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BIGUN

JOKE OF THE DAY CLUB

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A married couple was sitting at the breakfast table on the morning of their 50th anniversary. 

 

The wife looked at her husband and said, “Oh honey, can you believe it? We have been married 50 wonderful years! I still remember when we were young and so in love, many mornings, we would be sitting at this table naked. For old times sake, let’s get naked right now!” The husband said, “Ok!”

 

After getting naked, the wife looked at her husband and said, “Oh honey! My breasts are hot for you like they were 50 years ago!”

 

The husband said, “Well it’s no wonder. One’s in your oatmeal and the other one’s in your coffee!”

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Scene: With a patient in my medical exam room Me: How old are your kids? Patient: Forty-four and 39 from my wife who passed away, and from my second wife, 15 and 13. Me: That’s quite the age difference! Patient: Well, the older ones didn’t give me any grandkids, so I made my own.^.^

 

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Cowboy Bill is sitting at the bar with a bowl of chili in front of him just staring at it. Cowboy Bob walks in and sits next to him. He looks at Bill staring at the chili and orders a beer. The bartender brings him the beer and cowboy Bill is still staring at the chili. Cowboy Bob says, "Pard, you gonna eat that?" Bill says, "No" and pushes the bowl in front of cowboy Bob.

Cowboy Bob starts eating the chili and says to Bill, "Not bad. Has kind of a unique taste." Cowboy Bill gets down to the bottom of the bowl and sees a dead mouse at the bottom and throws up in the bowl. Cowboy Bill says, "That was my reaction." 

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Speaking of pot and university towns ...

I was driving on the interstate near Eugene, Oregon when I noticed my gas gauge getting low, so I pulled in to town and noticed how foggy it was in Eugene. While pumping gas, I noticed the smell of marijuana and I got the munchies.

I knew that the guy working in Subway was a stoner when he licked the edge of the paper before rolling it around my sandwich. Then he said "Flash it up."

A few minutes later a cop pulled me over and saw the sandwich with one burnt end. He asked if I had any marijuana in my car. I replied "search me." When He did not find any pot in my car, the cop sold me some.

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Prosecutor: Did you hit that man in the face with your fist?

Defendant: No.

Prosecutor: Sir, you’re under oath, do you know the penalty for perjury?

Defendant: It’s less than aggravated assault.

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One of my skydiving buddies liked to experiment with recreational pharmaceuticals. When he over-dosed, I took him to the hospital.

As the doctor examined him, he asked several questions: "Do you see pink elephants?"

"No"

Do you see orange rhinosaurus?"

"No"

"Do you see green Martians?"

"No."

Then the doctor says "It looks like will be okay. Just rest of a few days." and wandered off.

I turned to my buddy and said "You are way sicker than you look. The room is full of pink elephants, orange rhinosaurus and green Martians!"

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