You know you're a skydiver when.....

[lippy 771]

You reach for your wallet in your back pocket, and bring your left hand over your head to maintain symetryWho's got some more?

I got nuthin

[jose 0]

You are covering an entertainment center with plastic so you can paint, and when you tighten up the extra plastic you roll it like the nose of your Sabre and think, FUCK, this should be Zero-p and I should be manifesting.

[Rookeskydiver 0]

..YOU JUMP OUT OF PLANES I KNOW I KNOW

PCSS # 1 Rookeskydiver
"Its a Wonka Bar"....."Go ahead Charlie open it, lets see that golden ticket"

[RobertE 0]

YOU KNOW YOU'RE A SKYDIVER WHEN...


* BOC goes from meaning "Blue Oyster Cult" to meaning "Bottom of
Container".

* You're making love to your partner and they whisper "I've never
done this before" and you yell out "THAT'S a case of beer!".

* On cloudy/windy days you go to the drop zone anyway and bitch
about the weather.

* On cloudy/windy days you pull out your parachute and pack it
just to say that you've done something skydiving-related.

* You "dirt-dive", "post-dive" and critique your love-making
sessions.

* The smell of bug spray makes you think of skydiving.

* Whenever a passenger in a fast-moving car, you stick your head
out the window and yell "FIVE LEFT" to the driver.

* Whenever leaving an establishment you yell "DOOR" to all the
patrons before opening the door.

* You don't own any clothing that you didn't get at a boogie.

* Every single one of your whuffo friends is to the point of
wanting to kill you every time you mention skydiving.

* You think of Jack Jeffries, Tamara Koyn and Norm Kent as
"famous".

* You analyze every flag you see in terms of it's too windy/not
too windy to jump.

* You analyze every flag you see in terms of which direction you'd
face to land.

* It's a dark sky with low clouds and you're thinking "Hop -n-
Pops!".

* It's so windy that trees are bending over and you're thinking
"Cross country!".

* You allow a maximum 55 seconds of "working time" when making
love.

* You can't think of a good reason to pick up your mail for three
weeks after your issues of "Skydiving" and "Parachutist" arrive.

* You feel naked without at least one jump ticket in your wallet.

* You sign your checks with your name and USPA number.

* You know to the tenth of a mile how far it is from your driveway
to the drop zone's driveway.

* Every time someone's beeper goes off you look at your watch to
see if it's break-off altitude.

* You don't remember your anniversary or your mother's birthday,
but you know down to the second how much accumulated freefall time you
have.

* You analyze sessions of love-making in terms of "points turned".


* You refer to your recent break-up as an "intentional cut-away".

* You can't remember the true meanings of the words "Stilletto"
"Javelin" "Talon" "Racer" .....

* You walk everywhere watching the sky.

* You show up at the dz even on the worst-weather days because at
least you can sit around drinking beer.

* You can't mention the word "first" in casual conversation, at
work, or ever in reference to yourself.

* You have your paycheck direct-deposited into the dz account.

* You plan your vacations around skydiving boogies.

* On a full moon night, you look up and think "Night jumps!"

* You know the dz phone number while you don't even know your own.


* Anytime you have sex with someone for the first time you think
"Beer!"

* You've kissed more people in freefall than you have on the
ground.

* Your whuffo friends just don't understand why you would want to
"do" a horny gorilla.

* You drive a beaten-up car because you really need that new
canopy more.

* You have no idea what is happening on the weekends in your town.


* You have more pairs of Tevas than you do sneakers.

* You catch yourself flaking the bed instead of making it

* The term "PC" makes you think of pilot chutes, not personal
computers

* You name your dog "Toggles"

* You wonder what whuffos _DO_ with themselves on gorgeous summer
weekends

* You look at your VCR and think, "Hmm, that's gotta be worth a
few jumps."

* You forget to lower your voice when talking to your jumper
friends in a restaurant about the weekend's lost dildos, loose legstraps
and lack of penetration

* You refer to Weddings, Funerals, Birthdays, etc. as 'Relative
Work'

* You wish for wind, rain, snow, earthquakes, locusts, tornados,
etc. on days you have to work or have other 'Relative Work' to do.

* You can't imagine how anyone can go on vacation without a
parachute.

