shah269 0 #76 February 25, 2011 QuoteI think that what people are saying is that there is no risk-free way to be in a relationship. If it's risk-free for someone, it's not a healthy relationship, because there is an imbalance of power. Wendy P. *sigh* Yeah Maybe one day when our paths cross I'll tell you the full story. But yeah.Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
thrillstalker 0 #77 February 25, 2011 QuoteHow, exactly, are all those people managing to be happy? if you are happy with yourself (seems like you need to work on this shah), then you can be happy with someone else. it took me a long time to realize this."Never grow a wishbone, where your backbone ought to be." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Vallerina 2 #78 February 25, 2011 I wouldn't want to end up like your friend either because it sounds like he's a lying a**hole who is playing the victim card for ending up in the situation in which he put himself in. "poor me!" F*** that.There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #79 February 25, 2011 QuoteI wouldn't want to end up like your friend either because it sounds like he's a lying a**hole who is playing the victim card for ending up in the situation in which he put himself in. "poor me!" F*** that. Sometimes you eat the bar sometimes the bar eats you. Do not mock those who's fate was not fortuitous for yours will be no different.Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
NWFlyer 2 #80 February 25, 2011 Quote Do not mock those who's fate was not fortuitous for yours will be no different. What you call fate was a series of choices over 8 years. It's possible to make different ones at any point over those 8 years and have your "fate" be very different."There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." -P.J. O'Rourke Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
billvon 2,383 #81 February 25, 2011 >Do not mock those who's fate was not fortuitous for yours will be no different. Fate is not the same as choices. I feel bad for people who were born without arms and legs; it wasn't their fault that their lives are a lot more difficult than mine. I feel a lot less bad for people who are dirt poor just because they never bothered to get an education or a job. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
squirrel 0 #82 February 25, 2011 you know...all this whining makes me want to poke you in the eye. my wife died in my arms, and so many people in this thread "can't get along" with their spouses. ________________________________ Where is Darwin when you need him? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
stevebabin 0 #83 February 25, 2011 Shah, you are telling us that you want to be with a particular type of woman... Are you worthy of such a woman?"Science, logic and reason will fly you to the moon. Religion will fly you into buildings." "Because figuring things out is always better than making shit up." Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #84 February 25, 2011 Quote Shah, you are telling us that you want to be with a particular type of woman... Are you worthy of such a woman? Why yes. Yes I am! Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nataly 38 #85 February 25, 2011 I can't believe I'm going to say this but I don't think you are shallow because of the things you want... Sounds to me like you want a hot girl and that is important to you. Also sounds like you want a life partner who cares about you and shares your hopes and dreams. It also seems to me part of your dissatisfaction so far with your dating experience is that you had a great partner that you loved and cherished and you're finding it hard to find someone of that caliber. All of these are admirable and good things to look for in a healthy, long-term relationship where both parties mutually love and respect one-another. The problem, Shah, lies in your deeply flawed assumptions about people in general. Your understanding of what women want and how they think is troubling - not just because it's so off the mark but because it's unhealthy to go about life thinking so negatively about the world and people around you. And it's precisely the derogatory manner in which you speak of and relate to women that is preventing you from finding/building a meaningful relationship (because I do believe that this is ultimately what you're after). Start respecting women, and maybe then you'll see a whole other side to them you didn't realise was there... And it was there all along - you just didn't see it. As for your friend... We all make poor choices in life. If you don't want to be in the same boat, make sure you are happy with *yourself* first, and then maybe, if you're lucky, the right woman will just happen to stumble upon you. If you are happy and healthy and thinking positively, you'll be much more likely to attract this kind of person as opposed to the wrong kind of partner who feeds your insecurities and makes you feel smaller. Just my $0.02"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
squirrel 0 #86 February 25, 2011 QuoteI can't believe I'm going to say this but I don't think you are shallow because of the things you want... Sounds to me like you want a hot girl and that is important to you. Also sounds like you want a life partner who cares about you and shares your hopes and dreams. It also seems to me part of your dissatisfaction so far with your dating experience is that you had a great partner that you loved and cherished and you're finding it hard to find someone of that caliber. All of these are admirable and good things to look for in a healthy, long-term relationship where both parties mutually love and respect one-another. The problem, Shah, lies in your deeply flawed assumptions about people in general. Your understanding of what women want and how they think is troubling - not just because it's so off the mark but because it's unhealthy to go about life thinking so negatively about the world and people around you. And it's precisely the derogatory manner in which you speak of and relate to women that is preventing you from finding/building a meaningful relationship (because I do believe that this is ultimately what you're after). Start respecting women, and maybe then you'll see a whole other side to them you didn't realise was there... And it was there all along - you just didn't see it. As for your friend... We all make poor choices in life. If you don't want to be in the same boat, make sure you are happy with *yourself* first, and then maybe, if you're lucky, the right woman will just happen to stumble upon you. If you are happy and healthy and thinking positively, you'll be much more likely to attract this kind of person as opposed to the wrong kind of partner who feeds your insecurities and makes you feel smaller. Just my $0.02 you....are....so...right. after my wife died, i went through some really really bad relationships. but, all of which led me to my new love, life, and happiness. i met her when i had decided to be happy, to be free, and to like myself. ________________________________ Where is Darwin when you need him? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
