Do people change?

[Nataly 38]

Ok. Here's what I think: people evolve, but hardly ever change much. I'm not talking about the formative years - I think people develop a great deal right up until their twenties... But change??? Nope. I don't think they do. Aside from a few very rare exceptions...

What do you think? Can/do people change? (And I'm not talking about the small stuff like cutting your hair, shaving your beard or getting new clothes...! )

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[ryoder 1,381]

Is this about me leaving the toilet lid up?

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[wmw999 2,120]

Yes they can. I've seen meaner-than-hell people become nice. Haven't seen the opposite, but I probably wouldn't hang around them.

It generally has to do with taking some sort of control over your life, whether it's giving up alcohol/drugs/gambling/whatever, or getting into a situation in life where you feel as though your positive input matters.

I wouldn't hopefully count on people changing, but I know at least one person who used to be noted for his meanness who is now kind, gentle, and constructive. Except for when we need him to act as an enforcer at the shelter I volunteer at

I'm excluding the effects of mental illness or brain damage -- that really doesn't count.

Wendy P.

There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

[Nataly 38]

wmw999

I'm excluding the effects of mental illness or brain damage -- that really doesn't count.

I agree. Although I do believe that the rare exceptions I mentioned can come from traumatic and/or life-changing experiences (loss of a loved one, major accident, et cetera). I think less dramatic things can cause people to seriously reconsider their life choices... But changing your behaviour is not changing who you are (IMO). Like I said... I personally believe that people can and do evolve, but I think the vast majority of people don't/can't really change.

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[Nataly 38]

ryoder

Is this about me leaving the toilet lid up?

I've never understood this... Can someone explain to me why a guy has to raise *and* lower the seat? If every time I want to pee I need to lower the seat, what is the difference with the guy needing to raise the seat every time *he* needs to pee?? If I ask my partner to lower the seat after he is done, shouldn't I, out of consideration for my partner, raise the seat up when I am done??

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[PlanetLander 0]

Based on my life experience, most people that are "expected" to change, only change temporarily.

People that "want" change can change, although not alway successful. Those are the ones that have a better chance at it and if they can accept/acknowledge they need a hand to change and take it. Simply because that's what they want for themselves.

Out of all the people I know/knew that chose to worship the herion gods, only one made it out. He wanted to change, he chose to go on with life and make the change.

Like Wendy said, I have little faith people will change, but I'm there to help them if they want it first.

Too many sharks in the gene pool

[ryoder 1,381]

Nataly

***Is this about me leaving the toilet lid up?

I've never understood this... Can someone explain to me why a guy has to raise *and* lower the seat? If every time I want to pee I need to lower the seat, what is the difference with the guy needing to raise the seat every time *he* needs to pee?? If I ask my partner to lower the seat after he is done, shouldn't I, out of consideration for my partner, raise the seat up when I am done??

Finally! A girl who understands us guys!

I had a friend who was once awakened by his irate wife in the middle of the night to yell at him about the toilet seat. Seems she went to the bathroom in the middle of the night w/o turning on the lights, sat down...and got a rude surprise.

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[FlyingRhenquest 1]

If I don't put them both down, the cats will go swimming. They hate water but leave the toilet lid up and they suddenly think they're Michael Phelps. Of course, they almost immediately discover they're not, then you have to chase a soaking wet toilet water kitty around the house... it's a mess..

I'm trying to teach myself how to set things on fire with my mind. Hey... is it hot in here?

[airtwardo 6]

ryoder

******Is this about me leaving the toilet lid up?

I've never understood this... Can someone explain to me why a guy has to raise *and* lower the seat? If every time I want to pee I need to lower the seat, what is the difference with the guy needing to raise the seat every time *he* needs to pee?? If I ask my partner to lower the seat after he is done, shouldn't I, out of consideration for my partner, raise the seat up when I am done??

Finally! A girl who understands us guys!

I had a friend who was once awakened by his irate wife in the middle of the night to yell at him about the toilet seat. Seems she went to the bathroom in the middle of the night w/o turning on the lights, sat down...and got a rude surprise.


Use the sink...then there aren't any 'seat position' complaints!

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[Nataly 38]

ryoder

Finally! A girl who understands us guys!