* Your rig costs more than your trailer.

* You love the smell of 'Jet A' in the morning!

* Losing your job is a reason for celebration!

* Your 'work' clothes have grippers.

* You wear a Skydiving T-shirt and bring a six pack to a job
interview.

* You try to convince the State Trooper that your "D" license
allows you to do ANYTHING!

* Your log book is thicker than any book you've ever read.

* You stop by the New River Bridge and take a look. All the others
are saying 'damn, look how high it is' and you're saying 'damn, look how
low it is'.

* When you buy anything you calculate how many skydives it will
cost.

* When you wear your rig on commercial passenger flights, just in
case.

* When seeing seats in a twin otter gives you the willies.

* When you go to divorce court and give your ex everything as long
as you can keep all your skydiving gear.

* When buying a house seems like a terrible waste of jump money.

* When you own three rigs, three altimeters, three dytters....

* When you log a jump on December 25 and the fact it is Christmas
doesn't enter your mind.

* Your six year old son can teach the first jump course.

* You put your arms down and back in a full track when running
down stairs.

* You estimate your chances of pulling off a hard front riser turn
when looking out any window above four stories.

* When you wake up with a mean hangover in a tent, the first thing
you check is your rig. Then the person sleeping next to you.

* You find yourself mentally telling the pilot when to flare while
landing on a commercial flight.

* Your christmas tree has more skydivers on it that an Otter can
carry.

* Your thinking about taking all the but the driver's seats out of
your car.

* Everytime you get pulled over for speeding you tell the cop you
just made your first skydive in the hopes that he will let you go.

* Your favorite movie in the world is just over sixty seconds
long.

* Your whuffo friends only call if the weather man says the
weekend will be shitty.

* Your friends look at the sky and say, "look at all those
clouds", and you say, "look at all those holes!".

* You wake up in the morning feeling like death warmed over, after
having a few too many beers the night before, and your solution to this
consists of riding in an extremely loud vehicle for about twenty
minutes, throwing yourself out the door and NOT! killing yourself.

* You can't think of a better way to relax other than falling
10,000 feet.

* You fill out your packing data card in braille and try to
convince the drop zone owner it's legal.

* You consider sleeping in a slanted plane as comfortable.

* You see an incredibly beautiful woman and you think, "hmm, I
wonder if I can talk her into......skydiving!".

* Your girlfriend holds out her left hand and says the word
diamond. You picture a fourway formation, look at your girlfriends hand
realize the diamond she's talking about is going to cost over 200 jumps,
and then, with a smile, picture your girlfriends suitcases on the porch.


* Your friend says "let's go to the beach", and you grab your rig.


* You try to convince the flight attendant on a commercial flight
that you really! would be much more comfortable sitting on the floor.

* Your friends think it's funny to, when you are sleeping, blow a
fan in your face and set a beeper off near your ear.

* When someone asks you where you're from, you reply with the name
of your dz, not your hometown.


YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN OLD-TIME SKYDIVER WHEN:


* You think PC stands for ParaCommander.

* You still call them AOD's

* You know the rules for SCS and SCR.

* You HAVE and SCS AND and SCR #.

* You call it "Freak Flying" instead of "Sit Fly" and can do it
without a special jump suit.'

* You still call it the "Freak Brothers" convention.

* You remember when safety meetings weren't.

* You can't tell the difference between BOC and a "pull out"
except you don't get to pull your own pin.

* You remember when turf surfing was something students did, not
hot dogs.

* You think Pink is a stupid gear color for guys.

* You KNOW what else to do on a weekend.

* You think they are ALL "fun" jumps.

* You think a collapsable pilot chute is something bad.

* You think diapers go on mains.

* You don't call a jump from 9,500 a "cloud base" jump.

* When "pro" packing is something your rigger does.

* When paying someone to pack your main is a waste of perfectly
good jumping money

* When you lament the loss of the need to "stand tension" cause it
gave your girl friend something to do.

* You know who Lew Sanborn is and can spell his first name.

* You still call them ASOs.

* You know what a "jesus string" is.

* You remember when you actually wanted to buy a Paraflite main.

* You catch yourself using the term "snoot" every once in a while.


* Camera suits were used for RW.