popsjumper 2 #87 February 26, 2011 Quote That was an absolutely brilliant post. And last I checked (looks down shirt), yup, I'm a woman. Wendy P. Well, I'll be damned....last time I looked down your shirt you were a woman then, too! My reality and yours are quite different. I think we're all Bozos on this bus. Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
popsjumper 2 #88 February 26, 2011 Quote -We just wish you would find another website to do it on. -Second, stop speaking for all of us males. You did it to yourself this time. My reality and yours are quite different. I think we're all Bozos on this bus. Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnMitchell 14 #89 February 26, 2011 Hey Shah, I got no advice for you, but thanks for the entertainment. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
popsjumper 2 #90 February 26, 2011 QuoteShah - I find you hilarious and you should start a comic strip based on all this. You'd be rich. Seriously, after all the threads, etc. Sounds to me like you should just stop completely and get over the 1st one completely before trying to fill that void. Taking a break is hard to do for some personalities, I was one. But it pays off. A cripes, if you don't want to settle just to be with 'anyone', then just plain don't settle. your friend was an idiot Add me to this list. I agree with this 100% It's all so simple.My reality and yours are quite different. I think we're all Bozos on this bus. Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CSpenceFLY 1 #91 February 26, 2011 Quote Quote -We just wish you would find another website to do it on. -Second, stop speaking for all of us males. You did it to yourself this time. Um...That We was there for a reason. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bolas 5 #92 February 26, 2011 Shah and those like him serve an important purpose iust as the female equivalent would too, * They makes the rest of the single people look better to other single people by comparison * If a couple is having issues and there are thoughts of straying, knowing there are people like that may make them work harder on the relationship. AKA "Could be worse." Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #93 February 26, 2011 I think if we get together and work hard we can push this thread into the 1K mark. SI SE PUEDE! YES WE CAN! Just came back from another first date she just droped me a line and wants to go out next week... Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CSpenceFLY 1 #94 February 26, 2011 So you kept your mouth shut for most of the date? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
popsjumper 2 #95 February 26, 2011 QuoteSo you kept your mouth shut for most of the date? And didn't pull out the checklist of "requirements"? Shah's on a roll!My reality and yours are quite different. I think we're all Bozos on this bus. Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
johnjyuuu 0 #96 February 26, 2011 I'm 25, in law school, currently dating but not serious (ask her, she might say different...hah). (funny comedian (mitch hedberg) joke..."i dont have a girlfriend, i just know a girl that would be really mad if she heard me say that")...anyway, as far as I can tell (from people i've spoken with, my parents, friends parents...etc.), marriage can be characterized in one of three ways. 1. divorce (statistics show about 50% chance for this) 2. unhappy marriage (i'd guess about 30-40% for this) 3. happy marriage (10-20%, and i'd say 20% is on the high side) You probably think i'm just a cynic but i honestly believe the above %'s are correct. I have a few friends whose parents don't like each other, still live together, and sleep in different rooms. I know several people who have parents who have been divorced several times and others who have never been divorced but only because of $ and/or kids. Your friends story is very common in that when you marry a girl she is in "best face/body" mode and once she is comfortable and/or has kids there is little or no incentive to look good anymore. There are exceptions (women who work out, eat right, care a lot about how they look) but generally you should expect your wife to care less and less as the marriage goes on. As far as marriage goes, (and this seems to describe your friends scenario), marriage is a man made prison where you can let yourself out but it is very financially costly (best case scenario you lose half your $, worst case you lose a lot more when you factor in divorce settlements, alimony, child support, etc...) and emotionally costly (starting over relationship wise and the logistics and ability of raising children with split up parents, division of friends). Moral of the story is to not be too optimistic about marriage. 50 years ago divorce was unheard of but now it's so socially acceptable that it's almost considered one step further than the "i broke up with my girlfriend" type happening. Prenuptual agreements are a good way to plan for an exit strategy, even if you aren't a millionaire or anything like that. Although certainly an awkward conversation to have before marriage, it's a great way to retain options for your future. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nigel99 143 #97 February 26, 2011 Quote Quote I must admit that I am puzzled by how much weight he places on looks. Evolution gave us eyes? Or are you one of those engineering types who uses the line "but she is nice" and then try to convince others to lower their standards? My engineering "friends" tried that line on me. Right after the "You should really stop skydiving and riding motorcycles and planning trips to Europe and South America." Lovely bunch of guys.....big wives. I hear they are "nice" But I'll lower my standards when the ladies do the same. Till then, eat well, live well and go big or go home. I didn't say I don't like looks. I have certainly got the better deal as my wife is a hell of a lot better looking than me. I also don't see it as lowering standards - personally someone who shares my interests, is fun and has character is more important to me than looks. The fact that my wife has looks is a bonus. Put it this way even with a wife who is a "plain Jane" but has character you can always look at other women for your eye candy. If you marry someone purely because they are eye candy (in other words all looks and no depth), unless you are in an open relationship you are shafted. Anyway assuming that you find someone that fits all your criteria . Why should SHE have to lower her standards and put up with Mr Average? Let's face it you aren't a Skygod, aren't a Millionaire, don't look like Brad Pitt, and might be not meet her expectations in the size departmentExperienced jumper - someone who has made mistakes more often than I have and lived. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #98 February 26, 2011 Nope. I'm just Shah. The one and only. Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skybytch 259 #99 February 26, 2011 QuoteI don't get what the problem is here.... if all you want to do is fuck and not marry.... then just fuck chicks and don't get married. What is the problem? Getting their clothes off. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CSpenceFLY 1 #100 February 26, 2011 Quote Nope. I'm just Shah. The one and only. And there in lays your problem. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
