SUPER awkward find on Tinder...

[Nataly 38]

Long story short, yesterday I was swiping away on Tinder (dating app) and came across a work colleague's boyfriend's picture. Without thinking, I took a screenshot and sent it to her with: "???????????"

She answered: "Wtf?"

"Um... My thoughts exactly" was all I could say.

For a lot of reasons I won't get into, I suspect this is NOT some prank done by one of his friends... Anyhoo, am now feeling very very awkward about it and wonder if I should not have said anything. Would you guys want to know???????

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[akarunway 1]

MYOB.

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

[Zep 0]

Troublemaker

Gone fishing

[skymama 35]

I just read in an advice column the other day that if you feel the need to get involved, you should contact the person who is doing the possible misdeed and not the person whose feelings are going to get hurt. But, what's done is done. I wouldn't bring it up again with your colleague unless she decides to come to you and talk about it.

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[Nataly 38]

skymama

I just read in an advice column the other day that if you feel the need to get involved, you should contact the person who is doing the possible misdeed and not the person whose feelings are going to get hurt. But, what's done is done. I wouldn't bring it up again with your colleague unless she decides to come to you and talk about it.

Yeah. That probably would have been better... Although my only way of contacting him would have been via Tinder... Awkward...

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[kawisixer01 0]

Thats a hard one. I've been in the position of being the one that was cheated on, when we were engaged and planning a wedding in fact, and i was already tens of thousands of dollars invested in the ordeal after 8 years of dating and living together. Of course I found out, she lied and said there wasn't someone else and did all the things to make it that much more painful. The ultimate salt in the wound, and thing I have never forgiven folks for was keeping quiet. There were folks i considered some of my closest and most trusted friends that withheld what they knew in an awkward attempt to stay out of it. I will never forgive those folks and felt doubly betrayed when the thing I needed most at the time was someone i could trust. I've always went on the stance that if you know someone is doing something wrong and you cover for them or don't call them out you are being complacent and even aiding them in their wrongdoing. The rest of the world works that way whether it's ethics in the workplace or crimes, so why should this be any different? If someone is violating safety rules or laws and I don't stop them and report them, I can be fired and criminally charged. Shouldn't we have the same standards here?

[ryoder 1,381]

A few years ago I knew a woman who always carefully cropped her photos on pof.com to hide her face.

One day she was approached by an interested guy on the site;
It was her ex-husband;
Her remarried ex-husband.

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[Nataly 38]

My mom said "you don't know what is going on with anyone else's relationship - maybe they have an agreement..." And my view is that if that is the case, I didn't tell her anything she didn't already know. If it embarasses her that I found him, then she can tell her partner to be more discreet and thus prevent further/future embarassement.

If some friend played a bad joke on the guy, that can also easily be explained and if BOTH of them weren't aware I did both of them a favour.

And if he is cheating (or intending to cheat), then I personally feel like doing nothing is a little bit like helping him in his deceit. Upon further reflexion, I feel like she is mature enough to realise that it was not me (the messenger) who did anything to hurt her but the asshat who is cheating on her (if indeed that is what is going on).

Anyway, I gave her the info and I am leaving it at that. It's not my place to judge or give her unsolicited advice... If she doesn't bring up the topic herself we shall never speak of it again.

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[Squeak 17]

You're interfering with other peoples lives.
Not your circus not your monkies

You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky)
My Life ROCKS!
How's yours doing?

[BillyVance 34]

Squeak

You're interfering with other peoples lives.
Not your circus not your monkies

If a friend of mine who I care about is being cheated on and I find out about it, I'm gonna let me friend know about it discreetly.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[tigra 0]

Well it is done and it doesn't sound like he was being terribly discreet so she probably would have found out eventually. In the long run you did her a favor but she probably hated hearing it from a co-worker so yes, it might be awkward and I wouldn't expect a thank you bouquet any time soon.

The most important thing is that you didn't do it maliciously and you aren't gossiping about it with everyone else at the office.

[oldwomanc6 38]

I generally try to mind my own business, but if I out someone's dirty laundry ( inadvertently or not), the onus is not on me to keep their secret, it's the cheating bastard (or bitch)'s fault for their crappy behavior.

Unless you gave some your word that you would keep silent (only you can judge if you can do this), you are under no obligation to protect the cheater.

You probably did your co-worker a favor by showing her this. I know I would want to know, if I was her.

lisa
WSCR 594
FB 1023
CBDB 9

[riggerrob 558]

I wonder if all these cameras and the interweb will lead to a more polite society?

As for your original question ... I hate cheating. As soon as I find someone cheating, stretching the truth, etc. I lose respect for them. Even if the truth is painful, I prefer to hear the truth early in the process
If your co-worker's cheating partner as stupid enough to publish photos of his/her miss-deeds on the interweb, that is their problem.
You may now quietly step back and wait outside the blast radius.

[Squeak 17]

BillyVance

***You're interfering with other peoples lives.
Not your circus not your monkies

If a friend of mine who I care about is being cheated on and I find out about it, I'm gonna let me friend know about it discreetly.

SNIP

Quote

and came across a work colleague's boyfriend's picture.

You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky)
My Life ROCKS!
How's yours doing?

