farts

[kenz 0]

now i know that lawrocket posted about this recently - but after just talking the phone with a dear dear friend of mine we were in hysterics about farts - why the hell they are so funny? im not really sure - but damnit they really are...

so throw it out there - whats your funniest farting story....

"life does throw curveballs sometimes but it doesn't mean we shouldn't still swing for the homerun" ~ me

[skydemon2 0]

Pull my finger and Ill tell you a story...... I promise...

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone!

I like to start my day off with a little Ray of Soulshine™!!

[RkyMtnHigh 0]

Well....in my opinion, they are most funny when you least expect them or they are inappropriate in their timing and/or place..such as in a church pew when everyone's heads are bowed and it's quiet and *bbbbbbbbrrppppppppppppp*';
or if you are stuck in a grocery store and there's no one else to blame it on and it follows you around like Pepe le Pew (stink cloud which you can't escape for the life of you!)....but it's the worst when breaking wind makes your own eyes water

I found this story a bit humorous:
A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner.
This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.

The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart.

It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman's chair, and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!".

The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer rrrrrip.

The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!"
Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!" A few minutes later the woman had to let another rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let a fart rip that rivaled a train whistle blowing.
Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled,
"Dammit Skippy, get away from her, before she shits on you!"

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[wildcard451 0]

ask the poor people sitting beside me why I am laughing so hard right now....

[Squeak 17]

you let rip a great stinkers 2 seconds before the lift doors open, you get out and 5 people get in, and as the doors close you hear them start gagging....That was funny as hell

You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky)
My Life ROCKS!
How's yours doing?

[RkyMtnHigh 0]

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you let rip a great stinkers 2 seconds before the lift doors open, you get out and 5 people get in, and as the doors close you hear them start gagging....That was funny as hell

The Art of Diffusion! (works just like popping microwave popcorn)

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[sunshine 2]

Farts are just not funny. Unless you're wrestling with your significant other and it just kinda happens. But thats the only time it's funny.

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meow

I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug!

[Shell666 0]

Not my story but THIS is funny!

'Shell

'Shell

[Samurai136 0]

A friend of mine, who is a Professor at MIT, shared his theory about farts.

Quote

Men freely Fart. They are generally happy people. Most women do not freely fart.
Women who don't fart are usually really cranky unhappy people.

Still collecting evidence on this theory.

"Buttons aren't toys." - Trillian
Ken

[kenz 0]

oh but they really are - ESPECIALLY when you are with your significant other - and it gets really quiet for that split second and then you look at each other and just bust out laughing...

ever have one of those moments where you think its gonna be a quiet one and then out it comes like a trumpet - and you just want to die

"life does throw curveballs sometimes but it doesn't mean we shouldn't still swing for the homerun" ~ me

[Armour666 0]

Mine would be from my time in the army. SSM had a bad habit of leaving offending emissione so bad it would bring tears to your eyes. Usualy you could escape to cleaner air. Well we were commaing back from a training exercise and me being one of the more junior troops at the time was selected to go with the SSM and his driver to do some lacky work of loading thing in the truck.

We were heading down the road and me being stuck in the middle of the pickup I was at the mercy of the tow of them after the intial fouling I was ready to go AWOL !!!! about 30 min latter the SSM lets anothe bomb off what was piticulary funny is about .5 seconds of the start of the lattest emmision the small triangle vent window blows out. It couldnt have been better timming. My reply was see sir I told you they were bad.

SO this one time at band camp.....

"Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most."

[sunshine 2]

At an apartment i lived at a long time ago sometimes in the morning when it was all quiet, i would be "lucky" enough to hear the guy upstairs take his morning pee and let out a LOUD fart. That always made me laugh and i could never look at him with a straight face.

___________________________________________
meow

I get a Mike hug! I get a Mike hug!

[lawrocket 3]

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such as in a church pew

Confucius say - he who fart in church sit in own pew....

My wife is hotter than your wife.

[jumper03 0]

you can't talk about farts w/o refering to this thread - it's a dz.com rule I think....

http://www.dropzone.com/cgi-bin/forum/gforum.cgi?do=post_view_flat;post=497966;page=1;sb=post_latest_reply;so=ASC;mh=25;

Scars remind us that the past is real

[Icon134 0]

Farts aren't funny... they're serious and um.... uh... awe... Karma has this habit of walking over to sit down next to me and let them just kind of fly... drives me nuts... but I can't help laughing at it ever time...

Livin' on the Edge... sleeping with my rigger's wife...

[BillyVance 34]

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so throw it out there - whats your funniest farting story....

Me, 5th grade. Teacher's talking to the class. I let out a loud steady fart. My classmate turns to me with a smile. Then I let a weird 2nd fart that changed from low to high pitch and shortly back to low pitch before petering out. That one got the whole class, teacher included laughing their asses off.

You just had to have been there.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[MF42 0]

In 7th grade band class, the band director was out sick, so we had a substitute teacher. Subs can't teach music usually, so we just had a free hour to sit around and goof off.

