UPS Pilot complaints...

[Ketia0 0]

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.

By the way,UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.



P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.


P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet-per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF is always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics..

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.

"In this game you can't predict the future. You just have to play the odds. "-JohnMitchell

[thedude325 0]

A UPS plane crashed in Dubai about a month ago...

[quade 3]

Here's your hint as to how old this list of jokes is.

Quote

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF is always inoperative in OFF mode.

This list and others like it actually dates back to WWII.

quade -
The World's Most Boring Skydiver

[turtlespeed 212]

Quote

Here's your hint as to how old this list of jokes is.

Quote

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF is always inoperative in OFF mode.

This list and others like it actually dates back to WWII.

P: Moderator tried to make a funny
S: It's just Quade

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[Conundrum 1]

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

love that one

[quade 3]

Do you know what an IFF is?

quade -
The World's Most Boring Skydiver

[monkycndo 0]

Quote

Do you know what an IFF is?

Identify, friend or foe

Or

All there is to know


So what do I win?

50 donations so far. Give it a try.

You know you want to spank it
Jump an Infinity

[quade 3]

Quote

So what do I win?

You win the "I'm smarter than Turtle Award."

Not much of an accomplishment, but still . . .

quade -
The World's Most Boring Skydiver

[monkycndo 0]

Not smarter, just grew up reading books on military history. Almost went to the AFA.

50 donations so far. Give it a try.

You know you want to spank it
Jump an Infinity

[skipbelt 0]

close !

[airtwardo 6]

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Quote

So what do I win?

You win the "I'm smarter than Turtle Award."

Not much of an accomplishment, but still . . .

Yeah...last years winner was a small rock.

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[BobMoore 0]

Quote

By the way,UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

According to the Rainman Quantas never crashed.

"For you see, an airplane is an airplane. A landing area is a landing area. But a dropzone... a dropzone is the people."

[theplummeter 14]

Quote

Quote

By the way,UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

According to the Rainman Quantas never crashed.

Southwest has never killed anyone inside one of their airplanes.

[JohnMitchell 14]

Another one I've heard.


P: #3 engine leaking fluid.
S: #3 engine shows normal leakage.
P: Engines #1, #2, and #4 lack normal leakage.

[Remster 24]

Quote

Quote

Quote

By the way,UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

According to the Rainman Quantas never crashed.

Southwest has never killed anyone inside one of their airplanes.

Whenever you have to put qualifiers about stuff like this, I wouldnt mention it at all!

Remster

[thedude325 0]

Quote

Do you know what an IFF is?

I always knew it as "if and only if" It's common in mathematical proofs.

[nigel99 143]

when my dad was in the airforce he got a bollocking because of the following:

Pilot: Engine refused to start
My Dad: Spoke nicely to engine and it agreed to start.

I believe this kind of banter is pretty common, and I am pretty sure my dad didn't invent that line. I can't remember some of the others that they came out with.

Experienced jumper - someone who has made mistakes more often than I have and lived.