[BartsDaddy 4]

Squeak

******You're interfering with other peoples lives.
Not your circus not your monkies

If a friend of mine who I care about is being cheated on and I find out about it, I'm gonna let me friend know about it discreetly.

SNIP

Quote

and came across a work colleague's boyfriend's picture.

So you can't care about a work colleuge?

Handguns are only used to fight your way to a good rifle

[yoink 321]

I'd be more interested if the poll gave your options...

'I wouldn't say anything'
'I'd text them immediately with "wtf?" '

[Squeak 17]

BartsDaddy

*********You're interfering with other peoples lives.
Not your circus not your monkies

If a friend of mine who I care about is being cheated on and I find out about it, I'm gonna let me friend know about it discreetly.

SNIP

Quote

and came across a work colleague's boyfriend's picture.

So you can't care about a work colleuge?

this is one of the reasons why i don't come here much anymore, semantic drivel.

Bottom line

Mind your own damned business and stop creating your own little Payton Place.

But maybe that's just me. How other people conduct their lives is not my business

Might also explain why my life is so uncomplicated, joyous and non drama driven.

You are not now, nor will you ever be, good enough to not die in this sport (Sparky)
My Life ROCKS!
How's yours doing?

[Nataly 38]

The irony is that I regularly send this colleague pictures of the weirdos I find on Tinder... Grown men wearing diapers, profile pics of Santa with guns, guys with feathers sticking out of their arse... I mean, there are some pretty colourful characters on there!!! And I was sending her pics of the "serial killer of the week" and we were giggling about it and that very moment is when Tinder suggested her bf as a match... So yep... I didn't think, I sent his pic with "???????????"

Had I seen his pic any other time, I wouldn't have just sent it like that but it's done and can't be undone. At this point, I am merely curious as to whether people in her shoes would *want* to know or not. I'm not trying to reassure myself that I did the right thing because that would be pointless. And in any case, I *could* have reacted better, so it's a moot point. So thanks to the people who are giving their opinions and answering the spirit of the question and don't feel the need to unnecessarily add thinly veiled insults just to be asshats

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[ghost47 18]

Quote

Had I seen his pic any other time, I wouldn't have just sent it like that but it's done and can't be undone. At this point, I am merely curious as to whether people in her shoes would *want* to know or not. I'm not trying to reassure myself that I did the right thing because that would be pointless.

I think you ask yourself two questions:

1. If I were her, would I want to know?
2. From what I know of her, would she want to know?

If the answers are: yes and yes, I would definitely have told. If no and yes, I probably still would have told. If yes and no, I would consider what I knew about the person, and whether I felt I was in a position to override her preferences. And if no and no, then I would not have told.

[Nataly 38]

Well, update on the situation since she brought it up first thing this morning. She got the message from me when he was right next to her and he claims it's a friend of his did it. She thanked me for the info and said had the situations been reversed she also would have told me without hesitation.

ETA - still interested in views on the topic, though.

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[skymama 35]

Quote

She got the message from me when he was right next to her and he claims it's a friend of his did it.

Did he offer to show her if there is a Tinder app on his phone? I'm just a little skeptical of the "friend" explanation. Isn't that the oldest excuse in the book? Do you buy it?

I'm not suggesting you delve into it any farther. Just things that make me go hmmmm....

She is Da Man, and you better not mess with Da Man,
because she will lay some keepdown on you faster than, well, really fast. ~Billvon

[keithbar 1]

Nataly

Long story short, yesterday I was swiping away on Tinder (dating app) and ?

yeah right. Match.com/ eharmony- " dating app " tinder. "Hookup app"

i have on occasion been accused of pulling low . My response. Naw I wasn't low I'm just such a big guy I look closer than I really am .

[Nataly 38]

skymama

Quote

She got the message from me when he was right next to her and he claims it's a friend of his did it.

Did he offer to show her if there is a Tinder app on his phone? I'm just a little skeptical of the "friend" explanation. Isn't that the oldest excuse in the book? Do you buy it?

I'm not suggesting you delve into it any farther. Just things that make me go hmmmm....

She went into some detail about how it all supposedly happened and to be honest, the whole thing sounds pretty far-fetched to me. To be fair, my only basis for this opinion is instinct, because I really can't say that I know the guy...

She *did* want to see his profile and asked me about how Tinder works, et cetera. I gave her the information, but she didn't ask for my opinion so I did not give it to her. If she does ask for my opinion, I will tell her the truth: I don't know the guy, but it does seem fishy.

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[Nataly 38]

keithbar

***Long story short, yesterday I was swiping away on Tinder (dating app) and ?

yeah right. Match.com/ eharmony- " dating app " tinder. "Hookup app"

This is true. For those who have never heard of Tinder "dating app" is sufficient explanation... For those who know about Tinder, any further explanation is not necessary

"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse."
- Chris Hadfield
« Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. »
- my boss

[ryoder 1,381]

Nataly

The irony is that I regularly send this colleague pictures of the weirdos I find on Tinder... Grown men wearing diapers, profile pics of Santa with guns, guys with feathers sticking out of their arse... I mean, there are some pretty colourful characters on there!!!

So you found the profiles of myself and WolfRiverJoe?

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.