What would you do in this situation?

[Kat4821 0]

Hello DZ

so I got a hypothetical for everyone that if you wouldn't mind to chime in on. Just curious to get everyones take on the scenario

I have a buddy in the military with me who has been married a few year with 2 kids, house, dogs..the whole nine. His wife is also military. She goes on a 12 month deployment and while she's there, forms a very "SPECIAL" type of relationship with another dude. My buddy gets orders and they move to another duty station. Two years later, he finds very descriptive and detailed emails and pictures on her computer that there is no denying what had happened while she was on deployment. According to him, he might as well have been in the room from reading the emails. This wasn't a 1 time "oops" I got lonely mistake… according to the emails, it was going on the entire time they were both there.
He confronts her, tries to leave..and all hell breaks lose. He tries not to lose it and ends up leaving. While he was gone, he does a little investigating and finds out who this guy is. Come to find out, the male is at the SAME duty station as my buddy and I. Literally lives 6 miles away and is always around the same area we are. My buddy decides to do what he can to make it work with the wife. They talk it out and he tries to move forward.

So since we have been here my and I have taken up Judo and MMA. So one day after his Judo class he is driving home and he sees said male in his apt complex walking in the parking lot. They made eye contact, so they both know whats going on.

What would you do in this situation given all the circumstances listed above..??

Reason I'm asking-- my buddy has been different ever since this time and after some of our conversations, he just doesn't know what to do. Obviously I talked to him and reminded him its going to take a long time to actually get over it and trust her again.. He understands that, but ever since he saw the guy his thoughts are this: The guy that she cheated on him with knows my buddy knows what happened and who he is. When he saw him in the parking lot, his ego and pride started coming through.. He's thinking "I looked this guy in the eye and the guy was probably laughing inside because he knows I know. But being in the military, he can't risk what he does have"

[rifleman 61]

My personal opinion is good on him for trying to make it work, I'm not sure I'd have had the strength of character to do so.

However, both parties involved are subject to military discipline and although I'm not familiar with the US UMCJ I'm pretty sure that Adultery is considered to be "an offence prejudicial to good order and discipline" and is actionable via the chain of command.

The fact that the other man was hanging around the apartment complex when he lives 6 miles away would make me think that it's probably not over between him and the wife.

Atheism is a Non-Prophet Organisation

[kcjen24 0]

Trust = Zero

Kick her to the curb.

[BIGUN 1,051]

A Marine CANNOT have this kind of shit on his mind when facing the possibility of recurring deployments. He must have clarity of focus and thought. If not; he will get himself or others killed with this kind of mental anguish. He knows what he needs to do. Marine up and get it done.

Nobody has time to listen; because they're desperately chasing the need of being heard.

[Arvoitus 1]

I've never understood the logic behind this scenario. Man A is in relationship with woman, the woman decides to cheat with man B. Man A gets butthurt and assaults man B. Why? Its pretty fucken sexist to think that women can't control themselves, are completely at the mercy of their emotional whims and can be poached by any other man, therefore requiring you to use physical violence to protect your 'property' (woman).

If she cheats on you, you move on. And if you were dumb enough to marry, then divorce and get custody of the children.

Your rights end where my feelings begin.

[davjohns 1]

Arvoitus

If she cheats on you, you move on. And if you were dumb enough to marry, then divorce and get custody of the children.

I tried to make it work for the kids. Cheaters cheat. They just get better at hiding it. The best thing for the kids is to leave a broken relationship.

I know it just wouldnt be right to kill all the stupid people that we meet..

But do you think it would be appropriate to just remove all of the warning labels and let nature take its course.

[quade 3]

Kat4821

I have a buddy in the military with me who...

Unless "buddy in the military" is a euphemism for yourself, then...

YOU STAY THE FUCK OUT OF THE SITUATION.

It's none of your business, at all.

quade -
The World's Most Boring Skydiver

[Jbag 0]

she is probably still banging him. fuck that, she isnt worth shit and its time to cut your losses. it will be hard on the kids but you cant live like that. you will be mad for the rest of your life. for self respect kick her to the curb.

IHYD

[turtlespeed 212]

Kat4821

Hello DZ

so I got a hypothetical for everyone that if you wouldn't mind to chime in on. Just curious to get everyones take on the scenario

I have a buddy in the military with me who has been married a few year with 2 kids, house, dogs..the whole nine. His wife is also military. She goes on a 12 month deployment and while she's there, forms a very "SPECIAL" type of relationship with another dude. My buddy gets orders and they move to another duty station. Two years later, he finds very descriptive and detailed emails and pictures on her computer that there is no denying what had happened while she was on deployment. According to him, he might as well have been in the room from reading the emails. This wasn't a 1 time "oops" I got lonely mistake… according to the emails, it was going on the entire time they were both there.
He confronts her, tries to leave..and all hell breaks lose. He tries not to lose it and ends up leaving. While he was gone, he does a little investigating and finds out who this guy is. Come to find out, the male is at the SAME duty station as my buddy and I. Literally lives 6 miles away and is always around the same area we are. My buddy decides to do what he can to make it work with the wife. They talk it out and he tries to move forward.

