Post-nuptial shut-off

[normiss 622]

If truly saying how you feel is considered rude, people need to grow some thicker skin.

I think it sad that we are expected to contain honest truth so as to not offend.

SIUCC

[Bolas 5]

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For all you guys who are whining about this, I would bet $100 that your ex-wives would say that you weren't meeting their emotional needs. What those needs were, I don't know because each woman is different. I also bet she was also telling you and you weren't hearing her or you felt her complaints weren't valid and you didn't act on them.

+1 THANK YOU!!!!!!

I thought about it some more and me trying to be objective and look at it from all the angles, it got me thinking that my ex-husband must have been complaining that I "don't put out" also ... and trust me, drive has never been a problem.

Instead of dealing with the issue(s), his answer was to have entire "side relationships" with my "friends" ... but when it's OK to cheat and why friends stab you in the back are entirely different topics ...

O

Thanks for reminding me of another way the "freezeout" can fail: infidelity.

It still doesn't excuse cheating, but for some it can be one reason they do.

Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting
If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh.

[wmw999 2,119]

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Thanks for reminding me of another way the "freezeout" can fail: infidelity.

It still doesn't excuse cheating, but for some it can be one reason they do.

The same can be said for women, only, again, it's those emotional needs.

Wendy P.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[Bolas 5]

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If truly saying how you feel is considered rude, people need to grow some thicker skin.

I think it sad that we are expected to contain honest truth so as to not offend.

SIUCC

It's not so much saying how one feels, it's when it's repeated ad nauseum and generalizing both men and women that tends to illicit the reactions.

Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting
If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh.

[turtlespeed 212]

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If truly saying how you feel is considered rude, people need to grow some thicker skin.

I think it sad that we are expected to contain honest truth so as to not offend.

SIUCC

You have just described "Politically Correct".

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[Bolas 5]

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Thanks for reminding me of another way the "freezeout" can fail: infidelity.

It still doesn't excuse cheating, but for some it can be one reason they do.

The same can be said for women, only, again, it's those emotional needs.

Wendy P.

Which men may be more receptive to if they are getting some. As well as other things both parties may just let slide as they are happy.

Definitely agree it's all about communication.

Draw up a contract:

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In exchange for sexual activity ___ times per ___ with no less than ___ orgasms for the contract creator, the undersigned agrees to call the contract creator the flattering appearance adjective of their choice (beautiful, pretty, hot, etc.) ___ times per __ and spontaneous acts of romanticism ___ times per ___.

Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting
If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh.

[normiss 622]

Both ways.

[shah269 0]

I think I did a good job listening but there was only so much any dude could take. 5 hours a night of her saying how much she hated her job and her boss.....well by month 5 I just asked her that every time she was going to say something negative she should also say something positive.
Yeah that worked real well!

I'm taking a business law class right now.
I think IF i ever get married again, and I would really like to get married again, I will have to draw up a contract where by she has to at least be in the mood twice a week given I stay in shape and don't stink and continue to respect her and prode her an ear and a shoulder for when things don't go so well.

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

[squirrel 0]

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I think that's the best part of being married! Why would either one of us cut each other off? You only cheat yourself out of the good things in life if you do that. Makes no sense to me. 26 years/4 kids and still putting beans in the jar. I love being married.

isn't it just the best when it works! no "effort" required. yep, 8 years of bliss..., now since we work at home together, we're gonna take a break and go have some afternoon delight.

________________________________
Where is Darwin when you need him?

[vskydiver 0]

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now since we work at home together, we're gonna take a break and go have some afternoon delight.

Lucky! I have to wait until JohnMitchell gets home from work and then the kids go to bed. Always something to look forward to at the end of the day.

[Bolas 5]

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I think I did a good job listening but there was only so much any dude could take. 5 hours a night of her saying how much she hated her job and her boss.....well by month 5 I just asked her that every time she was going to say something negative she should also say something positive.
Yeah that worked real well!

