If you're working to help the other person have a great skydive, yours is probably going to be really good too. If you just want a hop-and-pop all the time, fine but you might not find anyone else on your load.

Guys can be dumb.

Swoopers

You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky)
My Life ROCKS!
How's yours doing?

[shah269 0]

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And she should have a contract made that would GUARANTEEEEEEEEEEE you can get wood/keep banging for 2 hours straight 4 nights a week x 52 weeks a year/not get any in her hair.
Works both ways.

I would even make dinner and fold the clothes!
Let me put it to you this way, I SCREWED UP!
I'm the one who did all the work, I'm the one who on every business trip would call as soon as I arrived at my destination to let her know I was OK be it AZ or RSA.
I created the spoiled brat. And when I asked her to work with me to get back on track with the loving....well what do spoiled brats do?

So yeah I'll be sporting wood as long as you can take it and I'll be aiming for the eyes. But this time around....she is making dinner 3 out of the 7 nights and folding her own darned undies!

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

[Southern_Man 0]

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Seems to me, if you're trying to get your spouse to have sex more often with you, withholding emotional interchange is a self-defeating way to go about it.

I think with most couples, taking the other spouse's sexual needs for granted, over time, is probably more or less mutual. Men and women tend to do it in different "gender-typical" ways, but they both do it. If the emotional connection is matinained, then at least there's a foundation to try to build upon to get things back on track. But if the emotional connection is withehld, too, there's really not much connection left to build upon. At that point, what's left? Mutual debts, assets, and children? That's not a marriage.

---

Reads just as comfortably the other way.

Wendy P.

No doubt. There is a huge negative feedback loop that happens. Sex is withheld, man gets frustrated and upset, feels emotionally distant and disconnected, communicates less, woman feels not communicated with, emotionally distant, frustrated, not turned on, withholds sex, and the cycle continues.

"What if there were no hypothetical questions?"

[JohnMitchell 14]

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No doubt. There is a huge negative feedback loop that happens. Sex is withheld, man gets frustrated and upset, feels emotionally distant and disconnected, communicates less, woman feels not communicated with, emotionally distant, frustrated, not turned on, withholds sex, and the cycle continues.

That's a shame it happens that way. You can also have a positive feedback loop in a marriage.

[bobsled92 0]

Prior marriage= 1 week after Honeymoon. (she just needed a place to live and my income to support her liesure). Marriage counciling revealed many truths.

_______________________________
If I could be a Super Hero,
I chose to be: "GRANT-A-CLAUS". and work 365 days a Year.
http://www.hangout.no/speednews/

[Arvoitus 1]

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And she should have a contract made that would GUARANTEEEEEEEEEEE you can get wood/keep banging for 2 hours straight 4 nights a week x 52 weeks a year/not get any in her hair.

Works both ways.

They made a little blue pill for that.

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Other women on this thread women have affirmed their support that this is a valid reason.
I have also heard the "not meeting my needs" reason used for women cheating on their husbands.
It is the husbands fault.

So when is it OK for the man to cheat? Weight gain is pretty good reason imo. You know she is not meeting my needs for visual stimulus and what not.

Your rights end where my feelings begin.

[Amazon 7]

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And she should have a contract made that would GUARANTEEEEEEEEEEE you can get wood/keep banging for 2 hours straight 4 nights a week x 52 weeks a year/not get any in her hair.

Works both ways.

They made a little blue pill for that.

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Other women on this thread women have affirmed their support that this is a valid reason.
I have also heard the "not meeting my needs" reason used for women cheating on their husbands.
It is the husbands fault.

So when is it OK for the man to cheat? Weight gain is pretty good reason imo. You know she is not meeting my needs for visual stimulus and what not.

Then do not get married and take vows.... stick to the professionals to stimulate you.

[Southern_Man 0]

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So when is it OK for the man to cheat? Weight gain is pretty good reason imo. You know she is not meeting my needs for visual stimulus and what not.

Really? No, I think it is never OK to cheat. Not happy and can't fix it, then end it before you move on to somebody else.

"What if there were no hypothetical questions?"

[OlympiaStoica 0]

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So when is it OK for the man to cheat? Weight gain is pretty good reason imo. You know she is not meeting my needs for visual stimulus and what not.

Yeah ... totally .

[Cheach 0]

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Less than a month after we were married my husband told me he was no longer attracted to me. That was the beginning of the end.

Did he start batting for the other team?

Or did he just go blind?

I never understand that... some HOT chicks out there got husbands that completely just ignore them.

The worst ones are the guys that play WoW... I know of women who would get naked and go sit on their husbands lap, or start giving him head, only for him to tell her to stop so he can play.

I don't see it... If a chick gets on my lap naked, I don't remember what my computer looks like.

Tell me about it

I woke up next to a blowup doll Ash....so what do you think?

[OlympiaStoica 0]

On a related note ... this is what life/marriage supposed to be, though not true at least half the time - 50% of marriages never make it .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTkp9UqVVHs

O

[Arvoitus 1]

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So when is it OK for the man to cheat? Weight gain is pretty good reason imo. You know she is not meeting my needs for visual stimulus and what not.

Yeah ... totally .

So its okay for a woman to cheat but its never okay for the man to cheat?

Your rights end where my feelings begin.

[skymama 35]

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But this time around....she is making dinner 3 out of the 7 nights and folding her own darned undies!

