0
npgraphicdesign

Why is it so difficult to find love nowadays?

Recommended Posts

Quote


You're a woman, any dating advice you're going to give to a man is automatically invalid and useless. Just by being a guy Shah's advice is far more useful then yours.


Holy crap I just fell out of my chair!
Look, ladies it's not that I don't like you or that I'm bitter. Sadly I'm a realist.

Look you get 50 women in a room who can all see each other and you ask them one by one what they want most in a guy and I'm willing to bet good money that most if not all will say "Oh I want a guy with a good sense of humor...." REALLY! And we all know that's a lie. Because let's face it we all don't want the same thing. BUT women and I hate to say this because I'm going to get flamed for it are far more concerned about how other women view them and thus have a stack of canned responses which as as gray as the London fog. And with that lens of ambiguity bordering on the edge of paranoia advice regarding dating often falls short if not totally off the mark.

Mix that with the natural order of life. Men approach women, women sit there and look cute. Men take the risks women...well accept the risk or dismiss it. Its as if we are playing a game of poker and the ladies have all the suits and the guys have all the rest. Winning for a girl is significantly easier than it is for a man.
Now by now your average girl has probably stopped out of her cube and has bitched about me to her BFF who last night she called "bitchy and a bit cankled" to her other BFF. Which is fine.

But stop making the guy do all the work. It's 2011 and before you know it it's going to be 2020. Get past this Victorian BS. If you see a guy you like, grow a set of ovaries and walk over and with a clear distinct voice introduce yourself. I'll help you out, don't stare at his junk or his feet, don't mumble, make sure your breath isn't funky, you don't have anything in your teeth, you are dressed reasonably well and don't looks as if you are some sort of nut job. Walk up and say "Hi may name is.....fill in the blank...may I offer you a drink?"

Please don't get me wrong, I love you ladies and some of my friends have even accused me of being addicted to women. What I'm telling you is the gods honest truth. Yes a few guys will come in and accuse me of X Y or Z to get "goody points" but that's just a show of poor character and they need to be introduced to the brocode. So take a deep breath, put your prejudices, and your misconceptions and change the world for the better. And yes you will get rejected...like every single guy I know has.

As for the OP.
May I suggest something? And it may not be a good method but it's better than nothing? Try hedging your bets. Instead of focusing on one prospect spread the risk. If one girl really likes you and shows greater potential she will float to the top. If you focus on one date one relationship at a time you will most likely, and the ladies will agree with this, freak her out by actually appearing too interested ie too eager.

They may say they like the "funny / attentive guy" but 9/10 they will date a guy who gives them 1% less attention then they call a minimum.
Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

Quote

You're a woman, any dating advice you're going to give to a man is automatically invalid and useless.

[...]

So no. Don't come give men advice what it is like to date women. Because you have no fucking glue.




Ok, I agree with you that women don't know what dating is like for a man - but our different point of view doesn't mean we understand NOTHING. It's just a different perspective - sometimes an outsider's view is a *good* thing. Sharing a different perspective can give an insight into something you hadn't considered. I may not have a penis, but that doesn't mean I haven't experienced very similar difficulties/heartbreak.

Now, to the OP. I think it's important in life to be happy. I think we put a lot of focus on finding that one true love, but we often forget that inner happiness is way more important and (can be) far more difficult to find. Someone once told me she had made a list... Of all the things she hated in her life, and all the things she loved in her life. She found a HUGE imbalance there, so one by one she took steps to eliminate the negative things, and increase the things that make her smile. I thought this was a great idea. I tried it, and last year was the BEST year of my life, because I made things happen.

You know what's funny? Everyone kept telling me to stop looking for a man and I would find one. This used to really piss me off. It's a little like telling an exhausted person they should stop trying to sleep and they would just fall asleep... When you're tired, all you can think about is that you can't sleep - and when you're lonely, all you can think about is finding love... So maybe the question isn't whether you should stop trying, but *how*. And I think one answer is to search instead for happiness. It's to work on yourself. It's to throw yourself into the things you love and make you smile. It's to take risks and do the things you've been putting off. To try to grow as a person. To forgive yourself your mistakes and your faults. To start liking yourself.

You may not find true love, but at least there's a strong chance you'll be happy. And isn't that better than being miserable in a bad relationship? So maybe you should go chase happiness instead of love - what have you got to lose??


I gotta admit, i think this is the best advice given on here. I just might use this myself. Thanks :)
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, all used up, and loudly proclaiming: Wow, what a ride!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

So no. Don't come give men advice what it is like to date women. Because you have no fucking glue.



Yeah! No glue!

Wait....huh?

:D:D:D
I know it just wouldnt be right to kill all the stupid people that we meet..

But do you think it would be appropriate to just remove all of the warning labels and let nature take its course.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

Quote


You're a woman, any dating advice you're going to give to a man is automatically invalid and useless. Just by being a guy Shah's advice is far more useful then yours.


Holy crap I just fell out of my chair!
Look, ladies it's not that I don't like you or that I'm bitter. Sadly I'm a realist.