I had a friend who was once awakened by his irate wife in the middle of the night to yell at him about the toilet seat. Seems she went to the bathroom in the middle of the night w/o turning on the lights, sat down...and got a rude surprise.

Well, I once got a very wet bum the very same way... All it did was teach me to check first. Took a little getting used to, but I seriously don't understand what all the fuss is about.

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[Andy9o8 0]

wmw999

Yes they can. I've seen meaner-than-hell people become nice. Haven't seen the opposite, but I probably wouldn't hang around them.

You & I are about the same age. I agree that the former is more common; but I've seen the opposite, too.

One example of the latter I've seen have been people who were generally upbeat in their youths & as young adults, but who had a rough course of adult life, e.g., some or all of: deaths of loved ones, lousy marriages/relationships & divorces, years & years & years of endless, bloody fights w/the ex over child custody & support issues, failed careers & long-term financial problems, kids on drugs or in jail, etc. Some of these formerly upbeat people have been so emotionally beaten down by decades of battering in adult life that by the time they're well into middle age they've become angry, embittered people nobody wants to be around.

A less frequent example I've seen are some people who were generally upbeat and easy to get along with most of their life, but in middle age have finally become The Boss at work; but the job of being The Boss is too much for them, and they react by transforming into The Asshole Boss whose demeanor is simply miserable toward everybody, about everything.

[BIGUN 1,051]

airtwardo

*********Is this about me leaving the toilet lid up?

I've never understood this... Can someone explain to me why a guy has to raise *and* lower the seat? If every time I want to pee I need to lower the seat, what is the difference with the guy needing to raise the seat every time *he* needs to pee?? If I ask my partner to lower the seat after he is done, shouldn't I, out of consideration for my partner, raise the seat up when I am done??

Finally! A girl who understands us guys!

I had a friend who was once awakened by his irate wife in the middle of the night to yell at him about the toilet seat. Seems she went to the bathroom in the middle of the night w/o turning on the lights, sat down...and got a rude surprise.


Use the sink...then there aren't any 'seat position' complaints!

That's not a sink.. It's a urinal with a mirror so I can admire my dick
Ever wonder why the Ladies bathroom in the clubs always have a line?

They haven't learned to sit in that urinal in front of the mirror!!!

Nobody has time to listen; because they're desperately chasing the need of being heard.

[oldwomanc6 38]

Re: Do people change?BF at it's finest!

Nataly specifically didn't want a scatological discussion, and yet, here it is.

So I guess the answer is "No.".

lisa
WSCR 594
FB 1023
CBDB 9

[Nataly 38]

oldwomanc6

Re: Do people change?BF at it's finest!

Nataly specifically didn't want a scatological discussion, and yet, here it is.

So I guess the answer is "No.".

I had to google "scatological"

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[Squeak 17]

Nataly

Ok. Here's what I think: people evolve, but hardly ever change much. I'm not talking about the formative years - I think people develop a great deal right up until their twenties... But change??? Nope. I don't think they do. Aside from a few very rare exceptions...

What do you think? Can/do people change? (And I'm not talking about the small stuff like cutting your hair, shaving your beard or getting new clothes...! )

I'm a rare exception then.
and i disagree with you.

You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky)
My Life ROCKS!
How's yours doing?

[Squeak 17]

Nataly

.. But changing your behaviour is not changing who you are (IMO). .

If you change your behaviour and it's a permanent shift, how can that be assessed as different to changing who you are.
You are judged but your externals (looks, behaviour etc...) So what do you mean by "who you are"

You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky)
My Life ROCKS!
How's yours doing?

[oldwomanc6 38]

Squeak

***.. But changing your behaviour is not changing who you are (IMO). .

If you change your behaviour and it's a permanent shift, how can that be assessed as different to changing who you are.
You are judged but your externals (looks, behaviour etc...) So what do you mean by "who you are"

That's a very good question. If you change a habit/behavior for long enough, you do change who you are.

But...

Without telling too much to you all, my formative sexual years were in the late 70's and early 80's. I started jumping at 19 years of age. I enjoyed the freedom of the era and the attention I got at the DZ. Plenty of opportunities offered, plenty taken.

