Dumb people.....stories.

[obelixtim 100]

Quite remarkable how stupid some people can be. Saw an anecdote that made me chuckle. Thought it might be worth sharing.

How about posting your stories of "stupid" then?

Quote

I once witnessed an exchange between two women at work. The younger one was using the photocopier and the other lady had to wait as there was loads of copies being run off. She noticed that the pages were coming out blank so she said your page must be in upside down, the young lady said ''no, I just want the paper''

My computer beat me at chess, It was no match for me at kickboxing....

[BillyVance 34]

obelixtim

Quite remarkable how stupid some people can be. Saw an anecdote that made me chuckle. Thought it might be worth sharing.

How about posting your stories of "stupid" then?

Quote

I once witnessed an exchange between two women at work. The younger one was using the photocopier and the other lady had to wait as there was loads of copies being run off. She noticed that the pages were coming out blank so she said your page must be in upside down, the young lady said ''no, I just want the paper''

My 7 year old girl is smarter than that cunt. When she needs paper, she pulls them out of the printer feed tray.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[Hajo 0]

Long time ago at the gun range, friday evening.
The guy next to me realized that his gun jammed, pulled the trigger a couple of times, stopped and looked directly into the muzzle, then turned to the guy on the other side of him (fortunately not me) and said: "look, I guess the weapon just jammed, can you help me?" while pointing the barrel towards him ...


Better than a triple shot (nice word) espresso .....

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With sufficient thrust,
pigs just fly well

[EnricoPalazzo 1]

Sounds just like the guy who lights a match to check if there is still gas left in the tank...

[mr2mk1g 10]

I recall being asked once whether it was safe to microwave water.

"Yes... but why do you want to microwave water, you have a kettle and a hob?"

"There's no timer on our oven so we wanted to use the timer on the microwave to time our use of the oven but we didn't think it was safe just put the microwave on with nothing in it."



Showed a degree of creative problem solving I suppose.

[BillyVance 34]

I've got plenty of stories about the dumbest idiot I've ever known, who thankfully I haven't seen in 25 years. Honestly, I don't know how he graduated high school (we were in the same class) and even entered the same college together.'

Anyway, it became apparent that he did not belong in college on his own. It was party time all the time for him. Always getting his dumb ass in trouble. We went in together at the beginning of August, and by the end of September, my friends and I were tired of his shit. It took until January for him to finally get expelled from the college.

Where can I start? Hmmm...

Oh yeah... the secret service prank! One day a couple guys dressed up in black suits and ties with sunglasses, just like you'd expect the secret service to look like. They showed up at his dorm room, asked him some questions about his identity, etc. Thanked him for his time but it was a case of mistaken identity, looking for a different guy with the same name.

So he starts telling all his friends that he got visited by the secret service. A week later he gets a phone call. Voice on the other end says "this is the White House. To make up for the trouble you went through with our secret service agents, the president would like to invite you for dinner. We will have a plane ticket waiting for you at the airport."

Again, he gets all excited telling his friends and shit. One of my friends who was playing along decided to call bullshit. So the idiot told him "well come along with me to the airport, I'll show you!" On the day he was told to go, he got dressed up, got a taxi to the airport with my friend and went to the ticket counter. After a few minutes arguing with the ticket agent, it finally dawned on him that he'd been had.

To make matters worse, he didn't have enough money for the cab fare back to school. So a cop gave them a ride back. The next day the friend told me everything.

I know it was a mean thing to do, but if you're going to be that damned gullible, you deserved it.

I'll come back with a few other stories about that guy later.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[BillyVance 34]

I'm back. Here's a short story of that dude. He loved to drink. Problem was, he'd drink until he'd pass out. And he was such an asshole sometimes, so he became an easy target for pranks.

One time he passed out, somebody got an electric shaver and sheared off a path from his forehead to the top back of his head, like a reverse mohawk. He ended up wearing a ball cap for the next couple of months.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[BillyVance 34]

Last story... The final straw in the idiot's college life, due to all of us getting fed up with his bullshit, that finally got his dumb ass expelled, was getting him passed out drunk in his room with the door open.

Now he'd already had a file an inch thick at campus safety (university police) for various incidents, many of which I don't have time or remember details of to mention here, so it was a given that at the time, one more incident would send him packing.