Look you get 50 women in a room who can all see each other and you ask them one by one what they want most in a guy and I'm willing to bet good money that most if not all will say "Oh I want a guy with a good sense of humor...." REALLY! And we all know that's a lie. Because let's face it we all don't want the same thing. BUT women and I hate to say this because I'm going to get flamed for it are far more concerned about how other women view them and thus have a stack of canned responses which as as gray as the London fog. And with that lens of ambiguity bordering on the edge of paranoia advice regarding dating often falls short if not totally off the mark.

Mix that with the natural order of life. Men approach women, women sit there and look cute. Men take the risks women...well accept the risk or dismiss it. Its as if we are playing a game of poker and the ladies have all the suits and the guys have all the rest. Winning for a girl is significantly easier than it is for a man.
Now by now your average girl has probably stopped out of her cube and has bitched about me to her BFF who last night she called "bitchy and a bit cankled" to her other BFF. Which is fine.

But stop making the guy do all the work. It's 2011 and before you know it it's going to be 2020. Get past this Victorian BS. If you see a guy you like, grow a set of ovaries and walk over and with a clear distinct voice introduce yourself. I'll help you out, don't stare at his junk or his feet, don't mumble, make sure your breath isn't funky, you don't have anything in your teeth, you are dressed reasonably well and don't looks as if you are some sort of nut job. Walk up and say "Hi may name is.....fill in the blank...may I offer you a drink?"

Please don't get me wrong, I love you ladies and some of my friends have even accused me of being addicted to women. What I'm telling you is the gods honest truth. Yes a few guys will come in and accuse me of X Y or Z to get "goody points" but that's just a show of poor character and they need to be introduced to the brocode. So take a deep breath, put your prejudices, and your misconceptions and change the world for the better. And yes you will get rejected...like every single guy I know has.

As for the OP.
May I suggest something? And it may not be a good method but it's better than nothing? Try hedging your bets. Instead of focusing on one prospect spread the risk. If one girl really likes you and shows greater potential she will float to the top. If you focus on one date one relationship at a time you will most likely, and the ladies will agree with this, freak her out by actually appearing too interested ie too eager.

They may say they like the "funny / attentive guy" but 9/10 they will date a guy who gives them 1% less attention then they call a minimum.


Shah, while i just complimented a girl in a post above about advice given by her, i have to say, you and i think alike in the aspect described above. It's true that girls need to start acting like it's 2011 and start making moves themselves. Girls drop subtle hints. Guys don't understand subtle. We want clear, concise signs that you're interested. If you keep dropping subtle hints and we dont respond, it's one of 2 things. We're either not interested or you're too god damn subtle:P.

So to all the ladies out there, im challenging you to approach one guy that you're interested in and show some interest. Stop making us do all the damn work for once. :D;)
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, all used up, and loudly proclaiming: Wow, what a ride!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

Quote

So no. Don't come give men advice what it is like to date women. Because you have no fucking glue.



Yeah! No glue!

Wait....huh?

:D:D:D


Shit, when I was writing that, there was a small voice in my head saying there is a typo in it but I went ahead and ignored it. Oh well shit happens.
Your rights end where my feelings begin.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

It's true that girls need to start acting like it's 2011 and start making moves themselves. Girls drop subtle hints. Guys don't understand subtle. We want clear, concise signs that you're interested. If you keep dropping subtle hints and we dont respond, it's one of 2 things. We're either not interested or you're too god damn subtle:P.

So to all the ladies out there, im challenging you to approach one guy that you're interested in and show some interest. Stop making us do all the damn work for once. :D;)




I agree that *both* genders have a responsibility in "putting themselves forward." Just remember that it takes a LOOOOOOONG time to undo thousands (?) of years of social conditioning...

But know that it's not true that all women just sit there, wait and look pretty. Many of us actively go on dating sites, and ask guys out, and make the effort/take the risk...

Case in point, I've flown back and forth to Morocco since November to be with my man. And guess who made the first move and asked him on a coffee date? Me. So there. We're not all just another vagina. :P
"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

But stop making the guy do all the work. It's 2011 and before you know it it's going to be 2020. Get past this Victorian BS. If you see a guy you like, grow a set of ovaries and walk over and with a clear distinct voice introduce yourself.



I don't know how you managed to turn this into the women's fault again. I love flirting and have even gotten in trouble for flirting too much. :ph34r: You must be going to the wrong kind of places to meet girls. Go somewhere where the girls have a lot of confidence, I bet you'll get different results.
She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

But know that it's not true that all women just sit there, wait and look pretty. Many of us actively go on dating sites, and ask guys out, and make the effort/take the risk...



http://www.deepjiveinterests.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/07/bullshit.jpg

http://www.brusco.es/wp-content/uploads/bullShit.jpg

Yeah you go on dating sights.....and well...since most dating sights are no different than most DZ's where there are 40 guys per 1 girl....the moment you log on and put one word you get what...30odd emails.

Dating / looking for a life partner for a girl is an issue of picking the right fish that jumped into the boat when it's the end of the day and the sun is setting.....
For a guy? It's like spear fishing minnows.