In two weeks, I will have been married 30 years. I've never strayed, or even been greatly tempted.

Is the person I am now different than the person my husband met?

lisa
WSCR 594
FB 1023
CBDB 9

[FlyingRhenquest 1]

Are you the same person you were when you were five? On a scale of decades, we do change pretty significantly. We have an illusion that we haven't changed that much throughout the course of our lives, but we really do.

If you have a journal from when you were younger, go back and read it and ask yourself if the person who wrote that would even recognize the person you are now. Bonus points if you want to build a time machine so that you can go back in time to smack the past you.

I'm trying to teach myself how to set things on fire with my mind. Hey... is it hot in here?

[oldwomanc6 38]

Thanks for the inference that I should go back and smack myself.

But, seriously, I'm not sure I would go back an change anything, because I really like where I am right now. If I went back and changed ANYTHING, I would be elsewhere.

lisa
WSCR 594
FB 1023
CBDB 9

[BigMark 1]

Actually Skydiving really changed my life by helping put things in perspective. Stuff that used to bother me just wasn't that important anymore.

[JohnMitchell 14]

Sure they do. Marriage changed me for the much better.

[rwieder 0]

Yes ma'am, people can and do change. My Religion, wife, children and Grand children changed me a great deal. It's made a life lasting change on mine & my wife's life. We wouldn't change nothing. Life is a true blessing and gift from God!

-Richard-
"You're Holding The Rope And I'm Taking The Fall"

[airtwardo 6]

oldwomanc6

******.. But changing your behaviour is not changing who you are (IMO). .

If you change your behaviour and it's a permanent shift, how can that be assessed as different to changing who you are.
You are judged but your externals (looks, behaviour etc...) So what do you mean by "who you are"

That's a very good question. If you change a habit/behavior for long enough, you do change who you are.

But...

Without telling too much to you all, my formative sexual years were in the late 70's and early 80's. I started jumping at 19 years of age. I enjoyed the freedom of the era and the attention I got at the DZ. Plenty of opportunities offered, plenty taken.

In two weeks, I will have been married 30 years. I've never strayed, or even been greatly tempted.

Is the person I am now different than the person my husband met?


No you're the same person...a person who was/is capable of change.

Just because one changes a behavior pattern...they are not a different person, any more than if you shave your head or get a sex change. You are who you are, not what you look like or what you do...that stuff goes into it but it's just a small part.

~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

[FlyingRhenquest 1]

oldwomanc6

Thanks for the inference that I should go back and smack myself.

But, seriously, I'm not sure I would go back an change anything, because I really like where I am right now. If I went back and changed ANYTHING, I would be elsewhere.

Well I'm not saying you necessarily would, but I've wanted to go back and smack myself when reading stuff I've written when I was younger. I suspect I'm not the only one who has had this experience.

Some of the stuff does get better with age, though. Like the time someone on the GTK forum took someone to task for not speaking English on the list. I piped up and said that was hardly fair, and that to make things even for EVERYONE, we should all use a language no one speaks. Like Klingon. Or Esperanto. Then everyone has to learn a language, you see. Heh heh heh, I crack me up sometimes...

I do know the feeling you have of liking where you are right now. I did a lot of pretty stupid stuff when I was younger, and though I regret some of it, I don't think I'd be in the position I am now without having those occasionally hard learning experiences. I don't even know if I'd listen, if I were able to go back in time and lecture myself.

I'm trying to teach myself how to set things on fire with my mind. Hey... is it hot in here?

[wolfriverjoe 1,340]

I've been thinking about this.

And I say "Yes."

Everything I do, everything I see, everything I experience changes me. The degree of the change is relative to the severity of the experience.

Behavior modification, either through positive or negative reinforcement, changes my actions every day.

Most of the time, it's small, subtle changes; but it is change.
Added up over time, it's pretty substantial.

Richard Back (the author who wrote "Johnathan Livinston Seagull) often referred to himself in the past or future as "Richard of (Insert date here)", usually in the third person and often as a completely different person that the "Richard of the Present."

"There are NO situations which do not call for a French Maid outfit." Lucky McSwervy

"~ya don't GET old by being weak & stupid!" - Airtwardo