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promise5

Being "stalked online"? What to do?

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Sad to see that the thread quickly disintegrated into a bunch of useless nothingness instead of actually offering any advice....

If you know who this person is.....a visit from a couple or more friends to 'help him understand the errors of his ways' might be in order. I am sure that everyone has enough friends willing to do that.

The other avenue and parallel to all attempts to make it stop should be precise and constant data-logging of all interactions, times, places, calls, notes, what was said etc. When you have your homework done and presented in a big pile, it is a lot easier to get law enforcement to listen to you.

As opposed to just standing there saying you are scared or whatever. data overrides emotional responses every time.

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we had a female worker in my dept. that would start racy and inappropriate talk with the guys and then go to HR with the complaint that they were sexually harassing her, she almost got several fired till HR finally realized she was instigating the problem, she was terminated and the guys were given verbal warnings
They say I suffer from insanity.... But I actually enjoy it.

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promise5

Anyone else deal with a person acting stalkerish online? I think I've asked this before. It's beyond creepy. I really don't know how to deal with it. They basically just kinda stalk me in forums, threads,etc. ok I'll admit I was pretty trusting and if someone ask me my username on a site I would tell them. No biggie I thought until this person started showing up in all of them making comments and then wanting me to know it was them. I was so thankful when it stopped the last time but Ugh, the person is back. I feel like saying "get a life" but last time I responded they seemed to become more and more obsessed.



99% of forum members post anonymously. Why? You elected to post your picture and give out your screen name. Why?

You value attention over privacy. You have a false sense of security. And you could totally knip this in the bud if you wanted to.

So if you tell this person to "get lost", what other measures will you take to prevent something like this in the future? Perhaps I'm over reacting but it seems that some people volunteer for drama and bullshit in their lives.

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promise5

Hhhhhhmmm trying to think: would I be scared if twardo smiled, would I be scared if twardo smiled,hhhhhhmmmmmm

That's a tough call,now if it was turtle oh crud I'd be scared. Very scared. It's the toe thing. :P



Silly Rabbit . . . Don't be scared of a good thing.;)
I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

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tkhayes

Sad to see that the thread quickly disintegrated into a bunch of useless nothingness instead of actually offering any advice....

If you know who this person is.....a visit from a couple or more friends to 'help him understand the errors of his ways' might be in order. I am sure that everyone has enough friends willing to do that.

The other avenue and parallel to all attempts to make it stop should be precise and constant data-logging of all interactions, times, places, calls, notes, what was said etc. When you have your homework done and presented in a big pile, it is a lot easier to get law enforcement to listen to you.

As opposed to just standing there saying you are scared or whatever. data overrides emotional responses every time.



I believe a few of us were warned to not be serious here . . . and another thread . . .
I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

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quade

***...just that we are going about solving problems by trying to get victims to change, when it is the abusers who abuse and therefore the abusers who need to change/stop.



How familiar are you with Aesop's fables? In particular the one about the Farmer and the Snake? Essentially the last line goes something to the effect of, "You knew I was a snake when we met, why are you surprised I bit you?"

There will ALWAYS be evil in the world. Assuming it will stop is naive. That is not an excuse for it, it's simply pragmatic.

I am not assuming they will stop - quite the opposite. I am saying there is only so much the victim can do to stop the harasser, since the victim is not the one who is causing the problem in the first place. Could Promise5 just stop posting on the internet? Sure! Is that really a good way to get rid of bullies online?? No.

Again, lots of focus on what to do to avoid the situation and not enough focus on discouraging/punishing those who are actually engaging in the inappropriate behaviour...

Promise5 - use all the security measures at your disposal to block said user. Tell moderators - hopefully they can ban her or block her from contacting you. Tell her once and only once to leave you alone. Don't engage in any further conversations with her - act like she does not exist. She may get bored of egging you on if you stop responding.
"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

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Nataly

******...just that we are going about solving problems by trying to get victims to change, when it is the abusers who abuse and therefore the abusers who need to change/stop.



