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Nataly

Is there a good way to break up with someone???

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good? i don't know if i would characterize the end of an intimate relationship as 'good'. 'right', 'correct', 'humane' ?? maybe.....

hard to find the right time to break the news, so you think, but unless you are just coming out of the sun with an arbitrary break-up it is likely that the other party is already expecting it....

whether or not you actually have tangible reasons or not (these are optional, 'knowing' that it aint working for you is quite enough) will determine the depth and length of the conversation you need to have and then you simply separate yourself from them.

may mean distance, may mean will power. but it needs to be definite and, if necessary, brutal. sending a video of you pleasing another should do the trick.

unless you are breaking up with me, that is. then you can just let me know that you think I am an asshole but you have never met anyone that slings dick like i do so you can never be 'in' love with me but i should be expecting 1am booty calls when your dates leave you wanting more. B|


did i say that out loud?

namaste, motherfucker.

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it is likely that the other party is already expecting it....



I disagree. In marriages most of the time the other person does not expect it when it happens and I think dating would follow suit. That's "most" of the time. If you've been dropping hints such as "I don't want to see you ever again" then they should be thinking something is up.


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Rap is to music what etch-a-sketch is to art.

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After a really horrific breakup that I bolloxed up royally, I read How to Dump a Guy. Not perfect, but it made it clear that most of the time, you get back to being friends, you don't go from being significant others to being friends.

I only broke up with one other person after that, and used it -- i.e. I was polite, firm, and definite. He called me once or twice, but I reminded him that we had broken up, and we both moved on. It was way better (of course, it helped that he was only high-strung, and not bat-shit psycho).

Wendy P.
There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

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I've no animosity towards my exes. We've remained friends after separating, and one of them even came back to live with me for a while as a strictly no-benefits housemate. That idea seems to freak some people out, but what's always surprised me is how it seems to be the accepted norm for couples to go from being the best of friends to the worst of enemies at or before the point of break-up. That person they're wishing all kinds of misery on is the same one who they once told they'd love forever. :(




+1

I think TriGirl wrote a really great post also. And thinking back on it I've realised I'm spending a hell of a lot of energy telling him again and again why it's not working... This is hard for two reasons: 1) I'm not entirely convinced I made the right decision and 2) he comes up with new arguments each time which I need to counter... Anyway, everything that needed to be said has been said by now, so really the only thing left is to cease all communication (at least temporarily). Seems like what we both need in order to move on. If we remain friends over the long term, great. If not, well, by that point it won't matter as we will have naturally moved on anyway.
"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

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The truth is probably that the person was never that great to begin with and not that awful in the end either.



I guess love and hurt are equally blind. :)
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right now we are going in circles with him trying to convince me it *could* work and me trying to convince him it can't...


He must care about you very much. If someone was telling me that she didn't think our relationship could work, then I couldn't be happy in it myself even if I were able to talk her around. I think that would be enough to make me walk away - hopefully with dignity, but in reality probably crying like a girl. :D

As for 'trial' separation, whenever anyone talks about that I read it as one or both partners wanting to end the relationship but not having the courage to do it outright. Maybe there are people here for whom that's worked though, and who have ended up back together long term. It'd be nice to hear a happy-ever-after story to offset my world-weary cynicism! ;)

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Agree with everything you just said.

I think trial separations are for people who don't want to admit that it's already over... (And in this case I am guilty as charged :D:D)

Edited: too much rambling... Short version is I called to say I wouldn't be calling anymore (!). Would be nice if we managed to stay friends but everything will be fine either way - life lives on :)

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

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Whatever Shah recommends is the best answer.


I don't freaking know I'm in the same place myself Im seeing this great girl who is now in brazil but.....she lacks a university education which is a major issue for me and shes playing for keeps and I'm so not there and........I can't figure out how to break up with this great girl with out hurting her. For a guy who has received god knows how many dear shah email I'm coming up blank.

It freaking sucks. We are talking about nut under sucking.
And she is one of those great debaters and every time I say something she debates me.....and god I hate making girls cry...it freaking sucks
Life through good thoughts, good words, and good deeds is necessary to ensure happiness and to keep chaos at bay.

The only thing that falls from the sky is birdshit and fools!

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Whatever Shah recommends is the best answer.


I don't freaking know I'm in the same place myself Im seeing this great girl who is now in brazil but.....she lacks a university education which is a major issue for me and shes playing for keeps and I'm so not there and........I can't figure out how to break up with this great girl with out hurting her. For a guy who has received god knows how many dear shah email I'm coming up blank.


Show her your dropzone.com posts.:|
"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

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Whatever Shah recommends is the best answer.


I don't freaking know I'm in the same place myself Im seeing this great girl who is now in brazil but.....she lacks a university education which is a major issue for me and shes playing for keeps and I'm so not there and........I can't figure out how to break up with this great girl with out hurting her. For a guy who has received god knows how many dear shah email I'm coming up blank.

