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Glitch

I'm sorta lost and need to know how...

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This post is as much a vent as it is a search for guidance... I know this is the bonfire, but I'd kindly like the asshats to please contain themselves. TIA.

Since Thanksgiving, my wife has lost her father and my kids their only grandfather. The company I work for has decided to close up shop. I'm not sure if it's because I'm the biggest asshat in the engineering office or if it's because I essentially told my boss to let me go first *if he had to let someone go because I'm confident that I would have a job almost immediately...* but sure as shit I was told 3 days ago that I'm in the first round of cuts and my last day of employment with the company is Jan 17 with another company. Oh... and no severance for anyone either. +8 years with the company and not so much as a F'you very much. That's ok though, I'm already 5 phone intervies with 3 companies, a face to face multiple panel interview, and am/was slated for another face to face on the 17th. I've even had a customer of ours contact me asking me for a resume... I'm not saying my shit don't stink or that I'm that good but, well... Anyways, I've had to defer the interview on the 17th for a while. I've explained the situation to the company and they're cool about it... told me when I'm ready to let them know and they will interview me then. No problem, family comes first and they understand that. The situation is as follows...

The mother in law had a massive stroke and was found, literally, while I was interviewing for a job. Her prognosis is basically the worst case scenerio. Her left side of her brain is done. dead. According to the docs and tests... no hope of recovery. She can't swallow effectively. Totally paralyzed on her right side. Can't talk or communicate. Nobody is certain if she aware, cognizant, or can make a rational decisions for herself. At times she's unresponsive... distant... zoned out... Not really there as far as they can tell. She'll need 24/7 care, for the rest of her life.... which may not be long. She has a living will, which will be likely be invoked once she's gone thru rehab (read that she's too stable for the hospital, and has gone 3 days with no improvement in the rehab facility and is being sent to her home/nusing facilty/etc) for the rest of her days.

I guess the questions I have is... How do I tell my mother in laws Mother (my kids great grand mother) that her daughter is essentially a vegetable with no hope of recovery and that her grandson and granddaughter will likely invoke the living will? How do I keep a 92 yr old Angel from losing it and die'n of a broken heart over her daughter? (She know her daughter has had a stroke, but we haven't told her everything, or how sever it is, or the grim prognosis...). How do I tell my kids? How do keep my wife from losing it and going off the deep end? How do I sell a business in a depressed market? Run the business and maintain my families financial well being?

I forgot to mention that my rig is out of date and my shower started leaking so I've got it ripped out and demo'd down to the studs and subfloor in prep for tiling. I always felt that 'things happen for a reason, whether we see / understand / agree with the reason or not. This being said... Come on! Enuff already! I mean seriously.... really... Please STOP. I want to get off this fucking ride already. [:/]


/rant.
Randomly f'n thingies up since before I was born...

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Glitch

This post is as much a vent as it is a search for guidance... I know this is the bonfire, but I'd kindly like the asshats to please contain themselves. TIA.

Since Thanksgiving, my wife has lost her father and my kids their only grandfather. The company I work for has decided to close up shop. I'm not sure if it's because I'm the biggest asshat in the engineering office or if it's because I essentially told my boss to let me go first *if he had to let someone go because I'm confident that I would have a job almost immediately...* but sure as shit I was told 3 days ago that I'm in the first round of cuts and my last day of employment with the company is Jan 17 with another company. Oh... and no severance for anyone either. +8 years with the company and not so much as a F'you very much. That's ok though, I'm already 5 phone intervies with 3 companies, a face to face multiple panel interview, and am/was slated for another face to face on the 17th. I've even had a customer of ours contact me asking me for a resume... I'm not saying my shit don't stink or that I'm that good but, well... Anyways, I've had to defer the interview on the 17th for a while. I've explained the situation to the company and they're cool about it... told me when I'm ready to let them know and they will interview me then. No problem, family comes first and they understand that. The situation is as follows...

The mother in law had a massive stroke and was found, literally, while I was interviewing for a job. Her prognosis is basically the worst case scenerio. Her left side of her brain is done. dead. According to the docs and tests... no hope of recovery. She can't swallow effectively. Totally paralyzed on her right side. Can't talk or communicate. Nobody is certain if she aware, cognizant, or can make a rational decisions for herself. At times she's unresponsive... distant... zoned out... Not really there as far as they can tell. She'll need 24/7 care, for the rest of her life.... which may not be long. She has a living will, which will be likely be invoked once she's gone thru rehab (read that she's too stable for the hospital, and has gone 3 days with no improvement in the rehab facility and is being sent to her home/nusing facilty/etc) for the rest of her days.