I'm taking a business law class right now.
I think IF i ever get married again, and I would really like to get married again, I will have to draw up a contract where by she has to at least be in the mood twice a week given I stay in shape and don't stink and continue to respect her and prode her an ear and a shoulder for when things don't go so well.

Damn, you're nicer than me. I've cut people off from being allowed to complain about certain things to me after a while if they refuse to either listen to possible solutions to help them, do something to change it, and/or tell someone that can change things..

I call it my "usless complaining quota."

I'm sure as an engineer not being able or allowed to "fix" her problems as also extremely draining as well.

Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting
If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh.

[wolfriverjoe 1,340]

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When the women on the forums are blunt with you, you often don't listen to what we are saying. That is why we get so frustrated with you. Maybe you're different in the real world, I wouldn't know.

Yet when Shah is blunt and honest, he gets hammered rather hard by the ladies too.

"There are NO situations which do not call for a French Maid outfit." Lucky McSwervy

"~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo

[shah269 0]

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When the women on the forums are blunt with you, you often don't listen to what we are saying. That is why we get so frustrated with you. Maybe you're different in the real world, I wouldn't know.

Yet when Shah is blunt and honest, he gets hammered rather hard by the ladies too.

It wasn't as if she was blunt, she just put out a thought "Well if you guys listened to us girls...."
To which I responded with "Well if you spoke clearly and with out insulting us...."

Case in point, what sounds better...(not works better)
1) Darling we need to get out more let's join a gym together, it will be good fun.

2) DAYUM WOMAN YOUR ASS IS HUGE! Want to go to the gym?

It's all about how you communicate....
1 hour of bitching = pissed off dude
30min of bitching about job + 30min story about a fun thing that occured at work = happy dude.

Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

[Andy9o8 0]

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For all you guys who are whining about this, I would bet $100 that your ex-wives would say that you weren't meeting their emotional needs. What those needs were, I don't know because each woman is different. I also bet she was also telling you and you weren't hearing her or you felt her complaints weren't valid and you didn't act on them.

Seems to me, if you're trying to get your spouse to be more emotionally nurturing of you, withholding of sexual intimacy is a self-defeating way to go about it.

I think with most couples, taking the other spouse's emotional needs for granted, over time, is probably more or less mutual. Men and women tend to do it in different "gender-typical" ways, but they both do it. If the sexual intimacy is maintained, then at least there's a foundation maintained to try to build upon to get things back on track. But if the sexual intimacy is withheld, too, there's really not much connection left to build upon. At that point, what's left? Mutual debts, assets and children? That's not a marriage.

[LuckyMcSwervy 0]

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I think I did a good job listening but there was only so much any dude could take. 5 hours a night of her saying how much she hated her job and her boss.....well by month 5 I just asked her that every time she was going to say something negative she should also say something positive.
Yeah that worked real well!

I'm taking a business law class right now.
I think IF i ever get married again, and I would really like to get married again, I will have to draw up a contract where by she has to at least be in the mood twice a week given I stay in shape and don't stink and continue to respect her and prode her an ear and a shoulder for when things don't go so well.

And she should have a contract made that would GUARANTEEEEEEEEEEE you can get wood/keep banging for 2 hours straight 4 nights a week x 52 weeks a year/not get any in her hair.

Works both ways.

Always be kinder than you feel.

[wmw999 2,119]

Seems to me, if you're trying to get your spouse to have sex more often with you, withholding emotional interchange is a self-defeating way to go about it.

I think with most couples, taking the other spouse's sexual needs for granted, over time, is probably more or less mutual. Men and women tend to do it in different "gender-typical" ways, but they both do it. If the emotional connection is matinained, then at least there's a foundation to try to build upon to get things back on track. But if the emotional connection is withehld, too, there's really not much connection left to build upon. At that point, what's left? Mutual debts, assets, and children? That's not a marriage.

---

Reads just as comfortably the other way.

Wendy P.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[skymama 35]

You guys are proving my point. I'm telling you how some women think, you guys are choosing not to hear the message and are telling me why it should be this way or that way. Don't shoot the messenger, I'm just here to help.

