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guppie01

Namby-pamby kids these days

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I'll try to keep to the facts...


Soon to be 19 year old:

- living at home; free room and board
- attends private art college (cost is approx. $5500 every 10 weeks)
- does not work, nor has he ever. Pushes back when addressed about it
- does not cook, nor know how
- does not clean, nor know how
- does not pay own cell bill, and exceeds minutes almost monthly
- does not pay own auto insurance
- does not register for his own classes
- does not order / nor pay for his books / supplies
- does his own laundry :o
- does have attitude
- does spend a good portion of his free time playing video games

Does feel we as the parents are too hard on him... B|

WTF is wrong with kids these days... :|

Signed,
The EVIL Step-Mom

P.S. parents, I BEG of you, please teach your kids skills as they grow up so the rest of us don't have to clean up your mess!
"Let's do something romantic this Saturday... how bout we bust out the restraints?"
Raddest Ho this side of Jersey #1 - MISS YOU
OMG, is she okay?

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Parenting problem? I'll agree most kids are fucked these days but there's a few of us that had parents that kept us in line the right way...

ETA: Why not make him get a job? Take away his video games? Take away his phone? Teach him to do his own shit on his own? He's not gonna learn to be competent by you posting a thread about him on the interwebz

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I voted other....
That was created in your petri dish and now you wanna complain to us how it was grown?



Apparently you missed the "Step" part... not from my petri dish sweet pea! I'm cleaning up someone else's mess!

g
"Let's do something romantic this Saturday... how bout we bust out the restraints?"
Raddest Ho this side of Jersey #1 - MISS YOU
OMG, is she okay?

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Parenting problem? I'll agree most kids are fucked these days but there's a few of us that had parents that kept us in line the right way...

ETA: Why not make him get a job? Take away his video games? Take away his phone? Teach him to do his own shit on his own? He's not gonna learn to be competent by you posting a thread about him on the interwebz



We are trying to teach him. Let's just say that 18 years of programming, and continued coddling by his Mother is a tangled web.

ex. Mom does not feel that her son should work, we do. Whenever we try to force the issue of paying for his own stuff (ie. get a job, learn some responsibliity), Mom steps in and pays for it. etc. etc. etc.
"Let's do something romantic this Saturday... how bout we bust out the restraints?"
Raddest Ho this side of Jersey #1 - MISS YOU
OMG, is she okay?

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Yikes! Hate to say it, but this mess was created many years ago. (You didn't raise him, right?)

That said, no one can walk all over you unless you give them permission. So, it's time to nip this in the bud. It's time to give him some concrete rules, pick the items that are most important to you. If he doesn't like the changes, tell him he's free to move out and tell him you'll even help him. Whatever you decide, you have to be willing to back it up, even if that means throwing his stuff out in the yard if he doesn't comply with the rules.

In addition, don't approach him in a manner in which he feels attacked and will get defensive. Set a family meeting, tell him he's an adult now and has to make his way in life like everyone else. Teach him to clean, teach him to cook, teach him to register for his own classes, etc. In the very least, he needs to get a part-time job!
She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

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I voted other....
That was created in your petri dish and now you wanna complain to us how it was grown?



Apparently you missed the "Step" part... not from my petri dish sweet pea! I'm cleaning up someone else's mess!

g



No I got... emphasis on "Step" and less on "Parent."

If you been in this ~3 years... sorry, but it is your petri dish.

And now, no matter what the timeframe of your relationship to father and son - it is your petri dish.. well, you gonna watch it continue to grow into a parasite?

g. You're a good person and I don't want to keep throwing rocks at you and have said enough. But, you should read what you wrote and place yourself in the reader's perspective. You will not get any sympathy for what you wrote, because all we're hearing is avoidance and behavioral forgiveness or enabling and that shit don't happen in a vacuum.
Nobody has time to listen; because they're desperately chasing the need of being heard.

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(You didn't raise him, right?)



No, he has only lived with us the last 7 months.

I wholeheartedly agree with you. Want to come mediate for us... LOL

xoxo
g
"Let's do something romantic this Saturday... how bout we bust out the restraints?"
Raddest Ho this side of Jersey #1 - MISS YOU
OMG, is she okay?

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Want to come mediate for us... LOL



Totally! I love straightening kids out! They're never too thrilled about it at the time though. :ph34r:

My daughter was a PITA in her teen years. As soon as she turned 18, she elected to stay at her Dad's full time instead of splitting time with me, because I was the hard ass and he was the softie. Well, about a year later, he kicked her out. I was like, "ha ha ha...you're mine, all mine! >:(

You have to be loving, but firm. He knows he needs to get his act together, he's just milking the situation for all it's worth. I'll give you my number, feel free to call me anytime. He can not be more difficult than my daughter was! And by the way, she's engaged, living on her own in GA, working 2 jobs and finished up her AA degree and is just waiting for in-state residency to kick in so she can finish her degree. Oh, and she asked me to be Matron-of-honor at her wedding. Tough love works. :)
She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

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I voted other....
That was created in your petri dish and now you wanna complain to us how it was grown?



Apparently you missed the "Step" part... not from my petri dish sweet pea! I'm cleaning up someone else's mess!

g


No I got... emphasis on "Step" and less on "Parent."

If you been in this ~3 years... sorry, but it is your petri dish.