I guess the questions I have is... How do I tell my mother in laws Mother (my kids great grand mother) that her daughter is essentially a vegetable with no hope of recovery and that her grandson and granddaughter will likely invoke the living will? How do I keep a 92 yr old Angel from losing it and die'n of a broken heart over her daughter? (She know her daughter has had a stroke, but we haven't told her everything, or how sever it is, or the grim prognosis...). How do I tell my kids? How do keep my wife from losing it and going off the deep end? How do I sell a business in a depressed market? Run the business and maintain my families financial well being?

I forgot to mention that my rig is out of date and my shower started leaking so I've got it ripped out and demo'd down to the studs and subfloor in prep for tiling. I always felt that 'things happen for a reason, whether we see / understand / agree with the reason or not. This being said... Come on! Enuff already! I mean seriously.... really... Please STOP. I want to get off this fucking ride already. [:/]


/rant.



[:/]

Damn.

Sorry.

BUT - I know you don't want to hear this, but, as my grandfather would say, "This too shall pass."

Spend time exercising your body - it tends to clear the mind and decisions just kinda seem to pop up in an AH HA moment.

Or

Drink A LOT.

Either one works.;)
I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

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I think you just need to be straight up with grandma-in-law. Is she religious? If so, you might ask for a clergy member to be with you when you break the news. He or she might be able to help comfort her.

As for the other things, just remember that when it rains, it pours! You will get through this time of your life, just push forward and keep in good spirits. Oh, and pamper your wife and be patient with the emotions she's going through as she handles all this grief at one time, she's going to need your support and understanding.
She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

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skymama

I think you just need to be straight up with grandma-in-law. Is she religious? If so, you might ask for a clergy member to be with you when you break the news. He or she might be able to help comfort her.

As for the other things, just remember that when it rains, it pours! You will get through this time of your life, just push forward and keep in good spirits. Oh, and pamper your wife and be patient with the emotions she's going through as she handles all this grief at one time, she's going to need your support and understanding.



^This. I was struggling to put into words what I was thinking but Skymama nails it.
Always be kinder than you feel.

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There's a reason she's the skymama. Yes, tell the grandmother, gently, but tell her. If your wife can be part of the telling it's best. I think the clergy member there too is also a great idea.

And yes, hold your wife. Offer to take the kids to ChuckECheese or something like that if she needs some time to herself, or to talk with siblings about their mother.

Right now, just remember that each day past is behind you.

Wendy P.
There is nothing more dangerous than breaking a basic safety rule and getting away with it. It removes fear of the consequences and builds false confidence. (tbrown)

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So sorry to hear that, it seems when it rains - it pours.

Tough call of what all to disclose to Great Granny, IMO it's a judgement call on your part. How's her health & emotional stability?

We kind of just went through something similar...Father-in-law passed following a short illness, very active and outgoing it was completely unexpected.

Mother-in-law is 95 and in an assisted living facility, it's frustrating because sometimes she's quite lucid and with it - and other times her answer to most any question is 'Tuna Sandwich'

We of course let her know her husband was ill & hospitalized...he use to visit her twice a day at the assisted living center. But shortly into it we had to make the call and 'comfort care' only was administered.

The question was whether to take her to see him to say goodbye, of just let things run their course and explain he'd passed.

Personally...I'd want to know & suggested we be up front - It's part of life etc.

But - my wife tends to think things through from every angle.

She consulted with her mom's doctor as well as the facility shrink..both concluded that it would be in her best interest to not prolong the grieving and depression for the week to 10 days it would take for him to pass. The waiting IS the worst part and in all honesty I see the benefit of holding off - in 'our' case anyway.

Might be something you want to consider. If great granny is strong that's one thing, but if not you may want to do what's best for her health in the long run.

Stay strong Glitch - as you probably already know, you'll get through this...then it all will hit you. Take care.