Why don't you just make a list of the chores that need to be done and divide them up? As for the cooking, I've always had the rule that whoever cooks doesn't have to clean up. I think that's pretty fair and would end any discussions about whose night it was to cook.

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[OlympiaStoica 0]

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So when is it OK for the man to cheat? Weight gain is pretty good reason imo. You know she is not meeting my needs for visual stimulus and what not.

Yeah ... totally .

So its okay for a woman to cheat but its never okay for the man to cheat?

Huh? Cheating is never OK - by anyone for any reason, though I realize I'm in minority thinking this way. So far, every single person I've been with stepped out on me. I haven't made it past 6 months without a "oops, I'm sorry, it didn't mean anything" in my current relationship .

It seems that either I have to accept that people do this to each other or make the choice to be alone .

O

[amstalder 0]

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So when is it OK for the man to cheat? Weight gain is pretty good reason imo. You know she is not meeting my needs for visual stimulus and what not.

Yeah ... totally .

So its okay for a woman to cheat but its never okay for the man to cheat?

I dont believe anyone said it was ok for a woman to cheat... Unless youre of the state of mind that masturbating is cheating (yes, we were actually told that during our premarital counseling...).

[Bolas 5]

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So when is it OK for the man to cheat? Weight gain is pretty good reason imo. You know she is not meeting my needs for visual stimulus and what not.

Yeah ... totally .

So its okay for a woman to cheat but its never okay for the man to cheat?

Huh? Cheating is never OK - by anyone for any reason, though I realize I'm in minority thinking this way. So far, every single person I've been with stepped out on me. I haven't made it past 6 months without a "oops, I'm sorry, it didn't mean anything" in my current relationship .

It seems that either I have to accept that people do this to each other or make the choice to be alone .

O

Not all. I agree that cheating is never okay as well. I don't accept it but do realize that people do this to each other but that doesn't mean I'll let them do it to me nor will do it to them.

To me, it's not just the act. It's the trust lost and the lieing.

Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting
If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh.

[Bolas 5]

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So when is it OK for the man to cheat? Weight gain is pretty good reason imo. You know she is not meeting my needs for visual stimulus and what not.

Yeah ... totally .

So its okay for a woman to cheat but its never okay for the man to cheat?

I dont believe anyone said it was ok for a woman to cheat... Unless youre of the state of mind that masturbating is cheating (yes, we were actually told that during our premarital counseling...).

Do they categorize phone and/or Skype sex with your SO as masturbation?

Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting
If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh.

[Southern_Man 0]

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Do they categorize phone and/or Skype sex with your SO as masturbation?

I assume? that she is Catholic, so this would apply:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0kJHQpvgB8&feature=related

"What if there were no hypothetical questions?"

[wolfriverjoe 1,340]

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Huh? Cheating is never OK - by anyone for any reason, though I realize I'm in minority thinking this way. So far, every single person I've been with stepped out on me. I haven't made it past 6 months without a "oops, I'm sorry, it didn't mean anything" in my current relationship .

It seems that either I have to accept that people do this to each other or make the choice to be alone .

O

You (and I) may be in the minority, but we aren't alone. You just have to accept that by not allowing that sort of behavior, you are limiting your choices.

You can also get a feel for your partner's overall moral attitude (morals do not mean religion) by how they behave in the real world. How much cheating (outside of relationships) is acceptable to them? Found wallets, being undercharged at a restaraunt, that sort of thing.

Honesty (or lack of) tends to spread itself throughout our entire lifestyle.

"There are NO situations which do not call for a French Maid outfit." Lucky McSwervy

"~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo

[normiss 622]

This is what so many miss.
It's all about "me, me, ME" these days.
A loving relationship isn't about what you get out of it, it's what you put in it.
When you love someone you are more focused on making them happy than being self centered.
Making someone else happy provides an amazing amount of positive feedback.
"When mama's happy, everybody's happy" is a very true perspective.

At least this is how I see it.

[Bolas 5]

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This is what so many miss.
It's all about "me, me, ME" these days.
A loving relationship isn't about what you get out of it, it's what you put in it.
When you love someone you are more focused on making them happy than being self centered.
Making someone else happy provides an amazing amount of positive feedback.
"When mama's happy, everybody's happy" is a very true perspective.

At least this is how I see it.

Of course that only works if the other does the same thing.

2 givers make a great couple.
2 self centereds can do okay as well.
It's when you mix that the issues arise as both are only concentrating on one person.

Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting
If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh.

[wmw999 2,120]

Another thing to think about is that very few couples are lucky enough that they're pretty much compatible in how they grow, not just in how they are at the beginning. For them, it's natural.

Everyone else has to work at it. Which means talking about stuff even when you don't necessarily feel like it. Or trying to put yourself in the mood for sex, and not just depending on your spouse. Or making dinner one night AND cleaning up -- if it's done as a special occasion, rather than a favor, it becomes a building block.

Or spicing things up in the bedroom -- if you volunteer, then you get to choose the direction. And you have to listen to your partner if you make them uncomfortable.

A friend and her husband each plans one weekend a month. It can be museum, going out to dinner, working on a project (or each on their own projects) -- but because they know the other will be planning next, and because they're nice people, they plan things they would enjoy, and that they hope the other will too. The most important part is that they do something together, and then they have something to talk about.

It's not always easy -- you stay married to someone for years, and you grow and change with years. People age differently. It's not surprising that they'd change and have to work to keep their paths reasonably close.

Wendy P.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)