So since we have been here my and I have taken up Judo and MMA. So one day after his Judo class he is driving home and he sees said male in his apt complex walking in the parking lot. They made eye contact, so they both know whats going on.

What would you do in this situation given all the circumstances listed above..??

Reason I'm asking-- my buddy has been different ever since this time and after some of our conversations, he just doesn't know what to do. Obviously I talked to him and reminded him its going to take a long time to actually get over it and trust her again.. He understands that, but ever since he saw the guy his thoughts are this: The guy that she cheated on him with knows my buddy knows what happened and who he is. When he saw him in the parking lot, his ego and pride started coming through.. He's thinking "I looked this guy in the eye and the guy was probably laughing inside because he knows I know. But being in the military, he can't risk what he does have"

Quit her like she is a cigarette.

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[Kat4821 0]

quade

***I have a buddy in the military with me who...

Unless "buddy in the military" is a euphemism for yourself, then...

YOU STAY THEY FUCK OUT OF THE SITUATION.

It's none of your business, at all.


I can respect that… no it's not me, but I was just thinking about it all and what I would do in that situation…

[Andy9o8 0]

Arvoitus

I've never understood the logic behind this scenario. Man A is in relationship with woman, the woman decides to cheat with man B. Man A gets butthurt and assaults man B. Why? Its pretty fucken sexist to think that women can't control themselves, are completely at the mercy of their emotional whims and can be poached by any other man, therefore requiring you to use physical violence to protect your 'property' (woman).

Rage at the man does not, as you suggest, presume lack of responsibility of the woman. They're both wrong, and equally responsible for the wrong.
The woman is wrong because she's cheating.
Man B is wrong because he's being a home-wrecker. What did Man A ever do wrong to him?
They both deserve an ass-kicking.

BTW, if Man B is also in a relationship, I'd feel the same way about Woman: she, too, is being a home-wrecker. What did Man B's SO ever do wrong to her?

Cheating is bad enough when you've got your own relationship to lose. I think (male or female) cheating is even more reprehensible and gutless when you're single, because while your co-cheater has a relationship to risk losing (especially if married, i.e., a blood-letting divorce), you don't risk the same consequences.

[BigMikeH77 0]

It's not your fight. No matter how loyal you are to your buddy, it's not going to do anyone a lick bit of good for you to get involved. And that's that.

[piisfish 135]

Here is part of the explanation
http://terminallance.com/2012/12/07/terminal-lance-238-infidelity-amongst-infidels-ii/

scissors beat paper, paper beat rock, rock beat wingsuit - KarlM

[turtlespeed 212]

turtlespeed

Quit her like she is a cigarette.

. . . and let someone else smoke that bitch.








Yes . . . I know I am replying to my self . . .

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[jhh166 0]

quade

***I have a buddy in the military with me who...

Unless "buddy in the military" is a euphemism for yourself, then...

YOU STAY THE FUCK OUT OF THE SITUATION.

It's none of your business, at all.

Good advice, honestly. The down side however, is the fact that the Marine Corps wants us to police our own and get involved. My free time was consumed with this petty shit wether I wanted to or not. I would be surprised if this Marine has not been to a mandatory saftey standown (ridiculous classes) that encourages him to get involved.

I may be slightly sarcastic...but not much.

[Tink1717 2]

It's over. Period. Your buddy must move on. However, always remember your buddy's problem is NOT with this dude, but with his soon to be ex. She knew that he knew. She re engaged with the third party despite that and in such a manner that she was caught. She's got to go.

Skydivers don't knock on Death's door. They ring the bell and runaway... It really pisses him off.
-The World Famous Tink. (I never heard of you either!!)
AA #2069 ASA#33 POPS#8808 Swooo 1717

[davjohns 1]

I once had a buddy explain it like this: Marriage is the most solemn oath you can give. You often make that oath in front of your family, your minister, your god, etc. and to your spouse. If you violate that oath, no lesser promise can be trusted. You are without honor. You have proven that you can't be trusted. If you will sell your integrity because you are horny, what would you do under real pressure?