How familiar are you with Aesop's fables? In particular the one about the Farmer and the Snake? Essentially the last line goes something to the effect of, "You knew I was a snake when we met, why are you surprised I bit you?"

There will ALWAYS be evil in the world. Assuming it will stop is naive. That is not an excuse for it, it's simply pragmatic.

I am not assuming they will stop - quite the opposite. I am saying there is only so much the victim can do to stop the harasser, since the victim is not the one who is causing the problem in the first place. Could Promise5 just stop posting on the internet? Sure! Is that really a good way to get rid of bullies online?? No.

Again, lots of focus on what to do to avoid the situation and not enough focus on discouraging/punishing those who are actually engaging in the inappropriate behaviour...

Promise5 - use all the security measures at your disposal to block said user. Tell moderators - hopefully they can ban her or block her from contacting you. Tell her once and only once to leave you alone. Don't engage in any further conversations with her - act like she does not exist. She may get bored of egging you on if you stop responding.

And what if it's me?:|
I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

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turtlespeed

*********...just that we are going about solving problems by trying to get victims to change, when it is the abusers who abuse and therefore the abusers who need to change/stop.



How familiar are you with Aesop's fables? In particular the one about the Farmer and the Snake? Essentially the last line goes something to the effect of, "You knew I was a snake when we met, why are you surprised I bit you?"

There will ALWAYS be evil in the world. Assuming it will stop is naive. That is not an excuse for it, it's simply pragmatic.

I am not assuming they will stop - quite the opposite. I am saying there is only so much the victim can do to stop the harasser, since the victim is not the one who is causing the problem in the first place. Could Promise5 just stop posting on the internet? Sure! Is that really a good way to get rid of bullies online?? No.

Again, lots of focus on what to do to avoid the situation and not enough focus on discouraging/punishing those who are actually engaging in the inappropriate behaviour...

Promise5 - use all the security measures at your disposal to block said user. Tell moderators - hopefully they can ban her or block her from contacting you. Tell her once and only once to leave you alone. Don't engage in any further conversations with her - act like she does not exist. She may get bored of egging you on if you stop responding.

And what if it's me?:|

You're a she? :o Learn something new, everyday! :D
lisa
WSCR 594
FB 1023
CBDB 9

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oldwomanc6

************...just that we are going about solving problems by trying to get victims to change, when it is the abusers who abuse and therefore the abusers who need to change/stop.



How familiar are you with Aesop's fables? In particular the one about the Farmer and the Snake? Essentially the last line goes something to the effect of, "You knew I was a snake when we met, why are you surprised I bit you?"

There will ALWAYS be evil in the world. Assuming it will stop is naive. That is not an excuse for it, it's simply pragmatic.

I am not assuming they will stop - quite the opposite. I am saying there is only so much the victim can do to stop the harasser, since the victim is not the one who is causing the problem in the first place. Could Promise5 just stop posting on the internet? Sure! Is that really a good way to get rid of bullies online?? No.

Again, lots of focus on what to do to avoid the situation and not enough focus on discouraging/punishing those who are actually engaging in the inappropriate behaviour...

Promise5 - use all the security measures at your disposal to block said user. Tell moderators - hopefully they can ban her or block her from contacting you. Tell her once and only once to leave you alone. Don't engage in any further conversations with her - act like she does not exist. She may get bored of egging you on if you stop responding.

And what if it's me?:|

You're a she? :o Learn something new, everyday! :D

What does that have to do with anything?
I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

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I'm sorry I disagree I don't see it as valuing attention but yes a false sense of security. I'm to trusting and an open person, I have nothing to hide and I'm just me. I rather hope/see the good in people then the ugliness. I believe I'm a slow learner in the area of paranoia.

So you would say the same thing to a guy? That they were looking for drama because they posted a pic of themselves. Dang some have their name as their username. But that's different I guess.
No matter how slowly you say oranges it never sounds like gullible.
Believe me I tried.