How did I put it to one of the more robust engineering girls.
You really want to find Mr. OK? Pick up a motorcycle, start skydiving...heck just show up to any bar after 6pm before 10pm dress nice and don't sit in the dark and turn off your bitch shield.
She gave me the usual line about bla bla bla bla....
In a month she was in a relationship with an OK dude!

Total investment? A few nights out at the local bar and a new set of clothes.

My suggestion and I'm very serious about this, hedge your bets!
Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

How old are you?



Just curious, do you think we put less emphasis on "finding love" as we age? Now that I am older, finding love is less important. It would be nice if it happened, but I am in no rush to make it happen. As Nataly pointed out it is better to be happy within yourself. If you are not happy with yourself you will never make someone else happy.


Try not to worry about the things you have no control over

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Largely, because I think today that love is considered disposable. Whether it's a marriage or long term relationship, instead of working things out, people walk away from the best thing that's ever happened to them, and then they wonder why it didn't work out.

Looking at my family, there has been only one divorce ever. My parents have been married for almost 45 years. My grandparents were married for 64 years before my grandmother passed away, and my grandfather followed her 26 weeks later, and for most of us, those were just 26 weeks of a year, but for him, those were 26 weeks without her, and the worst weeks he'd ever lived through, and this man was a World War II combat veteran.

I think it's all about perspective. Once you marry someone, they're family, and you don't walk out on family, you work it out. When you don't view leaving as an option, you approach things differently. Everyone in my family who has had a long marriage (pretty much all of them) has said there were times they were tempted to take the easy way out and divorce, but because they'd made the commitment and decided they were in it together, they worked it out and came out stronger for it.

So, that's my perspective as to why finding it is difficult... we keep finding it, but we keep throwing it away once we have it, and it's not something we find very often.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

I think it's all about perspective. Once you marry someone, they're family, and you don't walk out on family, you work it out. When you don't view leaving as an option, you approach things differently. Everyone in my family who has had a long marriage (pretty much all of them) has said there were times they were tempted to take the easy way out and divorce, but because they'd made the commitment and decided they were in it together, they worked it out and came out stronger for it.

So, that's my perspective as to why finding it is difficult... we keep finding it, but we keep throwing it away once we have it, and it's not something we find very often.



This is my perspective, as well... thank you for sharing. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

My grandparents were married for 64 years before my grandmother passed away, and my grandfather followed her 26 weeks later, and for most of us, those were just 26 weeks of a year, but for him, those were 26 weeks without her, and the worst weeks he'd ever lived through, and this man was a World War II combat veteran.


WOW! [:/]
Now that...that's true love.
Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
She didn't need the treatment because it was so difficult being a man in general, it was the necessary screening of emotions that hadn't been trained to be screened. There are plusses and minuses to being either a man or a woman. Note there aren't a lot of men (who self-identify as men, that is) who try to live as women to see how easy it is.

To the OP, if love is still wonderful and you can't think of anything else, you might still be in the infatuation stage. And Nataly has good advice -- do as much as possible that you enjoy, and do it around nice people. That way your chances of being happy go up regardless.

Wendy P.
There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

She didn't need the treatment because it was so difficult being a man in general, it was the necessary screening of emotions that hadn't been trained to be screened. There are plusses and minuses to being either a man or a woman. Note there aren't a lot of men (who self-identify as men, that is) who try to live as women to see how easy it is.

To the OP, if love is still wonderful and you can't think of anything else, you might still be in the infatuation stage. And Nataly has good advice -- do as much as possible that you enjoy, and do it around nice people. That way your chances of being happy go up regardless.

Wendy P.




That is SOOOO true... I try and choose my friends carefully... Good friends help you grow - bad ones suck all your energy/happiness away. My friends are important to me - I look after them and they look after me.

Sometimes, just being around someone happy makes you feel happy - it's a little contagious :)
"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

Many of us actively go on dating sites, and ask guys out, and make the effort/take the risk...



We need a list of these sites.:|
"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

It's 2011 and before you know it it's going to be 2020. Get past this Victorian BS. If you see a guy you like, grow a set of ovaries and walk over and with a clear distinct voice introduce yourself.



That has exactly been my experience with women since the 90's...

Does that suprise you?

Does this mean that I don't have a set of balls because I rather the women come to me?

Maybe you're too eager.;)

@ the OP:
It will always be more difficult once you meet the perfect woman and then lose her...

It sux...it's like a curse.

*edit*
....or a blessing, depending on your prespective.:)
Your secrets are the true reflection of who you really are...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote


I agree that *both* genders have a responsibility in "putting themselves forward." Just remember that it takes a LOOOOOOONG time to undo thousands (?) of years of social conditioning...



Social conditioning? If it really were a social construct then It'd be gone in one generation. Not that long ago being gay was considered a mental illness. Nowadays being gay is a non-issue and gays can get married and probably soon will be able to adopt children too.

Women not approaching men has shit all to do with social constructs and everything to do with biology.
Your rights end where my feelings begin.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote


That has exactly been my experience with women since the 90's...

Does that suprise you?

Does this mean that I don't have a set of balls because I rather the women come to me?

Maybe you're too eager.;)


Are you calling me UGLY! :o

:P
Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

0