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[happythoughts 0]

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For all you guys who are whining about this, I would bet $100 that your ex-wives would say that you weren't meeting their emotional needs. What those needs were, I don't know because each woman is different. I also bet she was also telling you and you weren't hearing her or you felt her complaints weren't valid and you didn't act on them.

(proceeding to open the can of worms)

Other women on this thread women have affirmed their support that this is a valid reason.
I have also heard the "not meeting my needs" reason used for women cheating on their husbands.
It is the husbands fault.

However, it sounds stupid when men say it because
"that's different".

[JohnMitchell 14]

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Lucky! I have to wait until JohnMitchell gets home from work and then the kids go to bed. Always something to look forward to at the end of the day.

Maybe just lock the door and turn the TV way up.

[Squeak 17]

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And she should have a contract made that would GUARANTEEEEEEEEEEE you can get wood/keep banging for 2 hours straight 4 nights a week x 52 weeks a year/not get any in her hair.

Works both ways.

that's easy, there are pills for that.

You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky)
My Life ROCKS!
How's yours doing?

[ryoder 1,381]

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(proceeding to open the can of worms)

Other women on this thread women have affirmed their support that this is a valid reason.
I have also heard the "not meeting my needs" reason used for women cheating on their husbands.
It is the husbands fault.

However, it sounds stupid when men say it because
"that's different".

"She wasn't meeting my needs, so I divorced her."

You're right;
That does sound ridiculous.

Whenever I hear that "meeting my needs" line, the hair raises on the back of my neck.
Instead of a partnership, it sounds like they are expecting a one-way arrangement,
where one party gives, while the other party takes.

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[squirrel 0]

Maybe just lock the door and turn the TV way up.

as kids bang on door and ask what is going on there is a shouted reply...."we are making your replacements!"

________________________________
Where is Darwin when you need him?

[JohnMitchell 14]

Now THAT would make them go away. They're teenagers. They don't even want to see us smooch.

[wolfriverjoe 1,340]

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You guys are proving my point. I'm telling you how some women think, you guys are choosing not to hear the message and are telling me why it should be this way or that way. Don't shoot the messenger, I'm just here to help.

No, I'm listening.

It's just that not listening isn't an exclusively male characteristic.

If the woman cuts the man off from sex first, and because of the lack of physical intimacy the man then becomes emotionally distant, who's fault is it?

If the woman continually changes the rules, why is it the man's fault for not understanding what the woman wants (or if she isn't willing to say what she wants)?

I'm not trying to say that it's this way all the time, but (for once) I agree with Shah.

If his side of the story is accurate (not always the case, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt in this case) he was doing a lot of the work while his wife sat and watched TV. And then wanted him to listen to all her problems, while his problems weren't important.

And BTW, I've learned (I had a kind and patient woman friend explain) that when women are complaining, they generally want to simply vent.
They don't want answers, suggestions or solutions. They just want a sympathetic ear.
Guys tend to be "solution oriented". We see problems as needing to be solved. So we listen to the complaints, then try to come up with answers, suggestions and solutions.

Which isn't what the woman wanted.
So she gets annoyed, and we are baffled as to why.

"There are NO situations which do not call for a French Maid outfit." Lucky McSwervy

"~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo

[happythoughts 0]

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(proceeding to open the can of worms)

Other women on this thread women have affirmed their support that this is a valid reason.
I have also heard the "not meeting my needs" reason used for women cheating on their husbands.
It is the husbands fault.

However, it sounds stupid when men say it because
"that's different".

"She wasn't meeting my needs, so I divorced her."

You're right;
That does sound ridiculous.

Whenever I hear that "meeting my needs" line, the hair raises on the back of my neck.
Instead of a partnership, it sounds like they are expecting a one-way arrangement,
where one party gives, while the other party takes.

When a man states his reasons, women evaluate the reason, not validate it.
Therefore, men end up frustrated with trying to communicate.
Something as simple as -
"I am stressed and I would like to work it off by playing
a sport or spending time with my friends."

Women need to realize that they rarely validate what men say.