It freaking sucks. We are talking about nut under sucking.
And she is one of those great debaters and every time I say something she debates me.....and god I hate making girls cry...it freaking sucks


shah, grow a pair & break up with her. You're hurting her more by not doing it & stringing her along. I know it sucks to hurt someone you think is awesome, but the sooner you do it the less it will suck for both of you. [:/] Good luck.

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Whatever Shah recommends is the best answer.


I don't freaking know I'm in the same place myself Im seeing this great girl who is now in brazil but.....she lacks a university education which is a major issue for me and shes playing for keeps and I'm so not there and........I can't figure out how to break up with this great girl with out hurting her. For a guy who has received god knows how many dear shah email I'm coming up blank.

It freaking sucks. We are talking about nut under sucking.
And she is one of those great debaters and every time I say something she debates me.....and god I hate making girls cry...it freaking sucks


shah, grow a pair & break up with her. You're hurting her more by not doing it & stringing her along. I know it sucks to hurt someone you think is awesome, but the sooner you do it the less it will suck for both of you. [:/] Good luck.


Maybe someone could hookup Shah's girlfriend with Nataly's boyfriend. Two birds/one stone.

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she lacks a university education which is a major issue for me



I used to think that was important, then I met Normiss. I have a college degree and he doesn't, yet earns more than twice what I earn. The man is a freakin' walking encyclopedia; he'll read an owner's manual for a product he doesn't even own just because he wants to know how it works. It's really kind of Rainman-ish sometimes. :ph34r:

Some people aren't raised to believe a college education is important, others just can't afford it or don't want to go into massive amount of debt to make it happen. Many others just drop out, like Bill Gates did. I think a 4 year degree is less important than a person who constantly wants to learn and improve their minds.

Did you ever think that you come up with all the reasons why you can't date someone because you're afraid of getting hurt again?
She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

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he'll read an owner's manual for a product he doesn't even own just because he wants to know how it works. It's really kind of Rainman-ish sometimes. :ph34r:



Now I have a mental picture of Normiss walking around mumbling: "I'm an excellent driver.":D:D:D
"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

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Simple. Break up with others as you would want them to break up with you.



Profound, simply profound. :P Not only that, but good common sense. In all facets of life, not just romantical break-ups. Jobs (employers and employees, both) contractors, handymen, pool-boys, housekeepers, lawn services, bodyguards, babysitters, bartenders, personal trainers, doctors, the list goes on and on..... :P

Seriously, very good advice. :)
lisa
WSCR 594
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Hi Nataly,

This just came in an email and thought it might work for you:

After suffering from severe depression, both my wife and I decided to commit suicide yesterday. Strangely enough after she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better and thought:

What the F---! I'll try to make a go of it!


JerryBaumchen

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I think TriGirl wrote a really great post also.



Awe! Thanks Nat! :)
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And thinking back on it I've realised I'm spending a hell of a lot of energy telling him again and again why it's not working...



Co-dependency is difficult to get past! [:/] Sometimes you just won't get the other person to see it the same way. You've said your bit. It's up to him to understand/respect that.

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This is hard for two reasons: ... 2) he comes up with new arguments each time which I need to counter...



See above. [:/]

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Anyway, everything that needed to be said has been said by now, so really the only thing left is to cease all communication (at least temporarily).



Exactly. Just accept the fact that it will suck for each of you in different ways for awhile. You can't fix it -- just part of life. It's better to do what you need to do for the moving-on process to begin. Good luck!
See the upside, and always wear your parachute! -- Christopher Titus

Shut Up & Jump!

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I used to think that was important, then I met Normiss. I have a college degree and he doesn't, yet earns more than twice what I earn.




This has pissed off several of my friends. :)
"I may be a dirty pirate hooker...but I'm not about to go stand on the corner." iluvtofly
DPH -7, TDS 578, Muff 5153, SCR 14890
I'm an asshole, and I approve this message

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Im seeing this great girl who is now in brazil but.....she lacks a university education which is a major issue for me and shes playing for keeps and I'm so not there and........I can't figure out how to break up with this great girl with out hurting her.



So hurt her, and let her get on with her life.

And sure, we tend to gravitate towards people with similar backgrounds - but I've never heard a lack of university education used as a specific reason for avoiding getting serious. This seems bizarre to me, but then Skymama mentioned that she used to feel the same way. The difference is that she was open to changing her mind.

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This seems bizarre to me, but then Skymama mentioned that she used to feel the same way. The difference is that she was open to changing her mind.



I didn't mean that in a snooty way. I just know that I wouldn't last long in a relationship with someone who isn't very bright or who didn't value learning. For example, Normiss and I were in Atlanta this week. For fun, we toured the CNN building and listened to the audio tour of the Olympic Park as we walked around. Those activities were appealing to us because we learned a few things.

Back on topic- there is no good way to break up with someone, but you should do it honestly and respectfully. I agree that it's easier said than done sometimes.
She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

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