Nataly 38 #1 October 13, 2016 Before I start, a question: is it ever ok to block/blacklist/unfriend someone without telling them? Asked that question five years ago, and I would have said no. Ten years ago, I would have said WTF are you even talking aboot (had a stronger Canadian twang back then)??? I remember the days before mobile phones... Friends were people you actually spent time with. Ignoring someone was hard because caller ID did not exist and unless you stopped going to all your usual places or moved towns, you were bound to bump into them - you had to actively pretend you didn't see them... Right there... 2 feet away from you... Yeah - you'd look like a crazy person. Dating meant going on actual dates. Spending hours on the phone talking. Now, from the comfort of my own home, I can message - or ignore - a bunch of people I barely know. This interaction is superficial and doesn't cost me very much... But it also has little value to me. So every once in a while, I clean up my contact lists and delete the people I don't care about. I figure if I cannot even recollect who the person is or how I got their details, it's off the list for them. As a testament to how little people care, 99% of people never even notice we are no longer "friends". And dating has become just as non-committal. It's no wonder people who are freshly divorced think it's absolutely shockingly insane... They have been out of the game for 10+ years, and the game has changed. First off, the seemingly never-ending pool of candidates must be mind-boggling... Next, they are totally unprepared for the crazies (people like me who have been serially single for waaaay to long and are scary to normal human beings - also, psychopaths)... And finally, they get all upset if they get blocked/blacklisted/unfriended or whatnot... Me?? I blacklist like it's going out of style. Ugh - the picture is a cropped picture of him and his ex?? BLACKLIST! The guy has a selfie in the elevator *and* he has a BlackBerry?? DOUBLE BLACKLIST! The guy started the conversation with just "Hello"? BLACKLIST THAT MOTHERFUCKER! He has pictures of himself wearing a diaper and not when he was a child? Hmmm... Might just be The One - WINNER!! But seriously. Are people and relationships becoming as disposable as everything else?? It's kinda sad... "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
crazydaisy315 0 #2 October 13, 2016 I was out of the dating pool for 20 years and holy shit has it changed. I was off facebook for probably 7 years (left after too many incidences of very different "worlds" colliding), and only joined because of skydiving and staying in touch with that crowd. But, after a 20 yr marriage, I am not at all in a rush to find someone else to be shackled to. So I'm kind of enjoying the ease and simplicity of finding someone for fun, and kicking their ass out after the fun is over. I do miss emotional intimacy, but damn is it nice to not have to put up with someone else's bs. Sadly, I think it does impact our skills in relationship building and development, so its going to be difficult to put the genie back in the bottle. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryoder 1,381 #3 October 13, 2016 I'm hurt; So far, I'm the only one that voted for boobies. "There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
quade 3 #4 October 13, 2016 I am SOOO000ooo... glad I'm beyond the age where I give a crap about this sort of thing. I can not even imagine what this must be like and honestly I don't really want to know.quade - The World's Most Boring Skydiver Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nataly 38 #5 October 13, 2016 crazydaisy315I was out of the dating pool for 20 years and holy shit has it changed. I was off facebook for probably 7 years (left after too many incidences of very different "worlds" colliding), and only joined because of skydiving and staying in touch with that crowd. But, after a 20 yr marriage, I am not at all in a rush to find someone else to be shackled to. So I'm kind of enjoying the ease and simplicity of finding someone for fun, and kicking their ass out after the fun is over. I do miss emotional intimacy, but damn is it nice to not have to put up with someone else's bs. Sadly, I think it does impact our skills in relationship building and development, so its going to be difficult to put the genie back in the bottle. I stay well clear of the freshly divorced men who are an emotional wreck... But I have met a lot of men who are divorced and can't WAIT to commit again... That is also *freaky*... It's like they forgot that intimacy is something that takes years to build up to - you can't walk out of a 15 year relationship and right into the same level of profound love immediately thereafter. I know it's a phase... And I'm quite certain the men have to filter out a lot of crazy bitches as well... But I feel like the first round of divorces typically happen when women are in their prime and men are going through a mid-life crisis... Both may be damaged goods temporarily, but the men just seem to be particularly messed up. I dunno. Even no-strings-attached hook ups are remarkably hard to find or hardly ever worthwhile. It's definitely NOT the same as dating when you're in your 20s... People have baggage."There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nataly 38 #6 October 13, 2016 quadeI am SOOO000ooo... glad I'm beyond the age where I give a crap about this sort of thing. I can not even imagine what this must be like and honestly I don't really want to know. ... Because you are still married? (Serious question.)"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
crazydaisy315 0 #7 October 13, 2016 People definitely have baggage, which is why I'm enjoying the post-divorce "fun's over, time for you to go" stage. How is a no-strings hookup not worthwhile? Its sex, enjoy it for the physical pleasure that it is. And hard to find? Not anywhere I've tried to find it. I think people make things way too complicated around sex though. Sex is a wonderful fun and pleasurable activity on its own merits. My theory is that divorced women and 22-25 yr old men are perfect together. Neither is looking for commitment, just fun. Or maybe that's just me! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryoder 1,381 #8 October 13, 2016 Nataly Even no-strings-attached hook ups are remarkably hard to find or hardly ever worthwhile. You just haven't met the right no-strings-attached hook up yet."There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nataly 38 #9 October 13, 2016 ryoder ***Even no-strings-attached hook ups are remarkably hard to find or hardly ever worthwhile. You just haven't met the right no-strings-attached hook up yet.Lol! Dunno... I used to have a better radar about these things but due to prolonged periods of deprivation I think it occasionally becomes defective... And you end up with a micro-penis... Or some dude who is opposed to ANYTHING other than missionary (including "disgusting" things like foreplay)... Or the guy starts to cry mid way (no kidding - that has happened)... Or he wants your number - you give it - and then you receive a billion messages... "Did you get home ok?" "Hello???" "Why aren't you answering?" "I am worried..." "Should I call the police???" And I'm thinking holy fuck, buddy... I didn't answer your 20 messages because I was still on my bike, heading home... JESUS..."There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryoder 1,381 #10 October 13, 2016 Nataly Or the guy starts to cry mid way (no kidding - that has happened)... Was it because of your pepper-spray?"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nataly 38 #11 October 13, 2016 ryoder ***Or the guy starts to cry mid way (no kidding - that has happened)... Was it because of your pepper-spray?Maaaaybe the strap-on was a tad large, but honestly, he should have just bit down on his gag-ball and taken it like a man."There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