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promise5

I'm sorry I disagree I don't see it as valuing attention but yes a false sense of security. I'm to trusting and an open person, I have nothing to hide and I'm just me. I rather hope/see the good in people then the ugliness. I believe I'm a slow learner in the area of paranoia.

So you would say the same thing to a guy? That they were looking for drama because they posted a pic of themselves. Dang some have their name as their username. But that's different I guess.



Not sure Sky (PDS) was stalked, but he definitely reached for some attention.
I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

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Arvoitus

Its not paranoia, its being realistic. There are some fucked up people in the world and the quickest way to get in touch with them is to go online.



OK OK DAMN IT!! I'LL STOP SENDING ALL OF YOU DICK PICS...
I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain

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Darius11

***Its not paranoia, its being realistic. There are some fucked up people in the world and the quickest way to get in touch with them is to go online.



OK OK DAMN IT!! I'LL STOP SENDING ALL OF YOU DICK PICS...

Oh, for fucks sake, THANK YOU!
I'm not usually into the whole 3-way thing, but you got me a little excited with that. - Skymama
BTR #1 / OTB^5 Official #2 / Hellfish #408 / VSCR #108/Tortuga/Orfun

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Arvoitus

Its not paranoia, its being realistic. There are some fucked up people in the world and the quickest way to get in touch with them is to go online.



I'm of two minds about this... There are people like John Mitchell, who openly are who they are, share real and honest information about themselves, respect others when they post and don't seem to have problems with other people...

Then there are users who feel they have nothing to hide and share too much information, leaving themselves vulnerable to attacks, criticism, judgement, and yes, even stalkers.

There are users who are uncomfortable with sharing too much and are selective about giving away personal info... They generally stay away from personal topics altogether.

Then there are users who hide behind anonymity in order to harass, bully, insult and generally make other users miserable. The internet is full of those, unfortunately, and their biggest prey is the second kind of user (naively discloses all or too much information).

So whilst I agree that some information is better kept to yourself, I still think the real problem lies with the last kind of user and that not enough is done to weed out these people. That said, they do exist, in large numbers, so using some precautions to avoid dealing with them is just plain common sense... [:/]

On a final note, I think many of us are grateful that the mods on here have a relatively low tolerance for bullies, keeping this site a pretty nice place to post most of the time. So thanks mods :)
"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

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LuckyMcSwervy

That's effed up. I'm sorry you had to go through that and also that you don't enjoy the trail any longer. I bet those ladies are the types that dramatically hold their handbags tighter to their body when they pass a black guy on the street. Idiots.



Then there's the time I had to go up to Huntsville because my dad asked me to find out what was going on with his vehicle getting towed from the curb in front of his house. He was on his beach vacation and was having the driveway replaced and new concrete poured. The contractor doing the job noticed the vehicle was gone and called him.

Apparently two old biddies with nothing better to do but drive through the neighborhood they didn't live in, and didn't like the vehicle parked on the curb, so they called the police. Had it towed to the impound lot. Fucking bitches can't mind their own goddamn business. And yeah, dad had to pay the impound fee. :|
"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

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Nataly

***Its not paranoia, its being realistic. There are some fucked up people in the world and the quickest way to get in touch with them is to go online.



I'm of two minds about this... There are people like John Mitchell, who openly are who they are, share real and honest information about themselves, respect others when they post and don't seem to have problems with other people...


John is a great guy. Never met him or his wife, but hope to one day. She built my rig. :)
As for me, yeah I use my informal name as my screen name. Originally, I signed up on here as a Skyride-basher/whistle-blower with nothing to hide. Spent the first few years ripping their asses up on here, and they had it coming.

Nowadays someone else has taken up the anti-skyride fight to new levels so I'm just me, a fun loving sick and twisted jokester who just happens to be deaf. :)
"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

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