~ If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? ~

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I dread each year's silly season (from T-day to New Years Day). I don't know if its just an enhanced perception of regular problems during a time of chaos or if its just more problems when you don't need them. I had three funerals over that period this past year and Mom gave me quite a scare and on New Year's day woke up with the flu. While not as magnanimous as what you're going through; each new problem around the corner can wear on a person.

Each person's situation is different and their ability to handle them unique. I'll just share this with you. I used to dread the almighty 12 mile rucksack marches. But, what I learned on those was two things... 1) take it one step at a time, and 2) remember the feeling of accomplishment of not falling out from the last torture test.

All I can suggest is that you eat one peanut from the bowl at a time. If you try to eat the whole thing at once; the only thing you'll do is make yourself sick. It sounds like you have specific benchmarks of measurement. One at a time. Prioritize from important/urgent to not important/not urgent. Then chip away at them. Take the great grand kids mother issue first and work your way down to the shower. Pick a date in the future and tell yourself that this will be better by (i.e., February 1)

I don't know if this helps or if you're in a mental vortex of shit right now... but the best recommendation i can give you is to avoid the alcohol. It doesn't help with your problems and will steal your drive. Best of luck and one chant I tell myself on such occasions... the only real big problem is finding yourself at 1000', smoking at 120 MPH towards the planet and nothing over your head.
Nobody has time to listen; because they're desperately chasing the need of being heard.

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There was a period of our life where I thought that everyday was going to be the day that killed me.
I did what BIGUN describes, and kind of stepped back from the pile of muck, and just looked at the crisis that was in front of me for that one moment and dealt with just that one. NO OTHER. Then I realized that I had made it through that day, and I could handle the next.
A piece of chocolate with me goes a long way.
We'll be thinking of you as you eat your elephant one bite at a time. Let us know how it's going.
skydiveTaylorville.org
[email protected]

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Snowwhite

There was a period of our life where I thought that everyday was going to be the day that killed me.
I did what BIGUN describes, and kind of stepped back from the pile of muck, and just looked at the crisis that was in front of me for that one moment and dealt with just that one. NO OTHER. Then I realized that I had made it through that day, and I could handle the next.
A piece of chocolate with me goes a long way.
We'll be thinking of you as you eat your elephant one bite at a time. Let us know how it's going.



Just for you sweetheart.
I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

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To All... Sincerely, thanks for the advice, sentiments, and words of encouragement. I'm not close to losing it personally, go off the deep end or dive into a bottle. I've never been much of a drinker (no really...in fact I gave a case of beer to a buddy of mine for running my rig out to the dz this weekend to get repacked. I wasn't gonna drink it, and it had in fact sat in my garage since before Turkey day. This being said, I am a couple of shots lighter out of a bottle of Crown Royal Black ...good stuff. Not a single malt, but its not trying to be.. but anyways...) and I know alcohol doesn't solve problems, it only creates them.

For what's its worth, I've spoken to both my kids and the GGMa... took the hard factual route and eased them into the reality of the situation, except I left some hope that she could recover some. They took it better than I thought they would...

My wife told me today that the docs aren't convinced that she's really aware of her surroundings, what's happened, or what going on... and for the most part she agrees with them based on a series of yes/no type questions. However... there was an occassion where the mother in law made a gun gesture (like a little kid would do playing cops and robbers), and then pointed to herself. My wife was shocked and had to turn away for a moment.... when she turned back to her mom she noticed a single tear on her face but as she tried to talk to her, it was apparent that her mind a slipped away again.... And I can't be with my wife right now to comfort her! :(

It's odd... but I almost feel like life is trying return to normal in some ways. The barrage of phone calls has diminished and everyone around me seems to be getting back to the routine of their normal lives, except for those directly involved. The kids are f'n off and playing... friends and relatives assumming their daily routines and lives... I know this is normal, but I don't think I'm in for 'normal' for quite some time. No matter how I dice it, I honestly feel like its just a matter of time before my wife invokes the living will and the process of dying continues. [:/]

The next time you guys/gals find yourselves hucking your asses out of an airplane or hanging under a piece of nylon a mile or so above the planet.... take a second and give thanks for what you have and remember what's really important in life. And perhaps... if your so inclined... toss out a prayer those somehow less fortunate or who may need a little help with this or that...

Until next time.

Randomly f'n thingies up since before I was born...

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