Buddy of mine bought a case of beer and brought it to the idiot's dorm room and offered to drink with him. So the idiot starts slamming down beer after beer while my buddy sipped one. Finally, he's passed out. My buddy called campus safety to report a passed out drunk student and left the phone off the hook so they could trace it, and he propped the door open, walked 30 feet to the dorm floor lounge, sat down to watch TV, and waited.

It didn't take long. Maybe 5 minutes. He watched four campus safety officers walk briskly by the lounge and within seconds he heard a loud ruckus. Lots of yelling and shit, followed by the idiot being carted off by all four officers, each one holding a limb, and he's still screaming. It was a sight to behold.

Couple days later my buddy told me the idiot was expelled and his parents had to make the 1000 mile drive to come collect his shit and his dumb ass and go back home. Ouch.

He clearly and utterly failed at being an independent and responsible adult in college. Sure, lots of college students like to drink and party, but they still go to class and study and do what they need to do. NOT this guy. He had to go. The rest of the school year was peaceful and distraction free for the rest of us.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[BartsDaddy 4]

Back around 1982 83 in the Navy as a BT. Was working on top of a lit off main boiler 1250 psi 600 degrees.
My friend reaches around the 8" safety valve for a wrench and wraps his whole arm wrist to shoulder on the hot flange. He pulled back and there was skin on the flange still sizzling. He's cursing and hollering as I'm laughing. After about 5 or 10 minutes he calms down. I ask him if he's okay he says yes.
So I say hand me that wrench. He reaches around for it again and did the same thing. I had to go down off the boiler I was laughing so hard.

Handguns are only used to fight your way to a good rifle

[riggerrob 558]

That reminds me of a carpenter in my home town. He was missing half the nail on one thumb because he got too close to a table saw.
A few years later, I noticed that his other thumb was missing a chunk. He replied that he was telling his story (about his first thumb) to a customer. To illustrate his story, he swung his second thumb too close to a table saw!

[riggerrob 558]

EnricoPalazzo

Sounds just like the guy who lights a match to check if there is still gas left in the tank...

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There is a video on YouTube illustrating that brand of intelligence.

The video clip shows a guy pumping gasoline into his car. He notices a spider inside the filler compartment. Since he is deathly afraid of spiders, he pulls out his cigarette lighter and tries to burn the spider!
Huge flames!!!!!!!

[ryoder 1,381]

riggerrob

***Sounds just like the guy who lights a match to check if there is still gas left in the tank...

----------------------------------------------------------------------

There is a video on YouTube illustrating that brand of intelligence.

The video clip shows a guy pumping gasoline into his car. He notices a spider inside the filler compartment. Since he is deathly afraid of spiders, he pulls out his cigarette lighter and tries to burn the spider!
Huge flames!!!!!!!

Well, he did burn the spider, right?

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[JohnMitchell 14]

Hajo

The guy next to me realized that his gun jammed, pulled the trigger a couple of times, stopped and looked directly into the muzzle, then turned to the guy on the other side of him (fortunately not me)

I've had way too many run ins with idiots at gun ranges, most of them considering themselves quite expert. If you're flagging me with your muzzle or handling a firearm on a cold range, you're going to get an earful from me.

[ryoder 1,381]

I used to live in Northern IN, and worked at a hospital. When there was a blizzard, they would call up a short list of employees who had 4wd vehicles. (I had a CJ-5 with a winch and full set of tire chains.) About an 1.5hrs before each shift change, we head out to get snowed-in employees. Then after the shift change, we would take employees home, who lived on snow-blocked roads.

Anyway, before dawn one morning, I was trying to reach a snowed in employee. There were 3 possible ways to get to his house. The first way I attempted was impassible. So I tried the second way.

About 2 miles from the house, my headlights lit up something very bright in the distance. Apparently, the snow plow had given up on trying to open the road, and had reversed, backing up the the nearest cross-road, leaving a 7' tall wall of snow across the road. Judging by the snow along the road, I would estimate the road was 3' deep beyond the snow wall. So I did a 3-point turn, (thank goodness for a short CJ-5), and headed back to try the last possible route to the employees's house.

Shortly after turning around, I saw a car coming toward me. I was going to try to flag it down, then figured they would soon see the snow wall light up in their headlights, so it wasn't really necessary. They saw it just before they passed by and...I kid you not...they FLOORED IT!!!