One guy had brought some kind of illegal contraband to school; I don't remember now exactly what it was. Probably improvised fireworks or porn. Not important to the story. The important part: several of us were crammed into this tiny closet-sized "practice room" looking at the contraband. A practice room is a small, well insulated room just large enough for one person to practice their instrument. It's sealed fairly well for soundproofing, and there's no ventilation. (You can see where this is going.)

We were huddled around the contraband whatever, hushed and whispering, when somebody toward the back of the room ripped out a freakishly loud and long fart. It sounded wet.

There was a confused rolling dogpile of laughing 14-year-olds tumbling out of the room, and the door was slammed shut. No more than two seconds elapsed from the fart to the slam, so the fart cloud was till trapped inside the practice room. It expanded to fill the room, and lingered. And lingered...

The next day, the director was still gone, and the same sub was trying to maintain more order this time around. Nobody was willing to open the practice room. At the end of the hour, the sub took roll call and realized she was a couple of names short. Hooligans. The sub began a search of the band room's various potential hiding spots, just checking for trouble of any sort. She approached the practice room door. I held my breath in anticipation... She opened the door, peered inside for a second, took a step back, and turned around with her face wrinkled up exactly like a prim and proper lady with a noseful of teenage boy fart. "What...what happened in there?"

We laughed and laughed. It was such a perfect moment; the perfect punchline to a full day's anticipation.

The sub didn't think it was funny.

Matt

[Gene03 0]

That's a real old one but still funny.

“The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all is the person who argues with him.

Stanislaw Jerzy Lec quotes (Polish writer, poet and satirist 1906-1966)

[livendive 8]

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Me, 5th grade. Teacher's talking to the class. I let out a loud steady fart. My classmate turns to me with a smile. Then I let a weird 2nd fart that changed from low to high pitch and shortly back to low pitch before petering out. That one got the whole class, teacher included laughing their asses off.

You just had to have been there.

Me. Third grade. Dropped a quiet one. A kid I didn't like a seat or two away suddenly says, "Mmmmm!!! It smells like lasagna in here!" I got sent to the back of the class because I couldn't stop laughing. Apparenly SBD stands for "silent but delicious"

Blues,
Dave

"I AM A PROFESSIONAL EXTREME ATHLETE!"
(drink Mountain Dew)

[headoverheels 291]

In 7th grade, I sat in front, and a girl (Katie Ford, where are you now?) sat beside me. Katie would audibly break wind, and the teacher would always look up at me.

[MLKSKY 0]

Last night in Karate, this kid was stretching next to me and ripped one. He turned bright red and looked at me and covered his mouth.

I said "Dude, it didn't come out of your mouth." Then I farted and said "Mine was smellier." He couldn't stop laughing...

[TrophyHusband 0]

7th grade math class. the guy sitting behind me let a very small but audible fart. i tooh that opportunity to let go a very long silent fart that singed nose hairs and peeled paint. everybody though the smell came from the other guy, including him.

"Your scrotum is quite nice" - Skymama
www.kjandmegan.com

[gonzalesna 0]

One of my fav's is from the blue collar comedy tour where he mentions 5 guys in a car, 4 trying to crawl out the windows and the one in the middle seat just laughing his arse off!

Reminds me of something I did... I was driving (I'm notorious for clearing both confined and very spacious areas) and I let a few fire in rapid succession. Of course, I was on the driver's side, so I turned on the window lock and laughed hysterically as everyone else in the car frantically pressed the window button rapidly trying to get it to work and roll down the window.

During hockey season, when someone farts, a puff of steam often times rises out of their breezers (shorts).

I work in what strongly resembles storage containers which we for some reason call vans. (From the outside.) They're fitted with a/c and heat, which recurculates the air. the air inlet is on the opposite side of air outlet with a door separating the two sides. Usually the door stays open, but I had closed it because my coworker had been blasting us all morning. About 15 minutes after closing the door, the a/c kicked on and within 15 seconds, I came flying through the door to yell at my buddy for, again, busting ass in a confined space. He was laughing hysterically and proceeded to inform me that he had intentionally stuck his rear end inches from the intake (on his side of the van) so that it would recirculate over to my side...

Since then, I've declared war and sworn to return with a counter-strike with what could be considered as either a WMD or chemical warfare.

Some people refrain from beating a dead horse. Personally, I find a myriad of entertainment value when beating it until it becomes a horse-smoothie.

[swedishcelt 0]

I wrote a student up for discipline for farting. He was disrupting class. Then I had him and his mother come in to see me. I said. "Your child is eighteen and rips these monster stinky farts and it is difficult to teach and learn in that atmosphere. Either he stops this or you get him medical attention. If he doesn't stop, I will have him kicked out of my class."

Yes, it was over a fart. And funny as hell. But damnit he was stinky and pissing me off.

[mattyblast 0]

Ever notice how it's actually pleasant to smell your own farts? If I'm in the middle of my afternoon commute, and I rip one of those big, damn-near toxic farts that smells like rotten eggs mixed with dried-up citrus fruit, then I'll think to myself, "Cool!" and enjoy it.

However, if somebody else were to do the same thing, I'd cringe. Is there an explanation for this phenomenon?

"DOOR!!!"