my boy opened his presents early....now what?

[TriGirl 268]

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His consequence is that he's not going to have anything to unwrap on Christmas as everyone else is experiencing it. I wouldn't even have them rewrapped; he has his presents, he's done.

Yeah, I like this one. I would say he doesn't get to play with them until after everyone else has opened their presents as scheduled. Stack his off to the side until then. Require his presence while everyone else opens their gifts -- one at a time.

If you have anyone else coming over for this event, they'll ask why your son isn't participating (or why he didn't wait for everyone else). Answer: "oh, he opened his last week" and move on.

See the upside, and always wear your parachute! -- Christopher Titus

Shut Up & Jump!

[Hipwrddude 0]

Interesting predicament. One approach would be to try and understand your son's mindset or thinking before he opened the presents and then how he felt afterwards. So, I would suggest, naturally, as may already have happened, ask him. But when you ask him, tell him he won't get punished for it and that you love him and care about him and everyone makes a mistake from time to time. Hell, at his age, I lit our friggin' house on fire. Okay, no one got hurt. Anyway, my life turned out normal, except for this one hobby. Then ask him what he thinks Mommy and Daddy should do to him for breaking the Christmas "rule." If he understands it, give him a big hug and tell him you love him. If he doesn't, then explain the reasons to him. Lastly, he might want to get some insights on the politics of his action. In other words, he doesn't need to tell his friends or family. Doing so will bring negative responses. The most important thing is to have a great dialogue that allows him to release his guilt (assuming it's present) so he isn't tormented by it. Then, if possible, get him 3 gifts for Christmas so he has something to be surprised by.

You're always the starter in your own life!

[popsjumper 2]

I'd say it's simple.
Right along with Hipwrddude's suggestion.

Let him have the stuff he opened. Make sure he understands that they were intended to be opened on Xmas, not early, and that he won't be having much to open on Xmas day while everyone else will.

If he still believes in Santa, then Santa comes anyway and leaves him a token gift or two so he won't feel totally left out.

If he doesn't believe in Santa, then you get him a token or two, again, so he won't feel totally left out on Xmas.

No need to make Xmas day a total bummer day...this one and forevermore.


The kid is only 8. 8 year old kids do stupid shit. It's one way they learn. Well, I'll bet he's learned something already.

I just hope that you haven't made such a life-shattering deal out of it already that he feels like a complete turd.

It's only a big deal if you make it a big deal.


OTOH, maybe he is a complete turd and did it out of just plain meaness. In that case, I'd go with the charity idea but still a token gift for Xmas...from Santa.

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[sfzombie 3]

thanx again all for some wonderful ideas. i actually did entertain the military school idea(not for this, just for a combination of some actions from earlier), but threw it out. we have decided to give him all of them, except the ones he opened(to be held for his birthday in march), grass drills for an hour(yes, he does them, i can get him to muscle failure in 20 minutes), and the only thing santa is leaving under the tree is a big lump of coal(the ones santa leaves will be given to him after about an hour).

i think he learned from this, and all of the friends i've talked to(myself included)admitted to peeking. of course we didn't take them out and play with them, but i can't hold too much against him for a (relatively) minor offense. and it helps after having a day to think about it, i was steamed when i talked to him about it.

i really appreciate all of the responses, it does take a village to raise a child, i just want to ensure i'm not raising the next ted bundy...

http://kitswv.com

[Andy9o8 0]

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i can get him to muscle failure in 20 minutes

That is so awesome.

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i just want to ensure i'm not raising the next ted bundy...

For an 8 yr old who unwraps xmas presents early.
What do I know? Maybe you're on to something. Best of luck.

[popsjumper 2]

True story:

5-6 years old...brother 1-2

I found the "stash" behind the parents bed. I got my bro' and we had a blast playing with the cache...up until Mom came in.

We had no clue as to what the stash was all about but Mom let us know right off the bat.

"Now you did it! Now you know there's no Santa Clause. You ruined Christmas! You'll not be getting anything now!"

Me: ????WTF?
Bro': Duhhhhhhh

Christmas day: No presents from "Santa"

Me: ????WTF?
Bro': Waaaaaaaaa Waaaaaaa

Mom: Shut up or I'll give you something the cry for!


Maybe that had something to do with qualifying for Muff Bros. I dunno.

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[billvon 2,394]

>Dude, kids are killing people now a days. The attitude starts somewhere.

Exactly. Not enough beatings, I tell ya. You have to beat a kid good and proper if you're going to convince him that violence has no place in today's society.

[CSpenceFLY 1]

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>Dude, kids are killing people now a days. The attitude starts somewhere.

Exactly. Not enough beatings, I tell ya. You have to beat a kid good and proper if you're going to convince him that violence has no place in today's society.

You fuckers can say what you want but the disrespect in kids today is at a way higher level then the good old days when we got spankings on occasion. We didn't have school shootings back then and almost every pickup truck in the school parking lot had a gun rack with a rifle in it. This touchy feely timeout shit isn't working and just like our government people are too fucking hard headed to admit it.

[Namowal 0]

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Mom: Shut up or I'll give you something the cry for!

I was a fairly imaginative kid, and the "or I'll give you something to cry about" threat freaked me. I was convinced that parents had some devious secret weapon or instrument stashed away for that occasion.

My blog with the skydiving duck cartoons.

[BrokenR1 0]

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>Dude, kids are killing people now a days. The attitude starts somewhere.

Exactly. Not enough beatings, I tell ya. You have to beat a kid good and proper if you're going to convince him that violence has no place in today's society.

You fuckers can say what you want but the disrespect in kids today is at a way higher level then the good old days when we got spankings on occasion. We didn't have school shootings back then and almost every pickup truck in the school parking lot had a gun rack with a rifle in it. This touchy feely timeout shit isn't working and just like our government people are too fucking hard headed to
admit it.

It's not the spankings themselves though. It comes down to parents that care.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Rap is to music what etch-a-sketch is to art.

[billvon 2,394]

>It's not the spankings themselves though. It comes down to parents that care.

Agreed. Abuse doesn't make you into a better person. Having a parent who cares about you, and who serves as a role model, does.

[skymama 35]

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This touchy feely timeout shit isn't working and just like our government people are too fucking hard headed to admit it.

Actually, time outs do work when done properly. It's possible to raise kids in a firm, but loving household with no physical punishments. But, my kids are well-adjusted 20something college kids, both living on their own...so what do I know.

(And I do know what it's like to have a tough child, my daughter has ADHD. I think there's a thread on here where I was ready to sell her at one point. )

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[Andy9o8 0]

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This touchy feely timeout shit isn't working and just like our government people are too fucking hard headed to admit it.

Actually, time outs do work when done properly. It's possible to raise kids in a firm, but loving household with no physical punishments. But, my kids are well-adjusted 20something college kids, both living on their own...so what do I know.

(And I do know what it's like to have a tough child, my daughter has ADHD. I think there's a thread on here where I was ready to sell her at one point. )

Nope, I have a completely different experience than yours. We raised our kids with time-outs, selected privilege deprivations, and stern but reasonable rules and expectations. Plenty of love. Absolutely no corporal punishment - none. And one of our kids has ADHD, so dealing with school was always a laugh a minute.

Now, we have two lovely, well-adjusted and pretty independent college kids in their 20s, who are productive adults and are on their way to promising careers.

[skymama 35]

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Nope, I have a completely different experience than yours.

That's the same way I raised my kids with the same results. We may be onto something!

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[CSpenceFLY 1]

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Nope, I have a completely different experience than yours.

That's the same way I raised my kids with the same results. We may be onto something!

Would you agree that what works for one doesn't work for another?

[skymama 35]

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Would you agree that what works for one doesn't work for another?

No. I think that if you have to resort to hitting your child, then you're not parenting well enough.

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[BillyVance 34]

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My sister did that one year. (Opened them the day before actually.) My parents treated it as a sort of non-event; "OK, well, I guess you won't have anything to open tomorrow." Sister cried the entire day while we were opening presents. She never did it again.

Awesome. No anger needed. I'll remember that for the future.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[BillyVance 34]

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Would you agree that what works for one doesn't work for another?

No. I think that if you have to resort to hitting your child, then you're not parenting well enough.

Good point there. I'm guessing there was not a lot of knowledge in kid psychology back in the day because if we did something bad, we got our asses tanned. I will admit to spanking my older girl a few times but only because she was having an out of control temper tantrum or flat out refused to do what I told her to do then started kicking and screaming once I picked her up to take her to her room or time-out corner.

I feel better however, I don't have it that bad. my friend has a 2 year old girl who got royally pissed off and scratched the hell out of her parents. I called my friend "scarface". I declawed his daughter today without a problem. She wouldn't let her parents do it. (clipped her nails)

Edited to add: on spanking my child, I made sure to come back and explain to her why I spanked her, laying out the chain of events that led to it, until she understood and told me she was sorry. A nice hug and all is good, with the caveat that it better not happen again, OR ELSE!

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[skymama 35]

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I declawed his daughter today without a problem. She wouldn't let her parents do it. (clipped her nails)

The parents have lost control, proven by the fact that she let you trim her nails. That's not a bad child, those are people with poor parenting skills.

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[AggieDave 6]

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Would you agree that what works for one doesn't work for another?

No. I think that if you have to resort to hitting your child, then you're not parenting well enough.

It worked very well on me, my parents didn't have to do it very often either. I turned out fine.

I've seen the results of a lot of "free-range" children and new age parenting. I've also sent some of them to prison.

--"When I die, may I be surrounded by scattered chrome and burning gasoline."

[BillyVance 34]

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I declawed his daughter today without a problem. She wouldn't let her parents do it. (clipped her nails)

The parents have lost control, proven by the fact that she let you trim her nails. That's not a bad child, those are people with poor parenting skills.

I wholeheartedly agree. They have been way too soft on them, by my standards anyway. You should have seen my wife when she walked into their kitchen. It was an unmitigated disaster and she just hugged me and thanked me for keeping our kitchen clean. Our friends have 3 kids, including a 9 week old. Unfortunately, the mom gave up on cleaning. Her reasoning was it would just get messed up again.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[skymama 35]

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I've seen the results of a lot of "free-range" children and new age parenting.

Not hitting your child does not equate to not having any rules or boundaries. Constantly reinforcing boundaries and consequences is exhausting but hitting a child is the easy way out. I agree that many parents today do a lousy job, it drives me crazy to see how lazy they are!

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[popsjumper 2]

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Nope, I have a completely different experience than yours.

That's the same way I raised my kids with the same results. We may be onto something!

Would you agree that what works for one doesn't work for another?

*sigh*
It's such a one-sided world isn't it?
*sigh*

My reality and yours are quite different.
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
Falcon5232, SCS8170, SCSA353, POPS9398, DS239

[Namowal 0]

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***
Not hitting your child does not equate to not having any rules or boundaries.

I believe boundaries and consistency is the key to getting kids to behave. When I grew up, a some kids on the block would actually get beaten*by their parents. But it didn't make them angels, because things went like this:
1. Kid acts up.
2. Parent nags/yells at kid to stop it.
3. Repeat steps one and two a ridiculous number of times.
4. Exasperated parent wallops kid.

All it seemed to teach the kid was that sometimes misbehaving got them in trouble, but not always and not right away.

My folks, on the other hand, made it very clear how they expected us to behave, and made sure we knew what would happen (spanking, taking privilege/toy, time out, allowance dock, etc..) if we chose to do otherwise. And happen it did! I'm pretty sure it was the consistency of these consequences that kept us in line. If you removed spanking from the list of punishments, the system would have still worked.

*I realize nobody here is advocating beating kids black and blue- just using the example to suggest that even the harshest consequences won't scare a kid into behaving himself.

My blog with the skydiving duck cartoons.

[normiss 622]

Trust me on this one ... abusing kids does not work.
You can call it discipline all you want, but the second you lay a hand on a kid you start a series of emotions on this action you just took because you lack patience and have more anger than you should at the same time. You CAN raise a better child by not laying a hand on them.
My dad used to beat the shit outta me. Belts, cutting boards, switches, screwdriver once, fists, open hands. It happened when I misbehaved, so it was easily excused, more so given the generation. Never knew when it would come though, might be something I did, didn't do, said, or implied.

It taught me a few things instantly.

To fear my father (until I finally slugged him back and staggered him when I was in high school anyway).
To never go to my parents for anything in my life.
To almost hate every person in authority.
Trust no one.
Never be afraid to fight. My dad was a big man, very broad shouldered, ham fists, bout 240, 6", decent middle line backer ... so if I could stand up to his ass kicking, you surely can't hurt me.
I never laid a hand on my girls. You can tell. I cannot tell you what it means to me to have them trust me THEIR FATHER, enough to come to with EVERYTHING in their lives. Sometimes I wish they wouldn't.

Laying hands on children is not a very nice way to raise humans.

I suppose you guys could be right .... doesn't work for all... but I wouldn't believe it.

Andy this wasn't directed at you bro, just a general comment.
I sincerely believe our current personalities and behavior is deeply rooted in our upbringings and that begins at a very early age.

AggieDave do you think any of your personality and behavior could go back to those good old American ass kickings as a kid??