My jaw dropped; I slammed the brakes to a stop; Popped open the door and hung out the door, looking back to watch the spectacle.

As the car plowed into the snow wall, it snapped 90 degrees to the right, slamming the drivers side into the snow wall, then bounced back several feet. I sat there contemplating if I really wanted to interact with such an idiot. But then I thought: Hell, I had a tow hook in the hitch receiver; A 30' tow strap coiled up on the floor; So all I had to do was backup about the length of a football field, and pull the front of the car enough to rotate it 90 degrees for the drive back.

I walked up to the drivers door, and a girl ~19yo was sitting there wide-eyed, sucking rapidly on a cigarette, with the kind of enthusiasm you might see when you offer your regulator to a fellow SCUBA diver who ran out of air a minute ago. She rolled down the window.

Me: "Want me to pull you out?"
Her: [Frantic affirmative nodding along with continued frantic sucking on cigarette]

"There are only three things of value: younger women, faster airplanes, and bigger crocodiles" - Arthur Jones.

[BillyVance 34]

riggerrob

That reminds me of a carpenter in my home town. He was missing half the nail on one thumb because he got too close to a table saw.
A few years later, I noticed that his other thumb was missing a chunk. He replied that he was telling his story (about his first thumb) to a customer. To illustrate his story, he swung his second thumb too close to a table saw!

I remember a wood shop teacher at a high school (not mine) was demonstrating how to use a table saw to a class of students. So he was pushing a block of wood through a running saw and talking to the students at the same time with his eyes on them, not on the saw...

All of a sudden the students' eyes got big and some were covering their mouths or looking away and one yelled at the teacher "YOUR THUMB'S BEEN CUT OFF!" teacher goes "WHAT?" Student yells louder "YOUR THUMB'S BEEN CUT OFF!!" Finally the teacher looks down, sure enough there it was in a small puddle of blood with splatters of it across the ceiling. He shut off the saw, excused the class and took his thumb with him to the ER.

While sitting in the lobby at the ER waiting to be seen, he saw a kid sitting next to him and asked him if he'd like to see a thumb trick. He nodded, so the teacher did it, you know that old trick you do with both thumbs to make it look like you're separating one.... Said the kids eyes got real big.

"Mediocre people don't like high achievers, and high achievers don't like mediocre people." - SIX TIME National Champion coach Nick Saban

[jdkalou 0]

OK, not my story, but my brother-in-law's (he is a farmer). Always wanting to help out the local high school kids during the summer months, Bill would hire kids "who could use the work and some extra money."
First day on the job for a kid and Bill tells him to dig ditches a "foot" deep from the head water (small irrigation canal) to the irrigation ditches between the rows of grapes. These ditches will be used all summer long and need to be a "foot" deep and about the width of the shovel.................. Bill leaves the kid and tells him he will be back to pick him up for lunch (figuring that would be just about enough time to complete the job.
Bill shows back up at lunch time to find the new help setting under an apple tree. Bill is happy to see that "if the kid is setting down relaxing, the job must be done."
Bill walks over to him and notices all of the ditches are only about 3, maybe 4 inches deep. He starts to question the kid with why aren't all of the ditches a foot deep? HONEST TO GOD, Bill said the kid never said a word, just looked down at the ditch right next to him and stepped in it.............sure as shit, just deep enough to get his foot in it without any of the top of his tennis shoe showing at ground level.
Bill just turned and walked back to his pick up, with the new hired hand, and went to lunch.....................figured it was his fault for not recognizing there could be a communication problem with this young man.

[riggerrob 558]

Damn kids raised on the metric system!!!!!!!

[Icemann 0]

Hajo

Long time ago at the gun range, friday evening.
The guy next to me realized that his gun jammed, pulled the trigger a couple of times, stopped and looked directly into the muzzle, then turned to the guy on the other side of him (fortunately not me) and said: "look, I guess the weapon just jammed, can you help me?" while pointing the barrel towards him ...


Better than a triple shot (nice word) espresso .....

I guess then it's reasonable to put on ballistic glasses before looking down the barrel with a live round chambered... People tend to act stupid in an inconsistent pattern. I once searched for my phone for 2 hours and then realised that I've been holding it in my hand.