And now, no matter what the timeframe of your relationship to father and son - it is your petri dish.. well, you gonna watch it continue to grow into a parasite?

g. You're a good person and I don't want to keep throwing rocks at you and have said enough. But, you should read what you wrote and place yourself in the reader's perspective. You will not get any sympathy for what you wrote, because all we're hearing is avoidance and behavioral forgiveness or enabling and that shit don't happen in a vacuum.


;) I hear and respect you Bigun. (in light heart) Rock dodgeball sounds like fun right now in comparison! xoxo

... sorry to subject you to the rants... I come here to "ventpost." There is a great amount of seriousness about this situation at home. DZ.com is my place to come for play, and poke fun of the situation / myself.

It's all good Bigun! :)g
"Let's do something romantic this Saturday... how bout we bust out the restraints?"
Raddest Ho this side of Jersey #1 - MISS YOU
OMG, is she okay?

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He really will gain self-confidence if he is forced to live up to specific expectations. Like anyone, the more sills you master, the prouder you become of yourself! Maybe you can appeal to mom that she's not doing him any favors by letting him coast so much? Maybe if you taught him to cook something and then he went over to Mom's house and he cooked for her, then she would see the benefits of your actions. It really helps if Mom and Dad can be on the same page. Easier said than done sometimes, I know.
She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

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(You didn't raise him, right?)



No, he has only lived with us the last 7 months.

I wholeheartedly agree with you. Want to come mediate for us... LOL

xoxo
g


Just because Mom wants to allow this behavior is no excuse for you to. (I speak from experience on this one[:/])

If you're paying for his cell phone- you're the problem!
If you're letting him live rent free - you're the problem!
If you're enabling him to not work – you’re the problem!
If you’re using Mom as an excuse to allow this behavior – you’re the problem!
Kick him out, cut him off, force him to learn the hard way if that’s what it takes!!!! DO NOT continue to enable this behavior. .. But, I suspect you already know all this. Right? B|
Birdshit & Fools Productions

"Son, only two things fall from the sky."

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This is why I finally decided I would NOT date anyone with kids. I know it is kind of selfish, but at the end of the day its better. Other peoples children are not something I want to deal with, ever.

Growing up I would have had my ass handed to me if I got out of line, I would do the same to any kid if I were to have one (which I wont) or anyone's kids. I have seen too many brats who feel they are entitled to what ever they want and are coddled this way.

The worst was watching a 23yo manchild having mommy carry half of his snowboarding gear cause it was hard to carry loose, he was to lazy to put it in a bag and it was heavy. Are you fucking kidding me???? >:( As long as I can remember I have always carried my own gear....always. I started working at 16, once I had my own car I paid for both the car and the insurance (wasn't even 18 yet) and if I wanted to go to college, that was my problem too.

**shaking head**

I say it is time to lay the smack down. He is 18, he is free to leave and go live with mommy if he does not want to follow rules.

She is not a "Dumb Blonde" - She is a "Light-Haired Detour Off The Information Superhighway."
eeneR
TF#72, FB#4130, Incauto

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Whenever we make "planned" meals we'll have him participate so that he can learn. Last weekend was homemade pizza (which he really liked). I've taken him grocery shopping to teach him how to pick produce, cleaning techniques... etc etc.

LOL :ph34r: Despite all this, I get a phone call on the way home from work "Gia, how do you boil water?" It took every ounce of my being not to laugh, remain calm and walk him through it over the phone! :ph34r:

g

"Let's do something romantic this Saturday... how bout we bust out the restraints?"
Raddest Ho this side of Jersey #1 - MISS YOU
OMG, is she okay?

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(You didn't raise him, right?)



No, he has only lived with us the last 7 months.

I wholeheartedly agree with you. Want to come mediate for us... LOL

xoxo
g


Just because Mom wants to allow this behavior is no excuse for you to. (I speak from experience on this one[:/])

If you're paying for his cell phone- you're the problem!
If you're letting him live rent free - you're the problem!
If you're enabling him to not work – you’re the problem!
If you’re using Mom as an excuse to allow this behavior – you’re the problem!
Kick him out, cut him off, force him to learn the hard way if that’s what it takes!!!! DO NOT continue to enable this behavior. .. But, I suspect you already know all this. Right? B|


B|

g
"Let's do something romantic this Saturday... how bout we bust out the restraints?"
Raddest Ho this side of Jersey #1 - MISS YOU
OMG, is she okay?

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Boil water? Should have told him to google the recipe. The same for making ice.

Dealing with water can be difficult.:S



Make sure he goes and picks up some dehydrated water first. Boiling fully hydrated water can be dangerous.


LOL :ph34r:
"Let's do something romantic this Saturday... how bout we bust out the restraints?"
Raddest Ho this side of Jersey #1 - MISS YOU
OMG, is she okay?

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My parents always had the rule once 18 if you are in school you can live rent free and food was provided but you had to cook yourself. The idea was if you choose to accept that deal then you live under the rules of the house. One of the rules was public space remained clean. You could live how ever you choose behind your bedroom doors. A car was provided as long as it was necessary to get to school. We did not have cell phones back then but these days they might fall under a functional requirement.

I always thought of this as reasonable tough love. I took advantage of this offer for a while then once I got a job and stopped taking classes I quickly realized that paying rent to live in my parents house and under the rules way stupid. I moved out and never looked back.

I now have a toddler and don't look forward to the late teen years. I think the tough love angle is great but right now I don't think I want him to ever move out. Ask me in 15 years. :)


CANOPY COURSE Video Training with Brian Germain at AdventureWisdom.com

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