Nataly 38 #1 April 10, 2011 I was sitting outside a cafe enjoying a lovely cappucino, when a guy kindly offered to buy me something else to drink. Innocent enough, but I said no thanks. Maybe it's a bit bad of me to think this, but I generally assume that a man who offers to buy me something wants something in return, and I don't like that dynamic. And it just got me thinking, how often do people genuinely give freely with no expectations of some kind of return on their investment? Not saying scratching each-others' backs is necessarily a bad thing, just wondering..."There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
quade 3 #2 April 10, 2011 QuoteAnd it just got me thinking, how often do people genuinely give freely with no expectations of some kind of return on their investment? Google the phrase, "altuism doesn't exist." Wasn't that also an episode of Friends?quade - The World's Most Boring Skydiver Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
warpedskydiver 0 #3 April 10, 2011 You could have said no thanks but how about a quickie anyways? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
catfishhunter 1 #4 April 10, 2011 Life's short pay it forward... MAKE EVERY DAY COUNT Life is Short and we never know how long we are going to have. We must live life to the fullest EVERY DAY. Everything we do should have a greater purpose. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nataly 38 #5 April 10, 2011 Quote You could have said no thanks but how about a quickie anyways? Even if I were single I would never say that!! But I'd love to see someone's reaction to that proposition - reckon most people would freak out by such outrageous forwardness!! "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skybytch 259 #6 April 11, 2011 Quote how often do people genuinely give freely with no expectations of some kind of return on their investment? I've heard numerous stories about people in drivethrus paying for the order of the person behind them. Seems kinda weird to me that he wanted to buy you another coffee when you were already drinking one. Maybe he thought you looked sleepy? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
quade 3 #7 April 11, 2011 Quote Maybe he thought you looked sleepy? Or thought she would be after the roofies kicked in. That's why I'd never accept a drink from a stranger unless I saw it being made by a neutral 3rd party.quade - The World's Most Boring Skydiver Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
david3 0 #8 April 11, 2011 Quote That's why I'd never accept a drink from a stranger unless I saw it being made by a neutral 3rd party. Just because you are paranoid doesn’t mean everybody isn’t out to get you right? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
quade 3 #9 April 11, 2011 Quote Quote That's why I'd never accept a drink from a stranger unless I saw it being made by a neutral 3rd party. Just because you are paranoid doesn’t mean everybody isn’t out to get you right? I'm not sure a woman can be paranoid enough when it comes to strangers approaching them out of the blue and especially in settings where it's not normal. Clearly this guy wanted to at least get to know her for some reason beyond just being a nice guy. Lemme ask you this, as a guy, when was the last time a stranger walked up and offered to buy you a cup of coffee for no reason? Ever? I hang out in a LOT of coffee shops, in decades of doing so, it's never happened to me a single time.quade - The World's Most Boring Skydiver Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Remster 24 #10 April 11, 2011 Poor Paul.. He's not pulling.... Remster Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
david3 0 #11 April 11, 2011 Quote That's why I'd never accept a drink from a stranger unless I saw it being made by a neutral 3rd party. Just because you are paranoid doesn’t mean everybody isn’t out to get you right?I'm not sure a woman can be paranoid enough when it comes to strangers approaching them out of the blue and especially in settings where it's not normal. Clearly this guy wanted to at least get to know her for some reason beyond just being a nice guy. Lemme ask you this, as a guy, when was the last time a stranger walked up and offered to buy you a cup of coffee for no reason? Ever? I hang out in a LOT of coffee shops, in decades of doing so, it's never happened to me a single time. Her, yes she should be careful. You...? You probably don’t have to worry about it. Me, probably not, depends on what town I’m in. In Key West, every time my girlfriend goes to the bathroom I have drinks coming at me left and right. This is still bonfire right? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryoder 1,381 #12 April 11, 2011 Quote In Key West, every time my girlfriend goes to the bathroom I have drinks coming at me left and right. This is still bonfire right? Key West?Uhhh...are these drinks coming from guys, or from girls?"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
airdvr 197 #13 April 11, 2011 Hence the $200 rule.Please don't dent the planet. Destinations by Roxanne Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Squeak 17 #14 April 11, 2011 Quote Quote Maybe he thought you looked sleepy? Or thought she would be after the roofies kicked in. That's why I'd never accept a drink from a stranger unless I saw it being made by a neutral 3rd party. So date rape is high on your list of personal security concerns, where you hanging out these days Mr QuadeYou are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky) My Life ROCKS! How's yours doing? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnMitchell 14 #15 April 11, 2011 He was hitting on you, but politely. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hellis 0 #16 April 11, 2011 Are you sure it was not just the waiter asking you for a refill? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nataly 38 #17 April 11, 2011 Quote Are you sure it was not just the waiter asking you for a refill? Mwaaa ha haaaa!!! Nope - wasn't the waiter! I'm in a teeeeeny village where everyone knows when you sneeze, so I doubt this guy was out to rape me... But a girl should always be careful. I think he was hitting on me, and there's nothing wrong with that but I am not single, so prefer not to encourage anything. Even if I were single, I prefer to buy my own coffees/drinks/et cetera... Still, with the broader question, I think people (from Western cultures) are encouraged to be self-serving. When everyone is self-serving it tends to mostly work out... So if you're the odd person out who is selfless/generous, people tend to try to take advantage of you, IMO. Maybe in a culture where the group is more valued than the individual, giving with no expectation of a return is possible (if everyone behaves that way). The problem with this notion is that if everyone gives freely, you can reasonably expect that when you give, someone else will return the favour. So indirectly you expect something in return... Just maybe not from that person."There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
skymama 35 #18 April 11, 2011 I think he was probably hitting on you, but he doesn't have very good game. He should have offered a pastry or a muffin!She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man, because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
david3 0 #19 April 11, 2011 Quote Quote In Key West, every time my girlfriend goes to the bathroom I have drinks coming at me left and right. This is still bonfire right? Key West?Uhhh...are these drinks coming from guys, or from girls? Guy of course. It's Key West. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MikeJD 0 #20 April 11, 2011 QuoteI think he was probably hitting on you, but he doesn't have very good game. He should have offered a pastry or a muffin! "Can I offer you a muffin?" "I'm thinking a really good muffin would make your day." "You need muffin!" Yep, that all sounds innocent enough. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
piisfish 135 #21 April 11, 2011 QuoteYep, that all sounds innocent enough.I would love to see your lips around a muffinscissors beat paper, paper beat rock, rock beat wingsuit - KarlM Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shah269 0 #22 April 11, 2011 Wow the guy asks if he could buy you a cup of coffee so that you would have a reason to stay around longer and engage in a conversation and your brain automatically runs off into rape... YEAH! Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay. The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
piisfish 135 #23 April 11, 2011 rape ? I was into a muffin eating fetish scissors beat paper, paper beat rock, rock beat wingsuit - KarlM Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shropshire 0 #24 April 11, 2011 or one of them pies without pastry on top ... what do they call them again ? (.)Y(.) Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nigel99 143 #25 April 11, 2011 Some people are very generous. I have had jump tickets bought for me because I was a poor student and friends wanted to see me progress. There are quite a few other examples where I have been helped just out of generosity. Actually something that I don't like is when people have expectations that if you do something for them they some how "owe" you a favour.Sometimes we are just in a better position than someone else at that time. I am an ugly middle aged man so when Divot bought me dinner I am sure that no favours were on his mind but I guess there is a level of expectation that some people have when buying drinks etc for a woman. Experienced jumper - someone who has made mistakes more often than I have and lived. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites