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Vallerina

When you don't support a marriage

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Supporting your friend by going to the wedding, is the same as supporting her decision to get married to this douche. I don't think I could go.



That would be incorrect. You may not be able to separate the two but that is your issue.

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so... would you go to the wedding or not? That was the question.



I have no idea. Her sister and I go back and forth on whether or not we will be going. Our cousin has already backed out (let's just say, our family isn't shy about not being overly supportive of this marriage.)



Being supportive of her and being supportive of this marriage are two different things. From my own 50+ years of life experience (i.e., not just in the abstract), I know that people usually find it very hurtful when friends or relatives boycott their wedding because they disapprove of the marriage; and that's a hurt that lasts a long time, often regardless of what happens to the marriage in the long run.

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so... would you go to the wedding or not? That was the question.



I have no idea. Her sister and I go back and forth on whether or not we will be going. Our cousin has already backed out (let's just say, our family isn't shy about not being overly supportive of this marriage.)



Being supportive of her and being supportive of this marriage are two different things. From my own 50+ years of life experience (i.e., not just in the abstract), I know that people usually find it very hurtful when friends or relatives boycott their wedding because they disapprove of the marriage; and that's a hurt that lasts a long time, often regardless of what happens to the marriage in the long run.



If people didn't support my marriage I would rather them NOT go and pretend to be happy and use me for the free food, drinks, and fun.

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so... would you go to the wedding or not? That was the question.



I have no idea. Her sister and I go back and forth on whether or not we will be going. Our cousin has already backed out (let's just say, our family isn't shy about not being overly supportive of this marriage.)



Being supportive of her and being supportive of this marriage are two different things. From my own 50+ years of life experience (i.e., not just in the abstract), I know that people usually find it very hurtful when friends or relatives boycott their wedding because they disapprove of the marriage; and that's a hurt that lasts a long time, often regardless of what happens to the marriage in the long run.



If people didn't support my marriage I would rather them NOT go and pretend to be happy and use me for the free food, drinks, and fun.



That twists the import of my message. If Val goes to the wedding, she won't be going for the food and the party, she'll be going to be supportive of a friend she loves.

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[...] I know that people usually find it very hurtful when friends or relatives boycott their wedding because they disapprove of the marriage; and that's a hurt that lasts a long time, often regardless of what happens to the marriage in the long run.




I don't know this for sure, but this certainly sounds true to me... It's probably not the same but my mom came to my Boot Camp graduation even though she was dead against me joining the military - this meant a great deal to me then and still does now. I knew she didn't approve, but I also knew she loved me :)
"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

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usually if a person has a house in their name only before marriage, there's nothing to worry about as far as the other individual trying to get it after the marriage doesn't work.

your friend is probably "in love" and sometimes when you're in love, you don't necessarily see what's right in front of your eyes.

voice your opinion and support her decision :)
~Porn Kitty
WARNING: Goldschlager causes extreme emotional outbursts!

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usually if a person has a house in their name only before marriage, there's nothing to worry about as far as the other individual trying to get it after the marriage doesn't work.



This is wrong. It depends totally on state law and the law is different in different states. If the house is totally paid off that would be one thing (equity brought into a marriage) but if there is a mortgage you could be liable to the other person for any equity gained during the marriage at least. Just too complicated and different in different states for a simplistic answer. Talk to an attorney licensed in your state. Better to protect yourself and be sure, especially when you are disabled and may have limited resources.
"What if there were no hypothetical questions?"

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that is true - it is different in every state.

i should have said it applies to NC and NY as I'm in the middle of one right now regarding this exact situation with attorneys involved.
~Porn Kitty
WARNING: Goldschlager causes extreme emotional outbursts!

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usually if a person has a house in their name only before marriage, there's nothing to worry about as far as the other individual trying to get it after the marriage doesn't work.



This is wrong.



It certainly is, or (as you point out) can be, depending on the state and/or specific circumstances.

Forgive me for posting this message for about the 23rd time in this forum, but: Nobody should ever take legal advice from ANYONE who is not an attorney. Period. No exceptions. Just because the person knows of (or is involved in) 1 or 2 scenarios in which "X" applies, that doesn't mean the same will apply to you. Even general rules have exceptions, and those exceptions can be critical. There are so many variables and nuances, that if you heed legal advice (which includes personal vignettes) from a non-attorney, you could wind up doing yourself great and irreparable harm.

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usually if a person has a house in their name only before marriage, there's nothing to worry about as far as the other individual trying to get it after the marriage doesn't work.



This is wrong.



It certainly is, or (as you point out) can be, depending on the state and/or specific circumstances.

Forgive me for posting this message for about the 23rd time in this forum, but: Nobody should ever take legal advice from ANYONE who is not an attorney. Period. No exceptions. Just because the person knows of (or is involved in) 1 or 2 scenarios in which "X" applies, that doesn't mean the same will apply to you. Even general rules have exceptions, and those exceptions can be critical. There are so many variables and nuances, that if you heed legal advice (which includes personal vignettes) from a non-attorney, you could wind up doing yourself great and irreparable harm.



What if I stayed in a Holiday Inn Express last night?

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