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Nataly

Rudeness and culture...

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my friends assure me it's quite normal to start with "hello" and not go straight to "please may I have a croissant."



I've found this to be true in several asian countries, I'm told this is true in many euro countries, I find it true in a lot of regions in the US as well.

Seems to me to be common sense. I always try to greet people and ask if they are well before initiating the direct purpose of my visit. The response has ALWAYS been very positive. That's during international trips, or going to the store a few blocks from house.

It's less about rudeness, it's more about treating the other person as an individual deserving respect who happens to have a job..... instead of just a vendor of a service or product with no other purpose (no matter how polite the delivery of the request).


It's really hard for me to remember to do this, I'm very mission focused, so a little bit of pleasantry seems inefficient to me. But the payoff has been good in terms of quality of service and just getting a lot more smiles.

I don't care where you are from, most people seem to appreciate it. The outliers that operate like the Seinfeld "soup nazi" are the exceptions, not the rule.



for my job i have a shitload of contacts with vendors, salespeople, suppliers and what not to do; usually i'm asking them to offer me stuff - i always start with "how's the weather there, how are you, bla-bla-bla.." then i get straight to the point of what i WANT from them. i have VERY good contacts with pretty much everyone; it's a POLITE thing to do, in EVERY culture; people want to be valued and acknowledged!




I don't know... A total stranger exchanging "pleasantries" feels extremely artificial to me. I personally prefer when people get straight to the point in a pleasant manner (which is totally different).

I will enjoy doing business with someone who is generally pleasant, but not with someone who is "buttering me up." Case in point, I was in London 2 weeks ago. I was browsing the high-end shops on Bond street and I was thinking that on the one hand, I love that I was treated with total respect and taken completely seriously despite being dressed a bit like a bum... On the other hand, I found it annoying that all the shopkeepers greeted me with "hello, how are you" or "may I assist you" which even just 5 years ago didn't happen... No, you were left to peacefully browse the shops without being "hassled" for a sale. It was a turn-off.

Basically, they treat you very respectfully (very British) but they try to artificially create a "warm feeling" (very American). I appreciated the former, but not the latter. The first humours you in case you have money, the second feels a bit like ass-licking. Not that I don't enjoy the occasional tossed salad, but on the whole, it feels just a bit excessive.
"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

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Did mall sales years ago. Part of our training was that attentive service may increase sales with some, but also cuts down on thefts.

If "dressed a bit like a bum" the "hassle" may have been also to make sure you didn't steal anything.
Stupidity if left untreated is self-correcting
If ya can't be good, look good, if that fails, make 'em laugh.

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Did mall sales years ago. Part of our training was that attentive service may increase sales with some, but also cuts down on thefts.

If "dressed a bit like a bum" the "hassle" may have been also to make sure you didn't steal anything.




No, I went to those same shops 5 years ago and they weren't doing it then... It's an attempt to "warmly greet customers." They do it to everyone now. I find it annoying, even though I recognise that occasionally it does encourage a sale.
"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

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There is a fine line between "warmly greeting a customer" and being the "creepy stalker salesman." The best salemen know where that line is.



This is true, but everyone now seems required to say at least hello... In the States, maybe this is "normal..." Not so much in the UK, and maybe that is precisely why it feels annoying/artificial.
"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

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I don't know... A total stranger exchanging "pleasantries" feels extremely artificial to me. I personally prefer when people get straight to the point in a pleasant manner (which is totally different).



there's no "I don't know" about it.

I feel exactly like you do. However, we are the exception. Not the rule. Try it. Once you get past the cynicism of it, it's kinda nice (I hate that I'm admitting that).

And, it's only plastic when it's plastic. If you mean to be sincere people know. If the other is sincere, you can tell also.

...
Driving is a one dimensional activity - a monkey can do it - being proud of your driving abilities is like being proud of being able to put on pants

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I don't know... A total stranger exchanging "pleasantries" feels extremely artificial to me. I personally prefer when people get straight to the point in a pleasant manner (which is totally different).



So on a first date you'd like the guy to get straight to the point, so long as its in a pleasant manner. Like "PLEASE may I screw you"? ;)
...

The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one.

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I don't know... A total stranger exchanging "pleasantries" feels extremely artificial to me. I personally prefer when people get straight to the point in a pleasant manner (which is totally different).



So on a first date you'd like the guy to get straight to the point, so long as its in a pleasant manner. Like "PLEASE may I screw you"? ;)


No, he has to shell out for a damn good steak first.

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I don't know... A total stranger exchanging "pleasantries" feels extremely artificial to me. I personally prefer when people get straight to the point in a pleasant manner (which is totally different).



there's no "I don't know" about it.

I feel exactly like you do. However, we are the exception. Not the rule. Try it. Once you get past the cynicism of it, it's kinda nice (I hate that I'm admitting that).

And, it's only plastic when it's plastic. If you mean to be sincere people know. If the other is sincere, you can tell also.




Oh, I learned a long time ago to adapt my behaviour according to social norms... And those "norms" are not necessarily universal and/or intuitive. Just because I prefer cutting through all the bullshit, doesn't mean I impose this "abruptness" on others at all costs. I exchange little pleasantries at little shops and everyone is happy (including myself, because being "rude" is not my objective). But honestly, in my ideal world, you could nicely ask for a croissant and get that croissant in a perfectly civilised manner and it wouldn't take half an hour of "pleasantries" to get there.
"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

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I don't know... A total stranger exchanging "pleasantries" feels extremely artificial to me. I personally prefer when people get straight to the point in a pleasant manner (which is totally different).



So on a first date you'd like the guy to get straight to the point, so long as its in a pleasant manner. Like "PLEASE may I screw you"? ;)


No, he has to shell out for a damn good steak first.


I think she's still in France, so horse would be acceptable too, right?
...

The only sure way to survive a canopy collision is not to have one.

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I don't know... A total stranger exchanging "pleasantries" feels extremely artificial to me. I personally prefer when people get straight to the point in a pleasant manner (which is totally different).



So on a first date you'd like the guy to get straight to the point, so long as its in a pleasant manner. Like "PLEASE may I screw you"? ;)


No, he has to shell out for a damn good steak first.


I think she's still in France, so horse would be acceptable too, right?



I do understand about the whole horse scandal thing... But horse meat *is* very good... :)
"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

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Having done my time in retail as a student I found it was much nicer in the UK if people would open a sentence with Hi and a smile - so its something I've picked up when speaking to anyone serving be it waiter / shop assistant / manifest.

She sounded rude, but she's French - its a different scale over there right?

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