* Waivers were on a 3"x5" index card...along with the rest of your
info.

* Competition judges actually had to stand outside.

* You remember when a 5-cell canopy was the cat's meow.

* You can remember when $7.00 to 12,000 ft was highway robbery.

* You remember deliberately doing hook turns downwind into the
ground to stomp a disk.

* You remember why the pea gravel pit was invented.

* You remember swearing never to remove *any* padding off of a
harness.

[newshooter12 0]

You make your own "wwwoooossssshhhhh" (wind noise) whenever you step out a door.
matt

[Snowbird 0]

You know your total jump numbers and how many were of each discipline, for each year you've been jumping, but have to stop and think about how old you are.

This happened on Sunday with one of my instructors...

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
-Robert A. Heinlein

[Nick 0]

Also when your alarm clock goes off and you go for the pull.

Nick
Gravity- It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW!

[quatorze 1]

When you have sex you dirt dive it before hand, and debrief afterwords

I'm not afriad of dying, I'm afraid of never really living- Erin Engle

[Baksteen 84]

Let's resurrect this
..when you reply to any random question with "talk to your instructors".

"That formation-stuff in freefall is just fun and games but with an open parachute it's starting to sound like, you know, an extreme sport."
~mom

[jumpoutnow 0]

When every other word is "Fuck".

People are crazy. Cuz there's more of 'em.

[lippy 771]

When DZ.com proxy server errors are the ONLY reason you get anything done at work.

I got nuthin

[mamajumps 0]

Quote

When DZ.com proxy server errors are the ONLY reason you get anything done at work.

Guilty....

[NewGuy2005 51]

You gradually lose the desire and ability to converse with wuffos.

[Skootz 0]

You bring out four cases of beer for a weekend boogie, because you know you are going to have a ton of firsts.

[skyjumpenfool 2]

...people on the street keep saying "Goodmorning officer" because your wearing your Gravity Police T-shirt!

Birdshit & Fools Productions

"Son, only two things fall from the sky."

[skydivermom 0]

When you are reading the book to your kids by DR. Suess called "Hop on Pop" and you keep saying hop n' pop......and you start doing practice pulls

Mrs. WaltAppel

All things work together for good to them that love God...Romans 8:28

[redwings 0]

Good one, skydivermom!

you get ready to pay for the cases of beer and the cashier asks if you're headed to the dropzone.

Why don't you just go to the police station in a red clown suit and let everybody know what we're doing here?

I have a phobia for moobs. Thanks, youknowwhoyouare.

[jimmytavino 16]

......when you look up in the air, EVERY time a plane flies by and you Yell " CUT"!!! or "get Out" !

... when you're willing to put up with all the crap at work, during your work week ... cause you know you'll be skydiving once the weekend arrives...

..... when you "used to have " a savings account..., but now you have friends.. memories, a kick-ass rig. a logbook full of entries.. and a new attitude, about life in general....
j t

[Baksteen 84]

...when you think girls are impressed by men with small equipment.

"That formation-stuff in freefall is just fun and games but with an open parachute it's starting to sound like, you know, an extreme sport."
~mom

[mnealtx 0]

Quote

You bring out four cases of beer for a weekend boogie, because you know you are going to have a ton of firsts.

Did that last year at Skyfest!!

Mike
I love you, Shannon and Jim.
POPS 9708 , SCR 14706

[Esquilax 0]

You feel naked boarding a commercial aircraft without a rig on.

Ostriches and rheas are the only birds that urinate and defecate separately. They read Parachutist while doing #2.

[airtwardo 6]

When considering your 'net worth' from a financial standpoint, the money 'on the books' at the DZ figures in prominently!

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[billeisele 122]

when someone opens a door for you, you reach for your pilot chute

Give one city to the thugs so they can all live together. I vote for Chicago where they have strict gun laws.

[raftman 12]

Wearing a regular backpack around you keep checking for handles, just out of habit.

[GogglesnTeeth 6]

I keep a copy of that here...

http://www.cottonsonline.com/You-Are-A-Skydiver-If.htm

and the beer rules here...

http://www.cottonsonline.com/Skydiving-Beer-Rules.htm

Goggles and Teeth

"You fall like a greased safe!!!"