crazydaisy315 0 #12 October 13, 2016 Wow, ok, now I see why you aren't having fun with it. Some of that is the screening technique on the front-end. I spend a little more time there so I don't waste my time with men that won't give me what I want. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nataly 38 #13 October 13, 2016 crazydaisy315 Wow, ok, now I see why you aren't having fun with it. Some of that is the screening technique on the front-end. I spend a little more time there so I don't waste my time with men that won't give me what I want. Trouble is, you can spend a lot of time screening and still not get it right. And I never said I wasn't having fun "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryoder 1,381 #14 October 13, 2016 Nataly Maaaaybe the strap-on was a tad large, but honestly, he should have just bit down on his gag-ball and taken it like a man. Hey, when we joined your Stalkers Club, no one said anything about ball-gags and strap-ons!"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SkyDekker 1,121 #15 October 13, 2016 Quote you can't walk out of a 15 year relationship and right into the same level of profound love immediately thereafter. Generally when you walk out of a 15 year relationship the level of profound love is pretty low and easily replicated. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 34 #16 October 13, 2016 ryoder I'm hurt; So far, I'm the only one that voted for boobies. I did."Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 34 #17 October 13, 2016 I've never been much of a needy guy when a relationship goes south on me. I've gone as long as a year without even dating, just doing my own thing and living my life as I see fit to. Then I meet someone and get involved. Been married now for almost 16 years, anniversary is the 21st of this month. But of course, if (knock on wood) this marriage goes south, I'm going solo for a while."Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
crazydaisy315 0 #18 October 13, 2016 Now everybody is voting for boobies! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nataly 38 #19 October 13, 2016 ryoder *** Maaaaybe the strap-on was a tad large, but honestly, he should have just bit down on his gag-ball and taken it like a man. Hey, when we joined your Stalkers Club, no one said anything about ball-gags and strap-ons! I wrote gag-ball and not only did you get what I meant but without even thinking about it you corrected it in your response!! Hahahahahaha!!! Awesome!"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nataly 38 #20 October 13, 2016 crazydaisy315 Now everybody is voting for boobies! Because it's the only correct answer!"There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nataly 38 #21 October 13, 2016 SkyDekkerQuote you can't walk out of a 15 year relationship and right into the same level of profound love immediately thereafter. Generally when you walk out of a 15 year relationship the level of profound love is pretty low and easily replicated. Perhaps "connexion" is a more appropriate word? I just meant they want an instant relationship... But getting to know someone takes time."There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ryoder 1,381 #22 October 13, 2016 Nataly I wrote gag-ball and not only did you get what I meant but without even thinking about it you corrected it in your response!! Hahahahahaha!!! Awesome! I didn't even see the error until I re-read it just now."There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TriGirl 268 #23 October 17, 2016 Nataly *** Quote you can't walk out of a 15 year relationship and right into the same level of profound love immediately thereafter. Generally when you walk out of a 15 year relationship the level of profound love is pretty low and easily replicated. Perhaps "connexion" is a more appropriate word? I just meant they want an instant relationship... But getting to know someone takes time. It depends on what they think they want in a new relationship (read: wife). I've seen that more as they're interviewing new job candidates, not developing a relationship with a person they may enjoy spending time with. These tend to be the kind of guys whose friends are only men, and women are the "other" they only interact with for specific purposes (e.g., they never seem to be able to connect personally with someone of the opposite gender). I worked with a guy a few years back -- we liked the same music, had some fun things in common. Mostly just friendly, since I take a while to get to know people before I'm attracted to them. He said I confused him when I kissed him after a concert one night. We hung out, went to different concerts together, stopped by each other's offices to chat once in a while. Suddenly, he stopped communicating all together. A few weeks later when I stopped by his office to catch up, I saw he had "wedding show" on his calendar later that month. He had met a woman online and was already engaged. They were attending a wedding trade show at the convention center later that month. He said she was really good with his kids, who already liked her. She was already living with him. That's when it became obvious to me he wasn't interested in becoming even friends with anyone. He was interviewing for his next wife and a mother figure for his kids. Personally, I blame RomComs for setting a poor example of how it's "supposed" to work. See the upside, and always wear your parachute! -- Christopher Titus Shut Up & Jump! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nataly 38 #24 October 18, 2016 TriGirl That's when it became obvious to me he wasn't interested in becoming even friends with anyone. He was interviewing for his next wife and a mother figure for his kids. ^^ THIS ^^ ETA: and they are in a big hurry to find this "replacement" wife/mom... "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BillyVance 34 #25 October 19, 2016 Nataly ***That's when it became obvious to me he wasn't interested in becoming even friends with anyone. He was interviewing for his next wife and a mother figure for his kids. ^^ THIS ^^ ETA: and they are in a big hurry to find this "replacement" wife/mom... Yep. Those are the ones you run from."Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