If you want someone else, fine. Give notice to your spouse, kids, family, etc. that you are rescinding your oath. Then, go for it. Holding onto the person who has stood by you; abusing that trust; abusing that relationship; makes you about as low as a human being can get. Staying in a relationship with such a person is foolhardy.

I know it just wouldnt be right to kill all the stupid people that we meet..

But do you think it would be appropriate to just remove all of the warning labels and let nature take its course.

[shropshire 0]

great post

(.)Y(.)
Chivalry is not dead; it only sleeps for want of work to do. - Jerome K Jerome

[davjohns 1]

Thanks.

Don't get me wrong. I think people can learn from their mistakes. I think second chances are good. I also recognize that you only get so many looks inside someone's soul to see who they really are. Once you do, they tend to close up that hole.

People usually learn from their mistakes because the mistake costs them so much. They learn because they realize what they are doing and turn away from that behavior by their own choice. They learn because they truly regret their choices. When someone gets caught....well, everyone is sorry they got caught. But that's not the same thing, is it? What they learn then, is to cover their tracks better. Let's face it, if they didn't lose anything, why should they change? If you forgive and forget, you deprive the offender of the natural logical consequences of their actions and the related learning experience.

If an SO comes to you and confesses their sin against you of their own will; makes themselves transparent to you; works hard to make amends; etc. They have a good chance of learning.

If you CATCH your SO....what would you do if you caught someone burglarizing your house? Give them a second chance? OK. So you love your spouse. Do they love you enough to never cheat on you? History would indicate otherwise. And you know what they say about those who refuse to learn from history.

This is from someone who has been there. Once you remove the emotion, logic and facts lead you to an all to easy to spot conclusion.

And the kids? Both of my adult kids have told me that the only thing I did wrong in their childhood is stay with their mother.

Sorry if I go on too long. I hate to see others make the same mistakes I made. Life is too short.

I know it just wouldnt be right to kill all the stupid people that we meet..

But do you think it would be appropriate to just remove all of the warning labels and let nature take its course.

[turtlespeed 212]

davjohns

Thanks.

Don't get me wrong. I think people can learn from their mistakes. I think second chances are good. I also recognize that you only get so many looks inside someone's soul to see who they really are. Once you do, they tend to close up that hole.

People usually learn from their mistakes because the mistake costs them so much. They learn because they realize what they are doing and turn away from that behavior by their own choice. They learn because they truly regret their choices. When someone gets caught....well, everyone is sorry they got caught. But that's not the same thing, is it? What they learn then, is to cover their tracks better. Let's face it, if they didn't lose anything, why should they change? If you forgive and forget, you deprive the offender of the natural logical consequences of their actions and the related learning experience.

If an SO comes to you and confesses their sin against you of their own will; makes themselves transparent to you; works hard to make amends; etc. They have a good chance of learning.

If you CATCH your SO....what would you do if you caught someone burglarizing your house? Give them a second chance? OK. So you love your spouse. Do they love you enough to never cheat on you? History would indicate otherwise. And you know what they say about those who refuse to learn from history.

This is from someone who has been there. Once you remove the emotion, logic and facts lead you to an all to easy to spot conclusion.

And the kids? Both of my adult kids have told me that the only thing I did wrong in their childhood is stay with their mother.

Sorry if I go on too long. I hate to see others make the same mistakes I made. Life is too short.

How often do you minister?

NO. It's not a dig. You just sound like almost every minister I have ever talked to.

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[davjohns 1]

:p

Sorry about that. It's a hot button for me.

A really good minister is a teacher in my book. I'm not particularly religious. In part, because so much about religion makes no sense. One of the great things about traditional Judaism is that it makes sense. It's not necessarily random dictates, it's wisdom. I try to break things down to simple, blinding flashes of the obvious.

I know it just wouldnt be right to kill all the stupid people that we meet..

But do you think it would be appropriate to just remove all of the warning labels and let nature take its course.

[JohnMitchell 14]

davjohns

I try to break things down to simple, blinding flashes of the obvious.

Ahhh, the essence of teaching.

Too bad so many shut their eyes even tighter when the flashes come. . .

[turtlespeed 212]

JohnMitchell

*** I try to break things down to simple, blinding flashes of the obvious.

Ahhh, the essence of teaching.

Too bad so many shut their eyes even tighter when the flashes come. . .

They can be blinding!

I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

[regulator 0]

Would the other soldier which is NOT married happen to be named Jody by any chance?

[kvnhlstd 0]

Coming from a military police background... I would grab the computer, kids and bank info and move out. turn over the evidence of adultery to NCIS, get full custody of the kids once she is discharged and without a job, and work an at risk assignment away from the two of them.

Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth - Mike Tyson